Aren't moderators supposed to be polite?

[kel]

I guess polite is the wrong word - I guess I mean, isn't one of the jobs of the moderators to encourage semi-peaceful resolutions when necessary, and to be above nastiness? I just feel like the moderators should set a good example.

I don't know the whole story I realize, but in TAO, in the thread "Umm sorry?" I don't feel like Missgirl set a very good example in telling the poster "don't flatter yourself". I thought it was pretty rude.

[Missgrl]

You are right.....but if someone came here to flame you, you
might would defend yourself as well. Moderators are human
and have feelings too.

ANd don't you think BlessedBeMommy was rude first....and
that's ok?

[ekblad9]

It's important to remember that the moderators are not devoid of all feeling. While we strive to keep the boards in order and as peaceful as possible we can sometimes come under attack for our actions. We are women and parents just like everyone else here. It is not OK for members to publicly attack the moderators and think that the particular moderator will have to ignore it.

[JessicaS]

well it isn't ok for anyone to attack anyone on these boards....

but for someone who has had under 20 posts and the majority of them haven been confrontational.....we start to wonder about that members intentions.

[PM]

Kel,

BlessedBeMommy accused Sierra of wanting to distract people from the sex issue by mentioning the death of a friend. Sierra was understandably wanting to deal with other things in her life than sex on Mothering. BlessedBeMommy showed up and asserted that Sierra was trying to distract us by bringing sympathy on herself.

I, for one, sent her a pm and demanded a public apology. My letter was not rude, however. Perhaps we ganged up on her like a bunch of mother bears, but I found her comment downright inhumane.

Just filling in the story for you, Kel. Now you be the judge.

[Cynthia Mosher]

kel, thank you for your post of concern. I'll try to address the different issues that are involved here and explain our procedures.

Threads that are opened to bring up issues of a personal nature about individuals are not welcome on our boards. These boards are first and foremost for information and support of issues that are "Mothering" in nature and while we do host discussions of various other topics that you might not find within the pages of Mothering mag, the boards are definitely not open for posts that attack, accuse, or abuse anyone whether a member, a moderator, or Mothering.com

Our moderators are volunteer mamas who are devoted to the Mothering community and who post as members just as they also moderate. It can be a very difficult position to balance, particularly when a post is directed toward them in criticism.

We ask in the User Conduct Rules:

"If you feel another member is behaving in a manner that is in violation of these guidelines, do not take matters into your own hands. Simply alert the Board Administrator at [e-mail] "

You can read the full list of rules in the User Conduct Rules Document by clicking on this link: http://www.mothering.com/discussions...s=&threadid=11

We ask this because many times words are said on the boards that are hurtful and cause pain to others and this is really not necessary nor beneficial in any way no matter how honest someone is being.

When members fail to do this moderators may post to try to encourage resolution and then contact me to direct my attention to the issue for any necessary administrational action. This is what has occurred here. I believe Missy has acknowledged her responsibility and has tried to explain her own feelings which caused her to respond as she did.

The issue will now be taken up privately as it should have been from the very beginning. I thank you for your concern about the moderation of the boards. We all appreciate a peaceful and respectful board community and hopefully we can all work toward maintaining such an atmosphere for everyone's benefit. If anyone has any questions in this regard feel free to contact me by PM or by email and I will do my best to address any issues you may have.

~Cynthia

[kel]

I see everyone's points - I figured there was more to it then was clear. Thanks for responding.

For someone who didn't know the whole story though, hearing a moderator respond in that way was a little surprising. I realize you're all moms and volunteers, and I realize now that the poster was out of line herself, but its seems like there have been a lot of mean little comments between people lately. I think keeping a cooler head in the situation and just replying to her with the facts would have been a better example for others. I know that thats not always realistic when feelings are involved though.

Thanks for all your hard work!

K

[Missgrl]

Thanks Kel....I pmed you!

[Sunnydrop]

Is it also common practice to delete a thread I started without saying anything to me or anyone? I didn't see the thread you are talking about with that BlessedMom, but I do know the "what is really going thread" has been deleted.
I don't get it

Sunny

[Cynthia Mosher]

Sunny did you read this part of my post?

The issue will now be taken up privately as it should have been from the very beginning. I thank you for your concern about the moderation of the boards. We all appreciate a peaceful and respectful board community and hopefully we can all work toward maintaining such an atmosphere for everyone's benefit. If anyone has any questions in this regard feel free to contact me by PM or by email and I will do my best to address any issues you may have.

Please do contact me privately about your concerns.

~Cynthia

[Sunnydrop]

I didn't realize you were referring to my post you deleted. I am supposed to only speak of such things in private?

I wasn't notified the post had been deleted privately, I didn't realize that is how it worked around here now. Sorry for my ignorance on the matter. It is not my style to talk about things in private, I have always like to just let it all hang out.
Apparently it is a dream of freedom, trust, respect sort of thing I have built up in my mind.. Must be.

Dazed and Confused~ Sunny