I need some mama wisdom/analysis...(cross post)

[MarigoldB]

My ds is 12 months old. His normal temperament is very laid back with lots of smiling.

The last few days he has been very clingy and whiny. He is taking very short (or NO) naps and short nighttime hours (usually about 11 with about 3 nursings, but now about 7 hours). Today, for example:

He got up at 7am
Napped for 15 minutes (while nursing) at 10:00am
Napped for one hour at at 1:30
Acted very sleepy at 6pm (rubbing eyes, yawning, etc.) and I nursed him to sleep which took about 20 minutes.
7:15, awoke. We kept everything low key (soft music, no lights, MORE nursing).
8:00 shut eyes and seemed to be sleeping while nursing but then snapped open his eyes at 8:30 and smiled and got up.

All the while he keeps alternating between his usual, happy self and then changes to a whiny kind of crying.

His temp is normal, his diapers are good, no runny nose, no tugging at ears, and this isn't his past "normal" behavior during teething.

ANY CLUES AT ALL? Is something going around that starts out with feeling under the weather?

Is it just some kind of stage or phase or because his verbal skills have taken a giant leap the last week as well as his motor skills?

He won't go to sleep!!!!

[delighted.mama]

Roxanne, Is he teething? Also, did he start to recently walk? Any of those things are going to alter his sleeping habits. I also learned from our ped, who is a sleep expert. that around 12 months, because babies get so active, the should go to bed earlier, like 6:30. That's the time that they naturally start getting tired. If they miss that sleep time, or take a short nap, it throws off their inner clock. Ideally, they should get 11-12 hours of night time sleep. It sounds like your ds is in the same boat. Maybe if you could improve his night time sleeping, then his day time naps will improve too. Oh, another thing, at this age, most babies still need 2 good naps, about 40 minutes a piece. It sounds like he is on a good schedule but that he isn't sleeping long enough for that first nap (15 minutes) and then gets too tired. Maybe you can try to extend his morning nap by napping with him. Do you have a specific nap routine. That also helps, because it signals that it is nap time. Just a few thoughts off the top of my head. Good luck to you!

Libby

[LaLaLuna]

Teething was the first thing I thought of, too. Sounds exactly like my first ds. And growth/developmental spurts are definitely culprits for making an otherwise delightful child a total whiny crank!

usually when my ds's were doing this I'd try to give them extra loving, lap, play time and it would go away after a few days or a week or when the tooth came in. They get really revved up with so much going on internally. My first ds would only go to sleep in the car from about the age of one year to two. (not trying to scare you here...)

Homeopathic chamomile may help a bit. Good luck!

[MarigoldB]

Originally posted by delighted.mama
Roxanne, Is he teething? Also, did he start to recently walk?

He already has 8 teeth (put four in in January!). He seems to be working on a molar, but that also seems to come and go (ie sometimes he's gnawing on his hand constantly and getting a chin rash and then it goes away for a week). The ped didn't see anything imminent when I asked him to check. He's been cruising heavily the last few weeks, but hasn't discovered that he can balance without help yet...

babies get so active, the should go to bed earlier, like 6:30. That's the time that they naturally start getting tired. If they miss that sleep time, or take a short nap, it throws off their inner clock.

We've definitely been experiencing this! Yesterday he slept from 12pm to 2pm and started acting tired at 5:30. I made the mistake of nursing him since he PROMPTLY slammed his eyes shut and snoozed for about 40 minutes. When I tried to get him into his nighttime diaper and nurse him to sleep upstairs it was too late--the "power nap" had already occured. I HAVE tried to get him into bed right away (like 6pm when he showed signs of being ready), only to have him awaken one hour later and want to get up and play.

Oh, another thing, at this age, most babies still need 2 good naps, about 40 minutes a piece. It sounds like he is on a good schedule but that he isn't sleeping long enough for that first nap (15 minutes) and then gets too tired. Maybe you can try to extend his morning nap by napping with him. Do you have a specific nap routine.

I was wondering if he was trying to get only one nap but just couldn't make it! I've tried napping with him on that morning nap, but I thought that if it wasn't an hour than it wasn't a beneficial nap. He usually does about 30 to 40 minutes if you count from the time he shuts his eyes while nursing. For some reason, he wants to nurse the entire nap in the morning, though. When I try to detach, it's no dice! I'll try planning on napping together (whether I sleep or not, well...!) and see if that helps. Also, what would a naptime routine be? He will be playing happily and then immediately fuss and look tired in about 2 seconds. By then he doesn't want to do anything but nurse! He'd toss a book down in a heartbeat!

Thanks for all the ideas. Please analyze my answers and keep the suggestions coming! I will definitely try them today!

[MarigoldB]

Originally posted by LaLaLuna
usually when my ds's were doing this I'd try to give them extra loving, lap, play time and it would go away after a few days or a week or when the tooth came in. They get really revved up with so much going on internally

My ds has never been a cuddler--much to my chagrin! If he's cranky, he arches and twists and gets MAD if I try to comfort him by hugging and rocking. I always thought I'd get to hug a baby and cuddle him to my heart's content. Oh well.

Or, do you mean something more like quiet playing on my lap? Please elaborate with specifics! I'm ignorant (obviously)!

My first ds would only go to sleep in the car from about the age of one year to two. (not trying to scare you here...)

I have even tried this! One day he'd had NO naps, all day, even though I tried nursing him to sleep several times. He'd nurse and then get up to play. Anyway, I loaded him into the car and we were gone for an hour. It was already 4pm--and he didn't sleep! Of course, the night sleep was more interrupted than usual!

Homeopathic chamomile may help a bit.

I have the Hyland's teething tablets that have worked on and off. Is there something that's specifically chamomile?

Thanks for everything! I came to y'all 'cause I knew you'd have WAY more to offer than my ped did (who said to just "Ferberize" him...)

Am I going to have to re do my sig line about my little "smiley" ?

[MarigoldB]

One more episode to mention:

Last night as it was 9:30 and he still wasn't asleep, I decided to put him in his crib with the rail on (it's sidecarred to our bed with the rail off, normally) and see what would happen. My inducement for this was that he didn't want to nurse any more, he was dead tired, but every time I tried to hold him to comfort him, he'd SCREAM and arch and twist. When I tried to lay him down, sing to him, anything, he'd protest HEAVILY.

After I left him in the room and closed the door, he lightly complained, but nothing like the screeching crying he was doing when I tried to be with him. I waited about five minutes, but he was still standing and alternating between quiet moments and lightly complaining protesting.

So much for my version of CIO! I actually did it more because I was getting mad at him so I essentially gave myself a time out...

[LaLaLuna]

Huh- the more you describe the more I wonder if he's just a really highly sensitive kid and is overstim'd by touch? Again, my first son sounds so much like this. All the stuff that normally calms babies/toddlers down (warm bath, massage, cuddling and rocking) just REVVED him up. Sounds like when you put him down he actually settled a little bit- that didnt' sound like "ferber-izing" him at all. I do know that there are kids who just need to gritch themselves down into a lower gear- my friend's 13 month old is like that. Put him down, he does this sort of mild bellyaching for 5 or 10 minutes and then he's out. I never did that with ds1- and now I wish I had at least tried.

As for the lap time, etc, my son wasn't so much a cuddler as a clinger. he never wanted to be put down even when he was obviously not comfortable with being held! I'd just try to give him what he seemed to need, which was usually intense mom time. Or I'd take him outside- changing the atmosphere in some way frequently seemed to help a lot- not always an option when you're dropping with exhaustion at midnight, I know but it worked in the middle of a very difficult day many times. If I couldn't take him outside I'd take all his clothes off and let him run round naked. (gotta be on poop patrol for this one!) Also, playing with tactile stuff. Hm- maybe when he gets older. Tubs of beans or rice to run his fingers through seemed to be very soothing. Not so good for a 12 month old, though. I'll rack my brains and see if I can think of anything else that might help. I knwo it seems so endless wehn they go through these phases!

[MarigoldB]

Thanks for all the imput. I've been making some applications of the wonderful wisdom and so far, things are a little better.

LaLaLuna--it never occured to me that he might be revved up by touch! He certainly does NOT want any cuddling if he's mad, that's for sure! Everything you described wakes him up, doesn't calm him down, and I knew that but just didn't consider that regarding getting him to sleep! And yes, "clinger" sounds more like what he does than "cuddle." Thanks!

We also realized the "change of scenery" thing earlier and if he started wailing, we just got him up and carted him around the house to look at things and distract him. Now that Spring might FINALLY be here, outside might be an option!

I checked with my husband and we talked about giving ds MORE time to wind down before bed. Usually my dh does the bedtime routine and basically reads two books and lights out. He spent more time tonight (after the 7 eye rubs in a row indicated it MIGHT be time to start the routine), and he is now sleeping--by 7:45! Of course, he may wake up in one hour, but it's easier to get him back to sleep after the initial time.

I thought his naps improved but today he sneaked in two "arm naps" on me! I need to take him upstairs to the bed EVERY time he wants to feed and might go to sleep--I think that would help tremendously.

Thanks everyone!