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WTF - IL's don't change diapers!

post #1 of 25
Thread Starter 
I just realized, whenever I have left dd with dh's parents, they never use any of the diapers I send along with her and dd's diaper is always full when I pick her up!

Today they watched her all day we left a whole package of diapers. When we picked her up she needed a change, had a bad rash, and the package of diapers was still full.


I don't get it! How can someone not change a diaper for several hours?!
post #2 of 25
I don't mean this in a smart-ass way but, why don't you ask them?
post #3 of 25
I would be upset about that, too. I would say something along the lines of, "Do you guys have your own package of diapers here?" and when they say, "No", say, "Oh, I thought you might, because there are never any missing from my pack when I pick _____ up." They may give a reason, or they may say nothing, but it will at least show them that you expect your child's diaper to be changed frequently.
post #4 of 25
My FIL refuesed to change poopy diapers. He would call my MIL, even if she was out running an errand to do the "dirty work"

When I tell people this they are sympathetic "Oh, you know men of that generation aren't comfortable with these things." That is until I tell then what FIL does for a living......
He is a doctor specializing in internal medicine. Do you know how much gross stuff he sees every day?

This guy just becomes another dumb DH around the house though!
post #5 of 25
That's terrible!!! So sorry about the rash. If they still refuse to change them after a talk about it, it may be time to find someone else to watch your child. My dad said right off that he didn't change diapers and would be happy to watch dd when she was potty trained. At least he was honest about it. :

post #6 of 25
I can so relate!

My mother used to watch ds. (used to in the very past tense.)

I clearly remember her calling me one day to come out to her house. The reason? He had pooped a while ago and needed to be changed! I was like, um, it will be a minute before I get there... could you just...?

No, she couldn't! Gma's don't do diapers! :

This was on a day she picked him up to "give me a rest" since I was pregnant. Whatever.

I would talk to your ILs and see what they say. Maybe they just didn't think and would do well with a second chance. Or maybe they just aren't up to having dd without you.
post #7 of 25
That's horrible. That borders on neglect. Perhaps your ILs need it brought to their attention, but gez...

Someone explain to me just how a competent adult of average intelligence can just decide they don't change diapers. I honestly don't get this That is such BS. Its a baby for goodness sake! They're helpless! How cruel to not meet the needs of a child when your perfectly able.

If it were me I'd play the guilt card and tell them I hope they don't mind being neglected in their old age if they ever need special care.
post #8 of 25
If they arent changing diapers, what else arent they doing to meet your childs needs?
post #9 of 25
After only reading the first of your post, I say honestly..if they do not change diapers..then they do not care for baby any longer.

My grandparents were this way with my little sister.They were angry she was not a boy with red hair, and so they ignored her as best as they could..including allowing her to remain in her own dirty diapers for hours on end..until my Mom got off of work and came to pick her up and saw the rash and mess and etc.

Needless to say this happened about twice and then never again as my mother was not able to trust them.

To me this is really not a "oops, we forgot" type thing.It is VERY unpleasant to remain in your own mess for any length of time.How would they like if ti..say, ten years down the road they are in a home and using a diaper and unable to care for their own bodiliy functions? Would they want to wait for hours on end to have themselves cleaned up...or would they want to squish around in it for awhile?

Now I will go back and read the rest of what was said...but for my two cents....they do not get to watch the baby now. Too bad, so sad.
post #10 of 25
I'm generally willing to give people the benefit of the doubt in a situation like this.

I bet if you just talk with them, making sure to bring up the rash, they will feel terrible. Of course, I do not know your inlaws, maybe this is indicative of a greater problem. But definitely bring it up before they watch her again.
post #11 of 25
When I was doing daycare The child would come, his diaper would stay dry, I would put hiim down for a nap, then he would get up and before i could change his diaper ( i like ot give kids a few minutes before i strip them naked) his parents would show up and low and behold I hadn't changed his diaper the whole time he was there and I would feel really bad. this usually happened with my partime afternon kids. On the other hand though. i would always tell the parents he just woke up and probablyhas a really full diaper and would they like me to change them or do they want to do it.

Just ask your mom if there was a reaon she wasn't changing etc . . .she just might not relize that disposables need to be changed when they pee. I mean it isn't uncommon for some people to change a disposable only 3 or 4 times a day. She may just not get it. Ya know, if it aint bursting it ain't ready to change. She may even think she is doing you a favor by saving diapers. Be sure she knows you expect dd to be changed frequently because she is getting rashes and doesn't like to sit in her pee etc,. . . Hopefull that will be enough to fix the problem.
post #12 of 25
Thread Starter 
I don't know what's going on - they had 3 kids themselves so they can't be ignorant. I know their kids were potty trained a lot earlier (dd is 16 mos) and wore cloth.

Lately I've noticed that when she poops, I can't smell it and she doesn't complain, so if I don't remember to check frequently I won't notice until it's leaking out her clothes. Once when I was watching someone's 2.5 yr old who was wearing underwear for the first time, I was asking if he had to use the bathroom and he kept saying no, and when his mom came and got him he had peed his pants, but I couldn't see because they were a dark color. But he also didn't complain or look uncomfortable. I think he just didn't want to use a strange bathroom.

I'm sure they're not being intentionally neglectful - maybe they really just don't notice anything or they figure if dd wanted to be changed she would complain. I was just surprised when I picked her up yesterday and then realized, they've been watching her since she was just weeks old and I don't remember them ever running out of the diapers I send along!

I don't think they neglect her in other ways - she gets plenty of food when she is there and they interact with her and she falls asleep on them and not in a room alone. Dh says he'll just remind them about the diapers.
post #13 of 25
i would put it very directly and avoid bringing up the past- the next time they are going to watch her, say 'would you please change her diaper every hour and a half, ohterwise she gets an awful rash.'. honestly, some people just dont think of the stuff that would seem totally obvious to you, her mom. if they dont comply, you can figure out what to do from there, but i would start with that.
post #14 of 25
I am with sunbaby...they may assume that unless she leaks or they smell poop everything's fine (and when they diapered it may have.) They may assume that with teh gel and all, they donlt need changed that often. Give them a specific time guideline. "whenever she poops, and at least every 2 hours regardless."
post #15 of 25
Something I thought of while reading is "maybe they're intimidated" or don't quite know how to do it. Have you done a demonstration? I remember when I was going to a babycare preparation class and I was so nervous about how to diaper correctly and so awed by a guy who'd had kids before (second marriage) and wrapped the diaper into that little packet. That seems soooooooooooooooo long ago now, but there was definitely a time that I was actually quite concerned.

I know the IL's have experience from long ago, but a) those were cloth diapers and b) I babysat a lot and changed a ton of diapers and was STILL worried, 10-15 years on.

So maybe a little tutorial would help.
post #16 of 25
The first time MIL watched ds without me and we picked him up, he was already asleep. A few hours later his diaper leaked badly (we were using disposables at the time, which never used to leak). We went to change it, and she had put the diaper on backwards. She raised two kids, but apparently forgot how to put on a diaper! So I agree that they might be intimidated or just ignorant about how often to change.

My dad doesn't "do" poopy diapers. In fact, I don't think he does any diapers. Not when we were kids either. Too bad, because he would be a great babysitter otherwise.
post #17 of 25
I remember babysitting my nephew before I had a kid and I didn't know how to put on his diaper so I asked him if he knew. I think he was about 1.5. He looked a little worried. Anyway, we discussed it and we decided the tabs should wrap to the back. Bzzzzzzt, wrong!
post #18 of 25
My in laws NEVER changed a diaper for us, we knew they wouldn't so we never left DS with them. My MIL has health issues and can't move around very well, and well FIL never even did that for his kids.
FIL has baby sat for us, but he comes around near bedtime, then there are no diapers to change.

Thank goodness DS is no longer in diapers, but we've still not left him there longer than an hour or so.
post #19 of 25

I guess I'm luckier than I thought!

My MIL loves to change diapers! She'll do anything to have a few more moments with DS. I always knew I was lucky to have her, but reading these posts, I'm even more greatful for her. She was actually offended one time when I changed a diaper on my own at her house! I think I'll send her a card tomorrow.
post #20 of 25
All the ILs (mine and his) change pants. I couldn't let dd go anywhere or stay with them if they didn't. She's in disposables (soon to be cloth!!), but I still change her as needed or every couple of hours.

My dad will change her in the family washroom at the mall! Cute!

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