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torn about future UCing after stillbirth. - Page 2

post #21 of 41
I think you will have a better sense when you are pregnant. Right now you have so much to process.

My heart aches for you. Sending you many healing thoughts....
post #22 of 41


Every pregnancy, every baby, every situation is different. I don't think you need to sort it out right now in the midst of your grief. You will know next time around what the best choice for you is.

Again, I am so sorry
post #23 of 41
I have nothing to add that is different from the wise, sage words you've been given.

My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry for your loss.
post #24 of 41
I'm sorry, I too have nothing substantial to offer except that my thoughts have been with you since I read your original post. I stumbled across it in the New Posts section and can't forget it.

I'm sending healing vibes your way.
Marie
post #25 of 41
I have also been thinking of you since we heard of your loss.
Has Louie had to leave yet?

Give yourself some time.

I agree with what Ruth said.

My virtual arms are around you.
post #26 of 41
You are a brave and powerful woman. In time you will find the road you are to fallow, dont push it, let it find you and in turn you will find peace and your answer.

Peace and love to your family and little one
post #27 of 41
Frontier, I have been thinking of you very much over the last couple of weeks

I don't know what to say other than give yourself time and remember that this type of decision doesn't need to be all or nothing. There is a whole continum to choose from when the time is right to choose. No matter what educating yourself ad nauseaum on SD is probably a good thing- probably hard and healing too.
post #28 of 41
I think that because UC is such a personal decision and the road to it is often a long and difficult one, no one here will be able to tell you to try it with your next child. The only thing I can recommend is to surround yourself with supportive friends and/or family, especially once you get pregnant again. Don't be afraid to call them any time of the night or day, just unburden yourself when you need to. Even though we have never met and never spoken, I would be glad to give you my phone number and an ear to listen as often as you need it, if you have no one nearby to lean on, and would be willing to bet that you would get the same offer from a great number of the women on this board. Even if you decide that you only want to give birth in a hospital from now on, keep your circle of support available and remember that at any time right up to the nxt birth itself, you can change your mind, once or a even a thousand times. You are stilll the one who gets to and ultimately has to make the decision of how and where you will birth, but you won't have to do it alone.

and peace,

Rachele
post #29 of 41
I had a accidental u/c where my attendant didn’t have time to make it to the birth.. Baby came out not breathing.. It’s a long story.. but the baby ended up dying after we took him off life support.. I consider him to be stillborn..

But anyways I just recently had a baby girl and went through all the questions that you have..

I had all the worries you have.. I finally had to give the birth to the baby.. My husband was dead set against another homebirth.. I wasn’t afraid (other then being forced to birth in the hospital) What happens, happens..

I ended up giving birth u/c after 40 minutes of labour.. At my parents house..

What happens once doesn’t always happen again..

And if you all are wondering what my son Ian died from the autopsy said he had a brain injury prior to birth.. Something like the cells they found take at least 3 days to form..

To me there is no other way to birth but u/c

private message me if you want

Lisa
post #30 of 41
lisa:

thank you for sharing your experience with us.
post #31 of 41
still thinking about you and your dh. I think the only answer I can give you is to give yourself time.
post #32 of 41
I have lost a baby (born without kidneys) that I chose a hospital birth for. My others were born at home. I do know that periodic fetal monitoring can detect a prolapsed cord, so consider renting one to listen every hour or so in labor. Signs of distress like meconium, or heartrate decelerations can act as clues for you to know to call an attendent. And there are many maneuvers to dislodge shoulders that you/hubby can learn, so if there is a dystocia next time you can get baby out quick. There really is no right decision, and now is probably too soon.
I just wanted to reiterate what everyone else said. Give yourself time, and every pregnancy is different. Be sure to talk with your midwife about your feelings, and see if she has any insight to help make sense of this accident. I know what it is like to lose a child and you will make it through this.
post #33 of 41
I am so sorry for your loss : Sending you all my warmest thoughts and hopes that next time you get pregnant you will know what kind of birth you and your baby need. :
post #34 of 41
My husband and I have been thinking of you so much...
Both of my babies had shoulder dystocia (midwife attended homebirth). My first was stuck more than the second, but the second baby was a pound heavier and had larger shoulders (I am 5'4 and 120 and my babies were 9 and 10 lbs - my husband is 6'4 and muscular, he and his brother were 10lb babies). Both times I needed both midwives to help the babies out (one applied pressure on my belly and the other pulled him out). My first baby was blue and needed a little oxygen (I kept him on my body and rubbed him/talked him awake). My second baby came out pink but had a little respiratory distress, but turned out okay after a few minutes. Otherwise the midwives were very non invasive and allowed me to birth without intervention. They left my husband and alone until I was ready to push and requested them, no checks for dialation or anything. I know they have also had births were they were available in case of emergency, but otherwise the mom was left to her own devices. What I am trying to say is that there are other options and UC friendly midwives (ours is in in Baltimore if you and your husband are ever in this area).
I agree with the pp that your situation could have happened in an attended or hospital birth, but I understand that you want to explore your options and think about everything right now. You will do the right thing when the time comes.
post #35 of 41
I am thinking about you a lot these days also and wishing you as much peace as possible as you grieve your precious daughter.

I did lose a baby to shoulder dystocia. He did live for 7 weeks but he was born at home/transfer and then died of severe brain damage. I did not choose the UP/UC route again b/c I also became rh sensitized. I would never judge anyone who did choose to go UC, it still makes a lot of sense to me.

I think you may know what to do once you are pregnant again. I had dreams that told me exactly what I needed to do. How I felt right after my loss and how I felt while pregnant was very different. Only you will know which option will bring you the most peace when you think of it. It doesn`t matter what anyone else thinks, none of them are you.

One thing that I found so hard to deal with after losing a baby to s.d. was comments like, "your body won`t grow a baby too big to deliver" and that now my pelvis would be big enough for anything and "what position were you in, did you try the Gaskin maneuver?" Frontierpsych, sometimes severe s.d. happens, even with the Gaskin maneuver, even with smaller babies. Its a bad position on the way down and it can just happen. I blamed myself and felt very let down with my body until I learned more about how unpredictable s.d. really is.

I am so sorry.
post #36 of 41
I'm with the other posters in give yourself time to grieve and when you get pregnant again you'll have time to look at your heart and decide what is important to you about birthing #2.

An option is to find a very hands off midwife. The only thing she did was check heart tones during the birth. No vaginal checks (unless I asked and wanted one), but I wanted her there in the very rare event that myself or baby needed help. I know some people here might think it's not UC unless it's just you and DH and kiddos, but I birthed my son into my hands, I was the first one to touch him and I lifted him out of my womb. There was nothing I didn't want, no intrusion, panic or awkward feelings. To me I consider that unassisted as I birthed him on my own the way my body dictated in a position that was instinctive and completely under my control. I did have to find a midwife who agrees with my philosophy and was a kindred spirit and felt like a family member. When you get pregnant again you will be able to see how you feel and what you need to birth your baby. You've suffered such an immense loss and when you do get pregnant you need to give yourself the permission to do whatever you feel you need to do to have a joyful and safe birth that you want.
post #37 of 41
I came across your birth story last night and was shocked. I couldn't help but cry a little as I read it. I didn't know what to even say, especially with the thoughts going through my head... "What if this happens to me? What would I have done?"

I spent a good hour or so last night, as a result, reading about newborn resuscitation, shoulder dystocia, etc. I am going to do intensive research and try to come up with a plan, in advance, on how to handle complications that may occur. Hopefully learning as much as possible can help promote a good outcome.

I think a UC is still possible for you--when and if you are ready. Perhaps learning as much as you can, as many techniques and tips as possible, in hopes of preparing yourself in case SD happens again can help? Having a UC-friendly birth attendant on standby to help out, with experience with SD, could be a wonderful alternative.
post #38 of 41
I think it will be a decision that will come to you later on.

Even though my daughters died, I could never go back to managed ob care. I feel that would be much more dangerous (assuming everything feels normal). I've been down the over managed route before.

Going through the next pg/birth might be scary and you'll have plenty of emotions to deal with. Take your time and deal with them with an open mind. I have had some freaked out moments this pg but I always talk myself down with education and reason. I have done things during this pg that I normally wouldn't have done, simply because I had some emotions to deal with. For instance I really needed to hear the HB this time. And I need to feel more movement for reassurance. I'm sure there will be other things as time goes on.

This time I am hoping for a UC but have a UC supportive midwife on call. I feel this was really just the arrangement I needed to make me feel comfortable.

HUGS
post #39 of 41
First, I have been watching you over the last few weeks- just checking in- making sure you are doing *ok*... sigh....

I would agree that every birth is different. So, who is to say. Maybe having a MW on call would be nice, and I know a lot of MWs who are willing to just be on call and not charge the normal fee unless they have to come over. My first labor was 40 hours with a 7lb 4oz baby- she just didnt want to come down. My second was 4 hours with an 8lb baby. I am also 5 foot and I think I could do a 10lber. I do not really feel baby size has as much to play in it as just plain chance- sadly....

Give it time... you will find the answers....

post #40 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by frontierpsych View Post
I just had a stillbirth UC. Even though what happened had nothing to do with the fact that it was a UC (shoulder dystocia with cord caught between her shoulder bone and my pelvis-- many babies who experience this die in attended births as well) I still feel torn when it comes to making a decision on how and where to have future children. I can't tell if I am avoiding UC out of fear or because it is no longer an option. I am five feet tall and 115lbs-- I did NOT expect to give birth to a ten pound baby! Her shoulders were SO wide. I know it's entirely possible for future children to have a similar body type, and I'm afraid of them getting stuck again. Has anyone else had a similar experience and gone on to have a successful UC?
I have a friend on another board, who had this happen. Full-term stillborn, UC. Even the docs (when they transferred after birth) didn't blame them. They said it could have happened to anyone, and does sometimes. They later had another boy, and a girl(after 6 boys!) both UC....I am trying to contact her, if you would like to talk to someone who has been there....Hugs to you...Cathi
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