My doc was really intense with me today

[stretchmark]

I saw my OB today for the first time because she has a nurse midwife working with her and doesn't see women until 30 weeks.
I am actually planning a home birth with a midwife after 2 c/s, 1 necessary, 1 not. I won't go into all the details here about why I am vbacing and such but wanted to express my frustration with my doc.
She scheduled me for a c/s on Feb 5th (I think) which allows me to go 39 weeks. I haven't gone past 36 weeks yet so I think this allows me plenty of time to see what my body does on its own without the stress of the c/s looming close by.

Here are the things that irritated me today. First thing she says to me was, "So I heard you got some second opinions." I talked with one doctor who was more into vbacs just to see if they could offer me a labor trial.
Then she says that I "have" to do a glucose test and that I was "bad" for not doing it. Then she says she wants to tie my tubes because she doesn't want me having any more kids. Then she says it's not because of my character but because she thinks a 4th c/s will be too much for my uterus (I have a slight malformation where 1 fallopian doesn't go into the uterus but rather hits a closed off uterus).

It was a really bad appointment and has got me thinking that maybe I should change obs even though I don't intend to use one. I just don't think I can deal with this vibe for my next few appointments and don't want this kind of energy surrounding what I am trying to create.

Thanks for letting me vent a bit.

[raeinparis]

that doc sounds harsh. there's no reason for her to call you "bad" for refusing a test that isn't always conclusive. and for her to decide that you need to tie your tubes is mad, i think. if she's so concerned about your womb, couldn't she suggest a vasectomy for your dh? but major surgery for you?

what about changing to the other doc, the one who is more into vbac? that way you wouldn't have to deal with this unpleasantness whilst pregnant. and hopefully you'll get the home birth you want!

[MoonWillow]

She sounds like my old OB! Can you get rid of her?

[stretchmark]

I hear ya. The thing that makes this a bit unusual is that I live in a small town and my OB is the main one in town. The other doc is an hour away and so even if I switch, if an emergency arises and I go to the hospital, I will end up with my current OB or whoever is on call for her which is usually an out of town doc that comes up to relieve the patient load.

I was really shocked at her tone today though. This was the same doc who c/s my son and she made a beautiful birth out of it for me, asking for silence in the OR, bending hospital policy by letting me hold baby after birth, in the recovery room, etc. The politics of birth have really changed since DS was born and I think she has a completely new mindset which explains her behavior today.

I am getting so much more confident in my body and am going to call everyone I know for prayers when I go into labor and you're right, having this kind of vibe around me when I am so focused on birth at home and my body's abilities is not a good thing.

Also, I will be seeing her weekly in the end and if she notices my body going into labor she will likely send me over to the hospital. She will also probably send me for a vaginal ultrasound to check for funneling too so I am going to have to be really aware if I do stick with her.

[MCKMN]

Thisis the same reason I left my Old OB for a new one. I just did not feel right with him. I HATE when they stand there and pass judgement over refusal of testing, this has happened too me in the past. I refused a 3hrGTT, and I was asked if I even cared about my unborn child...Can you look for a new doc?

*hugs*

[lanielayne]

She is telling you that you are going to have a csec and wants to tie your tubes? I think that is your decision and she should have just let you know it was an option if you have another csec. And 39 weeks isn't long enough for a trial run no matter when you normally give birth. You might actually go to term this time and have a section for no reason. I would leave this doc and go for someone more open-minded.

[anj119]

Because it sounds like you have few other options in your area, save up and moving - what are you supposed to do?
I hear you. You live in a one horse town where the OB you are seeing is the horse and the alternative is over an hour away.
I hear you.

Really I see two different ways you could go, One: You could make the switch to the OB who is an hour away, knowing that should you end up needing a transfer, it would more than likely be the OB you left rather than the one you chose to continue your care with.
or,
two: You could present your current OB with the troubled feelings her words and her demeanor have created in you. You could express your feelings of surprise and you could compare the differences between the woman who helped to facilitate a beautiful birth despite the situation being fraught with dangers, and the woman who spoke harshly to you at your last appointment. You could ask her directly - 'are you angry with me for some reason?' you could point out to her that her tone and posture seem angry, even hostile. Maybe she could tone it down a bit....... I am sure she could.

Either way, I think it is important for you to maintain some feeling of goodwill between yourself and your current OB. I actually think that going to her with your concern and being honest with her about your hurt feelings may serve to foster that goodwill -if you are able to keep her from going on the defensive.

It sucks that you should have to think of these things now....... you have so many things to think of as it is....to have to add her malfunction to your to-do list is just lame.
Best case scenario, you won't even have to bat an eyelash at her come delivery day. Because she won't even be around!

Warm regards,
-anj119

[kerikadi]

Not from your DDC so please forgive me if this has already been covered but if you are planning a homebirth why are you seeing this OB? I could understand seeing her once or even twice in a pregnancy but do you plan on seeing her 'regularly'? I would think that kind of energy, especially in the last few weeks of your pregnancy could have a negative affect. Why not just see the MW that will be attending your HB for your prenatal visits?

Blessings,
Keri

[stretchmark]

Thanks all of you.
I am getting ready to do a weekend solo retreat in the mountains so I won't be around to post.

Kerikadi, I hear ya, and I am afraid that if I just left my OB without having an official transfer to another doc, then there could be issues of child welfare. I don't want this kind of energy around for the last few months of my pregnancy and I am a bit unsure of what to do.

I think I will get some clarity this weekend. I have a few more appointments with her and am hoping to cancel at the last minute by either stating that I am out of town and got snowed in or my car isn't running, etc.

Also, the reason I keep seeing someone other than a midwife is because my midwife isn't legal in my state, she is from out of state, and we couldn't get insurance to pay for ultrasounds or necessary testing and I don't have the $. That is the reason I keep seeing her.

I just keep praying that my body will open at the best time in a natural way and things will go smoothly.

Thanks to all of you.

[Aliviasmom]

OMFG!! That is CRAZY! I read somewhere (sorry, I don't know where) about a woman who had EIGHT c-sections (tried for a VBAC each time, but for some reason or another always ended up with a c-section). It's definately possible. I would FOR SURE changes ob's because I would be scared that if something happened and I had a c-section that she would tie my tubes WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!! That is effing BOGUS!! OMG, I'm SOOOO irate right now! Good luck!

[mamabear&babybear]

My first thought was that it is illegal for her to tie your tubes without permission. You could casually mention that your name would look great at the top of her letterhead and the extra money would come in handy. : I hope you go into labor on your own and have a beautiful birth.

[Sara Ann]

Wow!!! Is there any testing left that you'll be doing? If you want to just have your bp, weight & h/b checked, why not have the midwife do it every 3-4 weeks. I would be horrified if my ob suggested I get my tubes tied (although it sounds more than a suggestion). Is there a nurse practitioner to see?
I am seeing an ob every 3 weeks after my next appt. I don't see the need to do them any closer. I like your suggestion though, and just cancel at the last minute for at least every other appt. if you can't manage to get out of seeing the ob. Heck, just tell her or even the receptionist that you switched, she doesn't need to know any more details, does she?

[stretchmark]

That's a good question (about if they need to know more). i was wondering this because I was thinking they would want to know who to send my records to. It seems like they would have some obligation to make sure that I have care.
I looked over my appointments and I see the doc just after Christmas, then once in Jan, then once before my scheduled c/s. I am going to take them as they come and if she is still really intense with me, I will make a new decision and stop going.

Of course they will want to do the strep b test even though they plan on cutting me. It's crazy. I have truely never experienced this much political madness around pregnancy before. Things have gotten worse since I was pregnant with my first 5 years ago.

[FireflyFan]

Originally Posted by stretchmark

Of course they will want to do the strep b test even though they plan on cutting me. It's crazy. I have truely never experienced this much political madness around pregnancy before. Things have gotten worse since I was pregnant with my first 5 years ago.

Oh no! I'm sorry they'll be giving you the strep b test... how silly of them!

ITA with you that things have changed for the worse. In 1997 when I was researching childbirth, I found that the c-section rate was 20%. Then a few years later when my second was born, it was up to 24%, almost 25%!! Just a few days ago I looked it up, and found a 29% rate quoted. That can't possibly be true, can it? It's strange how fast things change!

[2mama]

I would stick to my guns and tell her how you truely feel and what your intentions are. She can't make you do anything you don't want to.

[stretchmark]

I know she can drop me as a patient and then isn't responsible for me if I do need her. Also, i have heard of court cases ordering moms to get c/s.