Can I stop reading_Real boys________

[hipumpkins]

I've been reading Real BOys in the hopes of maing sure I know how to rasie a boy...since I'm not one anyway the book is kind of annoying me b/c it talks about how boys are pushed away from their moms and told to be "big boys" and basically taught to stifle emotion. I know this happens..but what is bugging me is that he is kind of insinuating that this doesn't happen to girls. I know it's about boys but all the while I'm reading it I can't help but recall pople telling my DD how "brave" she is for not crying for whatever reason some other kid may have.
It talks about how this one kid is being left in kindergarten and the little boy is all upset and the mom tells him not to be a crybaby LIKE HIS SISTER. The school nurse and principal tell the mom to leave and she does...that happens to boys and girls. It makes it sound like the girls parents are staying and nurturing but the boys are being left out in the cold. I was kind of hoping for somehitng that would help me with raising a boy but can I close the book and jsut rasie him essentially the way I am raising his sister...only better b/c she is my guinea pig Will the book give me any insight beyond...don't shame, call names, expect tboys to be emotionally void?
since I don't I want to stop reading it whatddya think?

[chellemarie]

I'd stop reading it. You already know not to do that stuff. There has to be something better. Hopefully someone will have some suggestions.

[PancakeGoddess]

Hmm, I thought the book had good suggestions when I read it - but it was years ago so I can't make you any promises ;-)

I'm sure the things he talks about happen to all children, but our culture does have some pretty heavy expectations of boys in general, if not while their preschoolers, certainly when they're 10-15, and it *does* start to get very different for boys than girls.

I'm not saying boys have it harder in general - but that specific problem of not permitting vulnerability does happen and it does get worse as they get older.

[hipumpkins]

I should say I do realize that it does happen and that is exactly what /i was wondering. Will the book later on give me specifics geared toward boys like hey you know boys do not respond to ABC the way girls do so you nweed to do XYZ with them. Right now it jsut seems like it is just kind of commmon sense for people who are intuned to that sort of thing...like the MDC mamas

[journeymom]

I listened to an interview with an author/librarian on the radio (don't know who). She was making suggestions for summer reading. One thing that stuck with me was that she said never waist your time finishing a book you don't even like. If you've given it good go, meaning you gave it enough to get past maybe a slow start, but you still don't like it, just quit! Go on to something else. Life is too short to waist reading books you don't even like.

Just an aside, I have a 11 y.o. daughter and a 7 y.o. son. I noticed that the older he got, when he'd cry because of an injury or whatnot, I responded with anxiety and self consciousness. More so than with when dd was the same age. This was just the slightest degree more, but enough to notice that I had a different standard for my son than my daughter. I don't know if it was enough to affect my son's perception. But I also notice that he clamps down on the water works noticeably. Dd never does that, she just lets it flow. These are just my observations.

I'll bet there are better books out there on raising sons. However, do you really need it, other than as an interesting read? Honestly, it sounds like you are on the right track already. You treat him with respect, right? Unconditional love and respect, just like for a daughter. Let him be different from the girls.

[nicole lisa]

Originally Posted by hipumpkins

I should say I do realize that it does happen and that is exactly what /i was wondering. Will the book later on give me specifics geared toward boys like hey you know boys do not respond to ABC the way girls do so you nweed to do XYZ with them. Right now it jsut seems like it is just kind of commmon sense for people who are intuned to that sort of thing...like the MDC mamas

I think it was Real Boys (though I may be wrong) where I read that many boys prefer to talk and open up while doing something and while your attention/gaze isn't upon them. I know this was absolutely true of my brothers. My mom and brohters always had the best connecting times and heartfelt discussions about what was bothering them at school or the like while shooting hoops one on one out on the drive way or while driving in the car while my mom couldn't look at them because she was driving.

That was definitely something I put in my tool box. Other than that I don't really remember the specifics in the book.