I guess I don't think of going to counseling as "killing themselves to make it work." I mean, it was a big, tough thing to get ourselves to counseling. My partner resisted mightily. I think that's a common experience. But once we were there, we both really liked it. Neither of us ever dragged our feet about going to a session. Our counselor was successful in providing a safe space for us to talk about how things were going. It was way less painful than not talking about it! For us, it was a way to cement our committment. For others, it might be a way to let go of something that isn't working. The main thing is to get a third party who thinks that both of you are worthwhile people who deserve to be listened to. Someone who knows how to help you listen to each other!
It sounds like you still deeply respect your husband, which I think is pretty major. It doesn't mean that you should or shouldn't stay with him, but it does mean that you are coming from a good place to make a good decision. That you respect him must come through in your daily lives together, and that's only going to help you.
If it's okay to add, I really respect you for the way you are thinking about him. Here you are, very unhappy, but you are still able to remember why you respect your partner. That shows your character. If you aren't being abused and there is no crisis, you have plenty of time to figure out what you need and then get it.