For those of you having homebirths.........

[mama_b]

How do you think your family will react? My family is all really excited about the pregnancy, but nobody knows that we're planning a homebirth. I have a family full of doctors and nurses, so it isn't going to go over well at all. I don't want to lie to them, but I really don't need the stress of them hounding me about going to a hospital for the next nine months. Anyone else in this situation?

[NightRose]

I told my friends and family that I would be homebirthing my next child long before I conceived so they could get it out of their system early. They all think I'm nuts. But I have done so much research and reading up on all of the possible scenarios, the how-to's, and what to expects... I haven't told a lot of them that I'm finally pregnant but when I do, I'm sure they'll all ask if I have reconsidered, or pretend that I never said it in the first place. I plan to do just as I did the last time: greet all of their questions and concerns with educated responses. And if all else fails, I'll remind them that I only live 5 minutes from a hospital in the event that an emergency transfer is necessary.

[supermuma]

I had homebirths with my first two children. During my first pregnancy I heard a lot of complaints and arguments from my fathers side of the family (full of doctors and nurses ...my grandmother was an OB nurse back in the day) and it wasn't pretty. I tried giving them the facts etc. but they would not let up. I got so sick of all of it that I evetually broke down and told them to leave me alone and that I did not want a baby shower or anything, I just wanted to be left alone. I did not talk to them for the rest of the pregnancy.

I wish it had not had to come to that, but we made up after the birth! With my son, they didn't say a thing about it! I don't expect that they will this time either..

Good luck!

[mama_b]

I did not talk to them for the rest of the pregnancy.

That's what I'm worried about. I really hope I don't have to take it that far.

[Spirulina&Sage]

both of my children were born at home..

the first time i had a few unpleasant conversations about my decission..the usual stuff like "are you sure you are willing to risk it?" and stuff like that..but my family knows me and know that if i want something no one will get in my way! im gald i had midwives there because both ended up with shoulder dystocia abd i bled heavily, but it was all okay.i know my sister was concerned the second time because she was there durring the "scary" parts of my sons birth, but i wasnt scared..and i trust my body, the universe and my midwife!

nak!

[supermuma]

Looking back on it I think that I could have found another way to deal with it. The relationship that I was in at the time was really bad, and my partner at the time was very controlling....the outburst came after a lot of prodding from him. Does that make any sense?

I am not sure how I would have done it differently, but I think that there could have been a much better solution. I actually still feel sad about it when I think of it.

Sorry, I know that this is no help at all!

I wish that I had some suggestions! I know how hard a medical family can be to deal with regarding this issue though, so I completely empathize with you. You will find a way! And it will be a better way than mine!

[nova22]

This is information I plan to keep to myself as long as possible.

I might tell a few people - there are a few family members who I know will be supportive of, or at least open to, my homebirth wishes. Others would probably be standing outside my bedroom window, ready to call an ambulance at the first sign of labor.

I don't want to tell any outright lies, either, but I have nothing against mental reservation when it comes to my birth choices. I find that it is always better to keep information to yourself rather than tell people who you KNOW will pick a fight with you, or constantly give you a hard time about your choice. If it comes up in conversation you can say something like "we are still looking at our options" and then change the subject.

[Jster]

I am! I don't think it will be a problem, at least not on my side, as I was born at home (and two cousins) and my dd2 was born at home. DP's family will hopefully be cool with it, I've heard his mom searched out a hospital 30 miles away in the 70s because they allowed natural birth, so that's cool.

[ThreeBeans]

I don't' think it's going to go over well with my family. My husband isn't overly thrilled with the idea. And at my parents' church, a woman recently homebirthed and her baby died, so as far as my parents are concerned it's anathema

[care_a_boo]

Everyone knows I'm planning a homebirth. If they want to talk about why, I have a very long story about my hospital birth to tell them that, I think, illustrates my point. They are welcome to hear it as often as they like.

But, if you would like to avoid the conversation entirely, while still being truthful, you could hire your midwife, and also check in with an OB (if you have a gyn, you can just use him or her). Take the hospital tour. You don't have to tell anyone else that the hospital is plan B. Obviously, if your insurance will cover your midwife prenatal care, then you probably can't really see a doctor too, as your insurance is bound to make you pay for one of them. I've heard some women actually see an OB right along, as well as the midwife--I assume in those cases they have full OB coverage and their insurance wouldn't pay the midwife in any case--just so they can have the doctor of their choice should they transfer and not some stranger. I'd find that annoying, to keep two sets of appointments, but something less commital would satisfy me. Something like, "Yes, I have an OB" = His name is still printed on my insurance card, but I haven't called him in over a year. And, "I have a hospital tour scheduled for next week" = I'll be secretly gloating the whole time because I won't be in those terrible beds, hooked up to those machines, wearing that gown.

[shell024]

We had a UC with our first, the family thought we were crazy...wait, they still do. They are probably wondering and/or assuming that is what we are doing this time too (thats the plan!). When people want to know why or have questions about "safety" issues, I simply answer them. If they think I'm nuts, oh well. If they get critical, I change the subject, walk away, laugh about it, or call them on it if its something totally rude.

[MamaRabbit]

My 2nd one was born at home SAFELY (their main concern) so I don't see why they should worry this time. Now we will not be telling them that I don't have a midwife available this time.

[sarahmck]

My DD was born at home (in California, where we lived at the time). My mother was very concerned. She kept telling me things that smart family friends had to say about it, and she kept encouraging a birth center (never mind that the closest one was 45 minutes away). This was all especially ironic given that my mother was the 8th child (and was breech) of a family of kids who were born at home with only the neighbor lady and sometimes the family doctor in attendance.

My parents visited us when I was about 7 months pregnant and I had some homebirth videos that my midwife had loaned me. My mother watched these with me and, at the end, said "I see now why you want to do this. I feel kind of cheated that I didn't get to." My brother and I were c-sections, so I'm not sure if she meant homebirth or vaginal birth, but regardless, she got off my back after that. So the moral of my story is that education can work wonders. People think homebirth is scary and weird, but if you show them that it's not, maybe they'll listen, at least a little bit.

[QueenOfThePride]

My biggest challenge to homebirth is DH! I think I need to have him write down all of his questions and concerns, and then we can answer them together. Like his biggest is - what if something goes wrong? But we could go from our living room to the ER in two or three minutes. We might actually have to drive the way and time it to prove to him this is possible.

I really would like to do UC, but I know I'll be facing resistance. Regardless, I still might go that rout.

Months ago, I talked to MIL about homebirth, and she actually supported it. I was really surprised, because she is a nurse and pro-vax, and pro-circ, etc.

I haven't talked to anyone else about homebirth, so I don't know what they will think.

[Jada Mae]

I am homebirthing and no one has said squat about it.

I think deep down inside, they are concerned and worried because last birth had a very rare complication and I transferred to the hospital and had a much needed cesarean (baby [well, he's not baby anymore!] and I are fine now). I wouldn't doubt that they are concerned that the same thing will happen as well as the slightly increased risk factor of being a YBAC.

But then again, I know that despite their concerns, they respect my (our) choice as well as believe I know what I am doing being as I am a midwife and have done homebirths, birthcenter (non-hospital affiliated) births, and YBACS.

I don't blame them for their fears. I have my own as well.

[dantesmama]

I'm planning a UC, and I kind of broached the subject of homebirth with my mom. She was asking about midwives, and I explained the legal situation with homebirth midwives in New York, and the cost, and she was quiet for a moment . . . then she said, "You're just going to go ahead and deliver this baby yourself, aren't you!" She wasn't very surprised, and she said she supports me in whatever I do. Awww!

Now, the in-laws, however . . . that's another story. They don't even know we have another one on the way yet!

[Jada Mae]

Originally Posted by dantesmama

she was quiet for a moment . . . then she said, "You're just going to go ahead and deliver this baby yourself, aren't you!" She wasn't very surprised, and she said she supports me in whatever I do. Awww!

That is great dantesmama! Many mamas (and partners) don't have the support from other family members. I'm happy to hear you have support from your mama!

[alegna]

Mine will be supportive I'm sure. DD was born at home and it was all that mom and MIL talked about for months (they were both here....)

-Angela

[care_a_boo]

Originally Posted by QueenOfThePride

I really would like to do UC, but I know I'll be facing resistance. Regardless, I still might go that rout.

I know you didn't ask for advice, but if you don't mind...
There is one HB MW in my area. She lives almost an hour out of town. I have a few friends who gave birth before she arrived, and it all went great. So if you hire someone who has a bit of a commute to get to you, and you are able to hold off on calling (or, perhaps I should say, convince Dh that it isn't time to call yet), then you may just get your UC. Of course, that's a tiny bit devious and would, to be convincing, require that you hire a MW for prenatal care at least (I don't know if you wanted to do a UP as well as UC), but it's an idea.

[MammaKoz]

My hubby's family is soooooooooooo mainstream. I mean if there was ever a poster family for mainstream thinking it would be them.

My family on the otherhand isn't really. Well, I shouldn't say that, they are just used to me and respect my beliefs, ideas, opinions etc. They are kinda in between crunchy/mainstream.

So with this pg I am going UC, I'm having the baby at home with no dr, no midwife, just me, hubby and the kids and our doula.

When I told the in-laws of course there was just a gasp on the other end of the phone. And I have to admit I'm a little evil, I tell them these things that I am doing partly because their reaction cracks me up. I am soooooooooooo the black sheep in that family, you have no idea. Anyway, I digress. They of course tried talking me out of it, but they quickly realize I have all my facts and figures in my head to dispute most of what they are saying and give up. And I think after 7 years they know me well enough to know it doesn't matter what they say. But my NFL/AP crunchy granola ways can still send them into a very entertaining tizzy if I do say so myself. I told them before we were even pg back in the spring our next baby is going to be UC so they have had time to get used to the idea.

My family on the other hand, which since my mom passed over is mainly all guys, are GREAT! I tell them I am having a UC, explain to them what that is and my little brother, who is single and no kids asks "are you going to do the whole water birth thingy? I saw that on TV once, that looks like the perfect way to give birth." and my Dad and my uncles just let it roll off their shoulders like any other conversation we have. My dad was said "Eh, I was born on the farm, all of us kids were born on the farm. It's totally natural. You can do it sweetie, I know you can. Call me if you need me." And that was it. No big deal to them, which I love because I can actually talk to them, men of all people, and get the most support and encouragement from my Dad and my brother on the whole UC thing. My friends too are confused but at least supportive.

So this is my new tag line for the holidays coming up when I am surrounded by the inlaws, because I KNOW it is going to come up. And I am just basically saying:

"My mind is made up, I've researched this to death, I trust my intution completely and while you may not agree or understand, if you can't respect and support me and be positive then let's just not discuss this anymore. :"

And if I have to repeat it a million times a day I will, but I am not battling anyone on my beliefs and decisions anymore, yk? It's not worth the energy.