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I met a fellow hs'ing mom tonight who bashed US'ing :(  

post #1 of 34
11/16/06 at 2:42am
Thread Starter 
I went to a meet n mingle type thing tonight for our school (K12). I went to see if I could meet a mom that would give me some tips on the ins and outs of K12. When it was my turn to introduce myself, I started out by saying I had more of an unschooling/relaxed homeschooling mindset with my children and this mom spoke up and said "well, kids need to learn that they cant do whatever they want, whenever they want in life...they need to learn good work ethics". I was just taken aback by the way she came off. She then went on to say that her house is spotless and everything is super organized and she has a tight schedule that she adheres to and she doesnt go to bed unless everything is clean and put away, etc.
I dont know why this bothered me so much. A few of the other K12 moms were very understanding of my hs'ing preference and some of them came from being very relaxed to using k12 but this mom just seemed to bash unschooling and more importantly gentle parenting. She's like "unless you want to live in a box on the streets, you need to know how to get up early and work til the job is done". Maybe it felt like she was attacking me....I dont know....just made me feel sad
post #2 of 34
11/16/06 at 2:46am
She sounds really rude (and maybe deep down insecure, therefore needing to build herself up). That stinks that she did that, especially when you were just introducing herself. :
post #3 of 34
11/16/06 at 2:52am
Stick with your relaxed way of life and let her go on to have her heart attack by age 45. Some people are just more strict and insist that their kids be that way...I have a sister like that. She just can't handle the fact that my kids are unschooled....because "don't you know how much they are going to struggle in college!!" Um ...nope. She looks so much older than she is due to her constant need for control, and clean house, and numerous work hours. I'm just not that way and hey it's perfectly o.k.
post #4 of 34
11/16/06 at 2:53am
Thread Starter 
I dont think she was trying to be mean....it just surprised me how anti relaxed homeschooling she was. It also made me realize that just because someone homeschools, doesnt mean they necessarily agree with all forms of homeschooling
post #5 of 34
11/16/06 at 3:32am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Purrfect_doll View Post
Stick with your relaxed way of life and let her go on to have her heart attack by age 45.

:
post #6 of 34
11/16/06 at 3:35am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Purrfect_doll View Post
Stick with your relaxed way of life and let her go on to have her heart attack by age 45.
::giggle::
post #7 of 34
11/16/06 at 4:14am
Quote:
Originally Posted by mykdsmomy View Post
I went to a meet n mingle type thing tonight for our school (K12). I went to see if I could meet a mom that would give me some tips on the ins and outs of K12. When it was my turn to introduce myself, I started out by saying I had more of an unschooling/relaxed homeschooling mindset with my children and this mom spoke up and said "well, kids need to learn that they cant do whatever they want, whenever they want in life...they need to learn good work ethics". I was just taken aback by the way she came off. She then went on to say that her house is spotless and everything is super organized and she has a tight schedule that she adheres to and she doesnt go to bed unless everything is clean and put away, etc.
I dont know why this bothered me so much. A few of the other K12 moms were very understanding of my hs'ing preference and some of them came from being very relaxed to using k12 but this mom just seemed to bash unschooling and more importantly gentle parenting. She's like "unless you want to live in a box on the streets, you need to know how to get up early and work til the job is done". Maybe it felt like she was attacking me....I dont know....just made me feel sad
It sounds like she's attacking herself and her family more than she was attacking you. I've lived with someone just like her and let me tell you...it was not fun and when I moved out and there was nobody to control, she had to get on Prozac!LOL She was always saying "you have no business" and "You can't do that" I can imagine this woman doing the same and trying to squash new ideas that her children might have.

I would have responded with "well, your homelife sounds just wonderful" and let her figure take it however she wanted.

You just keep doing your thing knowing it's what's right for your family.
But, if you think she bothered you because you've been feeling the need to be a little more organized, then acknowledge it and put some more organization in your life. But I would NEVER want to be or live with someone like her.

Lisa (Mom to 3 wonderful children)
post #8 of 34
11/16/06 at 6:02am
Quote:
Originally Posted by mykdsmomy View Post
I dont think she was trying to be mean....it just surprised me how anti relaxed homeschooling she was. It also made me realize that just because someone homeschools, doesnt mean they necessarily agree with all forms of homeschooling

Not everyone agrees on different types of homeschooling, I don't agree with unschooling but that lady did seem a little up tight. Everyone has there own beliefs on homeschooling, don't let it bother you but do understand K12 and unschooling don't mix well at all. Were more relaxed classical and even I thought K12 was insane in the amount of time they wanted.
post #9 of 34
11/16/06 at 6:56am
It's one thing not to want to use a particular method for your family, or to think your family's method is so great that it's hard to imagine a better one, but it's altogether something different to tell someone their method is wrong! You weren't asking for advice, you were just introducing yourself. That was really very rude of her regardless of her intentions.

Before I found MDC I was sometimes reading at another board that was very conservative. I guess a lot of people over there think unschoolers are going to ruin homeschooling for everyone. I don't get it. I feel a sort of bond with anyone who enjoys her children enough to have them around all day and wants more direct responsibility for their education so I don't understand the point of putting down people's methods or feeling threatened by them. Use what works for you and let other people use what works for them.
post #10 of 34
11/16/06 at 10:00am
My reply would have been," Well good for you,and may I suggest your next lesson be in manners, because you obviously need a refresher in it."

She sounds like a strict school at home type,and if that works for her kids(who cares what SHE wants) then all is well.No one should ever dictate for another though,but saying what worked for THEM or not is fine. I suggest you go with whatever works well for your kids,and ignore the negative comments. There are MANY individuals(and families) living in boxes,and it is very unlikely few if any were unschooled.Sadly it happens.

Boxed curriculums can work if your child can choose what to do.If you use them through a charter school be prepared to do a lot of boring stuff.Well it was boring to my dd,but other kids might like it just fine!
post #11 of 34
11/16/06 at 2:26pm
Well, y'know, I think her behavior said a lot about her educational philosophy to those other parents.

I had that happen, if you can imagine, smack dab in the middle of a talk I'd been invited to do for a roomful of public school home study program teachers and administrators on the subject of child led learning at one of their conferences. The woman was loud and aggressive - and mouthed the identical words about how children just need to learn that...blah, blah..! I froze at first - actually thought she was a nutcase who'd wandered in off the street - and quickly gathered all my emotional resources to be able to calm her down so that she didn't disturb the workshop any further. I took a deep breath, stepped forward, and very calmly and politely explained that learning doesn't really work that way. I was absolutely amazed at how centered I was able to stay - as if some other power was operating. I even pulled out a puppet and used the incident to illustrate how "anxiety attacks" from doubts can spring up out of nowhere along the way. As it turned out, the teachers were very supportive - a group was gathered around me at the end asking questions about how to help relax parents in they work with to have the confidence to homeschool in that way. They'd never heard of this way of working with children and they were fascinated. As it turned out, the woman I thought was a nutcase was just a lawyer who worked for the state ed department, and she'd come in, because of her own personal beliefs, to confront me - I guess she was thought she was doing her most intimidating courtroom kind of routine on me. - Lillian
post #12 of 34
11/16/06 at 2:35pm
Ick, I'm sorry that happened to you. I know that comments like that would bother me too, and probably make me feel defensive and nervous.

post #13 of 34
11/16/06 at 2:37pm
I'm not an unschooler, but I probably would have laughed.

I can be mean, though.
post #14 of 34
11/16/06 at 2:40pm
She just doesn't know how USing would work in her family. To her, it seems impossible to grasp the idea.

Also there is ALOT of misinformation about what unschooling is.

To be honest.....I thought it was a crock of crap at first : But I challenged my views and have done a TOTAL turn around. :
post #15 of 34
11/16/06 at 2:45pm
mykdsmomy-I just noticied that you just hit
Congrats!
post #16 of 34
11/16/06 at 2:48pm
That wasn't very nice of her.
I'm an unschoolin' mom too...and I say...To each their own.
post #17 of 34
11/16/06 at 2:51pm
Did you check to see whether she had something stuck up her...nevermind.

Geez, since we started unschooling, I have never had so many people tell me what I need to do for my kids! I mean, imagine if I told people they were going to ruin their kids lives if they sent them to school or did structured homeschooling!

P.S. Lillian, don't be dissin' on lawyers! Some of us are out to do some good. Although, I often have to tell myself to take off my lawyer hat when talking to people.
post #18 of 34
11/16/06 at 3:08pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by papayapetunia View Post
I mean, imagine if I told people they were going to ruin their kids lives if they sent them to school or did structured homeschooling!
: I've done this.

I guess I really am mean. :
post #19 of 34
11/16/06 at 5:35pm
K-12 prides itself on being highly structured, time-consuming, and academically rigorous. I am not surprised you found someone at a K-12 meeting who had this opinion. I think it just means you all have different ideas about what you want homeschooling to look like.

Nothing against K-12, btw. For people with certain types of goals for their kids' education, it's probably a good resource.

Namaste!
post #20 of 34
11/16/06 at 5:41pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by AngelBee View Post
:
To be honest.....I thought it was a crock of crap at first : But I challenged my views and have done a TOTAL turn around. :
ME TOO!

Namaste!
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Mothering › Forums › Education › Learning at Home and Beyond › I met a fellow hs'ing mom tonight who bashed US'ing :(