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12 y.o. ds who intentionally pees on his carpet - Page 2

post #21 of 104
Quote:
Originally Posted by snarfywarning View Post
What the OP said was her sonsaid was "I didnt want to get up"

which to ME means

"I am too lazy to get up in the middle of night and use the bathroom"

To me it could mean "I am really embarrassed and I don't want to talk about it." I have found sometimes kids say stuff like that when they aren't ready to come out and talk about what's really bothering them.
post #22 of 104
I really dont think the diapers would get as far as school. The typical lazy preteen would shape up the second they were passed a nappy. Not that you would force a 12 year old into a diaper anyways, notice i said "Offer to make him diapers to wear around home and school" OFFER as in "If you dont wanna go in the pot, here is an alternate choice!" I also said "put ground up veggies on his dinner plate" instead of green beans, he gets green bean puree. I didnt say "Feed him only crappy processed baby rice!" You need to brush up on your reading comprehension.

This is a 12 year old we are talking about. Pretty much a teenager. Not some toddler who doesn't know right from wrong.
post #23 of 104
I'm assuming that this is an issue and only an issue during the night as you have not mentioned that he is too lazy at school or during waking hours to use the bathroom, and with that said, I would sit him down and have a heart to heart with him...my daughter is 11 and I know for a fact that she would be able to share her feelings, fears, physical concerns, if any.

I agree with the poster who said to see an Urologist-there are so many tests they can run to see if this is a medical issue. You know there is the possibility that your son is what he tells you, lazy with no other reason! If that's the case then staying calm is the answer...I know, easier said than done!
Please let us know how he's doing and I certainly hope it all turns out fine for all!
post #24 of 104
I agree with the other ladies of going to see a doctor/counciler. I think there might be an underlying cause that might be embarrassing for him.
post #25 of 104
Quote:
Originally Posted by snarfywarning View Post
I really dont think the diapers would get as far as school. The typical lazy preteen would shape up the second they were passed a nappy. Not that you would force a 12 year old into a diaper anyways, notice i said "Offer to make him diapers to wear around home and school" OFFER as in "If you dont wanna go in the pot, here is an alternate choice!" I also said "put ground up veggies on his dinner plate" instead of green beans, he gets green bean puree. I didnt say "Feed him only crappy processed baby rice!" You need to brush up on your reading comprehension.

This is a 12 year old we are talking about. Pretty much a teenager. Not some toddler who doesn't know right from wrong.
It's startling that you truly think that this is an acceptable response to this issue. It's even more bizarre that you think I was appalled at offering him "crappy processed baby rice." Just...wow.
post #26 of 104
Glad to be the startling one in this conversation. :P

I said "Offer to make him diapers" and you said "Force him to wear it to school"
I said "Mashed of Vegetables" and you said "Baby Food"

I am just trying to clarify things a little bit for you, since I think that you arn't quite grasping what I am suggesting.

So here it is again, so you can all stop crucifing me

1. Have him clean up his pee, instead of you (if you are cleaning it up for him) Maybe if he knows that he has to clean it up, he will make the extra effort to get to the bathroom.

2. -If he can't get up to take a leak, give him an potty and a diaper.
-If he can't get up to take a leak, he can't get up to watch TV or play video games.
-If he is truely JUST doing this because he is lazy, and he is "acting like a baby" instead of the teenager he nearly is, then treat him like a "baby"

He will get the point, and he will get it fast. It isnt rubbing his nose in it, it isnt dehumanizing to offer him a diaper or pureed vegetables if he wants to "be a baby" The kid is twelve years old, he has been potty trained for like ten years, and he is just now getting into the lazy teenager phase.

I have no reason to think that children would lie to their parents. If my kid tells me "I didn't want to get up" it means "I didnt wanna get up" I have no reason to not trust her childs word.
post #27 of 104
Quote:
Originally Posted by snarfywarning View Post
Glad to be the startling one in this conversation. :P

I said "Offer to make him diapers" and you said "Force him to wear it to school"
I said "Mashed of Vegetables" and you said "Baby Food"

I am just trying to clarify things a little bit for you, since I think that you arn't quite grasping what I am suggesting.

So here it is again, so you can all stop crucifing me

1. Have him clean up his pee, instead of you (if you are cleaning it up for him) Maybe if he knows that he has to clean it up, he will make the extra effort to get to the bathroom.

2. -If he can't get up to take a leak, give him an potty and a diaper.
-If he can't get up to take a leak, he can't get up to watch TV or play video games.
-If he is truely JUST doing this because he is lazy, and he is "acting like a baby" instead of the teenager he nearly is, then treat him like a "baby"

He will get the point, and he will get it fast. It isnt rubbing his nose in it, it isnt dehumanizing to offer him a diaper or pureed vegetables if he wants to "be a baby" The kid is twelve years old, he has been potty trained for like ten years, and he is just now getting into the lazy teenager phase.

I have no reason to think that children would lie to their parents. If my kid tells me "I didn't want to get up" it means "I didnt wanna get up" I have no reason to not trust her childs word.
Where do you even come up with this sick crap? What makes you think it would be a GOOD IDEA? OMG! *checks address bar* Yep, still MDC.. WTF?
post #28 of 104
Because it works.

ohnoes! Make him take responsibility for his actions, and clean up his own pee.

ohnoes! Offer him a diaper and a potty, because he is being a lazy preteen and is acting like a toddler.

I don't assume that children are liars, so I see no need to take him to get evaluated or take him to 1290830 doctors to get his penis checked for abnomalities, when he just told his mom what is wrong with him.

No need to get hostile and uppity, Ladies, she doesn't have to take my suggestions.
post #29 of 104
Snarfy, our reading comprehension is just fine, thank you.

I think you need to brush up on gentle discipline.
post #30 of 104
Quote:
Originally Posted by inezyv View Post
Snarfy, our reading comprehension is just fine, thank you.
I said that because a PP said that I said force him to wear diapers to school and feed him baby food, when I infact, did not.
post #31 of 104
Thread Starter 
Where do I even begin?? Yes, he has issues & this could very well be stemming from them.

My ds does feel like he has little control over things in his life right now. He wants to be in public school but cannot fit in to their mold. He's currently home schooled & dislikes it but dislikes PS more because of constantly being in trouble for dumb little things that he sees no point in trying to conform with (like talking out of turn & walking in the wrong direction in the hall, etc.). He was diagnosed ADHD when he was 6 & almost every one of the teachers/principals/councelors I've had conferences with about this (& there have been sooo many over the years) have just wanted to have me put him on meds to try to make him sit still, shut up & pay attention.

He needs some counceling to help him learn ways to better fit in with his peers. He has few friends & the ones he has are a lot like him; a wild handfull & very immature.

He has had bedwetting issues in the past but stopped when he was about 7. He's been to a urologist & they found nothing wrong. I don't think it's a physical problem. I think it's a rebellious thing, though I can't understand for the life of me why he thinks peeing on the floor would get him anywhere.

I am looking for a councelor for him for his issues with getting along with peers & learning techniques to help him focus when someone isn't standing/sitting next to him keeping him focused on his school work. He's a good kid, for the most part, but I know he feels like he doesn't fit in which I know impacts his self-image negatively. He likely won't confide in me because I don't think he knows the root of the issue himself. He just knows he's unhappy.

I'll be sure to bring this issue of peeing up to the councelor when we find one. In the mean time it's so hard & frustrating for me. I hadn't stopped to think about what it must be like for him, being so wrapped up in how I felt.

Anyway, thanks for listening & the advice here.

Shannon
post #32 of 104
And know that we know more than "just being lazy" I retract my second suggestion, but still say make him clean up his own pee (natural consequence, and whatnot)
post #33 of 104
Thread Starter 
BTW, I did make him get up & clean it up. He's old enough to do that himself, though I did go in later & work on the spot myself. I felt he needed to take some responsibility for the action, other than to admit he did it. He has a lying problem, too, so I was kind of surprised when he admitted he did it & told me why.

ETA: Another thing I thought of is my 4 y.o. ds has been acting out of character lately, too. I'm due to have a baby in the next few weeks or so & just attributed his clingyness to that. I wonder if my 12 y.o. (he's my oldest, if that matters) is feeling some pressure, or insecurities, or whatever, related to bringing another family member into the picture.

Shannon
post #34 of 104
Ask him if he has insomnia. My brother has terrible insomnia. If he gets up to use the bathroom during sleep hours, he can not get back to sleep for several hours. So he keeps a bottle next to his bed to pee in. Gross, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do sometimes.

Another idea... Was someone in the bathroom (if there is only one bathroom) showering during the time he usually wakes? Maybe he couldn't/didn't want to wait?

Either way, a bottle to pee in would solve the problem, whether it be laziness, a medical problem, or someone is in the bathroom and he has to go NOW. They are sold in the drugstore pretty cheap.
post #35 of 104
Are you sure the correct DX is ADHD? Some of the issues you described didn't sound so much like ADHD, but maybe something else going on. I'm a special ed teacher, not a psychologist, but the criteria aren't adding up for ADHD so well.

If I were in your shoes, I would work on updating the DX and seeing what therapies and work at home might help him. I would treat the "social" issues the same way I would with a 12 year old boy with Asperger's. (If you want examples on how that works, I can explain more.) There is likely a social or sensory need this is fufilling.
post #36 of 104
another idea -- even though most twelve year olds would be absolutely mortified to admit this, severe or recurring nightmares are not THAT uncommon. if it happened at night, maybe he had to urinate after a nightmare and was too scared to get out of bed? i know approaching it could be embarrasing since he'll probably look at you like "WHAT? NO WAY!" but i think it's worth asking. after a traumatic event in my life just over a year ago, as an adult woman, i had nightmares so bad there were several occasions i was too scared to get out of bed for ANYTHING. i never urinated in or around my bed but if i had to pee during one of those episodes following a nightmare, i just might have considered it.
post #37 of 104
PHP Code:
Besides the humiliating tactics suggested by snarfywarning (which will accomplish nothing but an escalation of tension and a deeper burying of the underlying cause), how would one go about 'making' the child clean it up

Okay, that might be great for your house.
My DD used to paint with her poop. Nothing going on there except she thought it was fun. Mind you she was 2 1/2. Everything we tired failed. Finally, we made her help clean it up. And guess what? It worked.




Quote:
Originally Posted by romans_mum View Post
buy him a mens urinal bottle to keep next to his bed from the medical needs isle if hes having such a problem "getting out of bed"

also, regardless of if its humliating or not.....make him clean it up...a 12yr old is old enough to know it is not acceptable and shouldnt be allowed to get away with it without having a concequence, if he did it in public and a cop caught him, there would be a consequence.

I totally agree.
post #38 of 104
Quote:
Originally Posted by snarfywarning View Post
What the OP said was her sonsaid was "I didnt want to get up"

which to ME means

"I am too lazy to get up in the middle of night and use the bathroom"

I have no reason to think her son is covering for anything else, just that he is lazy. I wish that I could just pee on the ground sometimes, instead of getting out of bed, and I don't have any "issues" but I dont want to have to clean it up, and I am not a baby who doesnt have a choice, so I make the extra effort to get out of bed.

It was not my intent to make him feel bad for some underlying problem, that was only a solution to "lazyness" not some scary urinary tract or emotional issue.


I have a 12 year old son and I totally agree with this post.

I dont condone her ideas of humiliation but I also DID NOT take her seriously.
post #39 of 104
Thread Starter 
UPDATE!:

Okay, so I approached him after posting, hoping he'd tell me what's going on with him. He was embarassed to even talk about it at first because he thought I'd laugh at him. He said he peed on his floor because he's afraid of the dark. While this may make no sense to some I totally understood what he meant. He sees & hears noises in the dark & at the age of 12 I think he expects that's something that he should've grown out of by now. At first, before I got him to confide in me, his words were "it's a 7 y.o. thing", so I'm pretty sure he was just embarassed/ashamed to still be dealing with this at 12. He said he sees things on the floor & they look like something else like a face or something else frightening & sometimes he thinks he hears footsteps (we've had wierd happenings around here since we moved in a few months ago....another story altogether).

He said sometimes he's afraid to get out of his bed, for fear whatever he's "seeing" will get him. When I was his age I still saw things that weren't really there, half between sleep & consciousness, & often heard my sexually abusive fathers voice whispering my name as I was drifting off to sleep, which would immediately startle me awake. I know my issues were different but they at least help me to understand why being afraid of the dark might cause him to not want to get out of bed. I don't think his issue with the dark is much more than an overactive imagination, which makes me feel better about the whole thing.

I offered to buy him one of those men's urinals if he promised to use it instead of the carpet. I also offered to get him a nightlight & talked to him about being embarassed about being afraid of the dark. I explained people sometimes laugh or make fun of things they don't/can't understand & while that does make them insensitive & sometimes judgemental, he shouldn't feel ashamed.

Shannon
post #40 of 104
Shannon, there is a lot going on around you, especially with a new baby due

My son is the same age and one thing I've noticed is they're in a very transitional time. Not yet a full blown teen and definately not a kid anymore. I do remember being 12 -14 and I have to say, it was the most confusing time of my life. Do take some time to sit with him and talk, not just about this, but about life how he's feeling about school, friendships and the new baby.

You mentioned that he's feeling that he has little control over things. I think you hit on something very important and as his mother, I bet your right. Are their things he can do around the house to be more helpful and in control - not chores, but things that would make him feel like a more 'grown up' member of the family. Ask for his help in planning the weekly meals (maybe have him write down some meal choices). Have him plan a day outing and give him a few suggestions like zoo, art museum, nature center. See what he's interested in and let him plan it all (you may have to give him a budget).

Lastly, do talk to him about his peeing, you saw that asking him why only puts him on the defense, so try asking him if he could try to hit the bathroom next time because it's really hard on you when you come in to find pee on the carpet, explain how it soaks into the floor and makes things very unsanitary and that you're concerned for his heath.

Another poster mentioned errection, this could very well be a part of the problem and may be worth discussing.

Now, there have been some posts here that have trailed off the original posted topic, let's try to keep in mind the OP's issue and try to offer her some supportive suggestions. I really hope we can keep this about the OP and her issues and take any personal issues to PM
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