Mommies with 2 or more....

[crazyeight]

How are you managing? I am so at the end of my rope. : Ayla was sick yesterday (and still a little bit today) and I can say that it was the BEST day yesterday. She slept. I got time to myself. I could play with ds....I want her to be like that again :

I look around and I don't feel good about my home, my mental state, my anger, or much of anything. (its not ppd as I still smile....when i get the energy..or the chance). I am not talking about organizing the closet i mean the simple things like the dishes or the clothes or even just playing with ds. I just feel completely unorganized, fritzed, gone, mentally incompetent.

I have no idea how to change this either. There aren't any options that seem to help.

[noteworthy]

Originally Posted by dhinderliter

I look around and I don't feel good about my home, my mental state, my anger, or much of anything. (its not ppd as I still smile....when i get the energy..or the chance). I am not talking about organizing the closet i mean the simple things like the dishes or the clothes or even just playing with ds. I just feel completely unorganized, fritzed, gone, mentally incompetent.

Hi there,
PPD doesn't always mean you feel sad. I felt more like what you are saying.... no energy, unorganized, irritable, mentally incompetent. I couldn't even get organized enough to unload the dishwasher. I would have to talk my self through simple tasks... "take out the large plates first, then the small ones". Everything seemed overwhelming. I couldn't remember things from day to day and it took all my energy to make a tray of ice cubes. Totally unlike my usual overachiever self.
I never felt "sad". There is a great PPD assessment under a sticky on the PPD board. You might want to take a look at it. PPD is caused by hormonal imbalances... all those hormones interact with the neurotransmitters and can affect the way the brain works. Sleep deprivation too can cause it. It does have actual physical causes and is not in "your head".
Once I realized what was going on and sought some help, I have been doing much better and enjoying my baby even more. HTH.
I think our babies are very much alike in their high needs. It can be quite stressful.
V

[quinbearzmama]

Hi mama-
I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 6 week old...it's definitely challenging. I stayed home with my DS for 13 months, returned to work (regrettably) and DH and I decided that we needed to do something to make sure I could be home to raise our kids. So, when we found out we were pregnant with baby #2 we pursued a job for my DH that would make that a reality...but it also came with a big move to another state- away from my family.

I have had some rough days- mostly when my DS doesn't want to nap and gets overtired (read: runs around like a wild man). I feel as though I'm not giving my DD the quality time that I had with her brother and life has become so crazy. There have been a few moments where I have questioned our move and my decision to be home long term with the kids. There are some days that seem to last forever- like yesterday...DH is out of town for work, my DS was sick and our cat, who had been taken to the vet for what we thought was something minor, had to be put to sleep. Fortunately family is in town visiting and they have been a tremendous help.

What gets me through is taking a deep breath, looking at my gorgeous children and realizing that I won't have this time forever. The day is going to come when my son won't tell me he loves me 100 times or wants to just cuddle up to "nursey" and snuggle. We all know how fleeting the newborn stage can be and I try to find at least a few minutes each day to simply gaze at my daughter. My storch sling has been the *key* to my survival- I wear my baby most hours of the day and it allows me to keep up with my son and empty the dishwasher, do a diaper wash, etc...

Finally, just talking through these things with my husband has really helped- acknowledging that I'm not "supermom" and may have moments where I'm not blissfully content has been carthartic. (Now, fortunately I do have lots of blissfully content moments Once I talk it out I feel better- especially when I combine that with getting out of the house- even if it's only to the playground for a few minutes. Those times outdoors are great bonding moments for my son and I...and I find that it also really helps him to settle down for his nap LOL ... and that means some quality mommy/baby time with my daughter.

Glad you posted, mama- we are all in this together

[time4another]

First off...

I had a terrible week last week and just talking to someone helped. It was DH&I's birthdays and everything that could go wrong went wrong (server at DH's work blew up, the Pats lost, DH was at work for over 24hrs straight, finally fixed problem then I got a flat on Friday-I was never so glad to see Saturday in my life! LOL)

I actually ended up talking to two people about it though, my mw & an irl MDC mamma.

Know you will get through it! Everyone goes through this. Just do a little at a time. Aparantly times like these make us wise... (one of the wise women I spoke with told me so! )

I actually can get more done when DD is not sick though. I got a cling on all day yesterday because my LO has the sniffles too and couldn't get any housework done...but know what-that stuff can wait!

Can you play with DS with DD in the sling? What about reading books? What about playing board games? I tell you hon, the sling is my lifesaver!!!

Heather

[Guest*]

I guess I'm lucky to have had a pretty easy transition from 1 to 2 kids. It helps that my son is a very easy-going kid, but he does want to be held all the time. My house is actually cleaner and more organized than it was, I keep up on laundry/dishes/etc. I'm not able to put in much time working so my desk is total chaos.

But I do feel very guilty when they are both crying and I can only help one of them,, which is my baby 90% of the time. We just deal the best we can, which sometimes means I just do my best to hold them at the same time and we all cry together!

I take lots of deep breathes when it seems we're all about to lose it, then go in the opposite direction to distract everyone. About once a day we just drop everything...I grab my baby and my dd, we go upstairs (or outside if it's nice) and "find a happy place" by playing block, or singing, or reading.

No good advice...just deal the best you can and try to be creative when everyone seems to be having a rough day.

[mojumi]

The first six months of #2's life is a big blur to me. We spent a LOT of time outside in the fresh air -- dd would sleep in the sling and ds could run out his wiggles and I'd get some much-needed sunlight and exercise. That's also when I joined MOMS club. Although it wasn't a perfect fit for me socially, it got me out of the house, meeting other moms in my area and helping ds (the older child) make friends. Although I left MOMs club after just a year, we still have playdates with some of the moms and I'm really glad I got out and tried something different. Library storytimes are also great places to meet other moms/kids, and do something fun out of the house. When your babe is a bit more mobile it's going to be hard to do things like that (temporarily, as you figure out chasing the two of them around) so take advantage of it while you can.

Nap when the baby naps should still be your guide, even with another child and houseduties calling. Even if your ds isn't still napping, he can play a quiet game in a safe space while you nap.

I guess my philosophy is that if the kids (or I) are cranky at home, we need to get out! Those dishes in the sink won't bother you so much if you're at the zoo admiring pandas. If you're feeling angry, going for a walk is a good way for all of you to burn off energy. When you feel like you're going to lose it, it's OK to decide you come first and take a shower or whatever even though one or both of the kids wants your attention. Think airbags on an airplane ... does no good to give the child oxygen if the parent suffocates.

Things are rough now, but they do get better. You'll develop your groove, your swing, and while each day won't be perfect you'll find what works for you -- all three of you. Being totally honest, I think it took me about 2 years to feel like I was a competent mommy to #1 -- then we had #2 -- and it took me another two years to feel like a competent mommy to the both of them -- and we had #3 -- so now I figure I need another two years before I feel competent again. And remember that the ideal you have for yourself is not the ideal your kids have. I sometimes beat myself up for not doing all the educational or other enriching activities with my kids that I want to ... but if they are perfectly happy playing in backyard mud and taking a bath for 4 hours, I should take it and be glad!

So maybe that helps. Hope you find more happy moments than frustrating ones ...

[crazyeight]

haha....playing with ds involves him climbing on you or you "throwing" him on he couch or other rough house activities (thanks dad!! ) so playing with him and her in the sling is a recipe for hurt and dissaster. i also want to see myself "not pregnant" sometimes so i try to at least be slingless for a little bit and it hurts my back. i am doing a little better today after completly losing it yesterday...twice. called dh and asked him to come home but he couldn't so i ended up going shopping....wanted to go "good" (read: spend money on ME) but didn't have the money so we just bought grocerys.....i know it helps when we get out of the house but then it seems i pay for it at night cause dd is like "well you carried me all day why not put me to sleep that way now!!" and then i can't put her down and i still feel "trapped". i know it takes a period of adjustment and its only been 10 weeks but I was sooooo thinking i would have another person like my son!! NOT!!! i am in no way an "in your face, talk all the time, around and around, high strung person" and I have no idea how to care for a child that is....thats my challenge......

on a good note though in dec i plan on taking about $100 and getting a babysitter, cleaning the house and just taking ME time...first time since...february really.

i am tired....thats the worst. i am uber cranky and mean when i don't get sleep....which is a cyle...cause then THEY get cranky and don't sleep...

i'll figure it out i just need to know that I am not the only one and that its ok to have these feelings!
thanks