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December dating thread - Page 8

post #141 of 156
Hugs again Megan, you are in my thoughts.

Well the guy that was too good to be true just keeps getting better if that is at all possible. We talked on the phone last night and he has this sexy southern drawl and we were just talking about how bad the public schools are in this area and he asked me if I had ever considered homeschooling. YES!! I was so upset that my stbx did not appreciate my desire to homeschool my son. I would love to find a partner that supports me in that. The bad thing is he makes too much money. He's scared that a woman is going to want him for his money and I am scared to marry a man with money because stbx used it to manipulate and control me and put it above his family. However, this man does not sound like he would do that. And I haven't seen a picture yet that makes me nervous. He says he lost all his pictures in the hurricane when he lost his house (which is very common around here) and he sounds cute and looks aren't that important but there has to be some chemistry and no physical attraction usually means no chemistry. I mean he sounds perfect, it would really be bad if I weren't attracted to him, but I am trying to keep as open a mind as possible. He insists on getting me a picture before we meet face to face which I am very much looking forward to. It is so nice to find a gentleman with traditional values and intelligence and he's so sweet. : Wish me luck.
post #142 of 156
Sounds great Solareyna.....keep enjoying it!
post #143 of 156
Good Luck Solareyna!!!!
post #144 of 156

How do I make him understand?

Ok, I've been talking to this guy, J, about a month now, there for awhile it was pretty much non stop, then we had a "date" on the 14th, talked to him again after that and again on Christmas Day. I called him a couple days ago and we made plans to spend New Years together, but he wanted me to come up sooner because he got a new apartment the weekend after our last date and he wants me to see it. Well, I have to find someone to watch the kids, he says no problem, bring them with you. Well I think that it's just too soon for him to meet my kids, and I don't want to have to explain to them what "we" are, whatever we are, I don't know if he just considers us friends, bf/gf? I dunno, I don't want to bring my kids into that. PLUS another reason I do not want to bring them into it is because granted my stbx & I have been separated since May and he has seemingly moved on with another woman, I have not yet filed for a divorce (don't have the $ to). I don't want stbx to use my relationship with J as a tool to fight for the kids or whatever in the divorce and I know if my kids meet J, at least my daughter will more than likely bring it up to her father. I guess I'm asking, what should I tell J without entirely scaring him away from me?
post #145 of 156
Just tell him that you appreciate his offer to include your kids, but that you'd rather not involve them yet. Honesty is best.
post #146 of 156
Quote:
Originally Posted by Babes in arms View Post
Just tell him that you appreciate his offer to include your kids, but that you'd rather not involve them yet. Honesty is best.
I agree.

And, for what it's worth...if the guy doesn't understand about it, he's not the right guy for you anyway. Anyone dating a single mom has to *get* that or it just won't work.
post #147 of 156
It's all good, I talked to him tonight, we have a wonderful evening, night whatever planned for New Years, he promised me a kiss at midnight, which I have never had. I asked him if he cared that I crash at his place, and he said no, he'd like that. I am sooooooo happy right now, on cloud 9.
post #148 of 156

When are you exclusive?

Okay, J & I have been "seeing" eachother for about a month now, granted I talk to other men from time to time, but he is the only one I'm "sleeping" with and the only one I plan to. I'm just not like that. Well he & I talked last night and it sounds like he might be "seeing" other women besides me. I also told him about a friend of my stbx that I have come fairly close to, we flirt and I wouldn't mind having a relationship with him, but now is not the time since he is a friend of my stbx. Well J said that I should basically just have a fling with stbx's friend, all in fun. I told him no, I wouldn't do that I only want to be with one person at a time, and that right now that person is J. Well he said some things that kind of made it sound like he goes out and has "flings", but I am what he wants for long term, I am what he cares about and the others are just "all in fun". I think it is too soon to just be blunt with him and say as long as your with me you better not be with anyone else, but maybe I'm wrong. It has been so long since I dated, I don't know what to do in this situation. I really like J and I think as our relationship grows he will eventually see that if he wants me for long term that he will need to be faithful and committed to only me. Any suggestions on what to do?
post #149 of 156
Quote:
Originally Posted by SunnyBabyIn2005 View Post
Well J said that I should basically just have a fling with stbx's friend, all in fun.
I hate to be so completely blunt, but in the words of the famous book that floats around this forum, this guy "just isn't into you." He is out to have some fun and sow some wild oats, which isn't bad...as long as you are in the same place as him. Judging from your post, I am assuming that you are not in the same place as him.


Quote:
Originally Posted by SunnyBabyIn2005 View Post
I think it is too soon to just be blunt with him and say as long as your with me you better not be with anyone else, but maybe I'm wrong.
IMO, you have every right to be blunt and forthright about what you want in this relationship, even moreso because you guys are sleeping together.

I believe that this sort of sexual exclusivity should be determined before you become intimate with someone. It is a dangerous game to play if both parties are not on the same page...in regards to sexual exclusivity.

Be VERY honest with this man about what you want. You deserve to have everything you want in any relationship, the key is to find the man that can a) give it to you and b) wants the same thing.
post #150 of 156
I have to agree with Holland here.
If this guy is into you the same way you are into him, he wouldn't even be interested in a fling on the side.

You deserve to be with someone who thinks you are the sun, the moon and the stars. You deserve to be with someone who even when you aren't together, can't stop thinking about you or something you said or did.

When it's real...you know it. When it's not...it's not.

If you ever want happiness and a healthy, real and lasting relationship, you will cut this guy loose and only accept what you want in your life.

Believe me, after years of dating before my marriage and after, I can tell you there is a HUGE difference. And having had both, I would ONLY accept a relationship that is mutual....because it feels like nothing else and is amazing in every way.

If you want to have a fling with this guy, J....then keep your emotions in check and realize it's never going to be more than a fling.
post #151 of 156
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post #152 of 156


All of us here deserve to be with someone who loves us to the far reaches of the cosmos! Please don't settle for less!

I'm a little disappointed today, I must admit. I was supposed to meet Mr. Right at a gathering this morning. A friend was hosting a brunch and inviting Mr. sexy euro name single mature dad. The gathering was cancelled due to ill hosts. Phooey. You should have seen me this morning! I took a long yummy essential oil bath, tweezed my Brooke brows, and slept with squishy twisties in my hair. Ha! What a missed opportunity...for now anyway. I was really hoping to see fireworks before the New Year, but...next year it is! Bring it on in the NEW YEAR!
post #153 of 156
browneyedsol~~~ That's right....BRING ON THE NEW YEAR!!!!! For all us mamma's starting a new relationship, and for the mamma's finding one. It will be a good yr for us all with or without "a man".
We are all stong mamma's with wonderful children and all different kinds of backgrounds and x's. and we can all get through what the universe throws at us..... So I say bring it on baby!!!!
post #154 of 156
Thread Starter 

Mountain

don't let me forget to start the January dating thread
post #155 of 156
Let me just say before the close of this thread that mister too good to be true was too good to be true. We were so compatible on every level except physically. And I don't care if he's not that good looking but I couldn't even bring myself to give him a kiss good night so I knew it just wasn't going to work. I hope he still wants to be friends but I have a feeling I broke his heart. : He swore I was the one which kind of turned me off too, he says sometimes love is a choice. But I wasn't going to marry him just because he has money and thinks the world of me. I want to feel passion. Am I being too picky?
post #156 of 156
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by solareyna View Post
I want to feel passion. Am I being too picky?
definately not, you deserve to have all of the things love has to offer
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