I'm spineless at the peds office

[cdmaze]

I have decided to be selective on my vaxes, and was all set to go in a just get a few for my previously unvaxed 5 year old- I got talked into nearly all of them. (except flu and varicella) (but if she cornered me- who knows?)

I feel so stupid. It's like all the info I had researched left my head entirely. And it seemed I'd be an idiot not to give him everything. I just get in there and the doctor make it all make sense some how. I guess I'm a great candidate for brainwashing?

Does anyone have a doctor how honor there choice to not vax or be selective?

[newcastlemama]

You need to get a tough minset before you enter the room. Just have something to say that is simple and abrupt. I tell my ped we have decided not to vax and he knows not to go there with me. To me, a doctor is another person with a different education than me so I don't feel intimidated by them from the start. You can tap into your protective mother mode also.

Be strong!
Jen

[CrazyCatLady]

I guess for me it might be easier because I just say no to all of them and I refuse to let them argue with me.

But you're the mom here. Before you go to the doctor, you need to know what you want to do, what you don't want to do, and you need to be seriously somfortable with that decision. Then when you get there, let them know what you'd like. Don't let them argue with you. You are there for what you are there for and there will be no arguments about it. Be polite but firm. If they have a problem with it, too bad. If they kick you out, find a new doctor.

My only other words of advice are that if they're able to talk you into shots that you don't want that easily. It probably means you need to do a bit more studying either way. Maybe your dh or a friend could go with you to appointments and help you stay firm?

[bri276]

try going into the tribal areas forum and see if anyone knows a good ped in your area who is okay w/ your choices- that's how I found our new ped. our old one tried to be very intimidating and I found it disrespectful of my position as parent.

[thefragile7393]

I despise peds like this....my son's first ped was patriarchal, condescending, flat out gave wrong info on just about everything (breastfeeding, etc). You are the mama, you are the one hiring your doctor to care for your child. I agree with a PP, you have to have a tough mindset going in. I myself have only barely started developing this with ds's new ped...who's a PITA but not as bad as some. She at least tolerates our refusing to vax ds anymore.

You can always put in but you can't take out. If you've chosen only certain ones to put in, then don't let them talk you into putting ones in you don't want! Become a wall....repeat "No, I have made my decision" or something similar over and over. You can try and show stuff to the doc but I've learned that most just blow it off.

[poetesss]

With peds like that, you're always gonna lose an argument. At ds's first WBV (when he was <24 hrs old) "our" ped was not on call as it was saturday. The doc who I got asked about hep B and I said, "we're skipping the birthdose as I'm hep B negative." He goes, "That doesn't matter." : Uhh, never mind the fact that the CDC even says on the vax schedule chart that the birthdose *can* be delayed in hep B negative mothers. Never mind, I didn't argue, just casually said, "That's okay, we'll still delay it."

I agree with the suggestion to play like a broken record, "Thanks for the info, but I'll stick with my original plan." Or, "We'll consider this for the future but for now we'll go with x, y, z."

Of course you could be snarky but I totally understand the feeling of being intimidated by the doctor as an "authority" figure and it's hard to come up with stuff like that on the spot.

Just remember--your ped is not going to live with the results of the vaxing, you and your child will!

[cdmaze]

Ok! I must have some resolve!!! I will arm myself with info but mostly my mothering instinct! Thanks everyone!

[capricorn]

Originally Posted by cdmaze

I have decided to be selective on my vaxes, and was all set to go in a just get a few for my previously unvaxed 5 year old- I got talked into nearly all of them. (except flu and varicella) (but if she cornered me- who knows?)

I feel so stupid. It's like all the info I had researched left my head entirely. And it seemed I'd be an idiot not to give him everything. I just get in there and the doctor make it all make sense some how. I guess I'm a great candidate for brainwashing?

Does anyone have a doctor how honor there choice to not vax or be selective?

Dear CDmaze,
you don't owe anything to your GP, to the medical profession or to society for that matter. This about you and your baby. Your baby is totally reliant on you to make an informed choice. I was vaccinated against smallpox and diphtheria as a child, but looking back, now that I know about the danger and ineffectiveness of vaccines, I very much wish that I could have been an unvaccinated baby!

Babies tell you how they feel about vaccinations the only way they can: they cry, and some cry unconsolably for hours, with a high-pitched cry known in the medical jargon as "cri encephalique', which is French and can be loosely translated as 'crying brain' as it is caused by the damage the vaccine is causing to the central nervous system. Some babies rub their head against the side of the cot or bang their heads, in obvious discomfort, yet the medical people considers this inconsolable crying a normal side-effect of vaccination!

Read the book 'Vaccination, Sociopathy and Criminality by Harris Coulter and Barbara Loe Fisher.

All the best.

[AmieV]

I just wouldn't engage it as a discussion. I told my ped just today that I wanted to delay vaccinating and not do some at all, he asked me which ones I was considering, and I told him. He basically told me he'd respect whatever schedule I chose, but here's his views on it as a doctor. I was fine with that because what he said was basically the same was what I already knew (he wasn't concerned about hep b or polio, he admitted he really doesn't see much HIB, that he recommends DTaP but the pertussis component is weak, flu vax not necessary, etc), and I have no problem hearing him out. It's their job to push them, and I don't think most of them do it to be malicious, they just really believe in them.

What I would do in your shoes is make your decision on which one you want, and offer to hear your doctor out, and read whatever she wants you to read if you guys can just agree that all you're doing for today is XYZ. Let her know that you're open to changing your mind (even if that's a lie), but that you have carefully researched up to this point, and you'd like to think on and research what she's saying just as carefully. That way you're still treating her respectfully and offering an ego stroke in return for agreeing on what the plan of action is for today. I'm not saying that you have to do this or that you owe it to your doc to do this, just a suggestion that might pave the way to less animosity in the conversation. I am not advocating MD butt kissing for everyone or anything like that. You don't HAVE to say anything other than no thank you.

now that may not work if your doctor is a real jerk, in which case I would switch. But truly, I would not try to get into big discussions about the reasoning because they are trained in overcoming your resistance and have a whole bag of tricks to use to be persuasive and get you to change your mind (which are obviously fairly effective, as you saw). And if all else fails, just DO NOT make an appointment until you're confident you won't waver.

[tiffer23]

Mine always gets irritated at us, but she can't do anything about it. Her daughter is fully vaxed, so she's all for it.

I would just tell them you've researched it and it's not up for discussion. Though... at 5, your child doesn't really have many more, so I personally would probably just have finished them out. All she'd have from now on are boosters.

[stacyann21]

I haven't had to deal with this concerning my son yet but I did have to stand up to my OB about not getting a TB test. I was pretty straight forward that I didn't want it and was surprised how pushy she was about it. It's so important to find a doc that is okay with your decision to select/delay vaxxes. I ended up agreeing to sit in the waiting room while the nurses prepared it and instead just walked right out.

[prairiechild]

The thing that helped me out was reminding myself that the second that I agree to the vaccines, they bring me all this info about side effects of the vaccines and I will have to sign that I understand the risks and benefits and request the vaccines. If there are any side effects, we are basically screwed and will have to bear the consequences.

[LongIsland]

. . .

[LongIsland]

Originally Posted by tiffer23

Though... at 5, your child doesn't really have many more, so I personally would probably just have finished them out. All she'd have from now on are boosters.

A previously unvaxed five year old who just got the first dose of vaccines, would not be getting just boosters from now on -- the child would still get the entire series of each vaccine, including the second dose MMR and varicella.

The only vaccines a five year old wouldn't get are rotavirus, Hib and pneumococcal (Prevnar).

[hikingmommy]

I'd suggest finding a new MD. Our first family doc. would try to talk me into giving vaccs. or negotiating the timelines I'd planned. We switched docs recently and I'm SO much happier. They (the doc and an NP) respect our decisions and while the doc will say what he thinks, he's very respectful about what we want and accepts it. It makes such a big difference!

[cdmaze]

We've thought about switching to Kaiser for $$ reasons--- anyone have experience with them on vax?

[Plummeting]

Originally Posted by cdmaze

We've thought about switching to Kaiser for $$ reasons--- anyone have experience with them on vax?

What do you mean exactly? The insurance company has no right to insist you vaccinate, refuse you coverage for not vaccinating, or anything like that. They are not allowed to make medical decisions for your family or to drop you because they don't like the medical decisions you make for yourselves. So basically, it doesn't matter what insurance company you choose.

[stacyann21]

What do you mean exactly? The insurance company has no right to insist you vaccinate, refuse you coverage for not vaccinating, or anything like that. They are not allowed to make medical decisions for your family or to drop you because they don't like the medical decisions you make for yourselves. So basically, it doesn't matter what insurance company you choose.

Is this also true for Medicaid? I've heard they can drop you if you don't fully vaccinate.

[Lucysmama]

Originally Posted by stacyann21

Is this also true for Medicaid? I've heard they can drop you if you don't fully vaccinate.

I seriously doubt this is true, because it could be considered religious discrimination, but many states have no problem either SAYING that or offering bribes (they call them "incentives" - gift cards/cash) for having your child vax'd on schedule.

[Plummeting]

Originally Posted by stacyann21

Is this also true for Medicaid? I've heard they can drop you if you don't fully vaccinate.

Yes, it's true for Medicaid as well. There are no requirements that you follow the recommended vaccination schedule to get Medicaid benefits. Some doctors' offices either lie or are misinformed about this. (It happened to a friend of mine.) Some social workers also either lie or are misinformed about this. WIC employees often try to say the same thing, but it simply isn't true. Medicaid and WIC absolutely cannot force you to vaccinate in order to receive benefits. Ever. The problem is that many doctors who accept Medicaid don't do the vaccinations there - they send you to the health department. And some health departments refuse to allow you to selectively vaccinate. The official position of the Texas health department, for instance, is that if you want don't want to do all of the recommended shots in one visit, then get the vaccines at your own provider. They're all or nothing. Totally unfair.