Oh wow, I stop checking for a while because no one's going anywhere too fast, and when I look back the thread is HUGE!
: It doesn't deserve the "?" in the title anymore melissabb
- I say totally go for it! Being a DCP you make many compromises for your family, this sounds like a wonderful opportunity for you and your kiddos, though, take it! You could try asking them first for the mon - wed slot like PP said. I say this knowing full well how hard it would be to make that decision myself - the guilt is strong. But honestly there really is nothing to feel guilty about. You need to make the best choices for your family as they do for theirs, and I am sure that if you had a talk with them they would understand fully and even support you if they are remotely compassionate people.
That said, I don't know if even the same people are in this thread as were when I asked about my problem child, but I need advice again.
We have 6 kiddos during the day, counting my one, more before and after school and during the summer. Mine is 1, we have one around 1 1/2, three 4 y/o and one 3 y/o. Everyone is wonderful and fine within the normal bounds of little guys except the 3 y/o who is our child from hell. He makes me feel things that no one should ever feel about a 3 y/o, he makes me feel like a bad person.
He is violent, argumentative, destructive, and worst of all, completely apathetic. From the mouth of his mother all he does at home is watch TV and all she does when she's here is scream at him, I'm sure it's no different at home. Any time I try to talk with her about his issues she immediately turns to him to scold him so I never get anywhere. I explained a lot more early on and I don't have the energy today to try to explain more, the advice I got, I believe, was unanimously to kick him from the daycare, which I just didn't have the heart, or maybe the guts, to do. He's been here since he was 6 weeks old. And that's the thing. None of the other children have these issues, and we have tried and tried with him, I really don't feel like the fault is anywhere on our end.
Well, recently his mum lost her job and told us she wouldn't be able to bring him here anymore. When I told the other little children I honestly thought that they would be sad, despite the issues, but the all cheered
. Real, gleeful, relieved, actual excitement, spontaneous cheering. I was shocked. Then they went on to rant about how he always hurts them and gets them in trouble and breaks the toys and so on and so forth, babbling happily about how much better things would be.
And they were. And suddenly my DP (who works the daycare with me out of our home) and I realized how much easier and more wonderful our lives were without him here, too. We didn't end the day angry, frustrated, and stressed out. Only normal problems occurred. No one hurt anyone else on purpose anymore. No one broke anything on purpose anymore. Time outs were suddenly a very, very rare occasion. Everyone played nicely and together and there was no more yelling or screaming or fights. Things were good
After about a month of his absence his mum started getting work back here and there from her job and bringing him randomly, which has gradually turned into him being here full time again. And life is back to this horrible, stressful, daily struggle. He turns off when you try to talk to him about anything. He doesn't listen. He'll, as he did Friday, scratch a kids face because they made it to "safe" while playing freeze tag, and when you ask him why he did he tells you that is why! And scratching is mild compared to what he will do sometimes. He cannot be trusted with anything. He can go from playing peacefully with something to, without anger or frustration or anything changing, suddenly just snapping it in half. "Because I'm not supposed to" if you can get him to answer with anything other than "I don't know."
So here's where I'm at. I am so sick of his
I know how much better and wonderful and loving life can be without him here. I don't want to put up with it anymore.
But I feel like telling her we won't take him anymore because he's a menace is like giving up on a small child who will be doomed because I honestly feel we're the best chance he's ever going to get in his life
: I want to make things better for him. I want him to be able to be a happy, loving human being. I want him to feel big and special because I know at home he is made to feel small and shamed and that is why he is how he is. I know he turns off when we talk to him because he is use to simply being screamed at. I feel like trying to talk to him mum about his issues is counter-productive even because either she just starts yelling at him, despite being told not to do that in our home, or she offers up absurd suggestions. Like lock him outside by himself, lock him by himself in a dark room and ignore him, or force him to be nude so all the other kids can laugh at him and ask them to call him "stinky." (This last being for when he has an accident, which is still very frequent and he ignores) No one should be ashamed of their body like he is
It's so sad.
I don't know what to do. The other kids don't deserve to have to deal with this, I don't want my baby to deal with this, I don't want DP and I to feel like we do when he is here. If we were moving *anywhere*, anywhere at all on his issues I would be content to just keep going and trying to change him and make things better, but he is nearly 4 and nothing has changed at all, we're not getting anywhere.
I'm thinking I will try to get him mum to sit down with us and have a long serious talk and somehow try to tell her that it is between us as adults and not with her LO, because really I feel like his parents are the issue, I don't think he'd be this way if things at home were different. But she only blames him. I want to tell her that the problem is not his and that it is not here, but I don't know how to say that. And I want to tell her things need to seriously start changing because if they don't start moving toward for the better she needs to find somewhere else for him to go. And I'm afraid that finding somewhere else for him to go would be a lot easier than resolving their issues. Argh!
Thoughts? Advice? Criticism? I'm sorry this is very long and involved but it is such a big part of our lives right now and such a struggle