Gentle discipline not working - Page 2

[Dodo]

I am not always perfect

Who is, MamaOui?

[alixzara]

I'm so glad I found this thread!!!!

I have been using GD from the beginning, and I have recently been feeling like I've totally failed my DD. Thanks for reminding me that she's only 2.5yrs for goodness sakes! Reading everyone's thoughtful replies to Melanie has made me realize that I've slacked in a few places: like not GETTING off my BUTT, like lecturing, like not looking behind the behavior.

I had been thinking the problem was HER but it's really her parents! : We've shunted her emotional release so many times that it's not resolved, it's just diverted.

Today (well, not just today) I was feeling a little abused by her, as she's been hitting me (HARD) and pulling a 'mutiny' whenever there's a demand (ie brush teeth, hair, diaper change, etc), and no matter HOW MUCH time I spend playing with her, it's *never enough. If I have to direct my attention to household duties or something, she just makes it harder to do (ie, folding clothes, she'll undo all the work I just did )

Have any of you felt this way? (abused, I mean) Just thwak me if that's a REALLY stupid question. : How do you deal with it if that's how you're feeling?

[alexa07]

Shellys mama

The author of "... jeremy" does believe that while backtalk is not wornderful, that it is not worth doing too much about. I mean, he suggests talking to the child later (not during the argument, but when you and child are in a good mood) and just saying "I really did not like it when you talked to me rudely today." I have found that this helps but is not going to cut the backtalk completely which is O.K. Also, the less you are bothered by it, the less kids seem to do it.

Also, I usually say "___, you really need to go to your room now" Which is a somewhat gentler way of putting things.

BTY, have you got DH to read any of the book. Maybe even a few pages????

DEBRA,
in the book "Jeremy's Parent's" the author has this chart. It says something like:

How much of your time kids NEED: ALOT of it

How much of your time kids WANT: ALL of it.

[SnuggleMom]

I have two thoughts after reading the previous posts.

First, it generally works much better with children of all ages if the rules and requests can be stated in a positive manner. For example, instead of saying "Don't open the door, Poopsie!" try "Poopsie, the door needs to stay closed." Now the phrase in the child's head is 'door closed' instead of 'open the door' And if the door is going to be a long term limit, try to find a way to lock the door. A locked door isn't going to be a question of obedience or disobedience. It is a true limit, because it simply cannot be opened by the child and now you don't have to even discuss it.

Second, I'd advise never trying to have a 15 minutes conversation with a two year old about anything. Brief and to the point and then follow through! There is a business management style known as Management by Walking Around (pretty much being visible, accessible, and available to respond to what's going on) and I think it works well for parenting. I often tell my husband that his problem is he engages in Parenting by Sitting on Your Butt. That doesn't work so well LOL.

[aimcar]

My ds is 20 months old, and there are plenty of times when I wonder if this GD stuff is really "working." But then I have to remind myself that ds is not even 2 years old, and every (annoying) thing he does is perfectly developmentally correct - he's just trying to figure out how the world works.

I definitely agree that you have to "get off your butt." If I want ds to stop doing something I have to get up and physically remove him from the situation. If he's standing on his table, I will go put him back on the floor, and the only thing I say is, "feet stay on the floor."

[alexa07]

I think it is interesting to decide what "working" means. I don't think it means that once you tell your child something you are done telling them that thing. It takes a long time. The author of "Jeremey" tells about how it took his son years to fully take on the chore of bringing in the cans on garbage day. For years the boy would never do the chore without being asked. Then one day, the dad came home and he couldn't find his garbage cans. Finally, he realized his son had taken them into the garage without being asked. When he said to his son "Wow, you took the cans in without being asked" his kid looked at him like he was stupid and said "yeah, its my job". That took 4 years to "work" As the author said his son had accepted that it was his job, he just didn't do it, until he was mature ennough to do the task on his own.