: That's what I'd do... we try to diffuse the situation before anyone gets really upset (and with my dd there are definately signs if she is heading towards a meltdown) and if our compromise offer isn't working then I usually go along with her, but have her help 'fix' the situation... for us the important thing is to try and work with dd (who is 4.5) before she gets very upset about something that isn't really worth a meltdown. I would have offered to cut off the contaminated toast, trade with her sibling, then help her make a fresh piece. It is easier to do this before anyone gets really upset - that way your child will feel like you are validating her feelings, and you don't feel like you are being, somehow, manipulated or caving.
It is, of course, easy to analyze this type of situation when you aren't going through it at the time... good for you for thinking about how to make this type of thing better next time
Yeah. The whole head it off before things escalate is something I try too. I actually feel proud of myself when I discover a way to head off freak outs and tantrums. But sometimes these sorts of behaviors just seem to come out of the blue! And, like I realized earlier in the thread, I just didn't *feel like* making a new piece of toast, so I tried to convince her to eat the tainted toast which caused the whole tantrum. It came down to the fact that I just didn't feel like it and she wouldn't accept DH's version of the toast. As a mom we have to do so many things we don't feel like doing (most recently cleaning puke up all over my house since DD2 is sick with a tummy thing : ) that every once in awhile I run out of steam, refuse to do whatever it is I need to be doing, and it causes a big upset!
That brings us back to the catch-22. Do you take care of your own feelings? If I really just don't want to make the toast maybe it's because I need some recharging time, even if it's just 15 minutes to drink my coffee. Or do I continue to serve my family when I'm out of gas to head off potential tantrums? What are the costs and benefits of each choice? It's tough.