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Is he overreacting, or am I underreacting?? - Page 2

post #21 of 68
Gee, I'm sure she learned her lesson for losing the phone. But just be glad she found it! I've done stupid things like that myself and I'm almost 40 years old. What's the big deal I wonder? She's only 14 and a cell phone is a big responsibility for a child, just as a car would be when she is 16.

I would let it slide and hope that it taught her a good lesson about responsibility. She's old enough to realize what she did was irresponsible but why keep punishing her for it.

My oldest child is only 11 but I don't expect him to remember everything or keep up with things, even though he usually does. But I wouldn't punish him for losing his gameboy or another important item at his age. But I would hope he would learn a valuable lesson from his irresponsibility.
post #22 of 68
Quote:
Originally Posted by HeatherHeather View Post
ETA: What is he trying to teach her by taking her off the Qwest plan? If she still has a phone and a plan, then she could care less I'm sure. Why does he want her off his plan? Why does he think of it as his plan?
This is what I was thinking. If he really wanted to punish her he would take her phone away completely, not worry about what plan she is on. He just sounds very controlling to me.
post #23 of 68
:

I haven't read all of the responses (I'm at work) but this really reminds me of my stepson's stepfather. For him it is about exercising his authority and control, even when that crosses the line into ridiculous. For example, ss got totally yelled at for refusing to button his polo shirt's top button.
I understand the idea of demonstrating to your kids that you're in charge. But if having a 10 yr old ss has taught me anything, it is that 1. you really have to pick your battles and let some things go, even though you want to push them farther on principle and 2. natural consequences are a great thing.
I agree that if she lost her phone the punishment is... she lost her phone. And you don't buy her a new one.
But she found it. And I think really now your husband wants to make sure something of HIS isn't sabotaged or affected by something of HERS. And that belies deeper issues.
Just my two cents.
post #24 of 68
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by HeatherHeather View Post
I'm just curious, why did you switch her to dh plan in the first place?
Her phone broke. But, we were planning to switch the whole family over to his plan in May, so it made sense to buy her a phone from Qwest. Even though we are still paying for her on Cingular. (9.00 a month)

I even ASKED him if he thought we should just add her on to his plan now, so she could get the phone she wanted. He agreed.

We haven't talked about it yet, he had to work early today, and I didn't want to start a heavy conversation (potential argument) when he needed to sleep early. But, I will bring it up tonight.
post #25 of 68
Yes, he's overreacting and being fairly nasty about it. Also, in most step-parent situations, I really think it's better for the bio-parent (father or mother, as the case may be) to have primary responsibility for disciplining the child.
post #26 of 68
I would switch her just because he is being ridicuous, I really could not stand to go through this sort of freak out more than once if I was in the situation.

I would ask him once more pleasantly, if he really meant that he wants her off the plan and if so I would NOT SWITCH to his plan in May under any circumstances.

I lose stuff all the time, but I don't go around upsetting people for no reason.
post #27 of 68
I myself must be one of those "lazy" people. I still can't seem to keep the laundry off my floor - although I do pick it all up about once a week when I'm actually doing the laundry. I have similar rules for the kids - I wash it if it's in their hampers or they hand it to me when they see me sorting, but I don't go taking their clothes off the floor for them.
The reason I quit picking up their clothes on the floor and washing them? I managed to wash - and dry - dd's cell phone! She says she knew it was in her pants pocket all along and she planned to wear them again the next day - so basically my fault for picking up stuff that wasn't in the laundry, and trying to launder it! So, I bought her a new phone, and I no longer pick clothes up off the floor - win/win situation for everyone.

Your dh is way overreacting. I say be glad if there are small areas in your teen's life that don't exactly thrill you. Everyone adolescent needs to work on that separation from mom and dad thing - if they aren't doing it in small, non-significant ways like keeping messy rooms, growing long hair, wearing funny clothes, they are probably doing it in large ways with much more permanent repercussions. What is the point of insisting that they toe a line in the sand that has no real bearing on life?

I mean, I'm still "lazy" with my laundry and clothes situation, but I'm otherwise a very well-adjusted, happy, productive adult. That's what I really want from my kids - not clean rooms.
post #28 of 68
I don't know whom to quote here, but am joining a chorus of mamas saying - DH is being rediculous, DD is a teenager many parents would chop their right hand for.

Oh, and I lose stuff periodically too (and no, not in laundry, but like - forever)

Hope you'll find what triggers his "powertrippiness"
post #29 of 68
I guess Im just not getting why he is so mad. She paid for her own phone with her own money. Has he never lost/misplaced anything before? I know I have. I have also broken some pretty expensive things.

I dont think she was being irresponsible. If she had actually lost it and not found it, why would he care? He wouldnt have been out anything.

JMHO, though.
post #30 of 68
You husband is definitely over-reacting. She's a child and made a simple mistake. Get a grip mister.
post #31 of 68
I apologize if I too "over-reacted" but this post struck a chord with me. My father often acted like that..still does...but I'm an adult now, but I still bare deep scars from his often vindictive and irrational behavior when I was a child.

I hope you work your situation out. But at the very least let you daughter know that her mistake was only that, a mistake. Hopefully your husband will come around.
post #32 of 68
I would like to know what your dh would have done to me this last week.

I left my charger in 3 different places and had to hunt for it.

What if you had misplaced your phone?
post #33 of 68
Thread Starter 
Well, we talked last night. I actually ended up madder than when I started.

*Off topic here, sorry*

There are only a few things that really P!$$ me off. One is a grown man who rolls his eyes at me. The other is pointing a finger at me.

He did both.

I still want to break his finger.

ANyway, she keeps her phone with HIS phone plan. He still thinks she should know where it is at all times. He still says she is lazy, and has no responsibilties. Which is partially true. I don't give her enough jobs around the house. BUT she does whatever I ask when I ask it. I just don't ask as often as I should.

I know this would be good for her. SHe should learn to cook, she should learn to clean. She should learn to at least keep her bathroom in an undiseased condition, even if it is messy.

BUT, this is something I need to work on, and I don't like his "SHe is a princess" attitude. He expects too much from his own daughter too. But, she is 19 and lives on her own. I want to help her out more, and he doesn't.
post #34 of 68
I think he needs to step back and keep in mind that he is *NOT* her father.
post #35 of 68
sorry... if you know he's like this I would remember not to tell him if any phones are temporarily MIA.
post #36 of 68
Quote:
Originally Posted by pranamama View Post
sorry... if you know he's like this I would remember not to tell him if any phones are temporarily MIA.
I agree. Your dh is being more childish than your daughter. He thinks she is "lazy" and it sounds like he won't back down because of pride or whatever. Honestly, I don't see how your daughter temporarily and innocently misplacing something that SHE pays for is any of his (or your for that matter) business. I don't blame you for being mad.
post #37 of 68
Quote:
Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post
Well, we talked last night. I actually ended up madder than when I started.

*Off topic here, sorry*

There are only a few things that really P!$$ me off. One is a grown man who rolls his eyes at me. The other is pointing a finger at me.

He did both.

I still want to break his finger.

ANyway, she keeps her phone with HIS phone plan. He still thinks she should know where it is at all times. He still says she is lazy, and has no responsibilties. Which is partially true. I don't give her enough jobs around the house. BUT she does whatever I ask when I ask it. I just don't ask as often as I should.

I know this would be good for her. SHe should learn to cook, she should learn to clean. She should learn to at least keep her bathroom in an undiseased condition, even if it is messy.

BUT, this is something I need to work on, and I don't like his "SHe is a princess" attitude. He expects too much from his own daughter too. But, she is 19 and lives on her own. I want to help her out more, and he doesn't.
I haven't posted yet but like the others, I think this girl sounds awesome. She needs MORE responsibility? She sounds pretty responsible AND super busy keeping up with her school and extracurricular activities. Perhaps if he wants more out of her at home, something at school would have to give.......and then, when does she have time to be a KID?

I think we make kids grow up waaaay too fast anymore........
post #38 of 68
Hmmm, what would happen if HIS phone were to mysteriously disappear for a few days?
post #39 of 68
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irishmommy View Post
Hmmm, what would happen if HIS phone were to mysteriously disappear for a few days?

Bwahahahaha!!!! I thought of that!
post #40 of 68
While I DO think he is over reacting I can totally see why he'd want her off of his plan. If she's not careful about where her phone is it could get stolen and someone could be running up tons of charges for days before she realizes it's missing.
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