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why do you/will you have a planned UC? - Page 2

post #21 of 31
Zoebird, do you remember what the story was?
post #22 of 31
Well, ITA with most (all, really!) of the pp's... it's the only way to go for so many reasons: it's natural, it's instinctive, it's safer for you and your baby, and like zoe, it's all about FREEDOM. You will NOT have the freedom to follow your instincts if anyone else is around, from early labor to breastfeeding, someone will be trying to tell you how. And Now I Know for a FACT - my instincts have been right all along - the people telling me what to do?? Idiots!!

For some of us, that includes partners! I was actually picked up and placed on my back, by my husband, because the nurse told him I couldn't give birth in a squatting position... AHEM.. I WAS giving birth in a squatting position!!! But I go so deep inside myself during birth, it's very hard for me to respond to what's going on around me. I was soooooooooooooooo po'ed at dp for that one... I felt so betrayed! I'd told him before hand that I was NOT to birth on my back, and needed him to back me up on that. He just gets so worked up when I'm giving birth... very susceptible to people yelling things at him, yk?

So next time, it's all me all the time. And I'm not going to have some well-meaning idiot tell my husband what I can't do. The only way to get there is to not have any well-meaning idiots around. God willing, my husband will become one of those not-present well-meaning idiots. If that doesn't work out... we've talked a lot about how he will wake up tied to the bed to find my angry post partum self hovering over him with whatever blunt object is available!!

What I know will most likely happen for us next time (I hope!!) is that since I'll be the one there, giving birth, in control, having prepared him for everything I can think of, dh will see me as the one with the authority. Plus, he'll be taking care of the other two, so that will keep him occupied.

Additionally, my personal reasons that got me investigating homebirth to begin with, because I had two hospital births that couldn't get any better by anyone's hospital standards, and I still feel that my children and I were shortchanged! If they give you something, like not weighing your baby right away or something, they expect something in return. This is your child, not your damn business contract!!! They start acting like you owe them, when all you've done is allow them to watch you give birth!! Birthing mamas owe NO ONE but ourselves and our being-born babies, and what we owe ourselves is our faith and trust in our design and instinct!!

They meddle meddle meddle... They should be called meddle-calized births!!! No one will leave you the hell alone. They can't function in that capacity... they're all trained to DO something, and God bless them, midwives by and large are in that same basket (no offense Pamamidwife and others with clues! ) of not being able to sit back and do nothing.

So... had I only known that homebirth was an option six years ago (can't believe how much I've learned!!) and had I only known that UC was an option four and a half-ish years ago... but thank the Lord I know it now.

So I haven't UC'd yet. God willing it will be next year. Either way, I can't imagine doing it any other way ever again... and obviously, I only have the hospital experience to draw on.. never so much as homebirthed w/a midwife before, so pardon all the references to medical birth.

post #23 of 31
Originally Posted by zoebird View Post
While you just can't decide to UC over night (I dont' know, can you?)

my husband and i decided 30 minutes after reading our first UC birth story. i read it, i read it outloud to him, we went for a walk, and then we realized it was the right thing for us.

and then we figured out 'how to do it.' we haven't done it yet--we'll ttc in 2008 or so--but we're definately going to UC.

Wow that is awsome! I guess you answered my question!

I do remember the paradigm shift moment I had, after reading a UC story a few weeks after joining cbirth where the mom felt something was wrong at the end and pushed baby out with all her might. The placenta came out with the rest of the baby at that moment of birth - it had prematurely detatched the mom felt, the root cause possibly being an illness she'd had a few months prior (a part of the placenta looked odd or not right) - so she felt. She felt with all of her being that being left to her instincts to push baby out asap is what saved her baby. Imagine being in a hosp and not getting the oppt for that , and even if the hosp picked on something being wrong..and prepping for a c/s...even a stat one, takes precious minutes.

That just sealed the deal for me. It's too bad her birthstory was deleted with 99% of the old cbirth. :
post #24 of 31
They should be called meddle-calized births!!!
post #25 of 31
Zoebird, do you remember what the story was?

yes, i do remember. it was Jeanine Parvati Baker's story recounted in her book Prenatal Yoga. while not exactly the yoga book i was looking for, it had a lot of great stuff it that radically changed my perspective of birth.

as i've said before, i had that dream of giving birth outside since my menarche which was completely culturally beaten out of me. but, when i read that story, i felt like i got to reclaim my birth--long before i'd ever had one. it was a powerful moment.

it was also the first time i'd ever read of lotus birth, and i was really intregued and interested in that. it took a while longer to choose lotus birth (with all this language of placenta eating), but i think lotus birth is def the way to go.

once we came back from our walk, my DH said "well,we have a lot of assumptions and fictions to overcome, but i really think UC is the right way." and then i started reading birth stories and would occassionally read a number of them to him. i started with the Born Free! web site--which has lots of great resources.

and nwo i'm here, there and everywhere.
post #26 of 31
We are on the fence right now about having a midwife here, waiting downstairs, just in case. After two horrifying visits with an OB/GYN here, this has been a total UP. Although we found, lost, then found again a midwife, the losing her part made me very distrusting as far as relying on her for actual intrapartum care, so we've made a decision that we will proceed as if this is a UC and if she shows up, great. If not, it's not like we're not prepared.

Our reasons:

* Birth is a normal, natural event in the vast majority of cases. If horses, cows, dogs, and cats can do it, so can I.
* My first birth was a totally overly medicalized event which I would love to go back and do over. Mulligan anyone? I will *not* be victimized like that ever again.
* There are no legal homebirth midwives in Istanbul. It is actually illegal for anyone with any kind of medical knowledge to attend a homebirth. However, you can have all the hand-wringing idiots you want.
* The standard of care here is abysmal. Push the technology, don't talk about anything that might help naturally--nutrition, herbals, etc. Ultrasound with every appointment, ridiculous amounts of blood work, push the genetic testing, etc. Someone who wants an high-tech birth would be very at-home here. I am keeping better records and taking better care of myself than any doctor here would.
* The hospitals here have an 80-90+% c-section rate. If I go to hospital, I am almost guaranteed to have a surgical birth, since I am over 35.
* I started out with an OB/GYN who "promised" that she could give me a natural birth in the hospital, then proceeded to tell me that I would be NPO on arrival, IV put in, must stay in bed, continuous monitoring, and would probably be "allowed" to breastfeed. I think she doesn't know what a natural birth is. While all natural births are vaginal, not all vaginal births are natural.
* I have caught other people's babies, why not catch my own?

Read lots of info on UP/UC, it will help you solidify *your* reasons.
post #27 of 31
In my case, I wanted an alternative to the typical OB/hospital birth when I was pg with my first, and I found a wonderful lay MW who attended my first 2 births.

When I was pg for the 3rd time, I couldn't afford a lay MW, and Medicaid covered a hospital birth 100%. I was able to select a CNM for prenatal care, but she worked with OBs and she wasn't really free to make her own decisions, and she only attended hospital births.

During this pregnancy, I first learned about UC. I felt incredibly frustrated that I didn't have the option of a "real" MW at my home- yes, there were and are midwives in my area who attended homebirths, but as I couldn't afford to pay for one, it wasn't an option for me.

The further along in my pg I got, the more I felt like I needed to birth at home and the hospital was simply NOT a place I wanted to be. I felt like all the "prenatal care" appts were a waste of my time and precous energy, and I didn't appreciate the negative vibes I got from the whole office (even my CNM) as my due date approached and I wasn't in labor yet- I especially got thta feeling the day before DS was born when I wasn't effaced or dilated. It was 3 days BEFORE my due date and I was already getting "performance pressure" about labor.

Even as I went into labor, I considered going to the hospital just to cover my ass legally. A lot of things after the birth would have been easier if I had. Thanks to pressure from other adults in the house, we transferred to the hospital "just to get us both checked out" after the birth. DS ended up in the NICU for a week because "he was born outside the sterile hospital." There was absolutely no medical justifcation for that. Had I given birth in the hospital, he could have roomed in and we both would have gone home 2 days later, and CPS never would have been called. CPS ended up not taking any action "because he isn't going to go through childbirth again" but I was found "indicated for child abuse and neglect." This will stay on my record until my youngest child turns 18, and if I ever get CPS called on me for any reason, the workers will know about this. If I ever apply for a job working with children in NYS, my employers will find out about this as well. :

The labor and birth itself was the most incredible thing I've ever experienced. So much more peaceful and relaxed than my 2 MW attended HBs. I wasn't constantly worrying "when will the MW arrive?" I didn't have the MW subtly direct my birthing position. While in labor, there's just no way I could entertain the thought of going to the hospital for the birth. I was just in no state of mind to disrupt that peaceful birthing-place I was in (mentally, spiritually, emotionally- I'm not talking about physical space at all.)

I honestly can't imagine birthing any other way now that I've experienced a UC. Unfortunately, I can't put myself or my children at that kind of risk legally because of the CPS report from DS' birth. This is one of the reasons I may not have any more children- I can't risk another UC, and I can't see birthing any other way.
post #28 of 31
Thank you all for your stories!

We have a wonderful, hands-off midwife (licensed DEM) with whom both DH and I have come to share friendship and respect. And we feel good about engaging her support because this will be our first birth. However, we know that there are situations in which the law would require her to act in ways that we've all discussed are NOT what DH and I want for our child's birth. So here I am, reading all of your stories and we're doing what we can to be prepared in case UC becomes our best option.

Thanks again--your RL stories are great support for what I (and DH!) intuitively feel!
post #29 of 31
We got the idea for UC when I gave birth to my dd. The midwife we had at her birth got to our house after I had been holding my dd back for about 20min. I hadn't had the 'unrestrainable urge' to push yet, but definitley was pushing tiny pushes while consciously trying to hold her back with all I had. She asked me why I didn't push her when my body was telling me to push. I said, 'because I was waiting for you to get here!'....and she said something like 'you don't need me or anyone else to have a baby'. It played over in my head again and again, and it just made so much sense to me. The more I read and learned about birth that wasn't interfered with, the more it seemed like the obvious next step for us. DH also enjoyed our private birth so much that he said if we went to a hospital, he probably would kick everyone out of the room and tell them to come back when I was done. The more we talked about 'what if' scenarios, laying blame or responsibilty, and God's design, we knew that the only answer for us was to trust God's design of the birth process and to forego going to the medical community for assistance in our pregnancy and birth unless we felt the Holy Spirit guiding us that way. I have found some midwives that I feel comfortable talking with sometimes though.
post #30 of 31
Interventions fail women, babies, and the birth process.

We are going to TTC soon & plan a VBA4C.
post #31 of 31
I am in tears as I am reading this because I truly am inspired by all of you... We are pregnant with #2 and looking into UCing and I needed this thread to help me sort out my feelings. Please keep sharing your stories so that I can quiet the 1% self doubt that is invading my thoughts...
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