Originally Posted by mystic~mama
,this thread has helped so much!!! not that i think i'll never have craziness again! but,,,the wise words here have helped so much...I wanted to send you some love
You are so sweet! I bet that love you sent helped me through! I do relate to you and am glad to hear everyone's experiences about where they are...we do help each other out, huh. It's so good.
r/e meeting guys: I live in a real small town so I knew everyone b/c i had a restaurant...I basically fed everyone in town. It sucked that I knew everyone though...they knew about my X.
...I had fed the guy that I'm dating, knew him casually for like 4 years...saw him at the fair & downtown painting once, and didn't have the guts to talk to him too much...after I was despairing about how I'd talk to him again, I saw him on my friend's myspace.
...so i would say recommend just making as many friends as possible...with younger or older people, just get out there & make friends. You'll always need em.
Danae, Welcome Back!
Mamas, I need to write this down to figure it out in my head...if you don't like weird self-psychoanalysis, skip to the next post! My bf is a totally special, sensitive, gifted, wonderful person...I really wonder if I can connect with him in the way I want to. He's my age, never had kids, I'm afraid that he's not going to want to be as close with me as I'm wanting...that he doesn't even know how to be close with me.
I'm starting to "get" him, that he needs lots of space/alone time...he revels in it and I actually like/need more of that in my life...so this could be great. However, he gets back from a 5 day trip and doesn't call me...I call him, and he calls me right back, but I just feel so put off...if he was thinking about me, wouldn't he simply call when he got home? It was a business trip and he's got lots of stuff to do...we have this nightmare conversations where I hang up on him twice (really mature, huh...). We had dinner together but I feel like I'm pulling teeth to hang out with him...he's getting his "stuff" done & distracted.
So we have this conversation about multitasking---and he truly doesn't get that while he's focusing on work he might want to acknowledge that I exist...it's been a year since he had a gf, but come ON! I know it's all a process of getting to know each other, but I have a hard time with this whole idea...
This is important to me: I don't want to make excuses for anybody anymore. I spent 9 years of my life doing that for the kids' dad, and I just don't want to be deluding myself into thinking I'm in love if it's just me trying to find the good in everyone like Ms. Sunshine, yk? I have to be realistic about this because I won't have my kids hanging out with anyone unhealthy or substandard. I want to teach them that partnerships can be healthy.
OTOH, he's so truly wonderful, positive, interesting, motivated, and when we connect--we really connect. There's this pain in the uncertain, the transition that I alternately find exciting & excruciating. I'd rather have passion with some uncertainty than a mediocre connection. I feel so safe and secure when we "get" each other, like we can do anything. Everywhere we go, people smile because we're so happy together.
Just wanted to write this all out to see where it goes...thx for the space. lol
Here's to healthiness....