6 mo old tantrums

[Mikani]

Hi!

I'm pretty new around these parts, and like the concept of gentle discipline. I never thought I'd be thinking about the nitty gritty this early!

My sweet little girl is just starting to show her personality these last few months. And the only words I can think of to describe it are "drama queen!" When she's feeling good, she is the smiliest baby I've ever seen. She gives kisses and hugs (this early!) and has the most beautiful laugh. But when something isn't right with her (she wakes up in a funny position, her clothes are a little scratchy, etc.) she SCREAMS bloody murder.

At this age, I believe wants equal needs, and so I am doing my best to meet her needs for comfort and love. But these recent episodes have me scratching my head.

She's become obsessed with spoons lately (of all things). I first noticed it a few weeks ago when we gave her a big spoon as an impromptu (supervised) toy at a resturant to entertain her. And when I took it away when it was time to go, she just arched her back and let loose with piercing screams. Ever since then, when I feed her dinner, all she wants to do is play with the spoon. And when I try to take it to give her another bite, I get ear-curdling shrieks!

She's so young, and yet, I don't want to set up a situation where she learns that by shrieking, she can eventually get whatever she's after (cords, the dog, my food, etc.). Plus, I'd love to be able to peacefully feed her in the evenings. It's been a fun bonding ritual until this point.

Any thoughts welcome! Thanks!

[peacelovingmama]

In the first situation, where you are leaving the restaurant and need to leave the spoon, I would probably distract her with another toy (maybe bring an extra spoon in your purse) and exchange it for the restaurant spoon when it is time to leave. If she is still upset, I would just console her and I'd bet she'd get over it pretty quickly.

In the second situation, I would personally just let her play with the spoon. But then, I'm not a big believer that 6-month-olds need many solids yet and I think they will nurse/eat when hungry. If she is more interested in the spoon that the food, I'd just go with it.

[Cherie2]

my 11 month old grandson has started this too. when he does not get what he wants (it was the cords last night) he will fling himself back-wards and just scream! we have mostly dealt with this by distracting him, but I would like to hear if there are any other strategies that have worked for anyone.

[Ruthla]

Originally Posted by Mikani

At this age, I believe wants equal needs, and so I am doing my best to meet her needs for comfort and love. But these recent episodes have me scratching my head.

That's true for a newborn, but it's not completely true for a 6mo. At this point, most of her "wants" are her "needs", but she has some "wants" that are just "wants." The spoon in the restaurant is a good example.

Remember that solids at this age are more for fun than nutrition. Breastmilk (or formula) should be her main source of nutrition. If she's more interested in playing with the spoon than eating solids, then let her play with the spoon!

[famousmockngbrd]

We used to give DD a spoon, and I'd have a spoon. I'd scoop up some food with my spoon and we'd trade. In fact we still do this sometimes and she's 16 mos.

I don't think you can exactly discipline a 6 month old. They aren't old enough to have any concept of self control, so how can they be disciplined? I think distraction is your best bet at this stage. That, and trying to create an environment as baby-friendly as possible, so you minimize the amount of times you have to tell her no.

[SomerG]

It hasn't been long since my little one was that age. I remember when he started expressing his own opinions/wants/likes/dislikes. I was worried about the same thing at the time, but I soon learned to do my best to not make it a battle. Trading one thing for another or distraction often works. I tried/try never to just take something. I tell him first and then gently remove the item as I hand him something else. Also, there are so many things that they really can't have, that I try not to take things that aren't harmful. Although my 16 mo. old still screams occasionally when I have to take something from him, he is generally very willing to trade. We started this pattern months ago and it still seems to be working well. HTH.

[georgia]

I would suggest following her cues about not wanting to eat off the spoon---even though you'd said it was a bonding thing---you might consider altering/shifting this time you spend to something else for the time being. Flexibility is good I'm a big advocate for not setting up any kind of negative food issues

She's so young, and yet, I don't want to set up a situation where she learns that by shrieking, she can eventually get whatever she's after (cords, the dog, my food, etc.)

She's communicating w/you in shrieks because it's the tool she has at this point in time. It's not as if she'll always do that It's a developmental stage. Some parents like to start introducing baby sign language around this point to help communication...and most likely minimize the shrieking and frustration.

[LuxPerpetua]

Quick distraction is really key. Usually, I try to bring along items that I think dd will be interested in (sometimes toys, more often plastic eating utensils, car keys, wallet, cell phone). I've also discovered that I can run with her really fast and she thinks that's fun (plus, it accomplishes both the tasks of distraction AND removing her from the situation).

[lilliansmom]

I can relate to so much of what you wrote. I think this is going to be a long post!
Set your self up for success. Put up any cords, plants even the precious pup out of her reach. Our dd loves our pup. So I know how hard it can be to keep them apart. Actually from about the age your dd is now we started teacher her to pet the dog gently. Every time she grabbed a handful of hair we would say gentle pet blue dog don’t pull. If your pup will cooperate with a little ruff treatment it is worth it to teach nice pup behavior….she’ll get it. Our DD is 13 months but now she pets him nicely.

My DD loved to have her own spoon. So she has her spoon and I have mine.

She actually can handle the spoon very well on her own now and I think it’s because we started “working” on the spoon at 6 months. Distraction and replacement…….defiantly the way to go. Maybe you can put a spoon in your DP-bag that she can have when you are going out to eat.
My dd goes after my food to. So what I use to do when she was smaller is have something on my plate that she could eat (even if its one little bit).

The day after my dd 1st birthday she turned into a total tot. So the “no” and “stop” started. Now we are onto redirecting her to a yes. My MIL always says for every “no” there has to be a ‘yes”. Which I think still applies even at 6 months.

[Mikani]

Thanks for the replies! You guys have some great ideas.

I'm wondering if part of the spoon thing is teething. She seemed last night to be gumming it in a very particular place in her mouth over and over again...

I'm trying to go with the flow as much as I can. I guess what threw me off guard was that I was under the impression that if I responded to her signals early on (bfing on cue, co-sleeping from day one, babywearing, always responding to her gently and lovingly, etc.) that she'd learn to "signal better." But she's always gone from happy to screaming in nothing flat. Maybe that's just the one tool she has in her box right now, maybe it's just her personality.

I just hope I can give her some more tools to work with as the months go by. We're definitely starting signing!