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Moms with Many: New baby, 3 other children, and the house...

post #1 of 22
Thread Starter 
I need some suggestions about trying to get the house back to some sense of normal.

I totally know this will be a process and am not expecting perfection. But the main thing is a lot of behavior issues are popping up, not getting around to any homeschooling, sleep patterns TOTALLY off and crabbiness/lack of patience from all family members.

I do not mind the homeschooling and chores taking the back burner.....but the disrespect and lack of predictability in our sched is throwing all of us for a loop. I am trying to babywear but do not feel very sturdy with her being so little. I also can not breastfed her in sling yet.

Any suggestions or wisdom would be appreciated. Thanks
post #2 of 22
No wisdom but hugs from me. I've BTDT.

I think you're very wise to take time off from schooling for awhile. I would keep school on the back burner and tackle the behavior issues first. Is there a teenager in your homeschooling group that can come and help a couple hours a day? Whether with housework, cooking, tending the little ones while you shower, etc? That's what my teenage daughter does for another family.
post #3 of 22
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Usually Curious View Post
No wisdom but hugs from me. I've BTDT.

I think you're very wise to take time off from schooling for awhile. I would keep school on the back burner and tackle the behavior issues first. Is there a teenager in your homeschooling group that can come and help a couple hours a day? Whether with housework, cooking, tending the little ones while you shower, etc? That's what my teenage daughter does for another family.
I am trying to work something like that out. We are not in a HS group but know a family who homeschools with 2 teen girls (dance students of mine)

Also....dancers at the academy want to come help. This last 2 weeks have been such a blur.....I haven't set anything up :
post #4 of 22
Just sit down and make a schedule. It will be worth the time spent to have a schedule made for next week!
post #5 of 22
Hi AngelBee. I saw your post on the MoMs thread just now. My kids are similar ages to yours, (w/a teenager thrown in for good measure). Here are a few ideas that always help us in times of transition:

I am not a homeschooler, so I have no advice there, but I'd say definately accept whatever help you can (can you barter dance lessons for childcare & household help w/your students?). Have your helper take the older kids out for lots of fresh air & exercise to burn off some of that excess energy & stress they may be feeling. This will also help them sleep better at night.

Routines are our saving grace - my kids really respond well to knowing what to expect, how the day is going to go, etc. Maybe implement some routines around mealtimes, bathtimes, bedtimes, then fill in the gaps w/whatever you have going on - homeschooling, outings, visits. Perhaps even drawing up a chart to help the kids have a visual will help.

Fitting in some special time w/the older kids is important of course, even if it is just playing their favorite board game while you nurse the baby or doing a special craft while baby naps.

Try to make sure your whole family is eating well - limit sweets & treats. I know my own kids (and I) behave & cope much better when we have eaten well. And sleeping well, or as well as can be expected right now.

As for the disrespect, I take a firm approach there - I just do not allow it. I know this does not fit in w/GD philosophy, but I do not allow my children to speak to me, or other family members disrespectfully. If they do, there is a consequence. Even though you know they are doing it in response to the new happenings in the family, this still does not make it acceptable. Consistency is key here. (OK, flame away, I can take it.)

Lastly, please take good care of yourself. You are still postpartum and are recovering physically and adjusting emotionally. If you can, fit in some time for a nice bath, a good meal, a nap.

s It's hard, but it does get easier as you are feeling better.
post #6 of 22
I think fresh air (if it isn't too cold where you are) and crafts (keep little hands busy) are good--but not crafts that you have to clean up/set up... can the kids cut and color Christmas tree decorations?
Maybe have the eldest child read to the others for 'school' time while you feed baby (or close your eyes and rest?), even if it is only 15 minutes or so?

good luck and remember, as hard as it is now, this too will pass s
post #7 of 22
Thread Starter 
Thank you mamas
post #8 of 22
How are you today mama?
post #9 of 22
nak

Normal is a flexible concept isn't it!

our house has become chaotic in the last 3 months in many ways not just the untidiness and messiness.

Our main problem at the mo is between ds2 - almost 10 and dd1 almost 4. His manner with her is very aggressive and intolerant. We are having to remind him of his needs and abilities at that age and encourage him to be more caring and empathise with her. She has the ability to drive us all up the wall mainly with incessant talking but even so he is out of order. dd is also over the top with the baby which sometimes takes us to the edge of gd if only for Frida's safety!

we have started staying longer at the table after dinner just to talk as a family because the boys seem to be disappearing a bit as our time is taken up with the younger two. they go to school so we need to make the most of the time they are at home annd they are both prone to sitting in a corner reading and not talking to anyone for hours on end unless nudged into some communicative activity! we played scrabble for an hour or so the other night and that was good.

Our other problem is that we don't all fit in our car anymore so going out as a family at the weekends like we used to - to go walking in the hills or to visit friends and family is not happening and it is creating a kind of cabin fever.

My mum was planning on visiting today but this morning she woke up feeling full of cold so didn't come. Ordinarily it wouldn't be a problem but today the disappointment made me cry. Maybe I'm more stretched than I am ready to acknowledge or maybe broken sleep is starting to bite?

Thinking of you other mamas out ther with lots of people in the house
Rachel
post #10 of 22
I didn't know about this thread...

I'll post a link to my question here too.

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...6&postcount=72

I'll be thinking about an answer to your question AngelBee.

Gotta run!
post #11 of 22
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~*max*~ View Post
How are you today mama?
Ok

Main issues:

My poor attitude :

Lack of routine and consistency in day to day things is throwing kids off. I really do need to establish a sched.....which is so difficult for me as I have severe ADHD so I forget to follow it

What do you think should be the main things I sched or set routines for? If I could only choose a couple things to start with, where would you start?
post #12 of 22
AngelBee, I'd start w/mealtimes, bathtimes & bedtimes. For example, times that meals are, what kind of healthy food will be served, behavior expected during meals, what happens if meal is not eaten. For bathtime, time of day, order of baths, put PJ's on after, etc. For bedtime (could be combined w/bathtime), same time every night, baths, brush teeth, read books for a specific period of time, then into bed. That way you have the major parts of the day scheduled, and you have a few chunks of time to fit in your other needs, such as homeschooling, playtime, etc.

Good luck. Feel free to Pm me if ya wanna chat.
post #13 of 22
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~*max*~ View Post
AngelBee, I'd start w/mealtimes, bathtimes & bedtimes. For example, times that meals are, what kind of healthy food will be served, behavior expected during meals, what happens if meal is not eaten. For bathtime, time of day, order of baths, put PJ's on after, etc. For bedtime (could be combined w/bathtime), same time every night, baths, brush teeth, read books for a specific period of time, then into bed. That way you have the major parts of the day scheduled, and you have a few chunks of time to fit in your other needs, such as homeschooling, playtime, etc.

Good luck. Feel free to Pm me if ya wanna chat.
Thank you I was dreaming/thinking about this all night

Chatting sounds fun
post #14 of 22
Thread Starter 
We are really trying to focus on bedtime routine. Also 3 meals at the same time everyday and bathtime before bed.
post #15 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by AngelBee View Post
We are really trying to focus on bedtime routine. Also 3 meals at the same time everyday and bathtime before bed.
Good work AngelBee! I hope things are settling down for you and you are feeling better.
post #16 of 22
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~*max*~ View Post
Good work AngelBee! I hope things are settling down for you and you are feeling better.
Well....slowly

The children adapt to change about as well as I do!
post #17 of 22
Thread Starter 
Still trying to work through this...
post #18 of 22
Did you get a helper?
post #19 of 22
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Usually Curious View Post
Did you get a helper?
No :

Everyone has been so busy with the holidays
post #20 of 22
How is it going?
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