Motherwear says avoid eye contact for discreet bf!

[Quaniliaz]

Apparently, the president of Motherwear, Tom Kothman, feels that the best way around the whole Delta debacle is that women should nurse more discreetly as to make others feel more comfortable.

"Requesting a window seat on the plane provides a natural barrier from other passengers and helps mom be more discreet." according to Kothman. "Avoiding eye contact with other passengers tends to minimize curiosity as well as put mom, baby and others nearby at ease."

Read the entire press release here.

Avoiding eye contact with others puts your baby at ease?

In our culture, eye contact is a clear message that someone is confident in what they are doing. And frankly, if you have eye contact with someone, they are less likely to look at your breasts.

Indeed, in motherwear's guide (which they claim to be promoting with this news release), they say:

Fumbling with your clothes or looking around nervously
will make people curious.... Meet people’s eyes and smile....

They also have a different take for sitting near the window:

Once you’re on-board, both your seat choice and your
positioning can affect your comfort. Sitting beside a window
keeps you away from the passing crowd and makes
it less likely that your baby will be disturbed when nursing
or sleeping.

It makes me angry that Kothman is using news events of late to simultaniously promote his company and encourage women to act in ways that would suggest that they are shameful of breastfeeding.

(He could have easily promoted both his company and breastfeeding rights.)

AND, this was not just an offhand remark, this was a PRESS RELEASE!

[IansMommy]

And I am sure Mr. Rothman would know what's best, with all of the nursing he has done.

Good grief. Lower your eyes, ladies, we wouldn't want anyone to think you are happy to bf'd your child. Does this mean that the woman who enters an airplane with her "cup running over" in a slinky little outfit should avert her gaze as well?:

[afishwithabike]

Originally Posted by IansMommy

And I am sure Mr. Rothman would know what's best, with all of the nursing he has done.

Good grief. Lower your eyes, ladies, we wouldn't want anyone to think you are happy to bf'd your child. Does this mean that the woman who enters an airplane with her "cup running over" in a slinky little outfit should avert her gaze as well?:

See this is EXACTLY what I have been thinking the entire time. I have seen people walk around showing MORE skin than a BFing Mother/guardian. I can't figure out why BFing mothers are being attacked and women who are scantily clad can do whatever they please without being bothered.



****Better add if you dress with MORE skin this is NOT an attack. I am talking about principles of the dynamic.****

[crunchywannabe]

Originally Posted by Quaniliaz

"Requesting a window seat on the plane provides a natural barrier from other passengers and helps mom be more discreet." according to Kothman. "Avoiding eye contact with other passengers tends to minimize curiosity as well as put mom, baby and others nearby at ease."

I don't understand that. avoiding eye contact?
minimize curiosity?

:

I am just so astounded I cannot even type a coherent response

[Snowdrift]

I'm so glad I don't wear nursing clothes. Especially theirs.

[Leiahs]

I have to admit that many times when I'm feeling very nervous to nurse in public (I'm still working on my comfort level), I *do* avoid eye contact. Not because any press release told me to... but that is what I just tend to do. If I'm not feeling like I'm ready to put any ill informed persons in their place, not feeling brave, even knowing what I'm doing is perfectly right and normal and wonderful....I avert my eyes. It makes me feel so silly that I can't be more confident about it, but there it is. If I don't look anyone in the eyes, I feel like nobody will actually approach me. Or maybe just mind their business.

I certainly wouldn't say that people *need* to avoid eye contact in order to breastfeed discreetly, but I do find that for myself, when I'm still working on building up confidence, a bury-your-head-and-just-do-it approach does help...and it begins to feel more normal after a while. Aside from LLL meetings and AP playgroups, and occasionally a friend fully covered in a blanket, I never ever see anyone nurse in public, so I do tend to feel very out there when I NIP. Making solid eye contact with strangers as they pass by almost feels like a *challenge* for someone to say something to me, and a lot of times, I don't want to invite that challenge. I just want to do what's best for my family and have the outside world leave me alone.

[AesSedai]

I have to believe that a woman who hangs her head and avoids eye contact is much more likely to get stared at and picked on than a woman who looks people in the eye and exudes confidence...

[Awaken]

Originally Posted by IansMommy

And I am sure Mr. Rothman would know what's best, with all of the nursing he has done.

Well said.

Originally Posted by IansMommy

Does this mean that the woman who enters an airplane with her "cup running over" in a slinky little outfit should avert her gaze as well?:

This kind of thing happens all the time in our society and it's such a double standard. I love how I can go into any store and see breasts all over the cover of any magazine, yet put a nursing baby there where you can barely see any breast at all and people are up in arms.

[wannabe]

Does this mean that the woman who enters an airplane with her "cup running over" in a slinky little outfit should avert her gaze as well?

MMM, I wish the woman I saw yesterday in tight leggings and a too-small thong could have averted her gaze from me.

It makes me so angry to read this from a company that makes things for nursing mothers. I won't be buying their products if they disapprove of my nursing my child.

[sapphire_chan]

Steps to avoid eye contact:
1. Establish eye contact to be certain you are avoiding it properly.
2. Make your hand into a fist and raise it in front of your face.
3. If you are in the US, lift your middle finger away from the others and use it to block your view of one eye of the other person, in the US it is important to be friendly and you should not avoid all eye contact. If you are in the UK, you will wish to be more restrained and should lift your index finger as well to block your view of both eyes.

[AuntNi]

Originally Posted by Leiahs

I have to admit that many times when I'm feeling very nervous to nurse in public (I'm still working on my comfort level), I *do* avoid eye contact. Not because any press release told me to... but that is what I just tend to do.

Becky, the few times I was able to NIP, I did the same thing. Mostly because DD was so tiny I needed to see what I was doing, but also because I didn't want to see any hostile, "how-dare-you" looks.

That being said, I think that keeping your head up and making eye contact (where natural) is the best way to divert attention away from your breasts. If I'm looking down at my breast and anyone happens to see me, they're going to be all, "What's so interesting about her chest that she has to stare at it? Oh wait, there's a baby breastfeeding!" If I'm just looking around naturally or conversing with my companions, people are going to be more inclined to think that Baby's just sleeping.

All this is JMHO, based on the observations I've made since I've been a mom.

[Momtwice]

That is really annoying that it was a Press Release, ITA.

And as for the advice to nurse at a window seat...Emily Gillette did exactly that and was still humiliated. The advice to lower your eyes makes it sound like it's the mom's fault if she is harrassed. (I would look away from strangers too when NIP, I just don't like moms being SCOLDED into doing it.)
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15924715...sweek/from/ET/

[kalisis]

Yeah, it seemed a shameless bit of advertising to me.

[PortraitPixie]

:Puke

[muppet729]

I look at my baby when I need to and make sure to use lots of smiles (which I would do anyway) but I make eye contact too. I really believe that when you make eye contact (or smile down at your baby) you are reinforcing that this is a good thing to be doing, you're not doing anything wrong or shameful and that you have confidence in these facts. Also, I agree that when you make eye contact with someone, they are less likely to look at your chest.

I think that women who are nursing should be able to be as discreet as they want to be, but sometimes when people make suggestions like "not making eye contact" it's taken by new moms (or often the public) as somethign that MUST be done. It's pretty obvious to me that you might avoid eye contact naturally if you felt compelled to- you don't need to be told to do that. Just like most women I know IRL, will naturally try to cover their breast (not necessarily their baby) when they are in public (I'm not saying they HAVE to, just that they automatically feel compelled to because they don't feel comfortable having their breast showing). Pointing this out in a press release or newspaper article is like saying, "if you don't want your belly button showing, wear a shirt to cover it..."

One last thing- It hink it's humorous that this comes from a nursing clothing provider when my experience with a lot of nursing clothes is that they dont' make nursing that much more discreet- possibly they cover more (like my belly), but the distraction of someone fumbling with their shirt and/or bra (and a blanket) draws more attention then when I just lift my shirt and pop her on

[Meiri]

I'll stick with the LLL advice I remember reading so many years ago.

Look confident. Smile at passers-by. Meet their gazes.

Seems to me that in this culture, if you do the making of eye contact, others are more likely to look away first. It's the old "8 foot eye-drop" that I recall being discussed in 100 level Sociology. If you keep looking, they'll look away as they approach The distance. By looking confident, meeting peoples' eyes, you are in a way challenging them. If you look challenging, you don't look bully-able.

[msumomma]

I've never bought any of motherwear's nursing clothes, and I don't plan on it in the future.

I will always agree with the pp's...I've always said you can see more breast on MTV than when I am nursing my dd, without special nursing clothes, without a "discreet" blanket or cover.
I've seen people walk around in thong bathing suits and with just little triangles covering just the nipples, and that's ok. But the minute a baby is on a breast and a little skin is exposed then everyone is in uproar that they are offended.

[~member~]

Originally Posted by afishwithabike

See this is EXACTLY what I have been thinking the entire time. I have seen people walk around showing MORE skin than a BFing Mother/guardian. I can't figure out why BFing mothers are being attacked and women who are scantily clad can do whatever they please without being bothered.

Maybe if we start to dress scantily....

[lifescholar]

I always made eye contact with my SON while nursing...most of the time, I didn't acknowledge other people, but I have definitely carried on conversations while nursing on occasion. It would be RUDE not to make eye contact with the other person I was talking to!!

The sounds of that whole thing is very condescending to nursing mothers....kinda like "Be good little breastfeeding women, and don't make anyone else uncomfortable...THERE'S a good girl..."

[afishwithabike]

Originally Posted by MamaInTheBoonies

Maybe if we start to dress scantily....

THere's a thought. mesh shirts and plumber butt jeans with thongs here I come.