Basically forced out of church for breastfeeding - Page 9

[chaoticzenmom]

Originally Posted by its_our_family

(If the pastor feels the pics are porngraphic why the hell would he DISTRIBUTE it! You should start calling him Larry Flint!")

so true!

[AesSedai]

Originally Posted by JamesMama

And Pastors Wife comes back again saying it was constructive criticism and my 'strong stance' on my myspace (mainly Lactivisim, Intactivisim stuff) can hurt Josh's chances of being a licensed minister. And then in one of my blogs I said something about how I'm not allowed to be offended by 2 men kissing because they were born like that and she said "That looks like she supports homosexulas kissing in public." WTFever...I give up with these people.

Constructive?? Calling someone a prostitute doesn't sound terribly constructive to me. And if they were truly concerned and wanted to talk to you, they could have handled it in private and simply stated that they are worried that it might affect Josh's ability to become a licensed pastor. Not single you out in a group and accuse you of pornography and prostitution. I agree with the pp, they are backpedaling and trying to justify their behavior. They know they have acted in an un-Christian manner.

[truelife]

WHOA! I haven't read all of the posts but I am so sorry that you had to go through this. Our family is very active in our church, my husband and I have been youth pastors and I cannot even imagine this happening to me! Prostitution? Having an issue with lactivism? WTH????? WOW!

However, the denomination that my husband and I started out in were very legalistic and blamed most women for the lust/porn issues in today's society. I can see something like this happening there.

I would go to the district. They obviously did not start things out Biblically. They didn't come to you one-on-one by bringing both couples in and an elder. You have tried to walk it out Biblically - I would definitely take it to your district.

[RetroMom]

This is truly unbelievable. I wonder how God feels about people--pastors especially--treating His design for nourishing children as something to be ashamed of. Makes me ill.
Also, the only people that Jesus spent time condemning were the religious leaders of the day who were imposing their own laws on the people they were supposed to be serving. It's sad that this kind of thing still goes on today.
I hope and pray that your faith will remain strong through this, and if you choose to leave your church, that you'll find another that will love and welcome you with open arms.

[JamesMama]

Originally Posted by its_our_family

It could "hurt his chances" (I have no idea since I'm not familiar with your exact church) but you have to ask yourselves is it worth it is hide who you are in order to be accepted by people who don't want the real you.

This is a lesson we have had to learn over the years of ministry. We left a church and looked for almost a year before we found somplace that wanted and loved us, not themselves in us.

Things will work out. You know God is behind everything. (or in front of...but you know what I mean)

Thanks.

I guess thats what irriates me, if I'd take a strong stance against homosexual marriage it would be supported I'd bet. If I would have taken a strong stance against abortion it would be supported (amongst Christians at least) but because I take a strong stance thats pro-living baby (BTW, I am prolife) it's bad? It makes no sense to me...

[Treasuremapper]

Their actions sound repulsive. They really, really do. If your dh is called to the ministry, I don't think he could be married to a woman like you and be a leader in a church like that. They are right. I'm sure they are doing your dh a favor by showing who they really are so clearly -- that just illuminates his own spiritual path.

I had an experience a few months ago that was not this dramatic but it still reminds me of it. Basically, a leader in an organization was a total pitb to me and my child, so, even though it was very difficult and sad, I left that organization. As it turned out, it was the best thing that ever happened to me and my child, but if that person had not been so outrageous I never would have left. I now realize that person was doing me a favor, but it sure didn't feel that way at the time.

I think something similar is going on here for you and your family. If the church leaders were going to be breathing down your neck and browbeating and manipulating you about breastfeeding, what parenting decision is next? This is actually a good thing from your perspective, because your husband didn't waste time getting involved in this church any further. The deeper he got involved, the harder it would be to leave. God really does work in mysterious ways. Now, early on, you have the gift of knowing just how controlling they are. You and your family have been spared years of misery. Now you can find your true spiritual home.

[Meiri]

That is a very good point Inezyv.

I had an experience a few months ago that was not this dramatic but it still reminds me of it. Basically, a leader in an organization was a total pitb to me and my child, so, even though it was very difficult and sad, I left that organization. As it turned out, it was the best thing that ever happened to me and my child, but if that person had not been so outrageous I never would have left. I now realize that person was doing me a favor, but it sure didn't feel that way at the time.

Similar concept, many years ago, though breastfeeding had nothing to do with it.

Interesting how some experiences are so very common.

[mom2sol]

I'm not a church person, but the pastor is hired by the church, right? Could you gather enough support to get him removed? It just seems to me that you've been going there since you were five, he should be the one to leave.
I'm very sorry this happened to you.
The pictures are lovely by the way but perhaps only a bfing mama can really look at pictures of bfing babes and have all the warm thoughts we do. The pastor obvioulsy just has misplaced sexual thoughts... I bet he wasn't breastfed, eh?

[mamabeth]

I didn't have time to read the whole thread (though i'm glad so many mamas are supportive! ) but just wanted to say that I'm a pastor, and I had an experience where some of my members asked me to stop NIP.

They left, by the way.

I'm so sorry that happened, mama. What a horrible thing for you and dh to go through. Something I have learned is that churches can be extremely unsafe, unhospitable, unChristian places, and I hate that you experienced that especially about nursing! crazy.

that being said...oh PLEASE don't think I'm trying to censor you, bc I'm not...when you (or your spouse) is ordained, it's helpful to be a bit careful with stuff like myspace. I don't mean with nursing pictures, I think that's ridiculous to be weirded out by that, but anything you put on there people will look for stuff to criticize, bc you are under such a microscope when you're clergy. I had some stuff happen and now I'm pretty careful about my blog. it sucks but that's the reality, from one clergy (and clergy spouse) to another.

anyway, I hope you find another place where you are welcomed with open arms!

[ThreeBeans]

I am so, so, so sorry this happened to you. I want to wish you courage...to see it out and carry it through, not to run away like a whipped puppy. Stand up for yourself and your son.

The people who humiliated you in such a fashion are not Christians. They have nothing to do with God or the Church.

And if you happen to be in New England, I would be delighted to participate in a nurse-in

[HeatherHeather]

Just wondering if you have heard anything from the higher-ups.

[sophiekat]

Originally Posted by HeatherHeather

Just wondering if you have heard anything from the higher-ups.

:

[kaspirant]

Oh my heart breaks. I just saw this today, but I have to say I wish what happened shocked me

It doesn't though because I went through something similar.

I was a member of a group of people from their 20's who got together once a week to fellowship and worship. It was an informal gathering and crossed so many boundries. Their were guys and girls and singles and couples and seriuosly we were an amazingly diverse group. We got together outside of or weekly meeting to do things like go to play's, or out to dinner, to the park, or just play games. It met an amazing need.

I then had a baby as a single mama. Yeah I know not the ideal circumstances but I had my own demons I was fighting. I was called into a meeting when DS was 2 months old with a friend of mine and the pastor in charge of our group.

I was told I needed to find a babysitter for my child if I wanted to continue fellowshipping at the church with them. I explained to them that as a single working mama, I couldn't do it. If I was going to worship God on the weekends during my 2 days a week I had to spend with my son, he was coming with me. They told me others were uncomfortable with the choices I was making *BF* and that I needed to not bring Jacob. *I didn't even get the option to cover up* I left. I didn't go quietly, but I left. I explained why I wasn't going to be there anymore and I moved on. I am amazed at your stamina through all this. I just walked away. Sometimes I wish I had done more, but I wouldn't have wanted to stay even if I *won* that battle.

I'm sorry mama! The God I serve doesn't treat people that way. I just wish that the body of Christ would remember sometimes how much they are hurting those who Love Christ and are searching!!

[mommaduck]

I believe Christ commanded us to welcome the little children. This means even in service and there was no age limit set...therefore this includes even the suckling babes.

I've yet to see someone toss out an elderly person for blowing their nose, coughing too much, etc (and I wouldn't put up with it if they did...I would be following them out)

[Nora_SEA]

So sorry Nae. The things you were accused of are horrible. Craziness. I guess you can be happy to have seen the leaders at that location for what they really are. And move on. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers! I know you feel the love and support here.

[tessamami]

I haven't read all of the responses, but

If it was good enough for the baby jesus, then it's good enough for me!

[MelanieMC]

Originally Posted by kaspirant

I'm sorry mama! The God I serve doesn't treat people that way. I just wish that the body of Christ would remember sometimes how much they are hurting those who Love Christ and are searching!!

: I think that most Christian churches (not all) feel the need to stay away from anything that seems "liberal", and I guess in most people's eyes NIP is considered something only "hippies" would do, not good Christians. : It's sad that even people in the church see breasts purely as sexual objects, and can't get beyond that to see that bf'ing is how God intended us to use our breasts.

JamesMama, Have you heard from anyone yet?

[mommaduck]

Originally Posted by MelanieMC

: I think that most Christian churches (not all) feel the need to stay away from anything that seems "liberal", and I guess in most people's eyes NIP is considered something only "hippies" would do, not good Christians. : It's sad that even people in the church see breasts purely as sexual objects, and can't get beyond that to see that bf'ing is how God intended us to use our breasts.

JamesMama, Have you heard from anyone yet?

Uhm, I happen to be ultra conservative and I nurse in the middle of service (in fact, one of the ushers suggested I go ahead if I felt comfortable). I've had good and bad experiences in both conservative and liberal churches.

[CorasMama]

Updates?

How was Sunday? I know it must have felt difficult and wierd to not go to Church...

[darkeyes]

Originally Posted by JamesMama

Oh, and here are the photos in question

Mine

My Friends (I have her permission)

Those are lovely! This incident is just too bizarre to believe...
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