hard, high-risk hospital birth: cascade of interventions/NICU/emotional aftermath - Page 2

[cfiddlinmama]

I want to thank you so much for your honesty when you wrote this story. You are a very articulate writer and I learned so much. I'm so sorry for the pain you have gone through. I applaud you for for working so hard to heal your emotions. Your dh sounds so wonderfully supportive and I'm so glad you've had him there for you. I sincerely hope you reach that peace on your horizen. I too think you will help lots of women. You are a strong woman. Thank you for sharing.

ps - your pictures are beautiful!

[FreeThinkinMama]

Aww your story made me cry I can relate to so much of it, I had gestational diabetes and was pressured into an induction because my blood sugars were out of control and they said it was too late for insulin and the baby would get too big and I was 40 weeks already. From there I ended up with the epidural and internal fetal monitoring that I didn't want. I was basically tied down to the bed during half my labor. It is so sad how pregnant women are being treated It really hasn't changed that much if you think about it from 50 years ago when they used to knock women out for labor. I was also seperated from my dd at birth twice even though we were both fine. I didn't know my rights, I didn't stand up for myself. I had wanted to avoid an IV or at least delay it but they said it was "hospital policy" like it was some kind of law. To top it all off I had little to no support breastfeeding and constant pushing of formula on me until I finally gave up.

Don't be so hard on yourself mama I'm amazed at how much you know and how strong you were during your labor. When you asked that residence for the incidence of a certain complication, I would have never thought of that. Still there's only so much you can do when you're in pain, exhausted from labor and people are constantly pressuring you and scaring you into consenting to interventions.

I'm so sorry you didn't have the birth you imagined I'm glad you're able to focus on the positive though. Congrats on the birth of your son and being able to bf

[BookGoddess]

As another mother who planned to have a natural, intervention free birth that went awry culminating with a C-section, NICU stay, and several days of jaundice, I can relate to some of what you've been through. I'm supposed to be sleeping but I spent 30 minutes with my eyes glued to the screen reading your story. Wow! I couldn't read and not comment.
Where to begin? Your story is not an uncommon one but the honesty, wisdom, and detail with which you presented the whole experience is beyond anything else I've read here.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. You've bared your soul and that's not something easy to do in RL or on the internet. Peace and love to you and your family...

[sewaneecook]

Maria, thanks for sharing! You are a remarkable mama. I'm a big ball of tears now. :guh

[Yin Yang]

Maria ~ I am glad I finally had time to read yuor story. It's heartbreaking. I am so sorry your birth turned out the way it did.
I've said it before and I will say it again - I am really amazed at the amount of knowladge you have about a human body and not just that obviously.
And I know you are the type of person who will make things different for other women because of your own experience.

I hope your healing continues to go well and both you and you DS will heal from your trauma.

[cathicog]

I see the start of a book here. That was awesome, painful, but healing. I love your honesty. If we had more of that in obstetrics the c/s rate wouldn't be what it is...I can see many people healed and changed by your trauma. Thank you for sharing. Makes me want to ask myself, as a practitioner, "how is what I am doing/how I am doing it, affecting the client and the relationship to her baby?"
Very powerful stuff. I am happy you have a supportive dh. I know many who don't and some who have ultimately gotten divorced- primarily because the c/s (usually more than one) caused such a rift, an untrustness, that could not be repaired, and it bled into other aspects of their relationships. That would write a book, too. Again, thank you for sharing your heart....Oh, and I was not aware that 50% of type 1 mothers have given birth vaginally...I had a doula client years ago, who was automatically told she was going to have a section at 38 weeks. I never saw her again, after the childbirth classes. I wonder what happened to her. What resources may I look up to find info on type 1 and vaginal birth? TIA

[eper]

Thanks for posting this long birth story and your feelings post-birth!

I think it is time that the society as a whole acknowlegde that the way we birth our children has a huge impact on us. The end result, a happy baby, is just one (a major one! no doubt) goal. Our emotions and spirit cannot be neglected.

All the best for you for a peacefull recovery!!

[CarolynnMarilynn]

Thank you for sharing. Your story is powerful and moving.

[~Yola]

Thank you for sharing your story. You truly are a gifted writer, and I'm sure that by sharing your story you will be of help to many women who have difficulty putting their own feeling into words.

Peace and love be with you.

[BirthFree]

You are a courageous woman - beautiful, honest and strong - many blessings to you. I got tears reading what your DH wrote in his blog about your nursing struggles - he sounds like a husband to suit you well. Blessings and healing...

[DucetteMama21842]

What an amazing story. Thank you so much for sharing it. Bravo for making it through as you did! YOu are so educated, I believe you did the best for your baby and can't imagine what you escaped with being prepared with your own info.

[kungfumoose]

Thank you so much.

I also had planned a birth without intervention, and ended up in teh hospital with a c-section.
The way you described your pain, helped me to put into words how I feel, and you have inspired me to finish writing my own story. All I can do is cry now.

Thank you so much.

~Moose

[kaylee18]

Originally Posted by ~pi

...The only type 1 diabetic homebirth I ever heard about was a second hand account of a woman who was having her fourth vaginal birth...

You mean this one (post 39)?

It's technically a firsthand account, written by the mother (Meg Scherbatskoy). Also, she had both her third and her fourth at home... the first and second having been preterm and birthed at a freestanding birth center.

[Cloth4Colin]

What a story, mama!! I am so glad that you are both okay and together now. Your little one is absolutely gorgeous!!

Congrats!

[~pi]

Originally Posted by kaylee18

You mean this one (post 39)?

It's technically a firsthand account, written by the mother (Meg Scherbatskoy). Also, she had both her third and her fourth at home... the first and second having been preterm and birthed at a freestanding birth center.

That's the one, thanks. I couldn't recall the exact details and couldn't find the post again. I forgot that her first babies were preterm, too. I wonder what would have happened if she had gone later, or with her fourth had the whole process been longer than 30 minutes. She was in a similar situation at that point as I was, i.e. homebirth was not allowed for type 1 diabetes, so she was planning for a birth center (not an option here.) And she couldn't get anyone to agree to a homebirth for her first. Frustrating.

It's kind of sad to read my post on that thread from back then. I really believed everyone who told me they were on my side. I was so confident that all my upfront work would pay off and minimize any conflicts at the hospital.

[~pi]

Originally Posted by mary3mama

My first child was born via c/s that I believe to have been pretty unnecessary -- but the cutting into me was not nearly as egregious as forcing me to be apart for him for almost 48 hours after his birth. He's 7 now and healthy, but I believe, still showing scars of those early hours without an understanding of where his mama was.

Originally Posted by shmoo

I believe your story will help others and I encourage you to share what you have written with your HCP and the hospital you birthed at. It may be naive on my part, but I cannot help but think that If I were your OB and I read what you wrote I would have to reevaluate my decisions and be a smidge more contemplative with future patients.

Thanks for the encouragement. I definitely plan to share it with the people who were involved in my care, although possibly as an appendix to a much shorter letter. The letter (currently drafting) is less personal and talks about my experience in the context of the hospital's stated commitment to evidence-based medicine and patient-centred care.

Originally Posted by FreeThinkinMama

I didn't know my rights, I didn't stand up for myself. I had wanted to avoid an IV or at least delay it but they said it was "hospital policy" like it was some kind of law. To top it all off I had little to no support breastfeeding and constant pushing of formula on me until I finally gave up.

I often think that in a way, it can be a lot tougher on mamas with GD, because you have so much less time to prepare. You get hit with a diagnosis right in the home stretch of pregnancy, and before you have time to adjust to the idea, start to assimilate info and make educated decisions, you're coerced into an induction, c/s or ultimately both.

I'm so sorry to hear of your difficulties with breastfeeding. I was very fortunate to have all the practical and emotional support I had. I don't know whether I would have made it through the difficulties otherwise. to the people who made it so hard for you.

Originally Posted by cathicog

What resources may I look up to find info on type 1 and vaginal birth? TIA

I'm on mat leave from school so don't have access to my library files. What kind of resources are you looking for? A lot of the usual info sheets have statements to the effect that you are likely to be induced because of concerns about risks to the baby, you may have a c/s if your baby is very big, etc. Not incredibly helpful. That 50% stat is an estimate based on a couple of reviews/studies; it has also unscientifically supported by polls in an online group of type 1 women. That's the best I could do to get an overall picture of the state of things.

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Thanks to everyone for the kind words, and I am so glad that some people are finding inspiration to write their own difficult birth stories. Writing this was painful, but ultimately very healing for me.

[lola731]

Wow. You have a beautiful baby. The picture of you and him, right after you got to bring him to your room (I think it said 36 hours after he was born?), was the first picture I clicked on after reading your story. I thought, "that baby is IN LOVE with him mama." The way you're both looking at each other is in absolute unconditional love.

Congratulations to you. And I'm so sorry about all of the negative things that happened during his birth. My first birth didn't go as I had hoped- too many interventions I had not wanted, he was delivered with forceps, almost a c-birth- but although I would have liked to do some things different, I would do it all over again, exactly as it happened, for him. He was worth it.

Thank you for sharing your story. I hope each day brings more healing for you.

Carrie, mama to Jake (4), Lola (2), and Ike (4 months)

[georgia]

Wow, thank you for sharing your story I can relate to so much of what you wrote.

[MamaSong]

What a beautiful sharing...thank you! I am so sorry that you had to go through all of that. Blessings to you and your family.

[Shanana]

I'm so sorry you didn't get the birth you wanted. I hope you continue to heal and reach a place of peace. Thank you for sharing your story ... your son is beautiful.