Most preposterous "helpful" comments re: homebirth?

[JaniceT]

As I have just officially passed the 41-week mark of my first pregnancy with my dd, we are noticing more and more people offering "helpful" advice or comments about our plans for a homebirth. Because these comments are coming from well-meaning people, we feel uncomfortable expressing anger and frustration at them -- and they are getting so preposterous we almost have to laugh! To have a bit of fun and to take the frustration away from an increasingly disturbing situation (especially as I get more and more "late"), I thought I'd ask for examples of the most ridiculous comments folks on these boards might have heard during their pregnancies. My favorites from this end are:

-- "I just wanted to make sure you knew that even in this day and age, women DO die in childbirth on occasion."

-- "I know you have your heart set on a natural birth, but there is a very good chance that things won't work out the way you want, and that you will end up doing things in the traditional way (epidurals, epis, possible C-section) -- I'm just telling you this so you won't be disappointed."

Arrrrrggggghh!!!! My hypnobirthing teacher had it right when he recommended my just saying to these well-meaning people: "talk to the hand!"

[Serenity]

Ugh! For the few people I've told, I've had looks of shock and comments such as:

It's better in the hospital because if something happens they can do a c-section in 5 minutes.

I don't know about this idea...

What if the cord gets wrapped around the baby's neck?

I think most people speak out of their own ignorance and fears. I've had people that act completely shocked that I want a natural childbirth! The human race would have died out eons ago if we weren't capable of birthing without drugs!

It is just that our culture puts so much faith in technology and so little in people.

[Mommy22B]

My sister in laws...grrrrr

"Do you know how fast you can bleed to death?"

ok........

They wanted me to get a notarized statement saying that it was me that wanted the homebirth and that dh wasn't forcing me so that if I DIED no one would take the kids from him.

For crying out loud. People can be so ignorant.

This is a little off topic but it cracked me up. Every time my sister inlaws said anything about their hospital births it just convinced me more to have a homebirth. It was just funny because they are pro hospital yet they are telling all these horrible things...

"Then they shaved me..."

"I had to hold Emily in through three contractions because the doctor wasn;t in the room and the nurses were morons..."

"Then the nurse that i see every day at the bank came in..."

"I missed breakfast by 30 minutes so I didn't get to eat..."

people are justtoo funny.
beth

[mamallama]

When we broke the news that we were having a homebirth, my dad asked if our midwife would bring an operating table in case I needed a c-section. He was serious.
Fortunately he demonstrated the depth of his ignorance from the get-go, and I was able to completely ignore everything else he had to say about homebirth

Happy birthing, Mama.

[grisandole]

My inlaws are wonderful people, and I love them, but they don't get the idea of a homebirth. I told them about it, but they still (I'm 22 weeks along) think I'm going to the hospital. When we discuss the baby/labor, I get comments like "If it hurts too much just ask for the epidural", "Have you been on the hospital tour yet?", "You'll be at the hospital for a few days", etc. They just refuse to believe that I am having the baby at home! It was annoying, but now I just think it's funny. When the time comes, and my DH calls them, I wonder if they will just drive to the hospital instead of coming to our house?!

[laralou]

Here is the one I hate the most:

"If I had had my baby at home, we both would have died!"

Like a midwife would never have any clue how to stop a woman hemorrhaging or how to deal with any number of other such complications.

[copslass]

Too funny!

Reminded me of the comment from a friend when I was planning a vbac at home 17 years ago.
"I didn't know you could have your repeat cesaren at home!"

Tracy

[Elismama]

My family and my in-laws were as supportive as they could be, and would be more supportive now that they have seen the outcome of our homebirth.

The funniest comment we got was when a good friend called, my husband told him we were in labor, and he asked, "Can I come over?" Mike stuttered, "ahh, it's not really a good time."

[motherdownunder]

I've had so many people say I must be "brave" to have a homebirth and/or aren't I afraid to have a homebirth. I always reply that you'd have to be much braver to go to hospital or that I'd be much more afraid at hospital. At least nobody's going to come at me with a knife at home.

If you need reassurance in your choices, be sure to mention home birthing to ladies over 60 and they won't bat an eyelid. To older women this is still the traditional way to have a baby.

[SagMom]

The funniest comment I had was actually AFTER my first homebirth. In telling our story, an acquaintance said, "So, there was no DOCTOR there? But how was the baby BORN?"

(Letting my imagination try to figure out what she was thinking has led me to some pretty funny thoughts--did she think the doctor brought instructions? maybe had a key to my cervix? a road map of the birth canal? perhaps she thought the baby would wait permission from the doctor to be born? Anyone else have any ideas?) :LOL

[teachermom]

My fav. one is ...but, if you don't have the baby at the hospital you have to take care of it yourself...at night too,you know. Well, duh!: :

[kerikadi]

From my MIL

Of course I have heard all of the 'you're so brave' and 'can you get an epidural at home?' But my favorite came last week from my mother in law - "Who's going to give you your emima?" :
Um...... NOBODY

Keri
edd 6/14/02

[lilyka]

"At least nobody's going to come at me with a knife at home. "

I got the whole "Your so brave to have your baby at home" and would always respond "I think your the brave one to have your baby in the hospital" But the knoife part is just so funny.

My all time favorite comment was from my mom:

"well, you aren't going to do the circ. at home are you? You will take him to the hospital for that won't you?"

Want to know how to make your mom get off your back about a home birth? Tell you aren't even considering circumsizing.

From my MIL:
"They wouldn't have made it illeagal for no good reason."
(well, of course not. There is a lot of money to made on birth and to them that is a good reason to outlaw it)

First of all it wasn't entirely illeagal. Just having a qualified birth attendant part was.

[dancingmama]

From an OB trying to convince me not to have a homebirth: "You MUST understand that childbirth is NOT a NORMAL event."

[I Love My Boy]

Ugh. Reading these makes me more than a little annoyed at the moment, but I know there is humour in all of this too.

From my GP who is also an OBGYN but not practicing: "Now, if you decide to go with a midwife, I strongly recommend you choose one that is on good terms with the nurses in the hospital, and I wouldn't go with one who recommends the use of herbs." (I've decided not to see her at all anymore and just use my doctor of Chinese medicine!)

From a very good friend of mine: "You HAVE to get an epidural! There is NO WAY you will get through it without." (this was after I had already been telling her that I was going to have a drug-free home waterbirth.)

From her husband: "You HAVE to have it in the hospital. You will want drugs! You are going to feel like you're DYING!"

From FIL to DH: "But what about hemoraging?! Both she and the baby could die!"

From MIL to DH: "OH. Hmmmm. I don't know about that." (with very disapproving look)

From my OWN MIDWIFE!!: "Well, this is a very nice birth plan, but I want you to keep in mind that you might still end up doing this in the hospital. OK?"

From our good friend after the birth, when DH was relating the story and ended with how we all crawled in bed for our first night's sleep in the FB: "But then, when did you go to the hospital??!!!"

From most of the other moms I know, including my GP: "I could NEVER do that! I'd be terrified!"

Other comments: "That sounds reckless." "Wow, I didn't know you were so crunchy." "Well, as long as they carry pain killers with them..."

etc. etc. etc.

For the record, labour and birth took 2 1/2 hours and the water was awesome and I'd do it again in a second. Don't listen to the nay-sayers!

dancingmama - yours is my favorite! Cripes!

[Serenity]

Celestial, thanks for the info on the cord being wrapped around the baby's neck. That was something I figured the midwife could handle but my friend thought it was something to be feared.

These comments/stories are really funny. Of course, they are also extremely aggravating too! Why do ignorant people feel the need to offer their "help" and advice? Ugh. If someone was doing something different from me I would be genuinely curious about it, not authoritative that they were doing the wrong thing!

[laralou]

My cousin said, "Well, surely you don't think anyone over the age of 30 should do it..."
I am 32.

[m&m]

Before my second dd (homebirth):

- "Are you going to hire a maid before the big day?"

- "Will you have an ambulance waiting at your house just in case?"

- "Will you be using the pool OUTSIDE?" - yeah right, with no fence, so all the neighbors can witness the event.

- "You know, last time they had to give you an epidural. How do you know you won't need one this time?"

And my answer to anyone saying that the hospital was better: "Last time they woke me up in the middle of the night to offer me three babies that were not mine! I want a home birth so I know I have MY baby. "

[yaboobarb]

From my mom
"You are so selfish to do this!"

From a family member
"If the baby dies, it will be your fault"

[Mommy22B]

I got the "You had an epidural last time, you don't even know what real labor is, how do you know you can handle it?" line from my sister in laws. That really hurt me, though it shouldn't have,.
Like, thanks for all the faith you have in my body.