How to best support a 7 mo. pregnant widow?

[~pi]

A childhood friend of my DH's was killed in an accident recently, leaving his pregnant wife and stepson. DH is not sure if it is a good idea for us to attend the funeral with our 5 month old.

The friend was someone with whom DH grew up in intentional communities, so there was a family aspect to their relationship, too, though since they all grew up, there has not been tons of contact among the children from the community.

We met this man's wife for the first time recently at a community function. (The farm where my DH and her DH grew up had been sold.) I think she was about 5 months pregnant at the time, so is about 7 months pregnant now.

DH is concerned that it would be hard for her to see us -- a two parent family -- at the funeral when she is expecting her own little one soon and will now be a single parent. I think it is better to go than not go, but it's his family/friends so I think it's ultimately his call.

If we do not go, we will send a card, and either way, will probably try to bring her some sort of practical help (e.g. casseroles for the freezer.)

Any advice on this would be welcome. Thank you, mamas.

[Jenny_Jane]

oh poor mama i know what its like losing a husband and being pregnant its realy hard and still is . u should go to the funeral she needs all the help she can get. food defiently(sp?!?) helps and my daughters and i lived off it for a little bit after dh died. some times its to hard and u just need a sholder to cry on.



peace,love,hope
Nicole

[rainbowmoon]

go! she will be comforted by your presence for sure. even if she is sad. she is going to be upset no matter what. not everytime she sees a family is it going to trigger that grief but sometimes it surely will. there's nothing you can do about that unfortunatley. definitly go though, she needs all the support she can get (now and for a long time to come)

meals are a great idea btw.

[MsChatsAlot]

I agree with the others to go and also to make some food for her.

[Tracy]

I say go. If I were the friend I would want to see your husband. And I am sure the parents would want to see you guys.

[kristenok18]

Definitely go. I think bringing them some meals would be wonderful, especially once the initial din from the funeral disappears and she's left alone. And it will comfort her later to have someone who is able to share loving memories with her and her dc about her dh.

[Is3enough]

I would say go. My husband died december 17th and I was most touched by who and how many people came to the service. I am not pregnant but I have 3 children and one of them was 10 months at the time. I can tell you I was not even thinking of who was there that had kids and was a 2 parent family. I bet her mind won't even be thinking like that. Go and offer her your support.

[mamaverdi]

It sounds like your DH is having a little PTSD.

Go, bring her food, hire someone to clean her house. Make sure she still has help after 2 weeks have passed and everyone else went back to their own lives. Call and check on her.

And make sure your dh is ok. Loss of any kind, even someone no longer close, can really turn you inside out.