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December dating thread - Page 2

post #21 of 156
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jster View Post
Oh, and btw ladies...my beau asked me to marry him last night! I'm excited, nervous, and also calm. Craziness, eh??

That is a "oh, btw" kind of news??? :
Crazy girl.
Spill the details already!
:
post #22 of 156
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jster View Post
Oh, and btw ladies...my beau asked me to marry him last night! I'm excited, nervous, and also calm. Craziness, eh??
We're gonna need some details! What did you say??!
post #23 of 156
Oh of course, what did you say Jstr?

And that is great Vanessa, it sounds like you have a very supportive boyfriend.
post #24 of 156
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jster View Post

mountain, sounds like a really nice development of your relationship, and nope, I'm definitely keeping the baby vibes to myself! Don't want to get any of you ladies into trouble
Aw, sweetheart, you're not in trouble...that's outdated! I would love to be where you're at, b/c you two have been together longer than me & my beau!

How did he ask you to marry him?
post #25 of 156
Okay, some details...we've been talking about it a bit, of course because of the circumstances (and my mind was daydreaming even before then, kind of along the lines of a Dr. Suess Would you? Could you?) And after the girls were asleep and we had some time to ourselves, we talked a bit about our thoughts on marriage (which we'd already talked about). I guess one of the neatest things is how realistic he is, he feels that sickness is more when you need your marriage than health, that it's at those low points, when it's the hardest, that it's the most valuable and valid. And he shows that every day in our relationship...he lets the little frustrations of daily life flow past and keeps his focus on the bigger picture.

He asked me on the futon, where our baby was concieved and almost all of our, ahem, fun happens. It was sweet, punctuated by many kisses, and a little bit of small talk, and then the most beautiful open expression as he asked me to marry him. I said YES! and back to more kisses...we just melted together. We've discussed a few more details of when, where, what kind, but still haven't made any definite decisions. Just so many factors to try to balance, like my school schedule, finding some time for a honeymoon while the girls are in a safe place, etc., but we both want something outside in nature, intimate, comfortable. He doesn't want to dress up, and that's fine, I think I might invest some time in making wedding outfits for us...at least some sort of nice flowing ceremonialish shirt for him, a dress for me, and dresses for the girls. I think it would be neat to put something into it. Though maybe there's someone else I need to sew for as well, as I've gotton rid of most of my baby things. So far, my beau and the girls want a boy, I'll just take whoever we get, it'll be interesting! And I'm sort of throwing around the idea of UC...last birth was at home, and I think with the proper loving support I'd be totally fine on my own, we're talking about it. In fact, it was a thought I had from the very beginning of our relationship, perhaps because we talk so much about self-sufficiency, I've thought all along that I could envision us sharing birth together.

Think it's time to update my siggy!
post #26 of 156
Aww, that is so beautiful Jen! It sounds like you've really got a keeper! I'm so glad to hear that you have been so blessed and may you & your family continue to be! I hope that I eventually will find the same happiness.
post #27 of 156
Thread Starter 
Jster, I'm so excited for you !!!! That is so exciting

I hope you'll continue to check in with us here in the SP forum, your presence would be missed, but I'm soo happy...you've brought a smile to my face.
post #28 of 156
Congratulations, Jster!!!!!! I am sooooo happy for you! All of you!
post #29 of 156
Holy! Congrats Jster! Very sweet. Enjoy riding the tiger! Keep us posted as all your plans unfold!

Lots going on when we're supposed to be shopping, decorating cookies and Christmas carolling.

About the "I know there's someone out there for you." I say this to people and mean it from the heart, especially my awesome girlfriends who deserve the best and I believe will have it eventually! ...but I've sort of been on your side of this, too. I think I get how you're feeling about it. I had really fallen for a guy a few years ago, and after some itimacy that happened on occasion for a year, and a year of trying to figure out what was happening and really hoping for happy ever after (sincerely for like, the second time in my life because I've never been married) he finally said, "I love you but I'm not IN love you." oh, and "It's not you. It's me."
...I flippin' died. I cried on the floor. I dyed my hair black (I had very long virgin healthy golden brown hair and ruined it. It's still recovering). Those little worn our phrases can be taken different ways, I think. I think it depends on our experiences, tone, perception, etc. He felt badly afterward, when he realized how hard it hit me...though I still don't think he knows how hard it hit me...and I don't think he felt bad enough.

Next date, tuesday morning! Onward and upward!
post #30 of 156
Thanks for letting us live vicariously through you Jen! That sounds so sweet, I especially like that you wrote about melting into each other...it's almost as if when people are truly meant to be married, it's already there...and the ceremony is simply outward confirmation.

It's particularly challenging to 'melt' with the man that I'm in love with because he has so many serious reservations...I see a lot of these vanishing in the space of love--our intimacy has grown so deeply that it's a bit scary---TIME FOR A DISAGREEMENT, already!

Yesterday i took a big ole 4 hour long test & he came over to see me. We were lying on my bed talking & my dd came in and started freaking all over us...it was so nice--and I could tell he was enjoying it until he stopped himself. He says lots of really positive things about families, and I just have this strange peace about it that we are growing together like that with time and care...

Well off to do wonderful Sunday things...laundry & enchilada sauce...

We'll be hoping right along with you Browneyedsol!!!! Upward is right!!!

Oh, I just wanted to say right quick that I am so proud of all us mamas who didn't let FEAR overcome us. I was just reading a hugely sad post in PAP that says, I would leave, but I know no one would want me, I could never find anyone...blah blah blah. We are living proof, and even though it's not easy it's SO MUCH BETTER TO LIVE YOUR DREAMS! There is so much possiblity.
post #31 of 156
Yes, Mountain, I'm with you! Nobody should feel that way!

If you are reading this: If nobody would ever want you, the Universe would not have celebrated your birth!

This is true for all of us. ALL of us.
post #32 of 156
Wow I am loving all the postive vibes on this thread!
I agree....onward and upward.
On the "One for you" theory....hmmm. Before getting seperated I wouldn't have said that ex was my "one true love" and I am not quite prepared to say that about current bf.
We are super comfortable together and compliment each other, and there is alot of passion between us. So things are going very well. I can honestly say I didn't think I could feel this close to someone after such a short period of time.

He came over last night and stayed over. He has a touch of a cough so I babied him. It was kinda nice to take care of someone again...kwim?
post #33 of 156
i had the summer heartbreak over last night for scrabble. ds was a little monkey and made it hard to play, so the scrabble idea was a disaster. i thought i could get him interested in playing with us but he just went into "compete for the guest's attention mode" and i went into " cant discipline ds cuz i dont want to look like a mean mommy" mode. it was dumb. i tried to play checkers with ds at the same time but this didnt appease the little ham. i offered many ways to get attention, but none were as exciting as jumping off of chairs and yelling. sigh.

and then because it was tense like that, i started having all these old feelings of worrying about rejection flooding into my emotions. i was worried my friend would not hang out with me , even as friends, after that. i feel sad today that it was so upsetting for me. i doubt it was upsetting to my friend.

anyway now i am getting nervous about the painter. i dont want to mess up with it. if he just wants to be friends, i do too. i liked him. but if he is interested in dating , i want him to know i am too...i think?????? its hard to figure out if i call him or what. so i am not calling. it sucks cuz as we left it, i am supposed to call. not him. i am supposed to email poems, but i am too weirded out! i dont know what poems to send! and, he gave me 2 buisness cards and therefore 2 email addresses, and said one he never checks. so i have to call before i email. arg. do i just go to his performance friday without calling or emailing??? so confusing. no wonder there are so many dating guidebooks. i can barely even make new friends!
post #34 of 156
Quote:
Originally Posted by stirringleaf View Post
and then because it was tense like that, i started having all these old feelings of worrying about rejection flooding into my emotions. i was worried my friend would not hang out with me , even as friends, after that. i feel sad today that it was so upsetting for me. i doubt it was upsetting to my friend.

anyway now i am getting nervous about the painter. i dont want to mess up with it. if he just wants to be friends, i do too. i liked him. but if he is interested in dating , i want him to know i am too...i think?????? its hard to figure out if i call him or what. so i am not calling. it sucks cuz as we left it, i am supposed to call. not him. i am supposed to email poems, but i am too weirded out! i dont know what poems to send! and, he gave me 2 buisness cards and therefore 2 email addresses, and said one he never checks. so i have to call before i email. arg. do i just go to his performance friday without calling or emailing??? so confusing. no wonder there are so many dating guidebooks. i can barely even make new friends!
Just relax and be yourself. Any man that has any chance of a future with you will accept you and your little one for all that you are. If you relax and do what you are comfortable with and do what feels best....you will find what you seek.
post #35 of 156
I agree with MCA.

It should be exciting, but not uber-stressful. Don't go marrying him in your head before you've even emailed him your poems!

And, I tend to be obnoxious like that...well, I was. Now, I see males as human beings. And, I remember that if they were *all that*, they wouldn't be single, either.

post #36 of 156
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucy VanPelt View Post
And, I tend to be obnoxious like that...well, I was. Now, I see males as human beings. And, I remember that if they were *all that*, they wouldn't be single, either.

: :
post #37 of 156
Hey wait, I'm single simply for the fact that I ROCK OUT LOUD! As long as you're restricting that aspersion to guys I'm cool with it though.

Anyway, I'm waiting to hear how your date went yesterday Sol!

And Jster, I'm hoping that you guys are keeping the vibe light---this is a time of great change, so you might wanna freak out...but don't forget to breathe, OK? It all is just going the way that life needs to go, you're so blessed to create a new life and everyone in your family will come together just how they're supposed to.

Ms. Chatsalot, I was thinking about you just now, about how you always have so many great words for everyone here...please don't forget to let us know what's going on with YOU...I know you handled the breakup so maturely but I have this feeling that everyone needs to let loose how they're really feeling...let loose on us. It's what we're here for.

I talked to my best friend long distance on the phone last night...am feeling so nostalgic, in a really good place here...Got lots of stuff to try to do today.

I'm gonna post another thread, but I would like some input on how y'all deal with the less money/holiday thing, single moms?

Love You Mamas
post #38 of 156
Sooo. I think I need a dating break. I liked the person I met yesterday, but I don't think it's a love connection.

Question: Do you think someone openly loving and reverent can have a healthy relationship with someone who is irreverent and openly cynical?

You know the type...righ? Scruffy, not handsome but cute. Smart, but also a a bit of a smart@ss? Into punk/ shock rock, yet also warm and soulful under it all?

Mabye I'm too picky! We just friended one another on myspace and I emailed him to tell him. "Okay. Your friends are scary." Followed by, "Is that because YOU'RE scary??"

Also, his myspace profile states: "married"

???? It's probably a joke, and I appreciate the humor....if...that's what...it is. omg. What a terrifying experience online dating is...my my my.

Yes, taking break from online dating after two dates. Just too exhausting right now...
post #39 of 156
sol, I'm glad you kinda dig him. Maybe you need to look at dating as more fun than love connecting. You're going to meet a lot of duds prior to The One, I'm sure. (This is what I tell myself to keep from slitting my own wrists while listening to some man drone on and on about himself.)

Quote:
Question: Do you think someone openly loving and reverent can have a healthy relationship with someone who is irreverent and openly cynical?
I don't think being irreverent and openly cynical has anything to do with being openly loving (I'm all 3), but the reverent thing might bite you in the butt. I guess it depends on what you need someone to be reverent about. And, how much cynicism you can take. I'm cynical, but realistically so. I can't stand mopey, snide, overly-sarcastic cynics who never seem to be happy about anything. That's not cynicism. That's depression. And, meanness.

Good luck! It's a mess. They can't all be Jack Sparrow, but I'm still on the prowl.

(Sorry. It was Dead Man's Chest for family night tonight. I love Cap'n Jack Sparrow. Even if he is an arse.)

Oh, and about the men being "all that, but single": Yes, it only applies to men. You know good men get snatched up. Good women, on the other hand, are readily available b/c most men don't know what to do with them.

post #40 of 156
holy crumbcakes i love you guys's thoughts!


so i emailed him poems. i just sent them to both addresses. i dotn know whay i didnt think of that. i am so glad i didnt call. he emailed back, and said he really liked them and asked if i will be at the show on friday. so i replied, yes, if i get off work in time. then he emailed back AGAIN, and asked what time i get off work...so i told him. very brief , very normal. i am still freaking nervous, but thats also because he told me i should bring some poems to read as part of the performance. ( its like a cabaret type show) . but its nice to find a new "scene" of people... i was hangning out with grad students and lets just say ...we have grown apart, me and the grad clique here.

but you are right, that i should just do whats comfortable and let it all work out. i will have that as my mantra. i am tired, so tired of all the effort of meeting new people. i will try to make it feel as effortless as possible.

i do still like being alone right now, and honestly am not sure i want to share any of my foibles with someone else just yet.
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