Mothering › Forums › Natural Family Living › The Mindful Home › Frugality & Finances › Want to scream at my BIL
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Want to scream at my BIL  

post #1 of 31
12/8/06 at 2:23pm
Thread Starter 
Okay, so I wrote a thread earlier venting about the overall expectation to spend at Christmas and esp. within dhs family. So we drew my bil who has a ton of debt, a gigantic home, a BMW, etc. etc. etc. for the $50 gift exchange.

I asked his wife what he might want and she said "He wouldn't like anything you would pick out anyway, why don't you just buy him a gift card" So as rude as that was, I said I think it is nice to have some gifts to open on Chrismas would he like a subscription to a magazine he likes, some tools, etc. So she recommends a magazine and says she'll get back to me on the tools. He calls the other day and I ask him whether he would like a cordless power screwdriver (DH LOVES his) or some other tool and he says, "I don't really need any tools since I would never do my own home repair when I could pay someone else why don't you just get me a giftcard for $50 so I can pick out something I would like" So I said "So why are we even exchanging gifts? We should all just keep our $50 and shop for ourselves if we don't want gifts" and he says "That's fine, buy me a gift from XXX store and include the gift receipt"

So, I had already bought him a subscription to a magazine he likes. Is it too snarky to write him a check for the balance ($37.05) of the $50 amount limit and say here is the balance of the money we owe you? I have told dh - that I will NOT participate in the name swap next year. If he wants to that is fine, but I don't want a freakin thing to do with it (though we also drew one of his sisters names and she made some actual gift suggestions and I bought her a nice gift I think she will really like so it isn't the whole family just his brother who I truly can't stand anyway...

BJ
Barney & Ben & soon to be #3!!!
post #2 of 31
12/8/06 at 2:28pm
How unbelievably rude!!!! How about a book from Miss Manners as his gift -- along with a book about gratitude and a stocking with a lump of coal in the toe?
post #3 of 31
12/8/06 at 2:31pm
Give him the remainder in pennies. Bonus points for doing it in rolls and wrapping them individually.
post #4 of 31
12/8/06 at 2:49pm
Do you have to spend $50? I mean, if that is the upward limit I'd just give him the magazine and quit there. Everything he's said is incredibly rude and entitled. What is the point of a gift exchange under those circumstances? I woudn't participate next year either! I do like the idea of an etiquette book, maybe a pack of thank you notes, and a book on gratitude or living simply or something (preferably a used copy).
post #5 of 31
12/8/06 at 2:55pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by inezyv View Post
How unbelievably rude!!!! How about a book from Miss Manners as his gift -- along with a book about gratitude and a stocking with a lump of coal in the toe?

and if you have any after that then give him the pennies.


inezyv and sapphire_chan I better make sure I don't piss you two off, who knows what I'll get
post #6 of 31
12/8/06 at 2:59pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by inezyv View Post
How unbelievably rude!!!! How about a book from Miss Manners as his gift -- along with a book about gratitude and a stocking with a lump of coal in the toe?
This is a great answer. I was going to suggest a "get out of debt" book or something about conspicuous consumption. Maybe you could offer to introduce him to the "compacting" thread.

Well, for peace of mind and family peace sake, give him what he wants. Give him the subscription and the remainder on a giftcard---without your "little note"

He sounds like a jerk but you should just let it go. This kind of stuff only blows up into bigger turmoil. He sounds insensitive, ungrateful and quite the jerk but you can't let yourself react to him. It takes too much energy. It's good that there are other family members who participate in a meaningful way.

sorry to shoot off my mouth. I love butting in. I should change my sig or my profile statement to reflect it.
post #7 of 31
12/8/06 at 6:15pm
As much as those other ideas sound fun they will create strife with all the other family members.

You got him the magazine and that's very nice. I'd find out what his favorite dessert is and then make it for him.

It is a $50 max and not minimum right?
post #8 of 31
12/8/06 at 6:19pm
Ugh, that story ticked me off so much my ears started to buzz...
post #9 of 31
12/8/06 at 6:20pm
While his wife was rude in the way she told you..."he wont like what you pick out anyway" I think you shouldve just gotten the g/c. Its what he wanted, right?

I think you should get him a g/c with the remaining $35 and be done.
post #10 of 31
12/9/06 at 5:24pm
Thread Starter 
Mamao'two and annekevdbroek you are both right --- $50 is a maximum not a required amount, but I think that is why he wants the giftcard. If we buy him gifts that total $45 he sees it as us not paying him $5 we owe him. What can I say, he has always been a jerk. He also didn't show up for our wedding (despite being a member of the wedding party) and he & his wife enclosed something in their wedding invitation indicating they hadn't registered because they preferred cash

I am just going to write him a check for the remainder of the money since he has made it clear that he just really wants our money and not for us to select something I am not going through the motion of buying a gift card. I am also NEVER doing a gift exchange with dhs siblings again, hopefully that will also free me up from having to see that side of the family during the holidays

BJ
Barney, Ben & #3 arriving 3/3/07
post #11 of 31
12/9/06 at 5:27pm
I like the idea or giving hijm the rest of the money all in change!

We do an exchange with my siblings (4 sib including me and 4 partners - so 8 of us). It is wonderful. We each pull one name and spend $50 ont he person we have (it is a secret who you have) and then get together and give them out (and everyone buys for the kids). I think your BIL sounds like a punk and he deserves a punk gift!
post #12 of 31
12/10/06 at 11:05am
OK, how about a charitable donation in his name? Or a program like http://www.terrapass.com or http://www.greendimes.com where his impact on the planet is "balanced" by his contributions to help with global warming? Terrapass will even give a bumpersticker saying that his impact on the earth by driving those guzzlers is being balanced. Check them out.
post #13 of 31
12/10/06 at 11:09am
Quote:
Originally Posted by inezyv View Post
OK, how about a charitable donation in his name? Or a program like http://www.terrapass.com or http://www.greendimes.com where his impact on the planet is "balanced" by his contributions to help with global warming? Terrapass will even give a bumpersticker saying that his impact on the earth by driving those guzzlers is being balanced. Check them out.
Oh, I LOVE this idea!!!
post #14 of 31
12/10/06 at 11:14am
I often give food gifts to people that are hard to buy for...like from Harry and David or that sort of thing. I also have some great coupons there.

I think it is seriously rude to ask him for a $50 gift card. I think in the future HE shouldn't be the one participating in the gift exchange : ...why should you be penalized?

Of course, if you don't want to deal with the hassle of a gift exchange then don't do it. We only buy for our parents and children, and boy does that make it easy!
post #15 of 31
12/10/06 at 11:37am
This sounds soo, soo familiar. I say give him whatever you want to give him. If you stay with the gift exchange, don't inquire about what people might want -- I've found that this invites such entitled responses.
post #16 of 31
12/11/06 at 2:09am
Quote:
Originally Posted by inezyv View Post
OK, how about a charitable donation in his name? Or a program like http://www.terrapass.com or http://www.greendimes.com where his impact on the planet is "balanced" by his contributions to help with global warming? Terrapass will even give a bumpersticker saying that his impact on the earth by driving those guzzlers is being balanced. Check them out.
OMG, I think this is genius!!!! I think his head would How much fun would that be?
post #17 of 31
12/11/06 at 3:07am
Thats just so....whats the word? Oh yes TACKY. I wouldnt get him anything. Make him a scarf lol
post #18 of 31
12/11/06 at 10:32am
Go to the bank and get 17 $2 bills. Then with the leftover dollar, go to the dollar store and buy him a card to put them in.

And, then NEVER buy him a present ever again. He and his wife sound like such rude people, who think they are entitled to anything they want, which is just not how life works.
post #19 of 31
12/11/06 at 11:57am
Thread Starter 
It gets even better!!! Wanna hear? Last night we get an email from my sil saying they talked about it and can we get them a $50 gift card to Best Buy? They have already saved up $140 in Best Buy gift cards and will be up to $190 with ours are asking everyone for them for Christmas so they can buy a laptop or a plasma tv!!!

They have outdone themselves!!!

BJ
Barney, Ben & #3 due 3/3/07
post #20 of 31
12/11/06 at 12:16pm
Actually, that's less offensive somehow to me. If they are asking for a gift card as a contribution towards a specific item they want, that would be far less tacky than the original request. Gift them a $35 gift card to BB and be done with it, but you can explain that you already ordered the magazine.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Frugality & Finances
This thread is locked  
Mothering › Forums › Natural Family Living › The Mindful Home › Frugality & Finances › Want to scream at my BIL