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Ear Piercing an Infant - Need advise/ info

post #1 of 132
Thread Starter 
My husband asked me this, just this morning.

"If we have a girl, will we pierce her ears as a baby?"

Wonderful just when I think we've ironed all the issues out, here's a new one. I had never even considered this. I guess since we would like to have a boy it just never crossed our minds. The idea was brought up at DH's work.

At our ultrasound 2 1/2 weeks ago we weren't able to determine gender. But so far had made most the major decisions:
Cloth - Yes
- Yes
Cosleeping - Not sure, yes to start and take it as it goes

After finding out we would have a suprise at the birth, I wanted us to be sure on intact/vs Circ. So we debated for days.

Intact - Yes

So I guess I am torn on whether to peirce a little girls ears. I have heard that the pain would be minimial and they would forget it, that it's easier if mom just keeps the ears clean while they heal, and that the holes heal differently so that they won't close up later.

I don''t know the validity of any of the above and the pain one seems awfully like the comments on Circing as an infant. Also piercing isn't something that is nessasary it is very much cosmetic.

But I had my ears pierced at 10, 12 and again at 22 (the last by a pro with a needle) the first two times were with the gun and I had problems with infections and the holes closing all the time. I still need to wear earing almost all the time even to sleep or I risk having a very difficult time putting earing in or the holes will close up.

If I pierced my daugters ears to prevent future problems for her, would I be hippocritical, since I would keeping a son intact and not worry about what may happen in the future?

post #2 of 132
I wouldn't pierce an infant's ears. I don't think you can automatically assume that a girl will want earrings. I didn't until I was 14. I also think it puts a lot of value on a girl's appearance at a very young age.
post #3 of 132
What if dd doesn't want pierced ears? Not everyone does. I personally feel that it should be up to the person who wears the ears if they should be pierced or not.
post #4 of 132
Please don't pierce your daughters ears. It is HER body you are altering. There is no reason to have pierced ears. Yes, I think it is hypocritical to be anti circ but pro piercing. You sound like a thoughtful mom, good luck!
post #5 of 132
I would never, ever pierce my dd's ears. It is HER body and HER decision. Why do I have the right to perform medically unnecessary body modification on someone else's body without her permission?!
post #6 of 132
IMO it needs to be her decision when she is older. I hate seeing babies with pierced ears.
post #7 of 132
I would wait till she's older, that way it can be her decision and if she wants to get it done, it will be really fun and exciting for her to go and get it done. I got my ears pierced at age 10 and it was so exciting for me.
post #8 of 132
Originally Posted by numom499 View Post
Please don't pierce your daughters ears. It is HER body you are altering. There is no reason to have pierced ears. Yes, I think it is hypocritical to be anti circ but pro piercing. You sound like a thoughtful mom, good luck!
post #9 of 132
: I agree with the other mamas that you should not pierce her ears. Also, it is not true at all that it is easier to take care of when they are infants. If you had problems when you were older, it is probably because a gun was used to pierce your ears the first 2 times, instead of a needle at a professional piercing place. You should never use a gun to pierce ears-only get it done by a certified professional who uses a needle. Also, I have many friends who had their ears pierced as infants and as they grew and got older, the hole became uneven and now the holes are down at the edge of the earlobes. Basically, just because you pierce the ears in the proper place as an infant, doesn't mean it will stay that way as she gets older. Does that make sense? So your daughter could end up with holes that are too close to the bottom of her lobe and might tear when she is older. It is better to wait til she is much older and her ears are about the size they will stay as an adult. The other mamas touched on the ethical issues already, so that is my point of view from just my experience of seeing friends' ears pierced as babies.
post #10 of 132

It's her body to alter as she wishes
ears grow - holes done as an infant are often uneven later

post #11 of 132
My mom pretty much made me get my ears pierced when I was nine, I didn't want it done, and I still don't really want it. So no, let her make her own decision.
post #12 of 132
I personally would not do it. Like the others have said, how do you know she wants them pierced? My opinion....not my body, not my choice.

If I had a daughter, I would let her make the decision around the age of 7 or 8. I would also look into a professional piercer who uses a needle instead of a gun.
post #13 of 132
Thread Starter 

Thank you

Thank you mama's

I really need to be sure I wasn't crazy on the ethical front

And info like gemelos and alegna gave like that the ears will still grow is exactly what I need. More info to explain my pov to my husband.

Like I said in the OP, the circ debates was long, it actually started long before the U/S happened, because while I was anti circ, my husband was not. He has essentially gotten to the point where he understand that it's not medically nessasary but he doesn't care one way or the other now. So I got my way but it took parading a lot of medical info/ reasons why we shouldn't. The ethical discussion never really played a part though for him.

So I would love more info or any website that would show reasons not too. He is definitly leaning towards it and doesn't see a problem. I can not simple put my foot down either and tell him that we won't do it, we are both stubborn and he would imediatly take the opposite side.

Thank you for your help.
post #14 of 132
I recently overheard a discusson about this. Here's my favorite quote from the conversation.

"Well, for the first one, she was fine, but then when they started to get ready to do the second one, she started screaming and wiggling around." I believe the next line was something about her being held down. Or strapped in. Or something equally horrifying.

I wouldn't alter my son's penis. I won't alter my daughter's ears.
post #15 of 132
I agree that I would wait and let her decide, but I don't feel it's hypocritical of you to be anticirc and pierce her ears, IMO.

FTR - My ears were pierced at about 2. I've never had issues with them closing or they are not uneven, almost 22 years later.
post #16 of 132
Go to the no circ board here, it is FULL of info that will sway your husband, complete with a link to a clip of a circ, I don't know how anyone can circ after watching it.
post #17 of 132
I wouldn't do it. I think it should be her decision. That's what I tell people when they ask why I haven't pierced my dds ears. I also agree with a pps point that said it puts a lot of value on a girls appearance at a very young age. I thought about this the other day...I hate wearing earings to bed because the backs of the earings prick me. When babies have earings they don't usually get taken out at night. That must be so irritating ! :
And I think a baby with earings looks so silly
post #18 of 132
I would not put my infant through unnecessary pain and possible infection in order for her to look a small degree cuter to certain people. I don't think the argument of her ears closing up more quickly if done later in life is even true, but even if it was, I don't think that's a valid argument in favor of piercing, because she might not even ever WANT her ears pierced.

If my daughter asks for pierced ears once she is old enough for me to explain in detail to her about the pain, possible infection, possible accidents (pulled-out earrings, etc.), and care that will go into maintaining them, and she still wants them, she can have them. Otherwise, my daughter's ears will stay whole.

I also think babies with earrings look a little silly -- kind of like a 3-year-old with a face full of make-up.
post #19 of 132
My ears were pierced as an infant, and I wouldn't have pierced a daughter's ears. Personally, I feel like it's her decision since it's her body. And frankly, I look at old pictures of me in 2nd grade with dangling earrings, and I just feel sad for that little girl who was conditioned to believe imposed standards of feminine beauty. For the record, I stopped wearing earrings when I was in Jr. high...in the 80's, and have only very rarely put them in since. My ears don't close, so I'm lucky that way, I guess. I have a cousin, though, who also got her ears pierced as an infant (family ritual, I suppose) and she has terrible trouble with her ears closing and getting infected all the time. And she's the exact opposite...she is always wearing earrings and hates the trouble they give her. I, on the other hand, could do without the holes in my ears.
post #20 of 132
Don't pierce her ears. Just as circumcision is permanently altering your son without his consent, piercing ears is permanently altering your daughter without her consent.

If your DH protests, saying he thinks it's "cute" and "feminine", do a counter-offer. "I don't want to pierce her ears, but you know, I think a labret piercing would be just ADORABLE on her! Don't you think? Or maybe a tiny stud in her nose?"
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