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DH Debate

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 
OK- So DH and I had it out last night about c-sections, etc. I had a beautiful, natural, unmedicated, no-stiches birth with my 8lb15oz DD. I am totally hoping and planning for a repeat performance But.. I was found to have a low-lying placenta at my 18 week u/s and baby is currently breech or transverse depending on when you ask. Now, I know that odds are WELL in my favor that both of these issues will be non-issues. I have a repeat u/s scheduled for the first week in December (34 weeks) to make sure the placenta is out of the way. We're obviously just taking the whole breech thing a day at a time.

Here is the debate... I am a reader/planner/preparer/list maker kind of person. DH is SO SO not. I feel better knowing that I have gathered as much info as I can, DH will do his best to not think about difficult things until he has to. I have been reading alot about these "issues" first it was placenta previa, which I researched/read about for the first couple weeks after it was found. I felt better, reassured that there was a very, very good chance that it would cease to be an issue and that if it was, there wasn't anything that *I* could do about it. Now it's this breech thing... I've known for less than a week that he is breech. I have spent several evenings reading up on exercises for good positioning, timing of c-sections, c/s vs. vag. birth for breeches, etc. Now, I am pretty well educated on this, feel better and I am not reading as much.

DH said to me that at this rate, I am going to "talk myself into having a c-section" and that because I am "not worrying about the actual procedure (c-section) but worrying about the causes of it I am in denial that this might really happen." He thinks I should not bother reading anything else until we know for sure what the outcome is. Given that I would not have an early c/s for breech, this could mean waiting until I am just shy of term to do any reading about c/s, breech, etc. I feel like this is my body, my birth and that I have a right to do what I need to do to feel comfortable and prepared. He feels like this is his baby, he has a right to be concerened and that I need to heed his advice, least I talk myself into getting sectioned.

So... What do you think? Is it reasonable of me to have spent some time researching these issues? Would/have you? Am I crazy for wanting to know more about what is happening?
post #2 of 7
If having the knowledge helps you feel better about what's going on in your body, and helps you process the potential consequences of what's going on, then there's no harm in it. If having the knowledge only made you worry more and freak out about all the bad and rare possibilities, then maybe your DH would be right. I fall somewhere in between the two extremes, I need the knowledge but I have to be careful about where I go to get the info cuz i worry obsessively when I know too much... aw heck I worry obsessively anyway lol

But even in the latter case, some research is a good thing. What if you did no research on the breech issue and just decided to wait and do nothing, then at 38 weeks your doc said sorry, baby's still breech, I'm scheduling you for a c-section in a week? You'd have a week to do the research and try every possible method of turning the baby, and that's not much time... and also not much time for you to process what was happening and come to terms with it, if it was inevitable that you needed the surgical birth.

As for being in denial because you're focusing on the causes rather than the procedure itself, that makes no sense to me. Of course you should be focusing on the causes at this point, because they are... well, they're the causes and if there's something you can do about them, fantastic. Another what if... what if you did have previa and spent all day being upset about having to have a c-section rahter than looking at the cause and seeing that your options were either surgery or not surviving birth? Makes it a lot easier to accept the end result when you're educated on the cause
post #3 of 7
I am completely the same way--read, research a ton on anything new. I don't see why that would bother your dh. I mean, from what I know breech is one of those difficult issues where a c/s might be unavoidable. First, it seems tough to find providers are even willing to do a trial of labor with breech babies. But second, even if you have a provider willing to try, it is quite likely that you would have to end up doing the c/s anyway, right? Doesn't it make sense to read and prepare as best as you can for what could be a difficult labor and possible surgery? Hopefully, the baby will have turned in a couple weeks and it will be a nonissue. But what if not? My midwife just said that babies usually begin to settle in at around 33 weeks. If the baby is breech at that point, then it may be hard to get him or her to turn (though, of course, there are many things to try). You're coming to that time very fast; why doesn't it make sense to read up now and be prepared? And if in your reading you make peace with the possibility of a c/s, what is wrong with that? If it turns out to be a necessary procedure for your situation, isn't having read and being prepared and feeling comfortable in advance better than being really upset at a last-minute c/s and having to spend the early postpartum days processing your disappointment?

DH should just back off and understand that you're doing what you need to do to be prepared and comfortable.
post #4 of 7
If he has a different style, then maybe you should just talk to someone else about the issues. You know how much information you need and what helps you deal with things that come up.

I dont see how more information is a bad thing. Especially since you *can* possibly do something about the breech issue to avoid a section. More information is going to lead to better choices... Learning more is always good, imo. But it sounds like my style is a lot like yours!

I would tell DH that if doesnt want to hear what your research shows, that he should say that and you wont share unless he asks. But if you want to continue looking into things, that you will, because that is how you are coping with it.
post #5 of 7
Well, if you're not educated about the possibilities, if you go to a hospital for the birth, the doctors and nurses willl push you into doing a lot of what you probably don't want to do. They'll probably use scare tactics and phony statistics to force you into a c-section regardless of your feelings.
post #6 of 7
I think it is good to be educated as long as you aren't freaking yourself out. My current baby was breech for a while but has now turned. My last child was a c/s because he was stuck. I did NO research on c/s and had a very difficult time with the entire process. If I were in your position I would want to know as much as possible. Even with all that knowledge I would still wait to go into labor naturally. If the placenta is in the way you'll get a c/s no matter what. The breech position could change at any time and could easily change when your labor starts. If you have an u/s and know s/he's not tangled in the cord then I'd wait and see what happens when labor starts.

As far as your dh goes... I really think men feel a little helpless when it comes to pregnancy. They like to be able to control and fix things and here's something they can do neither with. He's trying to help. Cut him a little slack and don't talk about it with him anymore. That's what we are here for.
post #7 of 7
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by Shenandoah View Post

As far as your dh goes... I really think men feel a little helpless when it comes to pregnancy. They like to be able to control and fix things and here's something they can do neither with. He's trying to help. Cut him a little slack and don't talk about it with him anymore. That's what we are here for.
Thank you all for your support You are right Shenadoah- he does feel very helpless. I think that these unexpected concerns are particularly hard for him to process. He doesn't come to my midwives appts., his not there to ask questions, etc.

I'm pretty much done with my reading. He was right that I was obsessing, to a degree. Now that I have finished my "education" of breech/placenta previa/c-sections, I am feeling MUCH better. Now we just wait for three weeks for the u/s and make sure the placenta is OK. FWIW, I am pretty sure the baby has turned vertex again, at least I am feeling his hiccups low.
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