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Wtf...mad, Long & Confused

post #1 of 6
Thread Starter 
Okay, I am so aggravated I don't even know where to start.


Here's some background info:[LIST][*]Divorced exh 4 yrs ago. Why? He abused alcohol and cocaine & was a general jerk.[*]Right after we divorced he got involved with "Sally". Sally has been married 2x and has 3 dds. When I moved out of the house, she and i dd moved in. Her dd is 6 mo. older than mnie.[*]I have found Sally's morals to be questionable. Before I moved out of the house I found explicit pictures of her in my bedroom. I am not a prude, but think that was a stupid move on her part.[*]Neddless to say, we did not get along the first year after my divorce & the kids knew it. She & I are very different. She is uneducated, ignorant & more than mainstream.[*]Finally, a couple of years ago after being exasperated & not wanting to deal with petty BS anymore, I asked her to sit down & talk with me. I suggested that we get along for the kids' sake & that we should bury our differences & start from scratch. She agreed. Okay, so normally this would not be a woman that I would form a friendship with but, let's make the best of the situation.[*]Now, the last couple of years really have not been that bad. I do know that she & my xh fight like mad sometimes & do not have the same parenting values that myself & my fiance do. My dd has also come home on MANY occasions sobbing about how Sally's dd is mean & nasty. Hey, kids fight & most of the time I don't say anything because I want to keep the peace & also don't want to make a mountain out of a molehill.[*]OKay, I mentioned my dp. We have lived together since last December & recently got engaged. When we first met, actually about two minutes after we met - we were introduced by an old neighbor of mine - he mentioned that he knew of my xh and knew Sally. How, you ask? He kindof went on a date or two with Sally a couple of months before this, he thought she was a "psycho" & also found out she was living with somebody & broke it off. She continued to text & call him. He never responded. Anyway, he & I really hit it off & the rest is history. And I never held his little lapse of judgement against him. Hey, I didn't even know him then & he had no idea she was living with somebody & a psycho. [*]When Sally found out it was him that I was dating, she started texting him again. He again did not respond. I guess she thought he might mention something to me & I might mention it to my xh. Well, as far as I was concerned it was none of my business so I didn't say anything & to this day she does not know that I know.[*]Here's the problem - my dd has come home from their house for the third tmie now with my xh saying my dd told him my dp is "mean to her". They get along more than fine at home - dp does her homework with her, plays with her, she even sleeps with an old army blanket that she stole from him. My xh was upset, & understanably so, this is his dd, confronted my dp who basically ate sh321t to assure him that he would never overstep his bounds with somebody else's child & thought that they had a good reletionship.[*]I know I am not explaining this whole thing very well, my head is spinning right now. But this always seems to happen whan Sally is in a pissy mood. I have spoken to my dd about this on each occasion & it turns out that she is actually fine with my dp, just normal blended family issues & my first priority will always be my dd. [*]Am I totally nuts for thinking Sally might be planting this stuff in my dd's head because she is unhappy & jealous? And if so, what do I do? How do I approach this without acting like I am a petty high-schooler? [*]BTW, people that know her think this might be true. I believe their words were "I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her" [*]I have tried very hard within the last few years to come from a place of compassion when dealing with people, being calm, approachable, open. But if this woman is going to cause a problem with the family I now have, ythat is everything I've ever wanted, what do I do?

Sorry this was so long. I'm sure alot of it didn't make sense either.:
post #2 of 6
Sorry that you are dealing with this petty behaviour. I would definately not cover for Sally on anything. In my experience, when given an inch people like her will take a mile. If you think she is planting ideas in your child's head, I would confront her about it in front of your ex. This is your child. Don't be afraid to stand up for her.
post #3 of 6
i think you worded it once and correctly as petty shit. i have the same problems:

i recommend neither you nor your dp respond to anything they are doing, just ignore, as hard as it may be, it sounds like manipulative and coniving behaviour and you don't want to play along.

if they do have problems, they may attack you or your dp as a way to release it. you both should be as low key as possible so they direct their attacks toward someone else. if she is accusing dp of being mean and trying to text him: , he should be out of sight out of mind for a bit. and if ex brings it up, just shrug it off and say 'no way, hes great with her'.

she is definately trying to get a reaction out of you, don't take the bait!

you got a life, you're mature, right? she needs to get a life and grow up.
post #4 of 6
p.s. if she is 'planting stuff' in dd head, then this can be considered custodial interference and not in the best interest of the child. this can be taken to court if neccessary and she could be ordered to stop. its a tough call, im sure you dont want whatever relationship you have to crumble, so we will be rooting for you over here.
post #5 of 6
Quote:
my dd has come home from their house for the third tmie now with my xh saying my dd told him my dp is "mean to her".
Sometimes kids will say that because they are afraid their dad will feel hurt, especially if she has been seeing/hearing her dad's gf acting that way, kwim?
She sees that her dad chose that kind of woman, and she wants to be a part of her daddy's life and sees that is what he wants/likes in his life, kwim?

If you have always been kind, caring, etc. and he 'got rid of YOU, the mom' then it's not hard for a little child to imagine she can just as easily be gone.....hope I am making sense. Children love their parents with all their hearts and think that is how the parents also feel about each other, kwim?
post #6 of 6
Thread Starter 
You all make good points.

Quote:
She sees that her dad chose that kind of woman, and she wants to be a part of her daddy's life and sees that is what he wants/likes in his life, kwim?

If you have always been kind, caring, etc. and he 'got rid of YOU, the mom' then it's not hard for a little child to imagine she can just as easily be gone.....hope I am making sense
I never even thought of this & it does make total sense. For now, I have kinda ignored Sally & made nice with my xh. Dp sat down & talked with dd & they are fine.

I should be mature here, she's looking for attention & I'm not going to give it to her.....BUT, if she continues to push me, I will calmly let her know what I know & confront my xh with it.

Thanks for all the support.
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