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November dating thread - Page 7

post #121 of 164
Hi Im Sadie, new to this thread and dating in general... its been 7 yrs!!!

my ex boyfriend and I broke up a few months back but we had also had a few breakups prior. I hadnt even thought about dating until just recently. for the last few weeks Ive been lurking in the classifieds at myspace. To my own surprise eventually a man posted who wasnt like all the young 20 yr olds trying to 'hook up'. He is a single parent as well, has custody of his 3 yr old son. He was in the army.. and hes planning to be a cop. All of my friends are incredulous that I would be interested in someone like that.. {in the past my hobbies havent always been legal.. and Im antiwar} but he is thoughtful and sweet. : He obviously is one of the good ones that respects women. So far we've talked on the phone a handful of times.

{oh and he's a liberal like me which IS important to me as well.}

The only thing that gives me pause is his height... Im 5 1 and he is 6 4!!!! I have never had a boyfriend that tall. My ex was only 5 8. I dont mean to be superficial, but in the past I wasnt attracted to tall men. Im hoping this time will be different, because I already have growing feelings for this man.

just thought Id share. this is all unchartered territory for me. Im so concerned about making a bad impression before we meet! Im so new to this dating concept. it confuses me. :

I agree w/ solareyna.. it is really odd to have a crush on someone. Its so weird to sit around wondering if he thinks of me as much etc. Feels like high school or something. I think for me the only way to know for sure is to come out and look like a fool. But I have terrible social skills, aspergers and all that.

post #122 of 164
Quote:
Originally Posted by kitty waltz View Post
He is a single parent as well, has custody of his 3 yr old son. He was in the army.. and hes planning to be a cop. All of my friends are incredulous that I would be interested in someone like that.. {in the past my hobbies havent always been legal.. and Im antiwar} but he is thoughtful and sweet. : He obviously is one of the good ones that respects women. So far we've talked on the phone a handful of times.

{oh and he's a liberal like me which IS important to me as well.}
Welcome Sadie!

It is so funny because your story has a few elements similar to that with my dp.

My dp is currently military, and has also been considering law enforcement after he finishes his contract next year. His military involvement caused a HUGE pause for me when I first read his profile (we met online). Actually, when we first started chatting, he was in Iraq at the time. But, I always give everyone the benefit of the doubt and decided to take a chance.

But, I was very, very upfront, no-holds-barr and completely honest about my views of the military and my antiwar sentiment. He loved that honesty about me and we found that we shared many similar views about 'issues' that were very important to my own value system and what I needed in a partner.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kitty waltz View Post

The only thing that gives me pause is his height... Im 5 1 and he is 6 4!!!! I have never had a boyfriend that tall. My ex was only 5 8. I dont mean to be superficial, but in the past I wasnt attracted to tall men. Im hoping this time will be different, because I already have growing feelings for this man.
This is the complete opposite for me. I am so not attracted to men shorter than 6'. In fact, my X was 6'7"! [BTW: I am only 5'3"] : My dp is 6'0".
post #123 of 164
kitty, good luck with your guy! Maybe the height thing won't be such an issue, after all. Esp. since you're getting so much time to process it.

mountain, I'm glad things are working out with you and your guy.

Hey, y'all! I've got a guy now.

Well, not a guy. A toy, which happens to be a human. And, I'm so excited about him. He's cute and talkative and interesting and focused. And, really good in the sack. So, yay! He also lives in my town, which is a change for me.

I don't want a relationship with him, though we haven't had that talk. He has his own priorities right now, none of which include a girlfriend, as far as I can tell.

I can't wait to meet a guy who doesn't refer to all women as "girls", though. It really bothers me. I need to let it go, I guess.
post #124 of 164
Thread Starter 
I had the date with the man who left his # on my car. I liked him. We went to a nice, romantic dinner and when it was over i went back to his house to retrieve my car and talk a bit more (we had been having such a good time) I know now that I should've planned a coffee date, or something else in a public place for a first date, it's just that I felt closer and more trusting bc I met him in the office of a play therapist.

I stupidly went in to his house (I could kick myself now) We had a nice talk, then he started to get a bit too physical for my taste. I kept telling him 'no', and he kept persisting. I honestly was afraid I was going to be date raped

He finally 'let' me leave and go home after I pretended to be interested in being physical on a later date...oooo, it made me soo mad to have to do that.

This guy seemed perfect in every way until he pounced on me like that. I firmly believe in listening to your instinct, and mine told me that this man could be capable of , let's just say, 'bad' things.

When I say no, I mean no :
post #125 of 164
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucy VanPelt View Post

Well, not a guy. A toy, which happens to be a human.
Lucy, you are so funny!
post #126 of 164
Oh Kelly, I am so very sorry for you. How scary.

I am thankful to hear that you came out of the situation without too much trauma.
post #127 of 164
BelovedK...such a scary situation, so glad it turned out okay! Have you thought about taking a self-defense class? It might give you a lot of comfort after such a scare...to know that if anything like that ever happened again you could get yourself out of it. But I hope that nothing like that ever happens again...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucy VanPelt View Post
I can't wait to meet a guy who doesn't refer to all women as "girls", though. It really bothers me. I need to let it go, I guess.
Ooohhh, I feel the same way. And "chick" really bothers me too, as in chick flick. In fact, beau and I had as close as we've come to an argument about the whole "girls" thing the other day! I was in a group assignment, with three women and one man, and he sent an email to us with the greeting "Hey girls" to which one of the other women in the group responded in the next email with "Hey kids" (I'm hoping to get his attention, but she's a kind of casual person and I later realized she might just be affectionately calling us kids double standard, I know!) I didn't do anything but feel irked at the first greeting, but when I saw hers I said, "YEA!" while my beau was lying on the couch nearby, to which he wondered what I was exclaiming about. When he said it didn't sound like a big deal to him, I got pretty upset (and one other time I came down hard on him for saying chick flick...but he took it well ). I sometimes feel like I just haven't had much experience with men, especially positive experience, to be able to forgive things like that...and in the end, he said that they guy probably wrote it because he DID feel that way, since many do. To which I said, "well, why doesn't that justify my indignation!!!" I'm learning, I guess, and I think my beau is learning as well. But to me that whole "girls" thing is what I call my children, I've grown out of that label, thank you very much .
post #128 of 164
Oh, and browneyedsol, please tell us how your date goes!!!
post #129 of 164
BelovedK
I am sooooo glad you are okay. Remember....that little voice is your protection. Please listen to it!

I've been out on a couple of dates. No one that made my heart skip a beat or anything, but I've met some interesting men. I've become friends with one of them, so that's been really nice. But, I'm still searching for Mr. Pretty-Darn-Cool-&-Ready-for-A-Relationship-With-Me. I know he's out there and feel like we'll come together soon.

I've also been back in contact with my great summer romance. I must admit there's part of me that still feels a rush of excitement when I see an email or message from him.....but I'm realistic about where we are and why we ended things (which is a challenge for me because I'm both and idealist and a romantic at heart). It has been very nice though to be back in touch, because our emails and conversations have always been so free and easy and extraordinary that I missed them terribly. As such, it makes it easier for me to accept that this is where we are and appreciate the fact that we can continue that as friends and be grateful he is still a part of my life.

Anyway...that's the end of my dear diary entry for tonight. Enjoy your adventures in dating girls. Oops...I mean, women!!!
post #130 of 164
beloved k- how scary!!! Im so glad you got out of there ok. what a {UA violation}!!!!


I agree, it bugs me to no end when ppl call women: girls, or full grown men: kids as in "I met this kid in class the other day..." "how old is he?" "around 35" not a damn kid. and chick flick is just plain insulting, imo.
post #131 of 164
OMG BelovedK, I'm so grateful to read that you are okay. Chalk that one up to a learning experience, hm? Be careful.

Welcome Sadie!

Holland73, lol, I wish I was in the same mode of thinking about the menfolk.

We went to a bistro of my choice. I have wanted to go forever, but this is the first time it worked out.

Well. One of my final questions of the evening was, "So...uh...who'd ya vote for in the last presidential election?" He said......................
"John Kerry!" Whoot Whoot Whoot Whoot! Then he said he doesn't vote partyline, and really thought Ross Perot would make a good president because he was such a good businessman.

I don't think this was a true love connection, but I liked him, and even thought he was darn cute. He dates all the time though, and said at one point, "I'm not looking for a wife." He worked it in casually. I was certainly not asking. Later, after asking if I wanted more kids and I replied "Yes, very much." he said he'd had a vasectomy. I mentioned wanting to be a single mom by choice if things don't work out and he quickly chimed in, "Well, I'm not your man!" He said he didn't trust women to say that they were on birth control, so he got "fixed". So, it reallly seems like he's into dating and perhaps casual sex. Not with me, though, thanks. I asked him his favorite thing to do and he said, "Make out."

So, long story short, we had some interesting conversation. He asked me if I'd like to do something else after we'd been sitting a long time and I hesitated but said yes. We went for a walk. I took him to the swings. He is such a businessy guy. The man needed a merry-go-round. He tried a couple times, then he was ready to walk again. I could tell he was part enthusiastic and part uncomfortable with the playground. I showed him my favorite play equipment, which is a thing you run around and then let go with your feet and "fly". He tried it once and said he needed a chiropractor.

Anyhoo...no kisses. I gave him a really big hug at the end and he went on his way. Btw, we split the bill straight in half, which I felt comfortable with.
It was fun. I might have rather spent the evening with a girlfriend having girl talk, but it was a very good change of pace for me. He gave me some very sound career/business advice and I gave him some very sound therapeutic advice. It worked out!

I wish I could say churchbells rang, but I think he's a bit of a commitment phobe who likes things that suit him where he's comfortable.

Patting myself on the back for new experiences! I don't think this guy knew quite what to think of me...

Maybe I'm the weirdo.
post #132 of 164
can i still post here if i am not dating right now? suddenly i felt like an intruder or something but i dont know why..

anyway BelovedK thats just rotten. i am really glad you left. and, i am really glad women have that stupid tactic on hand " oh baby not now but later" to get out of crap like that. good thinking, is all i have to say, although yes thats maddening to have to do it.
post #133 of 164
Thread Starter 
Thank you everybody, I'm glad to be safe and sound too.

Browneyedsol, that sounds like a great 'practice' date they get you back out there and ready for when the real one comes along. Aren't you glad he was honest? (about being 'fixed', 'not your man', etc)

I've decided that when Steve (that's his name) calls about our supposed date next Friday, I'm going to ask him why he thought he could treat me like that. The more I think about it, the angrier I become. I'm not sure exactly what I will say, or how I will save it. How arrogant, he seemed so nice and mild at first. I need to be able to find my words when he calls (or I call him) I just want to wash my hands of the whole situation. How should I put it? I feel so weak sometimes.
post #134 of 164
BelovedK- how very upseting. I hate guys that are pushy like that. If he calls you should tell him exactly how you feel and why.

I hear y'all about the girls thing. I hate being called a girl or chick.

I had a date night with bf last night, it went really well. We went out for chinese and went back to his place and watched The Borne Identity. Its nice sometimes just to veg on the couch.
My new man's big downfall.....he house is disgusting. I am not a clean freak and everytime I am there I have a burning itch to clean his bathroom. He surface cleans...you know....dishes are done, vaccuming done, dirt on the handle of the stove that is older than I am. I keep thinking, if this works out and we end up living together I will not be able to handle that. I know its a little soon to be thinking about moving in together but I have always been a bit of a planner. I look WAY too far ahead in the future.
Am I being too anal?
post #135 of 164
JustVanessa, I don't think you're being too anal. I used to clean mens' houses all the time when I was younger and living in a dorm. Some men are disgusting and if I have to use your toilet, it's going to be at my standard of cleanliness. I don't find that most men mind.

BelovedK, I'm really sorry that happened! I had a guy like that a while back. I never called him back. The bad thing was that the only reason I was telling him "no" was b/c I was on my period. Otherwise, it would have been okay. But, he was so pushy...I just released him.

I know you're angry, but what will confronting him do for you? A guy that disrespectful isn't going to learn much from a confrontation. But, if you just need to get it out: by all means! Do so! And, then write him out of your reality.

browneyedsol, I'm so glad your date went well! (I consider that a good date.) He was upfront and honest, and that's so nice to see in a man. I think the best part of your date was the free apetizer from the chef, though! Rock on! LOL

I actually don't mind being referred to as "girl" on occassion. It's when it's the only way they refer to females that I get all uppity. If I say "woman" and he just keeps on saying "girl" all the time or makes it a point to stress "woman" the next time it comes up (in that sarcastic, snarky way), all bets are off.

The guy I'm messing with now probably still sees himself as a boy. He talked about still feeling 19 (which I can relate to), so I wasn't pissy about it. But, it will be a really nice day when I find myself conversating with a man who says "woman" before "girl" ever comes out of his mouth.

stirringleaf, feel free to post here! I sure did when I wasn't dating. LOL! And, technically, I'm still not dating. I'm just playing with someone.

Hmmm...maybe we should go on a date. I hadn't thought of that!
post #136 of 164
Quote:
Originally Posted by BelovedK View Post
Thank you everybody, I'm glad to be safe and sound too.

Browneyedsol, that sounds like a great 'practice' date they get you back out there and ready for when the real one comes along. Aren't you glad he was honest? (about being 'fixed', 'not your man', etc)

I've decided that when Steve (that's his name) calls about our supposed date next Friday, I'm going to ask him why he thought he could treat me like that. The more I think about it, the angrier I become. I'm not sure exactly what I will say, or how I will save it. How arrogant, he seemed so nice and mild at first. I need to be able to find my words when he calls (or I call him) I just want to wash my hands of the whole situation. How should I put it? I feel so weak sometimes.
i dont know beloved K. i would be cautios about telling him off. i am really paranoid about men who act like this. i think, if he crossed thse boundaries on the first date, who knows what other inconsiderate things he is capable of, like harassing you if you reject him. i think you can reject him without much explaination.. i mean i kind of think explainations are for when you are trying to maintain a friendship or something. but since you are not really trying to keep a relationship with him, i think the best, and safest, response to him would just be something like " i thought i was interested, but i dont think it is going to work out. i am sorry"

otherwise you make yourself more emotionally vulnerable ( by telling him how you feel about it) and if he is a real jerk, this simply gives him opportunities to irk you more. i would just cut off contact as simply as possible. to me, that is not weak. if he doesnt "get it" that he shouldnt treat women that way at his age, he isnt going to get it by you explaining anything to him. i bet he has heard it before.

thats just how i would do it.. i dont know if it is "right"
post #137 of 164
Thread Starter 
You know, You are exactly right. I thought about it right after I sent my response. I don't owe this guy anything. I'm just going to tell him that it's not going to work out when he calls me about our 'next date' I'm sure he will, thinking he will be able to (insert ua violation)

Thanks all for the input. From now on when I go on a date, a friend or two will know where I am, where I'm going and will call me at a certian time. No one knew where i was the other night, that is scary. I just can't take chances like that


Hopefully the December dating thread will be a very positive one for everyone


Mountain, you may need to remind me again
post #138 of 164
Quote:
Originally Posted by BelovedK View Post
You know, You are exactly right. I thought about it right after I sent my response. I don't owe this guy anything. I'm just going to tell him that it's not going to work out when he calls me about our 'next date'
Good plan! And, make sure you tell him not to call you anymore. Sometimes, these sorts of guys think you just need a "cooling off" period. :
post #139 of 164
Quote:
Originally Posted by BelovedK View Post


Hopefully the December dating thread will be a very positive one for everyone


Mountain, you may need to remind me again
You got it babe.

Beloved, that is so freaking awful. I had high hopes for someone that seemed so imaginative! I agree that he doesn't deserve your attention, but if he does call, you might just tell him he came on way too strong.

i hate those situations where people don't get that it's a power control issue when they mess with you...if you feel crappy about it, they should just back off...simple stuff..

Stirringleaf, don't get despondant on me woman. you know that anything will & can happen around the corner. you're definitely not an intruder. I need you to listen to me bitch lol...it's hard to look at life like a chance to shine all the time, but we gotta even if we have no boy toys...

Lucy! You crack me up! Boy toy.

Thanks for the date updat sol! That was a great image of you guys playing at the park...I'm glad you were able to be yourself!

I feel like my bf and I are really getting past our awkwardness and into the realness of what we're gonna be to each other...we spent the weekend writing music & hanging out with the kids...I'm so in love with him and it feels so healthy.

On his myspace page, it still says "single" and here for "dating and serious relationships". Now, I know he's not sleeping with anyone else...but should I say something to him, and if so, WHAT?

even if there's no problem, I'll make one.
post #140 of 164
Quote:
even if there's no problem, I'll make one.
I sooooo understand.

If it really bothers you, mention it. He probably just didn't think about it. But, don't come at him like he needs to change it.

If it doesn't really bother you (you're mostly just feeling insecure), don't mention it. Use the energy you'd talk to him about it with to feel more secure about you and your relationship.

Good luck! That must be hard.
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