I left my husband... ON topic and long - Page 3

[~Yola]

I am so sorry you're having to deal with all of this right now Mamma. All the way through the thread I kept thinking how much I wish I could offer for you to come here for your birth!

The cabin idea sounds lovely, especially if you could get it for a few weeks and really nest in it beforehand, and have a mini babymoon after too :-)

Good luck to you, here's hoping you have an awesome birth!

[Mama8]

Originally Posted by L J

Oh my goodness.... That is a great idea! The cabin idea, that is. In January here you can rent a great little cabin in the woods at a local state park for next to nothing. I could probably afford to get it for a couple of weeks, so I would have time to clean it well. These cabins overlook a beautiful lake and they have HOT TUBS and fireplaces... hmmm.... my mental image of birthing in a dirty hotel room as my only *out of home* option just changed drastically. I am going to look into this.

LJ : I am so happy that you are willing to find a way to empower yourself to have the UC that you want and need. I am sending much happy birthing dust your way. Good wishes to you.

[georgia]

One more thing -- there must be underground midwives in Alabama -- maybe it would be worth checking out if one would let you birth in her house?

There are underground mws in AL, and actually, the one my best friend used usually has mothers travel to HER house across the state line to birth (though she does travel to moms' locations sometimes)....so I think checking into the underground network might be a great option for you I think there is a wealth of AL mw info in the Finding Your Tribe GA/AL subforum.

I would highly discourage the route of going with the parents' house and trying to be quiet during birth, b/c if you find that you're feeling the need to vocalize, you're going to be inhibited and going against your instincts, which I would not recommend at all---and IME, much more likely to panic if you're going against what your body needs to do

I'm thinking of you and sending lots of positive energy, thoughts, and strength

[yvonnemlv]

Sending positive energy that everything happens for the best!

That cabin idea really does sound lovely and is inspiring for the next time I get preggers

[moonfirefaery]

If it is in your name only you still have the right to ask him to leave. You could wait until you go into labor and then order him out. If he won't leave, call the police to have him escorted out. Deliver, and a few days later, you can let him know he's welcome to return to the apartment and that you are leaving.

I know some are against the idea, but I personally would birth in a hotel if it was my only option. I would just go check in, bring my own clean sheets and supplies, and deliver there then check out a few hours later. I definitely second the cabin idea; THAT sounds very intelligent, especially if you get it for a few weeks. And that they have hot tubs is just VERY convenient. I bet birthing in a cabin would be glorious. If you need help funding it maybe some of us could help you. I know I'd be willing to donate to the cause. In fact I am half tempted to birth in a cabin some day now that I'm thinking of that LOL It really sounds awesome!

I also would definitely agree with trying to find a midwife who would let you birth in her home.

I think trying to give birth quietly in your parents house could be an option. You can tell them you are not feeling well, that you are having BH contractions, and are just tired...and then stay out of site and be quiet if you can, play some music or run bath water/shower in case you need to cry out. Lock the door so they can't walk in on you, and if they do call 911, insist that they leave you alone. Perhaps when you think it might be starting to get unbearable, you could ask them to go out on an errand for you. perhaps when you are in the early stages of labor you could try to get them out of the house for some reason? There's no guarantee it would work out though.

Going across the state line is an excellent idea as well. Maybe you could relocate to another state temporarily, or just go there for the birth??

I hope some of the ideas people here have given you will be helpful! I wish I had more to add.

[Synchro246]

Gotta say I'm loving the birth in the woods idea. IF you need any info on hot tub sanitation I am a certified pool operator (also applies to hot tubs)- feel free to PM me any time.
Just one thing-- that you obviously have time to work out-- in the event of need to transfer in the woods 1)who would you call? 2) would you want a friend or someone with you so you wouldn't have to drive for a non-emergent transfer?

Good luck mama!

[Zamber]

I'm sorry you are in the middle of this situation. Much love to you .

If the cabin idea for some reason does not work out (if $ is an issue, I am sure we all here on MDC could figure something out), if I were in your shoes I would find a mama here on MDC that would be willing to let you give birth unassisted in her home and stay with them for several weeks (If you have access to MI, you are more than welcome at my home! ). In the meantime, IMHO I would lie to your soon-to-be-ex about giving birth at home. Tell him you have changed your mind and will be giving birth in a hospital. You don't want him calling anyone on you (I say that not to make you paranoid - I would rather you cover your @$$. Just something to think about.). Maybe same with parents if they start acting suspicious (although I really hesistate on that one - see how things play out with them). Good Luck, and keep us posted.

[Tanibani]

Originally Posted by Zamber

IMHO I would lie to your soon-to-be-ex about giving birth at home. Tell him you have changed your mind and will be giving birth in a hospital. You don't want him calling anyone on you (I say that not to make you paranoid - I would rather you cover your @$$. Just something to think about.). Maybe same with parents if they start acting suspicious (although I really hesistate on that one - see how things play out with them).

I completely agree with this! The last thing you need is CPS involved.

[clovergirl]

i am so sorry. i really hope you can figure something out.

the cabin idea gave me another thought... what about traveling to the farm in TN? i know most UC'ers aren't huge fans of ina may, but if i recall correctly they have small cabins and the like for the expectant moms to stay in. you could potentially UC there, and then have help afterwards. i don't know what their fees are though, or if that would be financially feasible for you.

[L J]

Originally Posted by clovergirl

i am so sorry. i really hope you can figure something out.

the cabin idea gave me another thought... what about traveling to the farm in TN? i know most UC'ers aren't huge fans of ina may, but if i recall correctly they have small cabins and the like for the expectant moms to stay in. you could potentially UC there, and then have help afterwards. i don't know what their fees are though, or if that would be financially feasible for you.

I have been thinking about this. I have no real issues with The Farm or Ina May's books. I don't think it would be the exact birth I have been dreaming of, but it would be close. I am so close to them... I have been looking for contact information, and that part of the farm's web site is down. Do any of you have it?

[accountclosed3]

*repeat!*

hey, do you live near me? i don't have a spare bed, but heck, you could birth here if you wanted. why not?

[accountclosed3]

Originally Posted by L J

Oh my goodness.... That is a great idea! The cabin idea, that is. In January here you can rent a great little cabin in the woods at a local state park for next to nothing. I could probably afford to get it for a couple of weeks, so I would have time to clean it well. These cabins overlook a beautiful lake and they have HOT TUBS and fireplaces... hmmm.... my mental image of birthing in a dirty hotel room as my only *out of home* option just changed drastically. I am going to look into this.

my husband and i are going to rent a cabin for our birth and baby moon--at least, that's the current plan.

[majazama]

Originally Posted by L J

I have been thinking about this. I have no real issues with The Farm or Ina May's books. I don't think it would be the exact birth I have been dreaming of, but it would be close. I am so close to them... I have been looking for contact information, and that part of the farm's web site is down. Do any of you have it?

Yes, I think this is the SAFEST option. I can see, if you are in a cabin near your parents and stbx, they might find out, and bring CPS, or police, or whatever. At least at The Farm, you will be PROTECTED.

I would hope that they would allow you to stay there for free. I sure would, if I had something like that. I can't believe people have to pay for births in the states.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by jks06457

i haven't read everything others posted, but if i were in your situation i would think about conceding to a hospital birth but with a doula. this way you have someone to advocate for your birth plan and who understands your desires. i don't think that going back to husband is a wise thing to do-sounds too stressful. because you don't have money, you could ask your parents "ok, i am willing to do a hospital birth, but i would like you to help me pay for a doula so that i can have the peaceful birth that i want" your parents sounds like a far healthier situation. best of luck to you. you are in my thoughts.

If she were going to go that route, I'd actually recommend "if you want me to go to the hospital, you're paying it."

[beanma]

LJ, if you're anywhere near birmingham i have an absolutely wonderful friend who is an absolutely wonderful midwife there. she used to post on MDC, but i don't think she has time to any more. i would have a baby with her in attendance in a heartbeat. i'm sure she travels as well. PM me and i'll try to put you in touch. she may have options for you as far as places to birth.

so sorry you're having to deal with this. .

[PJJ]

A suggestion...

Alabama is a pretty big state.

Are you close enough to go to The Farm?

http://www.thefarm.org/midwives/index.html

Hope this helps.

Take care.
PJJ

[~MoonGypsy~]

Originally Posted by cravenab00

I havent the slightest clue what I would do in your shoes. But I think your parents are out of line in denying you a homebirth. You should not have to give up the safety and security of preventing an assault on your body and your baby in a hospital, because of them. You are an adult. I hope you can talk to them in some way.

I dont know if going back to your husbands house would help matters, i think that would be to much stress to birth peacfully.

Would your DH pay for a hotel and watch any other kids while you are laboring?

Thats all I can come up with. But if you are anywhere near Nebraska, you are welcome in my home.

I completely agree with this. And I'm in Arizona!

s for you mama. I don't have any advice, but I want you to know that your feelings are validated.

[rpar003]

LJ,

I'm very sorry - your situation sounds miserable!

I just wanted to contribute my 2c (which might not be needed now, if the farm works out for you). I am in no means an UC expert, so please excuse anything I may suggest that is "off"

I think birthing at your home is not really an option. You're not going to want to be there with your ex - the stress and pain will not help your birth along! And it doesn't sound like kicking him out is really an option.

I really don't think trying to "sneakily" birth in your parents home is a great option either. They're bound to think something is up, and the whole worry (will they find out? are they going to burst in on you any minute? are you being too loud?) will also not give you a peaceful and calm environment!

I would discount the hotel room also - I can just see the staff or other guests calling the paramedics on you, and *that* would just spiral downward.... Besides I'm guessing it could just be kind of icky.

The cabin doesn't sound like a bad idea - but will you be able to keep it from your parents?

I really don't know if this is feasible, but coming to some kind of compromise with your parents could be the best option.
If the Farm doesn't work out (and obviously if it does this is all moot point) could you research the hospitals in your area? Maybe make a pact with your parents - you will tour the hospitals, if they will meet with the midwives/doulas who might be able to help you at home. Maybe you'd be able to work out a compromise you'd both be happy with? I think it would be wonderful if you could have a home birth with a midwife at your parents house - with a warm supportive environment and everyone happy
I do know a woman (who was happy with a hospital birth) who refused to see anyone but the nurse practioner at the DR office, and had her deliver the baby too.
Sorry - I realise all this hospital stuff is not what you were looking for, but I thought that researching your options might work, just in case you need them (depending on how other things work out).

If nothing else, some of the PP idea of transferring to the hospital later on sounds like it could work.

Oh, and I HEARTILY second all the people who advised you to see a lawyer!

Good luck, and I hope it works out for you.

[moonfirefaery]

I think the farm idea is great, and maybe if you explained your situation they would work with you. I'm not too sure about birthing in the woods, because it doesn't sound too comfortable...but I am still loving the cabin idea if you can afford it! That sounds lovely. I'm putting that on my list of things to do someday now lol

[Mama Poot]

Your parents could be thrown in jail if they forced you to do ANYTHING against your will. You are an adult and they need to accept that and accept that this is your birth and your baby- not theirs. I would hope that they would be more supportive of you during this difficult time in your life. You might try asking your mom why she feels the need to sabotage the most important moment of your life by calling 911. I would not go back to your stbx's house to give birth. That place is overflowing with bad vibes, and you don't need to be around that when you're in labor, kwim?