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December dating thread - Page 3

post #41 of 156
Keep them foibles under wraps darling! Only share with the best of 'em, that's my NEW mantra!
post #42 of 156
Wanna read some gossip? (Well, it *could* be gossip if anyone but me cared. ) Okay, here goes:

Earlier this week, a man I had been seeing over the summer, but haven't heard from in 3 1/2 months, called me. He just started talking to me like it had only been a few days since our last conversation. Very weird. So, I ask him what his deal is, why he's calling me. He replies that he just wants to see how I'm doing. I tell him fine and expect the call to die out, but it doesn't. He starts trying to talk dirty to me!

Um. No.

So, when the conversation was ending, I realized that he called b/c he missed me. And, he was horny. Which would have been fine if he could have just brought himself to apologize for his prior asshattery. But, he couldn't do that. (We had a whole submissive/dominant relationship thing and he was the dominant one and...that's all you need to know about that. ) I gave him plenty of opportunities to just own up to his ridiculous behavior from before, but he chose not to accept them in any normal way. He gave me plenty of opportunities to decipher that he wants me back and that he's willing to change. But, I didn't want to decipher the message, I just wanted him to say it all straight out.

Needless to say, the conversation didn't end the way he wanted it to. And, after I told him he could *not* come to my house after my kids went to bed (the nerve!), we had nothing else to say to each other.

I'm proud of myself. I handled the call with much more calm than I would have wanted to a year ago. A year ago, I would have cussed him out. I now realize that I'm much more...content with myself and I really don't care about men when they don't treat me the way I want to be treated. I haven't given up on men, I just have a real "Neeeeext!" mentality. Without the anger. That's huge for me!

A few minutes ago, this guy I told almost 4 months ago to never call me, again, called me (again)! And, my stupid phone with caller ID on it didn't pick it up b/c it wasn't connecting to the base, so I don't have his number so I can block it and report him to the phone company. Argh!

The full moon is over. Hopefully, the crazies will go back where they came from and not bother me, anymore.
post #43 of 156
ok I admit I am subscribing just so I don't miss any juicy gossip. Way to tell them!
post #44 of 156

Holy Freaking Drama, Bataman!

ok. soooooo that was stupid. get your gossip here, ladies.

the painter, who i initially just talked to without much intention of wooo woo interest, emailed me a few times this week and i him. god i am so glad i had it in my mind that i was mainly wanting a friend.. i would have been sort of PISSED, but it was just awkward. and i got over it quick. alhtough now i am mortified for other reasons. why, you ask? read on.

ok i go to this performance. it was brilliant and refreshing. i have been invited by these people to get involved with thier collective, and it was fun to see thier work, and i really do want to be involved. ok, so i am sitting there afterward and the person i met, it turns out, is clearly dating my. freind. who is a single mom. i dont know her ALL that well but holy crap is that EVER the LAST thing i would have wanted to walk into! so fine, that was established early in the night. i start drinking wine. i go out with she and he to have a cigarrette. this is my way of completly establishing in my mind that this is all fine and good. and it was, it was fine. i mean i just met the guy. i was a little bummed, but come on.. i know nothing about him. plus, this felt actually BETTER. now it was safe to chit chat cuz i could talk with both of them, and not seem flirty in my enthusiasm about art, etc.

but then she says to me, " he told me he thinks there is some kind of attraction between you." and iwas like "what???!!!" at that point i thought maybe they ARENT dating. but also, i thought she was saying he told her he was attracted to ME. this made me uncomfortable. like what is going on... i said oh... um... maybe but i dont know. CUZ i really didnt KNOW what it was, and since i now had the info that they are together, i really no longer WANT to know. KWIM? ok but i started operating on this premise that we are all friends, and kept talking to him off and on in the evening ( and her, and lots of other people). ughghg. but wine and me, we just get really smily. this doesnt help.

ok so i end up getting hit on by like a bunch of other people. it was so weird. i didnt honestly like it. i just wanted people to talk to me like normal. the attention was overwhelming. it felt partially good, but mainly overwhelming. and then i tried to tell the single mom friend something about how i just feel awkward since she said that to me. but that she is actually more important to me than some passing attraction to obviously the wrong person. ugh. it totally didnt come out. i came home and had an anxiety attack. i dont kinow what to do now. i want to talk to her about it. i care a thousand times more about her than me trying to "date". i just want to climb back into my hole. what a screwed up night.

i dont get why it is either: date, or be alone. i wouldnt mind being friends with the painter, even still, becasue i think we have a similar mindset about art. it makes me sad that the reality is , probably not a good idea.

ps. i just went back and read my doofy posts. yes i thought it was cute to have someone supposedly showing interest to me. yes, i think it is reasonable to interpret being approached, and exchanging dorky banter through the week in email as a possible flirt. yes, it gave me hope that i really might meet someone some time. and i thought he was cute no , it did not mean i was marrying him in my mind, like someone posted. the more i go over the evening in my mind th more humiliated i feel. i think he might have been treating me with condedcention more than actual intent to be friends. him and his gf. like, lets just be nice to her, poor thing has a crush. @@@ if they only knew how rare it is i even want to be friends with someone. i am going to just stay out of the social world, i think. its too freaking hard.
post #45 of 156
Quote:
Originally Posted by stirringleaf View Post
i am going to just stay out of the social world, i think. its too freaking hard.
It's okay. You can get back out there another time and it will be completely different.

Sorry things went so screwy with everyone. Hang in there.
post #46 of 156
stirringleaf, I just think you are too insecure, no offense. Maybe it was the wine posting , but saying things like what you said at the end of your last post makes no sense. I doubt he was being condescending. Otherwise, his gf would have said, "He thinks you're attracted to him." not "He thinks there's an attraction btn. you." There's a huuuuuuge difference in those 2 statements.

I think you're really needy right now. Hence your desire to tell the woman friend that she's more important to you than some man. Why would you feel that way about someone you think is making fun of you (in some way) with her bf? I just think you need someone, right now. That is COMPLETELY NORMAL! We all need others.

I think you need to stop drinking, tho. Ppl were flirting with you! If you weren't so self-conscious, I think last night could have gone much better for you. Lay off the drinking. And, start telling yourself positive things about you. Because YOU ARE GREAT. There is nothing wrong with you that's too much for others to see past in order to be your friend or whatever. But, YOU have to believe that in order for it to matter.

Just remember that you have to be your own best friend. You have to be your own lover. You have to be your own mentor and confidante. If you can be those things to yourself, you will find others who can be a positive force in your life and you will feel welcome to invite them in.

There's nothing wrong with you. This is part of the Process. Just stop drinking and start with some positive self-talk.

post #47 of 156
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucy VanPelt View Post
stirringleaf, I just think you are too insecure, no offense. Maybe it was the wine posting , but saying things like what you said at the end of your last post makes no sense. I doubt he was being condescending. Otherwise, his gf would have said, "He thinks you're attracted to him." not "He thinks there's an attraction btn. you." There's a huuuuuuge difference in those 2 statements.

I think you're really needy right now. Hence your desire to tell the woman friend that she's more important to you than some man. Why would you feel that way about someone you think is making fun of you (in some way) with her bf? I just think you need someone, right now. That is COMPLETELY NORMAL! We all need others.

I think you need to stop drinking, tho. Ppl were flirting with you! If you weren't so self-conscious, I think last night could have gone much better for you. Lay off the drinking. And, start telling yourself positive things about you. Because YOU ARE GREAT. There is nothing wrong with you that's too much for others to see past in order to be your friend or whatever. But, YOU have to believe that in order for it to matter.

Just remember that you have to be your own best friend. You have to be your own lover. You have to be your own mentor and confidante. If you can be those things to yourself, you will find others who can be a positive force in your life and you will feel welcome to invite them in.

There's nothing wrong with you. This is part of the Process. Just stop drinking and start with some positive self-talk.

lucy. correct on drinking. do you know i had one glass of wine? but i am a very lightweight. it doesnt take much. i usually think i am less drunk than i am then its too late. i apparently freak out when i drink. i have anxiety issues. i have drank maybe 3 times in the last month. i want it to be clear i dont really drink often. and i only drink on friday nights, if that. which might be why i dont understant my limit. but i dont think so. i think it triggers anxiety then i drink some more to calm me down. its really dumb.

i think you were just trying to be blunt with me, but your words are a tough pill to swallow. in general i pride myself in my confidence. i feel good about myself. in general. there is something about the social situation of last night i found really confusing though. the people there were very much more touchy feely than i am used to. everyone seemd so sexually charged. this was fun, and then there was just this horrible turning point. i felt good, like i was enjoying it, and then when i got home i just freaked. its hard to explain. i felt like people wanted peices of me, but didnt care to actually know me. i wish i were more open and sexually free,because i could have gone home with a couple different people, i really had my choice! that was so weird. but i really am not like that. i wish i were, that might be fun if i could not turn to stone anytime someone actually tried to touch me.

and yes. i am wayyyyy more interested in being friends with other single moms and getting support and just being able to realate about that than i am about dating. i need other moms right now, alot more than i need a partner.
i dont think that is insecurity i think that is me knowing what is actually best for me.
post #48 of 156
o.k. wow!

So, the background check issue with that other guy? Well, no longer an issue. He sent me an email that was so humble and sincere. Basically saying I never needed to reply if I didn't want to continue communicating, but that after taking some time and takling with a couple other women he met on eharmony, and going over our past conversations, he really sees my point on the background check, etc. He gave me full permission, name and address, so I could do the check. He said he loves every conversation we have, and was just taken aback byt the request before and took the easy way out and shyed away from it. he said he now sees that was the wrong choice, and would love a second chance, but understands if I'm not willing to give that to him. He said he really loves how much of a connection we have, the fact that so far we share the same viewpoints on just about everything, etc., etc.

I was so happy because I'd been thinking about him everyday since we had stopped emailing (o.k. so it was only a few days but still, lol). His email was exactly what I would want a man to say, and since then, the more we talk, the more I can't believe how much we share. Ways that I've felt about things, the way I think, etc., it's so wonderful! Even if we don't go any further than friends, it's just so wonderful to feel like there are honorable, moral understanding, and honest men out there who share my view points on so many important subjects, but also have their own personality and strong points to offer!

I've always been so freaked out about "the next level", i.e. calling. But for the first time in..well...ever, I WANT to call him, and I feel completely comfortable talking to him! The thouightof talking on the phone with him and meeting him feels so natural and comfortable. I get butterflies thinking about meeting in person, but in a good way, and I want so much to takl on the phone!

It's so wonderful!

o.k., just had to share
post #49 of 156
I'm so glad he re-thought things.

Yeah!
post #50 of 156
Devin, I'm happy for you!

stirringleaf, I value direct, honest communication. It goes both ways. I wasn't trying to offend you, just bring some things to your attention that maybe you aren't recognizing. I'm not you and I don't really know you...just what you post on here, you know? I'm certainly not trying to break you down.

I wasn't trying to say you drink a lot, either. I don't get that impression. However, I do get the impression that when you drink, your insecurities come out more. It doesn't mean you're not a confident person, in general. We ALL have insecurities. I know I'm generally confident *and* insecure when it comes to men, but I realize that's b/c I usually give attention to men who aren't good enough for me. LOL

I think wanting mama friends definitely *is* more important than men. But, if you go back and read what you wrote before, I'm sure you'll see the inconsistencies of thought.
Quote:
i felt like people wanted peices of me, but didnt care to actually know me. i wish i were more open and sexually free,because i could have gone home with a couple different people, i really had my choice! that was so weird. but i really am not like that. i wish i were, that might be fun if i could not turn to stone anytime someone actually tried to touch me.
I get this! I feel like I can relate to so much you write. I guess I just try to be the voice for others that I am for myself. I feel so often that I need a swift kick in the butt. LOL I get bogged down in my mind and emotions and become paralyzed when certain opportunities present themselves. IMO, it does little good to wish you were a different way than you are. Either change or be comfy with yourself. It's all up to you, after all.

Easier said than done, I know. You are your own biggest project. And, probably your best work, when you think about it.

Good luck! Everything I post is in love and concern, not putting you down.
post #51 of 156
Can I jump in here? It seems like everyone has so much going on. I met a man online that I am going to be meeting for the first time Friday night. We have been talking on the phone everyday for the last two weeks and emailing back and forth and well i have to say it would take a lot for me not to like him when I meet him because I have the hugest crush already and I haven't even seen him. He lives in Louisiana and I live in Florida and I like that because it kind of makes sure that things move kind of slowly in terms of commitment. I have a habit of moving too fast and it usually destroys the relationship so I'm looking forward to taking it kind of slowly and making sure he's the right fit. I even told him that I went and got my hair done and it turned kind of orangey and he doesn't care. He was concerned last night, however, about the fact that my marriage hasn't been split up that long. I know I'm totally over my ex despite the problems I had with him even after we split up. i never think of him, I never miss him or things we used to do, I no longer allow him to get me upset. In truth, I kind of feel sorry for him. I am looking forward to trying out a "balanced" relationship for once. And I know its too soon to tell but this man and I "click". I don't know how to explain it. Well, I wish everyone luck and I hope to keep everyone updated...
post #52 of 156
Solareyna

A Friday night date?!?! Wow, how exciting. I hope you enjoy yourself...even with your orangey hair!

It's fun meeting new people and dating can be a lot of fun.
post #53 of 156
i dont have a lot of time to post, i am gonna make breakfast in a sec... but i justwanted to say, lucy, i appreciate bluntness also, this is important to me. so me reacting and letting you know how i felt...i wasnt telling you that to show you i dont like bluntness...it just really was hard to hear in that moment. doesnt mean ppl shouldnt be honest though! does that make sense? i am typing fast i have until ds puts on his clothes!


the part where i said " i wish" it was kind of like i was saying i was wishing i "could" feel that way just becaue it would be easier to enjoy those things... but really, i am not like that...and i like who i am. but being who i am makes it harder to be in those situations. i really want to meet someone who is similar to me in that way also. i am not big on public displays of affection beyond hugs and warm conversation.. but sometimes i wish i was "built" that way, cuz it seems like it would be nice. but i am not... oh its hard to write it coherently. i htink i was trying to say i dont think it is negative, the atmosphere i was in, i just really wasnt comfotable...and i could see being comfortable if i was just different... noppe that sentence didnt say it either ill stop now
post #54 of 156
stirringleaf, I get you! I totally understand. We probably all have those moments. I get it.

(OKay, I'm not stalking your posts, I promise. )
post #55 of 156
Yay! I am very very excited. I have been working tons lately...This is day 10 of 14 straight trying to pay the bills. I had a super bad night with ex (I don't even want to post about it). So I was telling my bf on the phone how crappy I felt and he said I could have one of my xmas presents early. So Thursday I am going to the salon and getting my hair cut (first time in 7 months) and a full head of Foils!!!!! I have never had my hair dyed at a salon before. I am so stoked.
He is soooo sweet. I am so in
post #56 of 156
That's awesome JustVanessa.
Enjoy all the pampering and the new look!!!
post #57 of 156
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustVanessa View Post
Yay! I am very very excited. I have been working tons lately...This is day 10 of 14 straight trying to pay the bills. I had a super bad night with ex (I don't even want to post about it). So I was telling my bf on the phone how crappy I felt and he said I could have one of my xmas presents early. So Thursday I am going to the salon and getting my hair cut (first time in 7 months) and a full head of Foils!!!!! I have never had my hair dyed at a salon before. I am so stoked.
He is soooo sweet. I am so in
That is such an awesome present. I hope you like your new look.
post #58 of 156
JustVanessa, what a GREAT gift! Enjoy!
post #59 of 156
Congrats Jster! I just saw a post by you on another board in here and had to come say congrats on the pregnancy but ohmywow... congrats on the pregnancy and the proposal!
post #60 of 156

vent

This a vent but I figured it belongs in the dating section. X and I separated in December 2005 and I dated a guy from Feb-June 2006. Call it a rebound but that was NEVER my intention. He was a fabulous guy but I was still stuck on my X and left b/f. B/f e-mails me today (we still talk) and he's now engaged to his g/f immediately following me. Man, people must leave me and think, "Anyone's better than her!" because both XH and XBF are still with the women immediately following me!
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