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Childcare providers' tribe? - Page 34

post #661 of 733

Please tell me i'm right!!

Okay, don't tell me I'm right just for the sake of it. But please be honest. I will try to be brief but that's not my forte!

I have a family in care with two kids - 6 yrs old and 2.5 yrs old. Oldest will go to school FT in Sept. I have had this family for five years.

I also have other children I care for. Here's the problem:

All the other kids I care for come exclusively from Mon-Wed. The other family I referenced above is on a flexible scheduled so they come any day and provide a calendar a month in advance.

However, my own kids are HSed. I want to spend more time with JUST them. So, it is possible that I could have Thurs and Fri off every week.....IF I terminate the flex family that has been here for five years.

And, to make it even sweeter, if I terminated them and got ONE child for a Mon-Wed spot I could make MORE money and only work three days a week. Right now I am usually working five while making less money.

I am seriously thinking of doing this. I do feel guilty but I also really want this for me and my kids. KWIM?

So, what would you do? Would you terminate?
post #662 of 733
Another option is to tell them that you will only be available for childcare Mon-Wed, so you'll always have thurs & fri off. Of course, you wouldn't have the guaranteed income.

Maybe you'd like to offer them the Monday/Wed spot first? Whatever you decide (and it's totally a personal decision, that will involve some good thought from you), make sure to be totally honest with that family and give them plenty of notice.
post #663 of 733
hi everyone. I'm looking for some "start up my own daycare" support and encouragement. I feel like I know exactly what I want and can envision my business with utmost clarity, but I feel overwhelmed by the amount of time/money/paperwork etc. involved to get started. I am presently a stay at home mom and we are NOT making it financially, but I can't bare to send my kids to daycare and I've got #3 on the way. I don't know how much time I should expect to take off if I get this up and rolling before baby is born (which is early august). anyway, before I throw it all out there, is anyone out there wanting to help mentor me???????

sarah
post #664 of 733
Oh wow, I stop checking for a while because no one's going anywhere too fast, and when I look back the thread is HUGE! : It doesn't deserve the "?" in the title anymore

melissabb - I say totally go for it! Being a DCP you make many compromises for your family, this sounds like a wonderful opportunity for you and your kiddos, though, take it! You could try asking them first for the mon - wed slot like PP said. I say this knowing full well how hard it would be to make that decision myself - the guilt is strong. But honestly there really is nothing to feel guilty about. You need to make the best choices for your family as they do for theirs, and I am sure that if you had a talk with them they would understand fully and even support you if they are remotely compassionate people.

That said, I don't know if even the same people are in this thread as were when I asked about my problem child, but I need advice again.

We have 6 kiddos during the day, counting my one, more before and after school and during the summer. Mine is 1, we have one around 1 1/2, three 4 y/o and one 3 y/o. Everyone is wonderful and fine within the normal bounds of little guys except the 3 y/o who is our child from hell. He makes me feel things that no one should ever feel about a 3 y/o, he makes me feel like a bad person.

He is violent, argumentative, destructive, and worst of all, completely apathetic. From the mouth of his mother all he does at home is watch TV and all she does when she's here is scream at him, I'm sure it's no different at home. Any time I try to talk with her about his issues she immediately turns to him to scold him so I never get anywhere. I explained a lot more early on and I don't have the energy today to try to explain more, the advice I got, I believe, was unanimously to kick him from the daycare, which I just didn't have the heart, or maybe the guts, to do. He's been here since he was 6 weeks old. And that's the thing. None of the other children have these issues, and we have tried and tried with him, I really don't feel like the fault is anywhere on our end.

Well, recently his mum lost her job and told us she wouldn't be able to bring him here anymore. When I told the other little children I honestly thought that they would be sad, despite the issues, but the all cheered. Real, gleeful, relieved, actual excitement, spontaneous cheering. I was shocked. Then they went on to rant about how he always hurts them and gets them in trouble and breaks the toys and so on and so forth, babbling happily about how much better things would be.

And they were. And suddenly my DP (who works the daycare with me out of our home) and I realized how much easier and more wonderful our lives were without him here, too. We didn't end the day angry, frustrated, and stressed out. Only normal problems occurred. No one hurt anyone else on purpose anymore. No one broke anything on purpose anymore. Time outs were suddenly a very, very rare occasion. Everyone played nicely and together and there was no more yelling or screaming or fights. Things were good.

After about a month of his absence his mum started getting work back here and there from her job and bringing him randomly, which has gradually turned into him being here full time again. And life is back to this horrible, stressful, daily struggle. He turns off when you try to talk to him about anything. He doesn't listen. He'll, as he did Friday, scratch a kids face because they made it to "safe" while playing freeze tag, and when you ask him why he did he tells you that is why! And scratching is mild compared to what he will do sometimes. He cannot be trusted with anything. He can go from playing peacefully with something to, without anger or frustration or anything changing, suddenly just snapping it in half. "Because I'm not supposed to" if you can get him to answer with anything other than "I don't know."

So here's where I'm at. I am so sick of his I know how much better and wonderful and loving life can be without him here. I don't want to put up with it anymore.

But I feel like telling her we won't take him anymore because he's a menace is like giving up on a small child who will be doomed because I honestly feel we're the best chance he's ever going to get in his life : I want to make things better for him. I want him to be able to be a happy, loving human being. I want him to feel big and special because I know at home he is made to feel small and shamed and that is why he is how he is. I know he turns off when we talk to him because he is use to simply being screamed at. I feel like trying to talk to him mum about his issues is counter-productive even because either she just starts yelling at him, despite being told not to do that in our home, or she offers up absurd suggestions. Like lock him outside by himself, lock him by himself in a dark room and ignore him, or force him to be nude so all the other kids can laugh at him and ask them to call him "stinky." (This last being for when he has an accident, which is still very frequent and he ignores) No one should be ashamed of their body like he is It's so sad.

I don't know what to do. The other kids don't deserve to have to deal with this, I don't want my baby to deal with this, I don't want DP and I to feel like we do when he is here. If we were moving *anywhere*, anywhere at all on his issues I would be content to just keep going and trying to change him and make things better, but he is nearly 4 and nothing has changed at all, we're not getting anywhere.

I'm thinking I will try to get him mum to sit down with us and have a long serious talk and somehow try to tell her that it is between us as adults and not with her LO, because really I feel like his parents are the issue, I don't think he'd be this way if things at home were different. But she only blames him. I want to tell her that the problem is not his and that it is not here, but I don't know how to say that. And I want to tell her things need to seriously start changing because if they don't start moving toward for the better she needs to find somewhere else for him to go. And I'm afraid that finding somewhere else for him to go would be a lot easier than resolving their issues. Argh!

Thoughts? Advice? Criticism? I'm sorry this is very long and involved but it is such a big part of our lives right now and such a struggle
post #665 of 733
I'm new here, but I'll offer up my thoughts. If I was a parent of one of the other children and I knew a child of that temperament was in there I would probably take my child out...the environment our kids are in is sooo important, especially in those early years and if YOU are feeling so stressed and upset about this child, I would have NO doubt that the other children have these same feelings (and as they clearly showed you by their response to this child not being there).

So...what it boils down to is taking care of 5 other children and you and your dp. As unfair as it may be to this child and his family, you simply cannot sacrifice what everyone else is going through on a daily basis.

It might be different if his parents were open to actually working with him and having a common goal with you regarding his behavior, but it appears they have tuned his needs out completely. You alone, are not capeable of "saving" this child. Perhaps you can help arrange alternate care for him, or offer readings for the parent (since she doesn't listen to you face to face). On that note, maybe if you really wanted to you could ask mom to meet with you without children present so you can go over your concerns and what you are willing or not willing to do.

sarah
post #666 of 733
JUISE....

Having provided home daycare for five years I have seen my share of personalities and behaviours. And simply put you can not be the saviour of every child. First, I think there is more at play here and he is out of your league and needs a professional to intervene, second, he is a detriment and risk to your business.

Like the PP said, I too would pull my child from care if I knew this was the constant environment created by one child. Daycare is about the group as a whole and doing what is in the GROUP interest. And, unfortunately that means letting someone go on occassion when it is necessary.

Terminate and move on.
post #667 of 733
I would not try to explain or get the mom to see any other way. She's obviously got her own ideas of child-rearing, and if you make a big deal of it over and over, she'll just keep taking it out on the child. Here's what I would do (and HAVE done in one situation). Write a termination letter, briefly and KINDLY explaining that you cannot continue providing care for the child. You sould NOT go into detail about how the mom is handling anything or even specific events that have happened within the daycare.

You can supply the reasoning that there have been continued issues with the children getting along with each other, and general conflicts in parenting styles. You can also say something about how you feel his needs are beyond what you can provide (you can shoulder the blame, so the child hopefully won't feel the brute of it), and you feel he'd be better suited to a daycare where he can have xxx (a smaller child/teacher ratio, more time for intensive positive discipline exercises, whatever).

When I wrote a similar letter - I felt ABSOLUTELY SICK when it came time to give it to the parent. I did it in the morning, at drop off. I said, I'm sorry, but can't provide childcare to XXX anymore. This is a brief letter of termination, and I am happy to provide 2 more weeks, to give you time to find a new set-up". That parent got huffy and took their child and left. I never heard from them again. We're here for you for moral support, mama!! I KNOW it's a tough thing to do, just remember how good you KNOW it can be without him there!!!
post #668 of 733
Thank you everyone : Just as an FYI, all the parents of the children are aware of the situation with this child. I guess a couple things make it really hard. One is that when he isn't being so impossible and horrible I know he can be so sweet. I just wish I could keep him that way. The other is that we took over this daycare from DP's mum, and DP's mum and the mum of this child are great friends. Not that it is a reason not to get rid of him, said child drove DP's mum up the wall, too, when I worked with her. (I worked with his mum in the daycare until our own child was born, DP's mum retired and DP quit his job to stay at home with us ) But it does make it more personal, I guess, especially for DP. Their mums were friends long before this lady had children.

I have an additional question / complication now, only I promise I won't make is a HUGE rant this time (sorry about that!) About an hour after I posted that to you guys, DP's mum called and said that she was going out for some ladies wine night with, let's call her mother X. Mother X just "found out" (not sure what exactly that means) that she's having a divorce.

Now I'm really caught in the threads of guilt. Mother X just lost her job, is struggling to find work, now is losing her marriage, how could I tell her right now that she also needs to find somewhere else for her child to go? When she picked him up yesterday her eyes were all red and puffy, ugh I felt so bad.

But this brings some questions for me. For one thing, DP's mum has always referred to boy X's dad as his "donor" (although I think this is unfair to actual donors, this isn't my opinion) and complained about his uselessness in boy X's life. Now I wonder if the reason she screams at boy X has been her outlet in her relationship struggles, if the fact that he is so ignored is because she hasn't felt she has the energy to invest in him, if his father's role in the home has been much or all of the bad influence in his life. I know when I have talked to her before about the hitting problem that she has said she tells father X not to play hitting games with him but he doesn't care.

While I don't need to find out any of these personal things about their lives, I have to wonder if there is a chance for change in him now. Will she finally have the time / energy to invest in him? Will a huge negative role model be absent from his life now? Will he stop being the outlet for his parents' problems?

Ha I am so bad at making things short In any case, I do want to wait at the very least a week or so before dumping another issue on mother X. Maybe because some days are better than others and today hasn't been so bad. I don't know, but do want to at least leave a chance in there rather than abrupt definite termination. Especially so now that things *will* be changing in his life. Give it a week, tell her that change must happen or there will be termination, give her a time frame that it needs to happen in.

He almost certainly does need a professional, but I also know there's not a chance he's going to get it. He's always so much better by Friday, and come Monday he's Hell again. So.. do I totally have my head in the clouds in this? Am I being really silly? Am I just rationalizing my fear of confrontation? Does anyone at all agree with the idea of giving them a chance?

Thank you so much for your input and support!
post #669 of 733
mamatoady - I'm sorry I totally dumped on this thread right after you tried to introduce yourself and ask some questions! All the start up and paperwork and inspections are really intimidating, but it's not so bad once you've got everything rolling. And if it's what you want to do, it is definitely worth it!

Grats on #3! And I'm sure as you can see that there are lots of people around here willing to try to help you out :P Welcome!
post #670 of 733
Juise, I can tell you are such a sweet woman and loving mama! You really strive to see the best in people and situations and have such a big heart!! You still obviously need to let family X go, so maybe it would be best to do it in a manner of, "This childcare situation really isn't working out and I can't provide childcare for X anymore. I'm SO sorry! I totally understand this is a rough patch in your life with the divorce and all, so I wanted to give you a longer 'notice' period than normal, so you'll be able to find a different child care situation."

You could offer 3 or 4 weeks, instead of the standard 2 weeks ... maybe that would help ease your conscience??
post #671 of 733
Juise-what a very hard situation. Is there a support worker in the community you can discuss this with? We have supported child care here....anything like that?

As for her discipline suggestions, those are abuse and I seriously hope she doesn't punish him like that at home. Here that would be grounds to get child services involved.


My funding started this week and my renos are going. Of course, both my kids are sick which is making it hard and I had to attend a funeral yesterday for my best friend's FIL.
I do a business opener course next week and then need to start my business plan. I am so excited.
post #672 of 733
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamatoady View Post
hi everyone. I'm looking for some "start up my own daycare" support and encouragement. I feel like I know exactly what I want and can envision my business with utmost clarity, but I feel overwhelmed by the amount of time/money/paperwork etc. involved to get started. I am presently a stay at home mom and we are NOT making it financially, but I can't bare to send my kids to daycare and I've got #3 on the way. I don't know how much time I should expect to take off if I get this up and rolling before baby is born (which is early august). anyway, before I throw it all out there, is anyone out there wanting to help mentor me???????

sarah
Welcome, mamatody! How are your plans going?

I find here that there is a big demand for childcare starting in September. If I were you, I would try to get everything set up and try to interview for spots for the fall while still pregnant.

Maybe, if you are up to it in late pregnancy, you could advertise summer vacation coverage -- backup care for parents whose providers are going on vacation?

How much time did it take you to recover after your previous births? I took a week off after each of my babies but dh had several weeks at home after each one and helped out with the daycare.

If there is an agency/licensing system in your area for home daycares, I'd contact them and try to work with them for support, at least while getting started.

Having a website for my home daycare has been my best advertising tool. It took a little while, but I get about 50 hits and at least one inquiry a week and I am not advertising spaces at the moment. I did mine on Freewebs.com -- there are lots of home childcare websites to browse through.
post #673 of 733
How are things going, Juise? I've been thinking about you and this family.

I have had very difficult family like that in my care. I remember saying "I will not be another woman in their lives who dumps those children!" Eventually, I raised my rates and let them know of a cheaper alternative and that helped push them into giving notice. I wound up closing my daycare for six weeks after they left because I was SO burned out.

Quote:
Originally Posted by root*children View Post
I would not try to explain or get the mom to see any other way. She's obviously got her own ideas of child-rearing, and if you make a big deal of it over and over, she'll just keep taking it out on the child. Here's what I would do (and HAVE done in one situation). Write a termination letter, briefly and KINDLY explaining that you cannot continue providing care for the child. You sould NOT go into detail about how the mom is handling anything or even specific events that have happened within the daycare.

You can supply the reasoning that there have been continued issues with the children getting along with each other, and general conflicts in parenting styles. You can also say something about how you feel his needs are beyond what you can provide (you can shoulder the blame, so the child hopefully won't feel the brute of it), and you feel he'd be better suited to a daycare where he can have xxx (a smaller child/teacher ratio, more time for intensive positive discipline exercises, whatever).
If you do give notice, I'd go with this suggestion, especially emphasizing the part where you "shoulder the blame" and state that you feel you are not equipped to meet this child's needs and that a daycare might be better for him.

I would also be contacting my agency for support, as JustVanessa suggests.
post #674 of 733
Hi Moms,

I do not run an in-home daycare, but I do watch another child one day a week and intend on taking on another child soon.

I have a question: We are a natural family, with little TV, no plastic toys, and whole foods. The girl I watch is completely mainstream. I had to tell her mom that the Yu-Gi-Oh game on her Nintendo DS was not appropriate for my daughter to watch because of the violence. She will not eat anything I have to offer except raisins and plain white rice. She educates my daughter on the specifics of Disney culture and often plays games based on TV shows.

Usually my daughter is pretty oblivious, but as she gets older (just turned 3) she has started to pick up on ideas that I really don't want her learning- like killing bad guys, or needing a dress to be pretty. It's starting to really get on my nerves.

Also, she is a church kid and we aren't Christian. Last week she insisted that we pray before dinner! That was a little difficult for us.

So how do you deal with kids like this?
post #675 of 733
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aubergine68 View Post
How are things going, Juise? I've been thinking about you and this family.

I have had very difficult family like that in my care. I remember saying "I will not be another woman in their lives who dumps those children!" Eventually, I raised my rates and let them know of a cheaper alternative and that helped push them into giving notice.
I haven't posted here in a LOOOONG time but I wanted to second this: I did this when I decided to close my business (I doubled my rates and blamed the economy, I am a chicken) it totaly worked I ended up keeping one child because parrents were willing to adjust hours and pay the new 1/2 time rate they really wanted to keep him with me as they were newly divoriced. I have to say divorce is going to almost certainly make this childs behavior worse It has in our case and it's been a year and his parents are at least responsive.
post #676 of 733
Hey, I just noticed this tribe!

I am currently working at a daycare, but only for 2 more weeks , then I will be starting my own licensed daycare in the same building I live in. I don't say, in my home, because I am going to try to keep the two seperate for the most part.

I have 2 DDs, a 16mo and a newly 4 yo.

I've run small day homes in the past, but this will be my first adventure with a licensed daycare. The start-up phase has been crazy, and I've had to spend thousands on fire-retardent paint, emergency lighting, furnace room upgrades, electrical upgrades, etc, etc..... BUT, Child Care Services are now going to give me $10,000 to spend as I please on furnishings and new flooring! Yahoo! You can't imagine how much fun I had, shopping those educational supplier catalogues with that budget.

I'm getting a wooden Community Playthings loft, a hardwood sand/water table, shock absorbant mats, a 6 seater stroller, classroom wooden block set, solid wood puppet theatre, and lots of quality dramatic play props with the Grant. I am like a kid at Christmas!

Anyway, I just wanted to introduce myself. I am going to do some back-reading on this thread. I hope I can ask you more experienced folks questions as they come up and we can share experiences.

- Krysta
post #677 of 733
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoliMum View Post
I have a question: We are a natural family, with little TV, no plastic toys, and whole foods. The girl I watch is completely mainstream. I had to tell her mom that the Yu-Gi-Oh game on her Nintendo DS was not appropriate for my daughter to watch because of the violence. She will not eat anything I have to offer except raisins and plain white rice. She educates my daughter on the specifics of Disney culture and often plays games based on TV shows.

Usually my daughter is pretty oblivious, but as she gets older (just turned 3) she has started to pick up on ideas that I really don't want her learning- like killing bad guys, or needing a dress to be pretty. It's starting to really get on my nerves.

Also, she is a church kid and we aren't Christian. Last week she insisted that we pray before dinner! That was a little difficult for us.

So how do you deal with kids like this?
Honestly, unless some really awful behaviors were involved (like a child teaching mine to swear or hit or bite) I'd take it as an opportunity to work through a clash of values with my child -- it is going to happen sooner or later, and I guess it is up to you to decide if your child can handle it or if you'd prefer to wait until she is older....

I'd establish house rules, whatever they need to be for your family. Like once, we had a family using my home who always sent a box of Dunkaroos for their children to share as a special snack on Fridays. I decided that we needed a rule to prevent the bringing of outside food (and one child did have allergies so that was easy to ask for). I suggested an alternative, bringing a toy from home to show and share, so that Fridays could still be special.

Anyway, outside of the rules,I think it is important to be open to adapting to what the dcg needs.... re: food, maybe talk to her mom about what she eats at home and offer healthy versions of some of those choices at your home? I find if I talk about the healthiness of foods I am serving, and what the vitamins,minerals, protein etc. does for your body, that helps. I am required to serve 2 food groups for snacks and 4 food groups for meals and also find that if I tell the children this and talk about what foods are in each food group, that they are more likely to eat it "Oh, Sarah, we need four food groups for lunch and you haven't eaten anything from the vegetable and fruit food group yet, could you try some?

I think it is important to respect the ideas of the other child(ren), too, as I would want my child's to be respected if the situation were reversed....
Maybe adopt a ritual of saying a verse at lunch (not necessarily a prayer, maybe a reminder that our food comes from the earth or a wish that the food you are about to eat will make your bodies strong ) and have the dcg say her grace and you and your child say your verse? Or just say "we don't do prayers when we eat, but would you like to say yours?" and give her that opportunity.

I am ok with prayer in my home., btw, so maybe I am not the best person to address this...Anyway, we often start the day with me lighting a beeswax candle and we take turns saying a blessing/prayer/wish for the moms and dads who are at work to have a good day and for us to have a peaceful day together. The candle thing is a really impressive ritual that I think works in a Waldorfy way, if you want to give your dd something to balance the idea of prayer before meals. I find I have to light the candle for each child and give each child a chance to blow it out.

It is a really intimate situation, caring for one other child with your own -- really highlights incompatibilities in family values.

I cared for a little boy for a couple of years who was a total gamer and very into Star Wars, whereas my sons, slightly younger, had never played electronic games nor seen anything Star Wars. They were always building pokemon or Star Wars fighters out of geoblocks, etc, and the Star Wars imagery, especially, really became a part of their games together. This little boy is no longer in my home and my sons and their other little friend still play Star Wars stuff.

I was a little taken aback at first, but eventually decided that as long as the play was safe, it was an example of children passing culture along, the way we used to all learn the rules to hide and seek from each other. I try to accept it, if not enjoy it, and make the culture in our home stronger so that my child feels good about that.

Any chance you can screen a bit so that your next daycare child will be from a family that is closer to your own values?




Quote:
Originally Posted by KCMommy View Post
Hey, I just noticed this tribe!

I am currently working at a daycare, but only for 2 more weeks , then I will be starting my own licensed daycare in the same building I live in. I don't say, in my home, because I am going to try to keep the two seperate for the most part.

I have 2 DDs, a 16mo and a newly 4 yo.

I've run small day homes in the past, but this will be my first adventure with a licensed daycare. The start-up phase has been crazy, and I've had to spend thousands on fire-retardent paint, emergency lighting, furnace room upgrades, electrical upgrades, etc, etc..... BUT, Child Care Services are now going to give me $10,000 to spend as I please on furnishings and new flooring! Yahoo! You can't imagine how much fun I had, shopping those educational supplier catalogues with that budget.

I'm getting a wooden Community Playthings loft, a hardwood sand/water table, shock absorbant mats, a 6 seater stroller, classroom wooden block set, solid wood puppet theatre, and lots of quality dramatic play props with the Grant. I am like a kid at Christmas!

Anyway, I just wanted to introduce myself. I am going to do some back-reading on this thread. I hope I can ask you more experienced folks questions as they come up and we can share experiences.

- Krysta
Hi Krysta!

I envy your shopping trip! I didn't have access to anything like that when I started....will you be hiring staff? How many children will you care for, when the daycare is going strong?

Say, where are you located? I ask because you use the word "day home" and ime that is usually a Western Canadian term.
post #678 of 733
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aubergine68 View Post
Honestly, unless some really awful behaviors were involved (like a child teaching mine to swear or hit or bite) I'd take it as an opportunity to work through a clash of values with my child -- it is going to happen sooner or later, and I guess it is up to you to decide if your child can handle it or if you'd prefer to wait until she is older....

I'd establish house rules, whatever they need to be for your family. Like once, we had a family using my home who always sent a box of Dunkaroos for their children to share as a special snack on Fridays. I decided that we needed a rule to prevent the bringing of outside food (and one child did have allergies so that was easy to ask for). I suggested an alternative, bringing a toy from home to show and share, so that Fridays could still be special.

Anyway, outside of the rules,I think it is important to be open to adapting to what the dcg needs.... re: food, maybe talk to her mom about what she eats at home and offer healthy versions of some of those choices at your home? I find if I talk about the healthiness of foods I am serving, and what the vitamins,minerals, protein etc. does for your body, that helps. I am required to serve 2 food groups for snacks and 4 food groups for meals and also find that if I tell the children this and talk about what foods are in each food group, that they are more likely to eat it "Oh, Sarah, we need four food groups for lunch and you haven't eaten anything from the vegetable and fruit food group yet, could you try some?

I think it is important to respect the ideas of the other child(ren), too, as I would want my child's to be respected if the situation were reversed....
Maybe adopt a ritual of saying a verse at lunch (not necessarily a prayer, maybe a reminder that our food comes from the earth or a wish that the food you are about to eat will make your bodies strong ) and have the dcg say her grace and you and your child say your verse? Or just say "we don't do prayers when we eat, but would you like to say yours?" and give her that opportunity.

I am ok with prayer in my home., btw, so maybe I am not the best person to address this...Anyway, we often start the day with me lighting a beeswax candle and we take turns saying a blessing/prayer/wish for the moms and dads who are at work to have a good day and for us to have a peaceful day together. The candle thing is a really impressive ritual that I think works in a Waldorfy way, if you want to give your dd something to balance the idea of prayer before meals. I find I have to light the candle for each child and give each child a chance to blow it out.

It is a really intimate situation, caring for one other child with your own -- really highlights incompatibilities in family values.

I cared for a little boy for a couple of years who was a total gamer and very into Star Wars, whereas my sons, slightly younger, had never played electronic games nor seen anything Star Wars. They were always building pokemon or Star Wars fighters out of geoblocks, etc, and the Star Wars imagery, especially, really became a part of their games together. This little boy is no longer in my home and my sons and their other little friend still play Star Wars stuff.

I was a little taken aback at first, but eventually decided that as long as the play was safe, it was an example of children passing culture along, the way we used to all learn the rules to hide and seek from each other. I try to accept it, if not enjoy it, and make the culture in our home stronger so that my child feels good about that.

Any chance you can screen a bit so that your next daycare child will be from a family that is closer to your own values?

Thank you so much for the advice and encouragement. I am very Virgo and I become quite flustered when someone comes into my house and brings in everything I've purposely kept out, even if that someone is a five-year-old who couldn't possibly know better!

The other day I was at the grocery store with her and my DD, and I was picking out a toothbrush for DD. Of course, the other girl started begging for a Barbie toothbrush. I was so frustrated, I finally said, "They only put Barbie on that toothbrush to trick you into buying it." She looked at me like I was crazy!!

I have started the candle thing, and I have safety fireplace matches which have really long sticks, so I help them each light one, and then at the end of the meal they can blow it out. I haven't started a verse yet, mainly because I am just too busy and to remember! But I have talked about thanking the earth, sun, and water for nourishing the plants that produce our food. And OF COURSE she eats meat, so that is just another thing difference that has come up! We have a lot of conversations about how different everybody is, and how that makes the world interesting and colorful.

RE: Offering healthy versions of what she eats. What is the healthy version of a Chicken McNugget?? I even tried veggie nuggets, but of course she didn't like them. Since she's only here one day a week, we've made it Pizza Night lately, to avoid conflict. Her mom told me to just cook as usual, and if she doesn't want to eat it, too bad.

I am definitely going to try to be more choosy about the next kid coming into our home, if only I could FIND one!! It's been really difficult finding a family whose needs fit with what I can provide. Most want a full-time, in-home nanny. :
post #679 of 733
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aubergine68 View Post
Hi Krysta!

I envy your shopping trip! I didn't have access to anything like that when I started....will you be hiring staff? How many children will you care for, when the daycare is going strong?

Say, where are you located? I ask because you use the word "day home" and ime that is usually a Western Canadian term.
I am indeed a Western Canadian, Aubergine. I ran my other day home in Alberta. You too, eh? I am actually out of province now and I find the whole child care system very different here. The Alberta day home model, with it's "agencies" for example, is very different. I liked that the agency in Alberta did so much of the tedious paperwork for me, but there is way more government funding for child care providers here.

I am starting a daycare rather than a dayhome primarily because of the extra funding. In the Yukon, every month a daycare gets between $100 - $180 top-up per child (depending on age), $9/hr top-up for a Level III, 32% of all monthly building expenses (rent, elec, heat, etc - even janitorial), and nice annual capital development grants. The regulations are really, really tight though.

I only plan to have about 6 children at this point, including my own two, but I will be licensed for 16. I figured out the math and I think I can afford to pay one other staff member full-time in addition to myself, with an enrollment of 6. This way, we'd have an awesome staff:child ratio, tons of space, and I could take my own girls and do other things during the day often.

Do you have a day home or daycare? Tell me more about it. I suspect you won't be reading this until Sunday (great idea - "mental decluttering") but I'd love to hear more about your program.
post #680 of 733
Oh what a great day for me to be catching up here. It doesn't make me feel nice to say it, but the kids have totally been driving me up the wall today, I know in part because I'm bleeding and I have a headache, but I also know it's not all me Some days are just more challenging. But I have my DP down with the kids while I am getting a few minutes alone nursing my DD to sleep and reading here, it's been very cleansing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by root*children View Post
Juise, I can tell you are such a sweet woman and loving mama! You really strive to see the best in people and situations and have such a big heart!
Aww, thank you so much.. I just feel like there is such a void to fill in all our DC childrens' lives. Their homes and interactions outside our home are so lacking in human involvement and tenderness. While I know more of it really should be the role of the parents and not my job, I also know that it just isn't going to happen and it's not the kids faults, ykwim?

Quote:
Originally Posted by JustVanessa View Post
Juise-what a very hard situation. Is there a support worker in the community you can discuss this with?
This sounds like such a good idea, and I have no clue, I am definitely going to get looking in to it. And grats and good luck on your new ventures!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aubergine68 View Post
How are things going, Juise? I've been thinking about you and this family.
Thank you so much for having us in your thoughts, it means so much to me, especially right now : I'm all emotional, hehe. At the moment we're kind of letting things ride out and see where we need to go from here. He actually *has* continued to be better lately, which is still not great, but I'll take it! I keep waiting for this trend to come to an end, but I hope it doesn't.

Something happened last week that really shook me and has really helped me to be more compassionate to this boy even when he's making me absolutely batty. I was cleaning up from lunch and he was going to the bathroom, which adjoins the kitchen. He called out my name and I went in there to see what he needed, but the moment I walked in he burst into tears and wouldn't respond or tell me what was wrong. The toilet paper was off it's little hook thingy and he just cried and cried, so I just help him finish up, wipe, wash up, so on and so forth, waiting for him to calm down enough to talk. We've started to, when trying to talk with him, sit on the floor with our legs out and feet together, with him sitting inside our legs facing us, wrapped by our legs, looking at us eye to eye. (He can't normally talk to you meeting your eyes) I hope that description makes sense. We sat like this in the living room and I asked him what was wrong. Just as I'd been dreading, it was, of course, because he'd tried to get the toilet paper and it fell off the hook.

What kind of fear does it take to have a reaction like that to such a simple situation? I don't think he ever feels safe. I just tried to reassure him that it was totally okay, and that any accident was okay, things happen to everyone, so on and so on, and he walked away to play seeming okay.

We've also made some ESL cards to work with him on, an exercise I have never thought worthy of using with any other child, and also sitting as I described and just talking about anything. Asking simple questions we know he can answer, "What colour is the ball Mason is playing with? Do you like playing ball?" to try to build his comfort and confidence in conversation. It really seems to be having a huge impact. He gets really excited about being able to answer the question we ask him and just having some more one on one attention, something I thinks he needs even more than the other kids. So we're keeping our fingers crossed and hoping things will keep on getting better.

Quote:
Originally Posted by NoliMum View Post
So how do you deal with kids like this?
We haven't had huge issues with many things, but we have put our foot down on some things. Like Diego : (which is just too annoying, after an entire days of them pretty much *only* saying, "Diego, Diego, Diego") and guns. We deal with these the same way we deal with "bad words" which all vary family to family. If it's not okay for one kid to say "crap" then, "We don't do that here". We acknowledge that our families are all different and some things are okay to do in your own home that we don't do here, and that's okay. We say that it is up to your family at home and it is up to us here. I don't think parents really expect things to be identical in their DC as they are at home.

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Originally Posted by Fairy4tmama View Post
I haven't posted here in a LOOOONG time but I wanted to second this: I did this when I decided to close my business (I doubled my rates and blamed the economy, I am a chicken) it totaly worked I ended up keeping one child because parrents were willing to adjust hours and pay the new 1/2 time rate they really wanted to keep him with me as they were newly divoriced. I have to say divorce is going to almost certainly make this childs behavior worse It has in our case and it's been a year and his parents are at least responsive.
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Originally Posted by KCMommy View Post
I'm getting a wooden Community Playthings loft, a hardwood sand/water table, shock absorbant mats, a 6 seater stroller, classroom wooden block set, solid wood puppet theatre, and lots of quality dramatic play props with the Grant. I am like a kid at Christmas!
Wowey zowey, I can't pretend I'm not jealous! That's awesome! May I ask where you got your wood sand / water table? I have tried to find one and all I have been able to find are the plastic things, and I want one sooooo bad! And welcome!
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