a really tough queston from a humbled momma - Page 2

[CallMeMommy]

Originally Posted by OnTheBrink

What if you promote yourself as a holiday helper? You could babysit during this holiday time, or bake for others, wrap presents, clean houses, etc - just for the next 30 days or so, if that's all you think you can do.

That's a good idea. The Y here has a program during the holidays where you can drop your kids off in the nursery for up to 4 hours while you go shopping. If it sounds like something you'd be feeling up to do, post some fliers around base like that, drop-in babysitting services for up to 4 hours and give certain times they can come.

[Jay'smom]

I think the first thing I would do is contact legal aide (whomever in your area provides free legal services) and work on an extension on your court date. With a doctor's note you will more than likely not have to go right now, but you need to start working on this right away. Since it has already been taken care of and was just driving without a license, you may be able to take care of it by mail even.

After doing that, I would find the nearest food pantry. Do you belong to a church? Often times they are great resources in times like these. They may even be able to provide transportation for you to get to the food pantry. Even if you don't belong to one, you could call around to different churches. Plus, it wouldn't hurt to try food stamps. I know in Illinois they are set up to provide immediate short term help in cases like yours. I would hope Texas has a similar program.

I agree with the idea of providing part time "babysitting" (I tend to think of "Child care" as more permanant) to friends/DH's coworkers during the holidays. I bet you could make a ton of money just by watching kids overnight on New Year's Eve.

It may not seem like it to you, but it's almost fortunate that this is happening at this time of year. Although a lot of food pantries run out of food during the holiday season, many, many orginizations come forward to provide food baskets, winter coats, children's presents, etc.

I wish you luck and a healthy pregnancy.

[twindaze]

You don't need an SUV for 3 kids, even if they're in carseats. We put them in the back of dh's old Sable many, many times. I had 3 two and under and we normally drove a van. Sure, a sedan isnt' ideal, but it can work if it has to.

As far as immediate food money, we have stuff like the Free Store here, that's where I would start if I were you, there's likely something similar in your area.

And as far as getting a job, I agree with the home daycare idea. OR for immediate money, could you just be a babysitter, like nights and weekends, shorter times during the day?

[missi66]

Yep there is always help in the army.He just needs to ask.Don't go hungry ask for help.He should go to his commander or the chaplain if he is unsure where to apply for help.And today is payday or do you not have anything left after the bills?

[GoodWillHunter]

So you have two vehicles? Okay, try to get down to one. Are you living on base? or trade in the truck for an older used vehicle. we have two cars and we qualify for assistance. of course, ours are very old and have high mileage, so the worth is low. And, you know, apply... you can do it online in Texas. The worst thing they can say is no. You have nothing to lose and a lot to gain here.

[GooeyRN]

I know it sucks, to get an expensive car, and then crap hits the fan.... Sure, you can sell it, but then get less than what you owe for it, and wind up making payments on something you no longer even have. (yup, we are going through it, too. We are just keeping the car.)

Can you do a paper route in the early am before dh takes the car for work? I imagine walking to do the route is out since you have toxemia and Gd... Do you have anyone to sell Avon to?

[2crazykids]

How bout getting a cheapo minivan that gets good gas mileage?

I had a VW Jetta that fit 3 cars seats in the back and got great milege! I have a CRV now but I looooved that Jetta. You don't need an SUV.

[SleeplessMommy]

Originally Posted by *MAMACITA*

i would love to do daycare... but is it fair to do it for a couple months and then not. onc i have this baby?

Yes, it is fair. If you are taking care of an infant, just a few months of care could be a great help to a Mom starting going back to work. At a big daycare center, an infant will get all kinds of colds. In your home, fewer snuffles, which means less lost work for the Mom.

Check out craigslist.org, to find daycare options and try to sell the vehicle.

And by the way, you can refinance a vehicle. If you have a 3 year loan, you could get a 5-year. Ask your bank. If the vehicle is your only financial issue, and you would be fine without it, you can take it back to the dealer. After 7 years, your credit will be all better again, if this is the only default.

[OnTheBrink]

Yeah, sounds like an SUV will be expensive to purchase and run (gas, etc). My Camry has 3 carseats across the back, no problem.

I think when things are tight and even scary (as it sounds like it is) you have to figure out what you NEED (food, house, heat, clothes) and the rest has to wait.

How old are the kids? Are there 5 of you now, or does that include baby-to-be? When are you due?

[Shelsi]

I can easily get 3 carseats across in my Taurus, it has a huge backseat. If you still want a bigger car I would def go for a cheaper and better gas mileage minivan than an SUV. Heck, unless you get one of those HUGE SUV's with the 3rd row they don't have any more room than many cars.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by GooeyRN

I know it sucks, to get an expensive car, and then crap hits the fan.... Sure, you can sell it, but then get less than what you owe for it, and wind up making payments on something you no longer even have. (yup, we are going through it, too. We are just keeping the car.)

Yeah - I remember just after ds1 was born (the day I came home from the hospital, in fact), our car broke down. We couldn't afford to fix it - cracked engine block - and couldn't afford to sell it, either. We couldn't get enough for it to even begin to cover our payments.

I see lots of vehicle suggestions here, but I'm not sure how much that will help right now. If the OP's dh sells his truck, they're still going to have the payments to make, aren't they?


OP: I wish I could give you some real advice, but I don't even know how the social services down there are set up (I'm Canadian). I think the other posters have given you good ideas about getting some food. I can understand the temptation to work, but with the pregnancy issues you're dealing with, I think it's probably not a good idea. Having no food is bad news, but hopefully you can find a way to get some without putting any additional stress on your health.

[a~...Mamacitaa~...]

Originally Posted by GoodWillHunter

So you have two vehicles? Okay, try to get down to one. Are you living on base? or trade in the truck for an older used vehicle. we have two cars and we qualify for assistance. of course, ours are very old and have high mileage, so the worth is low. And, you know, apply... you can do it online in Texas. The worst thing they can say is no. You have nothing to lose and a lot to gain here.

i really wish we could go down to one car....but Dh has to work and i have to take DS#1 to school and pick him up... i have soo many doc.. appointments .. i have to see them twice a week....it is almost impossiable to have only one car..But i do like the babysetting idea....I have a horriable feeling we are gonna ahve to take out a Credit card.....We have to keep the truck... its not an option ot sell it.. they only want to give us 20K for it... we have to pay 32K for it... its just not worth it....

Thanks everyone... i signed up for some GPT.....so we will see how that goes... and im gonna see if EX-dh can send some child supppor early.....

[OnTheBrink]

What kind of car do you have?

Do you need a car?

Could you trade/sell both your car and his truck, and buy something cheap and practical? You might not come out ahead with money, but you might be able to do away with payments, freeing up a lot of money each month.

Is the truck payment a lot? I've never had a car payment over $200, but even that seems like a lot when I look back on it! (I mean, $200 a month just to drive around. What was I thinking?)

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by OnTheBrink

Is the truck payment a lot? I've never had a car payment over $200, but even that seems like a lot when I look back on it! (I mean, $200 a month just to drive around. What was I thinking?)

I'm not the OP, but I'm guessing it's a lot more than that. I was paying $250/month in 1991 for a five year old vehicle. Her dh's truck is new.

[caricandothis]

mama. I hope you can find a way soon.

I babysit and when my little one was born in October, I took 4 wks off and then started taking the kids again. It wasn't something I looked forward to but I had to do it. We struggled the 4 wks I was "off". You could start watching kids now and make sure the parents know that you'll take time off (x amt of weeks) and start back up again.

Good luck, mama. I really hope things start looking up for you soon.

[Dreaming]

we have one car and if needed i drive dh to work and pick him up.
is that an option for you?
also, what about public transportation or car pools for your dh?
mine takes the bus most of the time so that i have the car with the kids.

[Aura_Kitten]

oh mama. s i'm so sorry you're going through such a rough time.

i wish i had some ideas but honestly... the only thing that saved me when i was in that position (or rather, a very very similar one, and no vehicle) was handouts. i couldn't find work ~ no-one would hire me because i was pregnant. so i started just asking everyone i could for help. from the landlords (who let me slide on my rent for a month) to pg&e (who gave me an extension so they wouldn't shut off my electricity) to the local churches (who provided my kids with clothes and shoes, and who gave us money for food and groceries) to HRC and the food bank for other food and necessities (like toilet paper, diapers, etc).

i made it through the very rough patch and entered an even rougher patch, going back to work when my daughter was 4 weeks old. :


i won't say it was easy or that you'll be happy in the interim, but know that you'll get through it, because "you're stronger than you believe and smarter than you know" (to quote Christopher Robin). s

if you need to talk or vent or rant, PM me anytime.

[Teensy]

I would attempt to avoid having to go to court if possible. Copy your current license and any paperwork you have relating to obtaining it. Mail the copies with a letter to both the court and the arresting officer explaining that you should not travel because of your pregnancy (attach doctor's letter if possible) and explaining both that you didn't intend to drive unlicensed and that you corrected the problem as soon as you were made aware of it (assuming this is true). Request that your case be continued if the ticket can not be dismissed without your attending the December court date. Call the clerk of court a few days later to see if your case can either be dismissed (since you provided proof that you obtained your license) or continued. Keep calling until you get an answer.

Even hiring an attorney to go to court for you might be cheaper than the gas to drive to CA and back. But hopefully you can avoid this altogether by sending letters and calling (pitiful story is good, but polite is a must!) the officer and court.

*****
Also, check out Dave Ramsey's book "Financial Peace" from the library.


Good luck to you.

[OnTheBrink]

Mamacita - I keep thinking about you!

I just saw that your rent and utilities are paid for. That's pretty good, right - so you don't have to worry about that.

I know your husband must not make much, but can you sit down and really look at your montly budget?

Do you pay for the internet? Have a computer you could sell? Maybe you could use the internet at the library or a community center?

Will you be going back to work when your baby is born?

I volunteer at a Pregnancy Help Center. Maybe something like that could help you? We connect families with other community resources. We also offer clothing for babies, children and maternity.

Do you have a crafty skill? knitting? weaving? something like that? I'm thinking you could make and sell stuff, but not put much physical stress on yourself.

[Red]

I pm'ed you.

I made money this month from home, at my puter. First time. I did GPT, or Get Paid To , sites. I'm going to go add up my profit, but it was at least $350.

If anyone wants more info, there's threads here at MDC, and you are welcome to PM me.

And apply for food stamps. Just because you own a nice car, doesn't mean you don't need food.