Help! Am I doing this to myself?!

[frontierpsych]

I have had "false labour" now about five times-- three to five hours at a time. The contractions will come but they fade! It's been happening over the last two weeks (39.5-41.5 weeks) I feel like I should be going into labour but I'm doing it wrong! Last night I had a dream my mom had to have my baby for me because I couldn't do it right! This is really starting to upset me. DH goes back to Iraq in five days, and if I don't go into labour in the next few days it end up a hospital induction, because he otherwise will not get to meet his daughter until she is nine months old. I REALLY don't want the induction, but it means so much for him to meet her. I've tried EVERYTHING I can think of as far as "natural induction" but she doesn't seem ready to come out. I've tried talking to her and everything. I don't even get excited when I start having contractions anymore because I never really believe I'm in labour. Am I doing this to myself?!

:

[augustacherri]

Hang in there! I wish I had the answer for you, but I don't.....

Sending labor vibes in your direction.....

[palamala]

You are so close! I wish I had some helpful advice other than what I'm sure you've already heard. Lots of sex, walking, etc. My first was induced, but the next two were both born after extremely exhausting days where I was so tired I thought SURELY not now, I need sleep! So, my advice would be to do as much work as possible, which also distracts the mind from worry. Best wishes to you both, you'll be parents soon! I'm so excited for you!

[Kiki Runs]

Have you been talking to her (um, sorry, I just re-read and you said that you have - more coffee needed, lol)? If you can try to release your expectations and urgency and acknowledge (to your baby and yourself) that you're not in charge of this (*sigh* already it begins, lol! Baby's the boss - maybe she just wants to make sure you know that. ) maybe that will help.


DD did this to me, too. We had expected her in mid-late February and she arrived March 10. Guess what? She's still the boss! We call her the boss of teh house. She's a drama queen. We joke that she wanted to make a grand entrance. And she has to have things done her way. LOL She wasn't "late", so I'm glad we didn't try to push her to get her before she was ready.


Also, you're a first-time mom, right? I'd be really really leary of inducing (I know your DH wants to meet her, I understand). That will just up your c/s risk. Would you be okay if you ended up having a c/s as a result of the induction? Would you feel that was worth it? (and before you answer that, do you realize that a c/s will impact THE REST of your birthing "career" - in hospital or out). ** this sounds snarky, it's not meant that way. I just want to make sure you understand the possible/probable results of this choice*** I know myself well enough to know that I would resent teh he** out of my DH and myself (plus, I've HAD an unnecessary c/s and that's exactly what I did).

I don't want to scare you, mama (okay, maybe I DO, a little. I would hate to see my first birth repeated for anyone, especially such a strong mama with such a strong belief in birth). Induction is serious stuff. You'll be on a clock, and that baby WILL come out, ready or not, vaginally or abdominally.


You're so close. If you can just relax and let go, maybe it will happen easily! A watched pot never boils, right?


I think you've said it yourself right here: "I've tried EVERYTHING I can think of as far as "natural induction" but she doesn't seem ready to come out."


Trust your body, trust your baby, trust your birth. What if you and your DH sit down and discuss the (sad, unfortunate) what-ifs of him leaving and you just waiting for your baby to finish cooking. Maybe if you guys can bring that situation out into the light and find some resolution, things will take care of themselves. Maybe it's NOT that important to your DH to meet his baby before he goes. Maybe he will believe it's more important to let his baby finish cooking. Maybe he will believe it's more important to not risk his wife being cut open and risking future birthing choices. Maybe he is more self-less than you know and he'll be able to stand strong with you in waiting for the right time for your daughter to arrive. I hope so.



((((hugs, mama)))) I know this is a hard time. Oh, boy do Iknow. **I'm a weirdo, I'm in tears right now - that's how serious I am about you avoiding induction/c-s. I was SO depressed after DS, and am still VERY angry at that happening to me. I will FIGHT HARD for other mamas to be left uncut***



Deep breaths, try to let go of your desire for this to happen on your clock, and turn it over to your daughter.

K

[frontierpsych]

thanks kinsey-- I totally know what you mean about the c/s. I am REALLY worried that I will end up with a c/s if I am induced, because my baby is posterior and I am just fearful of induction (rightfully so, I believe) I'd be so depressed just because of induction as it is, and I will be all on my own with no help after the baby gets here-- I can't afford to have a c-section!

[meemee]

hmmmm since YOU bring this up - do u think you are stressing urself too much and couting down the days? just let it go. and relax and be at peace where you are.

i remember while getting preggo i was so stressing out. i had eveything planned and sorted and we could not get preggo. so the month i didnt want to try but then dh wanted to - i said what the hell. i will just do it to please him. i was stressed out with finals, home issues, and work issues. and guess what. bingo. got pregnant when for me getting preggo wasnt my plan for the month.

[alegna]

Great big for you. What a tough situation to be in. Honestly, no WAY I'd consent to an induction in your shoes- that's asking for a c-section and you do not want to be recovering from major surgery alone.

hang in there!

-Angela

[Emilie]

Oh hon! I am thinknig of you!
Please keep us posted.

Get down on your hands and knees. That sometimes help a baby get into a better position.
Can you tell anything from internally?

Relax. Take a warm bath and let the water rush over you... think of the waves of the ocean.
that helped me to make it thru the last days.

Oh- and take the time limit off yourself. that is a surefire way to not go into labor.

[~member~]

[milk_maker]

Post on the Oahu AP board...there are some massage therapist mamas on there who will make house calls. Get some pressure points stimulated and a massage to relax you...that may help things move along. (I think Annie-O is the masseuese)

[tiffani]

Is there NO way for him to stick around a little longer? What happens to someone if they just don't go back when they're supposed to?

So sorry you have to worry about this...

have you tried acupuncture? I've never tried it, but I've heard that a good practitioner can work wonders. It is still a method of induction, though, so it's a last resort!!

[Nan'sMom]

Hi, and sorry for your problems. I hope you go into labor soon!!!!!!!!!!! I was in prodromal labor on and off for a few weeks, until dd2 was born at 41 weeks, 5 days.

I'd rethink whether induction would be a good option. It would be terrible for your dh not to meet your baby for 9 months, but then again, there are serious risks for both you and the baby associated with induction.

[celestialdreamer]

Originally Posted by frontierpsych

I feel like I should be going into labour but I'm doing it wrong!

You can't do it "wrong", it just is what it is. I was induced with my first child (an experience that I really do not wish you to have to go through) and then went 11 days overdue with my second. I was felt that same feeling that I was doing it "wrong" and had the time ticking down to a transfer to an OB at 42 weeks. I understand that pressure to have the baby right now is there, but like the other posters said, its only going to stress you out more.

I also went through weeks of "false labor" or so I thought it was that. Its really your body doing lots of prep work for the real thing. I know for myself that my body did so much prep work I had an incredibly fast and easy birth. I do admit to using some natural "induction" methods (castor oil, sex, lots of walking, etc) because I was dreading having a repeat of my first birth experience. I think the "induction" methods really just made me mentally in the mode that I was ready to have the baby right then. He was born after only an hour or so of active labor.

You will birth your baby soon! Have faith that your body was meant to do this and it will in it's own time.

[frontierpsych]

Yeah, I know I can't do it wrong, but it sure feels like it! I feel like I'm somehow stopping my own labours-- although if that were possible I'm sure there would be a lot less premature babies! I am getting way too stressed. And no, there is NO way for him to stay longer. This is the Army we're talking about here-- they're not exactly known for their leniency. I know I just need to relax, but the more I try to relax the more I stress myself out!

[sunshinestarr]

!

Sending labour vibes over to you!!

[Wild Flowers]

I am with Monica, post on the oahu board. I am sure that Annie would help you out. Also, with Layla we tried so many things, and the only thing that helped, mind she wasn't late, but we were trying to get her out before dhs parents left...(she ended up coming out 5 hours after I swore to them I wasn't in labor and just to get on the plane: )Anyway, getting into the ocean. We went to Waikiki, gentle enough, especailly this time of year, and dh had to stay by me cuz it got my contratctions going pretty strong. He held me and I floated, it was nice. But I still didn't go into labor that day, it wasn't until we were driving around the whole island cuz we were sure that as soon as I got far enough away from home I would go into labor, kinda a murphies law type thing. And we dropped the inlaws off at the airport right after that. Well, they all swear that they knew I was in labor, but I didn't feel much different than all the other times it had stopped on me. But sure enough just a little while after that I went into hard labor. So go take a drive, get into the water, and drive some more, and some people frown on this, but a glass of wine to help you relax

[Wild Flowers]

Forgot, it doesn't start labor, but it is susposed to ripen your cervix, fresh pineapple. Now, I do reccomend doing what I did, which was to eat so much pineapple that I ended up with almost a burn in my mouth, but in moderation. There is some sort of something that I believe starts with a b, but it is just fresh pineapple, not cooked or canned. Have you been to the dole plantation? Go there get one of their pineapple drinks and take their train ride, it should be bumpy enough to get things going

[frontierpsych]

Yeah, I've tried the wine also. (Even though I'm technically under the legal drinking age and I'm not a big drinker) and the pineapple too. I haven't been to the beach since I was about 16 weeks though!

[Wild Flowers]

Are you kidding???? By the way, not a big drinker either, a 1/4 glass of wine makes me dance on tables The beach is great while pregnant. My husband would always dig me a hole so I could lay on my belly. And while a little sun doesn't make the stretch marks disapear, they do look a little less noticable And really the ocean is wonderful, you are never going to be able to fill your bath tub that high. If the waves are too much, you could always try Ko Olina, or Magic beach. I never got a pregnancy suit either, just a bikini. Don't worry about what people are going think, I know I saw a few pregnant women there. I very much miss that option.

[Synchro246]

It sounds like you put a lot of energy into your "false" labors. Try to let the contractions do what they are doing without exerting more than you have to "being" in labor. Let it be. I am a strong disbeliever in "false" labor. It's just one form of labor that causes small, intermitant cervical change.

Ok. What would happen if you didn't induce and you had the baby after your partner left? Would you have support? How dissapointed would he be? How disapointed would you be? What would you do differently before, during and after the birth? It is common in some cultures for the men not to be present at the birth. Michel Odent believes that the cultural practice of having the father at the birth may have a downside. Have you talked to your partner about the possiblility of him not being present?

Ok. What if you induce? Weather or not you experience risks how will you feel about the induction? If you experience risks how will you feel? How would your partner feel? What would you do differently before, during, and after the birth?

Is there a timeframe for his return?