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Just a Question

post #1 of 22
Thread Starter 
If you really consider your stepkids to be part of your family, why then do some of you not list those kids in your siggies?

I am not trying to be nasty. I don't think you are "bad" people for it. I simply don't understand and would like to. I know in the grand scheme of things, siggies don't matter, but it is something I have wanted to ask for awhile but haven't had the guts to do so until now.

Thank you.
post #2 of 22
I put my step child in my sig. I think it all just depends on how each woman feels about how much their step children truly "belong" to them. For a lot of women, the step child is welcome in their home and treated as any of the bio children while in their home but knowing that you have to turn them over to another woman who ultimately has the last word on any decision regarding the child makes you feel a little unimportant in that child's life... as if you don't really have much say or choice in their upbringing... you just care for them and love them and try to abide by the rules set forth by their real mom and their dad where moral, educational and religious issues are concerned.

At least that's how I feel... more like an aunt than a mother to my step son.
post #3 of 22
I don't put my 2dsd in my sig. They visit for just 2 weeks a year and I have no contact with them the rest of the time. They barely hold a conversation when Dh calls them so when I ask about them, Dh never has anything to tell me. I don't feel close to them and don't take a mothering role with them. They are more like my extended family.

I come here for blended family issues, but most of my post on MDC are about my life with dd and Dh.
post #4 of 22
I used to. For me, many different reasons.

Mostly there is just not enough room. I have 5 S'kids.

The oldest are 26. I didn't meet them until they were 13 or 14. They never came over that much. We all get along fine, but since they were older, I was never a part of raising them.

The next two I don't care to list because they have been absolutly horrible to me in the 10+ years they lived here. You name it, they've done it. Major stealing from both of them. The 17 yr old still steals whatever she pleases. The other one kicked me in the stomach while I was pregnant. Major lying. Sneaking around. Blatently disobeying. Not respectful of anybody. they could never be left in this house without Dh or I around because of their stealing.
They would steal the house keys and skip school and come back here to steal.
One of them literaly kicked in the back door one time just to get in while they knew nobody was here. I had to replace the entire frame. They got CP involved because of their lies. One of them has been in jail and house arrest when she was 16. I've been physically attack by both of them numerous times with out provocation. (asking them to pick up after themselves or turning off a light when they leave the room does not, in my book, warrent a physical attack).

We tried everything in the book to deal with those two. Many years of counseling. Gd, tough love. Positive attention and reenforcement. I've done more with them then their biomom ever did. I would go on field trips, especially since they would ask me to. I was always there for them when their mother would diss them. They've always had a roof over their head, food on the table and good clothes. We were not overly strict, but it was made clear early on what our expectations were and it was nothing unreasonable. We never beat the crap out of them like their biomom would.
They just never liked me because I saw right through their BS and wouldn't fall for their lies and manipulations. I wouldn't give in to their demands.

The older one ( who is 19 now) has finally matured a little bit. I think having a baby at 18 helped that. But the one (who turns 18 tomorrow) is getting worse. It is absolutly miserable here with her around. Do you know what she did last week? SHE STOLE HER LITTLE BROTHERS' ALLOWENCE $$! AGAIN! Even when she is caught redhanded, she boldfaced lies to your face. She has never once apologized for anything she has done to others in this house. This is how low she will stoop to get what she wants. She is too lazy to get a job. She had one for a few months last year, but she said she quit. I think she actually got fired, probably for stealing. She skips school all the time.


How much longer do I need to get shit on by her? Cause that's all they've both ever done, is shit all over me. No matter how nice I was, no matter how I tried to keep things postive around here. No matter how much I supported them (both emotionally and monetarely) when their biomom wouldn't , they've just turned right around and threw it back in my face. I've taken them back into this house many times when they would run back to their biomom just to have her beat the crap out of them, get evicted or have biomom's current sugar daddy kick them all out. They just threw it all back into my face and continued to shit all over me. I kept taking them back anyways because I am a nice person and felt they should be givin another chance. How many chances do I need to give them? These chances where coming at the expense of my other children, myself, my family and my marriage. How much do I have to take? Well, I'm not anymore. I've had enough. Sd knows right from wrong. She justdoesn't care who she shits all over. She turn's 18 tomorrow. She's an adult now. It's too bad she's turn 18 before she's done with high school. I have to let her stay here until June. I'd rather have her out now. I'm sick of having my shit turn up missing only to find it in her posession. You know what, I hate her. There I said it. I want her out of here. There, I said it. I am a horrible person for not wanting to put up with her shit anymore.

That is why those two aren't in my siggy's, too many bad memories. Too much misery.

P.s. thank you for the vent. I've been holding this in for years. Literally.
post #5 of 22
Thread Starter 
Yoyo, I hope you know that I didn't mean you should keep taking abuse from those kids. I certainly wouldn't.
post #6 of 22
Oh, I realize that, tinkerbelle.
post #7 of 22
Goodness gracious, yoyo!

That sounds horrible. I hope my step child never treats me that way. He already lies and is very disrespectful, even to his father.

I hope things start looking up for you. It must be a terrible feeling to dred going home or to have to put your things in a safe to keep them from being stolen.
post #8 of 22
: I completely agree with Illyana and chel. I don't consider myself to mother children that are here 4 days a month.
post #9 of 22
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by My*Scorpio View Post
: I completely agree with Illyana and chel. I don't consider myself to mother children that are here 4 days a month.
Yeah, but they are still a part of your family. I guess that is my point. But, I can see both sides of the issue.
post #10 of 22
I do!! I just don't name them all by actual name because there are EIGHT of them altogether! But if they all weren't living here f/t I probably wouldn't list my oldest as he didn't live with us the entire time, just in the last year+. So, I would have to agree with the other PP in that it's realllllyyy hard to feel that maternal connection to a child you barely see. It's a little more different when you are responsible for their everyday wellbeing tho', I might say, and my outlook on my relationship with my SS has certainly changed now that I'm full-time step-mom. He's a big kid (18) but still one of my kids. Goober tried to walk out the door to school this a.m. with no coat...28 degrees out! They're still kids even when they think they're all grown up, yk?
post #11 of 22
I list my DSD. I dont list her as my step daughter, though. I dont call her my step daughter when I introduce her to people IRL, so I decided I wouldnt do it here. Ive been directly involved in her life and care since she was 6 months old so our situation is a little different than most people here.

YoYo...Im so sorry that youre being treated the way you are. Thats just horrible. You are a strong woman to put up with some of that stuff once, but I commend you for doing it multiple times.
post #12 of 22
I was a stepmom before I was a "regular mom" (as dss says). People here even have their pets in their siggies, so it is confusing to me. I get not listing individually a bunch of kids, but not even "blended family of xnumber" or "stepmom to 4"?

After I posted, I relized I have no kid listed in mine right now!! Oops.
post #13 of 22
I have way more going on in my life than what's in my sig. I just looked and realized that even my Dh isn't mentioned, just 3 co-sleeping smilies. For a long time I didn't have anything in my sig, privacy issues, but I hated typing my dd's age all the time. I don't list pets either.
post #14 of 22
Mine's a pretty generic sig, lol.

I don't really consider sdd to be my child. I'm not aiming to be a mother figure to her (for one thing, there only 9 years of age difference between us and for another, she was 17 when I came into the picture). Our relationship is something different from parent/child. I don't know what you'd even call it...we're not like sisters, and we're not like friends.

Whatever name you'd put to it, I do love her. She's my family, and she belongs to me in the way that people that you love belong to you...but she's not my kid.
post #15 of 22
I have two step kids that live with us full time they just moved in Sept. Their ages are : 11 & 15. I also have a bio son he's 15. Then my baby the only one in my sig. Why? I'm here to talk about my baby ( breastfeeding, sleeping etc.) . . . I find there isn't much on mdc for blended families and older teens.
post #16 of 22
I usually just list my kids that I discuss on these boards, meaning my 2 born to me. It's difficult w/ my SK b/c I really want to include them in all parts of my family but they hold back. For instance today we had a family pic made---they wondered why and balked at it the whole way. However, I feel it would have been weird to make a family pic w/out them, just including my husband and 2 sons. Having SK's is probably the hardest relationship I have to deal with. I never quite know what to do. When I do what feels right I get rejected. I hope it improves once they are older (adults).
post #17 of 22
I don't because the BM would make our lives even more miserable than she already does. This is a woman who tried to convince people that I was abusing her children because I wouldn't give them something else after they threw their food on the floor. (DH and I were hungry at that time, we had used our next days food for the meal) I'm not willing to risk the rest of my kids on the chance that she throws another fit.

We only see the kids one to two days per month for 10 hours as it is, yet she tries to control what we do the rest of the time.
post #18 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by He'sAlive View Post
I usually just list my kids that I discuss on these boards, meaning my 2 born to me. It's difficult w/ my SK b/c I really want to include them in all parts of my family but they hold back. For instance today we had a family pic made---they wondered why and balked at it the whole way. However, I feel it would have been weird to make a family pic w/out them, just including my husband and 2 sons. Having SK's is probably the hardest relationship I have to deal with. I never quite know what to do. When I do what feels right I get rejected. I hope it improves once they are older (adults).
They balk and complain now, but deep down it all means alot. Hang in there.

When I list more personal info in my sig, I include all my kids. But I am a f/t smom, so that does make a difference. If I was on mdc before they moved in, I dont know what I wouldve put. I'd like to think I wouldve, but who knows.
post #19 of 22
I don't list my sd. She's not my child and we don't have much of a relationship.

Bm has put her through some serious PAS. She hates us. HATES us. We are not Christian and that makes her hate us even more, so she and the bm do all they can to avoid visitation and make sure sd is never with us. When we do see her, sd, 12 years old, has exhibited both verbally and physically abusive behavior toward my 4yo dd. All around it's been a pretty excruciating situation.

So no, I don't include her.
post #20 of 22
I list my skids because they are family. From day one I was accepted and appreciated. They don't feel like my kids, I'd be hard put to say exactly what kind of family relationship it's like. They have two great parents--(oh and one other stinky parent ) and that's enough. But I do whatever I can to help and support them. And I feel like they benefit from having extra adults around.

I wouldn't expect a smom to list her kids in her siggy. It's such a potentially complicated arrangement. Now, if she went on and on about how the skids were family, yet didn't list them, that's a little odd. But since I have it set so that I don't see siggies in posts, I wouldn't know anyway
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