Oh, definitely. DH and I always wanted several kids, and battled infertility for years to get this little guy. Now we're seriously torn on whether or not to even try for anymore.
Not only did I not get the natural vaginal birth I wanted, but the complications from my epidural were potentially life-threatening. DS's heartrate kept decelling from the minute we got the hospital, after my water broke. I was scared and was urged into getting an epidural before I even felt a contraction. His heartrate stabilized for a little while, so I "labored" (meaning I lay on my side feeling nothing with an oxygen mask, pulse-ox, BP cuff, catheter, and 2 monitors strapping me down) for several hours. Then his heartrate seriously dropped, plus I'd dilated a whopping centimeter in 12 hours.
But, at some point during the transfer to the OR table, the epidural needle slipped and I became temporarily paralyzed from the neck down. I couldn't breathe, and couldn't communicate what was wrong. I literally thought I was dying and just prayed they'd get DS out in time. I remember thinking that DH would be a great dad without me there. Then I heard the anesthesiolgist freaking out, realizing what had happened. He ventilated me, then called for the OB, who was still getting ready. My DH was in the hall outside the OR and saw her coming running down the hall, still having her gown tied. I got put under general anesthesia, and DH wasn't allowed in the room. He says that was the most terrifying few moments of his life, listening to the commotion inside.
I went through a horrible recovery and kept asking if I had a boy or girl and no one knew. After 4 hours, I finally got to see my son. (He'd already been given a bottle for low blood sugar.
) I hate that neither of my baby's parents were really there
for his birth. Neither of us can ever tell him if he cried right away, or which part came out first, or what color he was...
The anesthesiologist came to my room the next day to explain what had happened and that he'd never seen it in his 30+ years of experience. He told me I could've died and recommended getting counseling for PTSD. Man, I lost it at that. Probably should've taken his advice, I still have awful flashbacks at almost 6 mo PP.
Now, I'm terrified of having any more anesthesia. The only option that leaves is a med-free VBAC. I have a lot more thinking/research to do to get comfortable with that. DH is even more terrified than I am and is determined that we are done
. I might just have to go behind his back.
I'm relieved to hear I'm not alone, and I'm going to check out ICAN - thanks for the link.