champagne tastes and beer budgets.... - Page 2

[GoddessKristie]

My family is definatly this way! My parent's have a very nice house on a very large piece of property in a very expensive area to buy land. However, they've been on this land for 20 years now. But, they needed to replace the house that was originally on the land becuase it was over 100 years old and falling apart. Rather than build a resonable home, my mother had to have the house of her dreams, $200,000 to build with my father doing most of the construction. Once they had the nice house they thought they had to have everything else nice to go with it. So, then came new cars and trucks, and an above ground pool (really expensive upkeep on that thing!). Their cc debt was so bad that my father went overseas to work in a very dangerous area to pay it off. However, he sent the money home to my mom who spent it on frivolous things! We never had a/c and she said she never wanted it, but that was one of the first things she bought. A/C for a huge house, not to mention the outside work she did with the money, finishing the basement, etc. Then when my dad came home he bought a brand new truck even though his was fine.
So, while my dad was overseas making several hundred thousand dollars that year my mom still had to work her 30,000 job to pay the bills. Does that make sense? In fact, she's still working it! I just keep thinking of all the things dh and I could do with all that money. He makes less than 30,000 and we do fine with me staying at home! Of course we dont have champaign tastes.
Now with Christmas comming up everyone was looking to save a little money on gifts, (we're a family of 14 including children and in-laws) we decided to draw names. When we asked Mom if she wanted to be included, she said she would draw names with us but everyone had better get her a gift anyway! How rude is that!?
Hope she loves the hand made gift I'm giving her.

[Vixenmama]

Originally Posted by GoddessKristie

...she said she would draw names with us but everyone had better get her a gift anyway! How rude is that!?
Hope she loves the hand made gift I'm giving her.

This sounds like a woman who will never be satisfied. A dreamhouse, above ground pool and a large family---she still needs a lot of "presents". How much is enough, eh?

[msjd123]

I have to say that I'm kind of like this with food, and to a lesser extent with clothes. I grew up in an upper middle class, and my mom was/is a fantastic cook, so we ate well. We always ate home-cooked meals and she made something different every night, so we rarely ate leftovers. My mom was also a SAHM for the most part (I'm not -- I work full-time) so she had more time to do things like that once my brother and I were in school. Because of that, I think I tend to hold myself to impossibly high standards, and it has taken me a while to get over feeling "poor" just because we're eating the same thing 2 nights in a row. That doesn't mean that I give in to temptation left and right, but if I'm going to splurge, it's often on food. Last month, it was filet mignon.

As for clothes, again, chalk it up to my upbringing, LOL! With this issue, though, I've reached a happy compromise. I don't own many clothes, but the ones I do are good quality and of a nice style. I'll never be one of those women whose closet is bursting at the seams, and I generall don't follow trends, so when I buy something, I wear it for 5-10 years. (That's true for almost everything except jeans, which simply wear out faster.) In fact, at this very moment, I'm wearing an Eddie Bauer sweater I've had since college, so nearly 9 years!

One other thought on this subject: My BIL & SIL are also conspicuous consumers, althought for the most part, I think they can afford it. Still, it pains me to think, wow, if I had that much money, I'd fully fund my retirement, I'd save for dd's college, I'd pay the mortgage off, the student loan, etc. and I know that none of those things are important to them. In fact, DH was telling me they just refinanced their student loans right into their mortgage payment. To each his own, I guess, but every time they brag about their latest piece of Pottery Barn furniture (blech!), I think, "Oooooh, I'll bet you could have sent your dd to another semester of college for what you paid for that!"

[snuggly mama]

My brother and his wife are Consumers with a capital C. They make a good living, but it drives me absolutely crazy to see how they spend their money. My brother owns every game system available, his 5 year old has a TV and DVD in his bedroom (since he was 2!!), his 18month old has every LeapFrog toy invented, and they take several trips a year to a major theme park. They just buy whatever they want whenever they want with no thought to building for their future or even just living consciously. I tell my mother all the time that I am so happy they live far away from us. I still love him and his family -- but I would never be able to handle their lifestyle up close and personal.

[Amys1st]

My brother and SIL live that lifestyle as well. Love them, but its not for us. I am just glad he has a very good job to pay for all this stuff. They just moved into their new home this year. 800K plus on this house! That dosent include all the extras in this home they have. Nuttty. They are planning this year to finish the huge bsmt with a home theatre to go with the other 3 tv rooms. My house could fit in their master suite. :

[mightymoo]

Just hearing these last couple stories reminded me of how so often you'll see someone like that who spends tons of money on what you might consider lavish or frivolous, but yet they don't have a real retirement plan or college savings, that's what really drives me nuts.

I mean, if you make $200K a year and are set to retire at a reasonable age, can pay for college and have a good sized emergency fund, then I guess the money is yours to spend as you see fit, but I wonder how many poeple who live that lifestyle really have weath and security or do they spend it all on the things and have no fallback if the income stopped.

[Amys1st]

Originally Posted by mightymoo

Just hearing these last couple stories reminded me of how so often you'll see someone like that who spends tons of money on what you might consider lavish or frivolous, but yet they don't have a real retirement plan or college savings, that's what really drives me nuts.

I mean, if you make $200K a year and are set to retire at a reasonable age, can pay for college and have a good sized emergency fund, then I guess the money is yours to spend as you see fit, but I wonder how many poeple who live that lifestyle really have weath and security or do they spend it all on the things and have no fallback if the income stopped.

cant agree more!!

[MaddieMay]

Mightymoo-you are exactly right!

Honestly, I'm astonished at how people spend, spend, spend, these days. My husband and I are both young and have been saving for retirement for years now, built up a emergency fund, planned for how I'll be able to be a SAHM, etc. Very few people we know (maybe a handful) have even thought about any of these things, let alone acted on it. So many of our friends are in credit card debt, yet still buying. It's all about instant gratification and it's sad!

[Boobiemama]

My sil was like this. She went to rent a center, got a big screen, all sorts of fancy stuff, she couldnt even come up with all the money for the pymt all the time. But she was getting foodstamps and couldnt afford school supplies for her kid.

[mnnice]

Yet another SIL story.

One of my SIL's doesn't seem to have an overspending problem, but she constantly compares herself and her financial situation to others of much higher income. Families with two really good WOTH jobs. She is a mostly SAHM (she works 2-5 day per month) and her DH makes a good income, but works a lot of hours per week. She belongs to a church with lots of rich members and made herself feel bad about her paid for Pontaic because it wasn't a BWM.

I on the other hand have household income higher than most of my coworkers, my best friend IRL is in the middle of a break up with her SO and is seriously broke (not getting any child support from her bonehead ex ), and I work a lot of with families that aren't sure where their next meal is coming from. I feel incredible fortunate in the financial arena. I feel even more fortunate to have all my family members healthy and a DH that loves me even when I get all mean. :

[phatchristy]

:

Originally Posted by mnnice

Yet another SIL story.

One of my SIL's doesn't seem to have an overspending problem, but she constantly compares herself and her financial situation to others of much higher income. Families with two really good WOTH jobs. She is a mostly SAHM (she works 2-5 day per month) and her DH makes a good income, but works a lot of hours per week. She belongs to a church with lots of rich members and made herself feel bad about her paid for Pontaic because it wasn't a BWM.

I am sorry your SIL feels bad. We have sort of a similar situation. We have a family member whose DH makes good money, she is a SAHM with three children. They have two cars (one which is older, both foreign and they don't owe anything on them), they have a smaller home in a nice neighborhood with a very small mortgage. Her brother makes only a little bit more than they do...yet has a huge house, and a ton of expenses. They do whatever they can to have the "right things" and do the "right things" by their kids, like dance lessons for their 5 year old at $2,800 a year : . He has a lot of "nice things" by today's standards. However, she's living cheaper and has a lot of money saved and invested for retirement. Even saves for the kids college (two of her kids have prepaid college plans she opted for after they were born).

What is really awful is that her mom is just "in awe" of the things that her brother has and how well he's doing. Because, obviously someone with a larger home and who spends more money is doing better, right : . Such a joke though...this women is smart and her family is living beneath their means. I think it's awful that her mom is treating her differently because to society it appears that she's doing worse than her brother. :

[annekevdbroek]

Originally Posted by mightymoo

I mean, if you make $200K a year and are set to retire at a reasonable age, can pay for college and have a good sized emergency fund, then I guess the money is yours to spend as you see fit, but I wonder how many poeple who live that lifestyle really have weath and security or do they spend it all on the things and have no fallback if the income stopped.

I think this hits the nail on the head - The issue is living within your means, whatever those means may be. We have friends at our income level of who spend so much more than us. My husband occasionally says something about how "so and so had X, Y, and Z." (E.g. $80,000 car, house 2x larger than ours, nanny, etc.). I always say - yes, but - we have no idea if they save any money, have credit card debit, etc. My guess is they have to have enormous debt and no savings because there is no way we could afford what they purchase and still have any money to put into savings.

We have other friends with significantly less income who consistantly make financial decisions that lead them to trouble. I'd say we live comparable lifestyles in terms of overall spending, but their income is about 1/3 of ours, and they have no savings. I actually find that I can't discuss new purchases with them because I get so stressed out hearing about the money they have spent, new credit cards accounts they have opened, justification for large purchases, etc.

I think "living within your means" to some means "I can make my credit card payment minimum this month" or "I have a brand new Mercedes" or "The kids can alwasy borrow for college" and to others it means having the emergency fund, no debt (or little), retirement savings, etc.

[erinjkelley]

Originally Posted by Sharlla

I know someone that makes a pretty good living (they were bringing in about 70,000 a year) which is pretty good. The trouble is she had tons of CC debt (buying fancy cloth dipes, tons of slings etc) and she had a huge mortgage and 2 car payments as well as expensive hobbies and things like high cost cable tv etc. So of course she is always complaining about being broke but she's not willing to down grade her lifestyle.

Dh made a little less than 27G last year and she doesn't understand how we can live off of so little. It's because we basically have no debt. We have a mortgage free home that we are slowly fixing up, we own 2 older cars, don't have cable tv etc. But then again we can afford to buy nice things for cash.

that's awesome that you can live off 27G. i think that will be about my salary this year and am wondering if we will be able to "make it" on our own without student loans or my parents help. i'm gonna have to start paying back my student loans, which is a drag. and we'll have rent to pay. can't wait til we can get this stuff paid off!

[Amys1st]

I keep hearing people say they make X amount. Is that before or after taxes etc paid? We make close to 6 figures w DH's salary. But when you take out his retirement, med/dental insurance (actually his practice pays it but he gets an inflated salary to justify it) taxes etc its not like that.
Thankfully we know to save for retirement but with today's young person, they have student loans, high cost of housing etc so I am wondering where are they getting this $$? We live way within our means so we are in the black becasue of it.

There is an interesting book written about 10 years ago "The millionare next door" It talks about people with a large dollar wealth and how they really live. Great read.

[Redifer]

We make around $23k net on a bad year, $30k net on a good year. I always use the net figures.

I really have no issue discussing our finances with people. It isn't shameful for me: I stay at home, DH works. For being 22 years old, living on our own since 16, and him having almost no high school education, let alone college, we're doing fantastic in my opinion. Our peers in the same situation are struggling to make half of our income.

We're not rich, we're not even upper-middle-class. But we're comfortable.

[Belleweather]

Originally Posted by phatchristy

What is really awful is that her mom is just "in awe" of the things that her brother has and how well he's doing. Because, obviously someone with a larger home and who spends more money is doing better, right : . Such a joke though...this women is smart and her family is living beneath their means. I think it's awful that her mom is treating her differently because to society it appears that she's doing worse than her brother. :

I'm really glad you said this; it's really helpful. My mom keeps talking up everyone else she knows who have all this great stuff, especially the family who just bought her house (at it's full, inflated price) and then bought two SUV's and put an addition on, and how great it must be for them and how they're only a couple of years older than DH and I and just got out of school, and on and on and on...

...then I pointed out to her that they've probably got no equity in the house, huge car loans and a ton of student debt, and asked her why she was holding them up to us as role models. Holy crap, did that shut her up! She had absolutely no response to that.

I'm so glad I finally stood up to her, because we're graduating this year and hoping to continue living like poor students until we've paid off all our $125K of student loans. (2 state school bachelor's degrees, 1 law school degree). We're hoping to do it in 5 years or less by living on one income and putting the other toward debt and savings, but even though it's rewarding that doesn't leave much cool 'stuff' to show for it. I really wish there was a Big Old Gold Star you got to wear for financial savvy -- with extra cool oak-leaf clusters for "lives without credit cards", "frugal and making it" "fully funded retirement" or "retired a ton of debt".

[mnnice]

Phatchristy--

Why doesn't somebody in your family set the mom/grandma straight? I guess in both my family and my IL we talk about money enough that to know about where everybody stands (not in an exact no boundaries kind of way, but in generalities). Both sides know that DH and I are both frugal and savings minded, except that we like good food and drink.

Also among my and dh's siblings the family with the lowest income has the smallest cheapest house, the next lowest income has the largest, most expensive, and IMO pain to maintain house (i.e. will cost the most to heat, most to mow, pay the taxes on). They seem to enjoy the work and the space they have so I guess it's a priority for them.

[swimswamswum]

Originally Posted by Amys1st

I keep hearing people say they make X amount. Is that before or after taxes etc paid? We make close to 6 figures w DH's salary. But when you take out his retirement, med/dental insurance (actually his practice pays it but he gets an inflated salary to justify it) taxes etc its not like that.
Thankfully we know to save for retirement but with today's young person, they have student loans, high cost of housing etc so I am wondering where are they getting this $$? We live way within our means so we are in the black becasue of it.

There is an interesting book written about 10 years ago "The millionare next door" It talks about people with a large dollar wealth and how they really live. Great read.

Honestly, I really think it's about where you live and what kind of support you have. DH and I make about $35k (before taxes). We're both grad students. We live in a smallish 3 br house in a diverse neighborhood. Our mortgage is less than $700/month. We share one old, reliable car that my parents bought for me in college (so all we have to pay is insurance, which is about $450/year). Our parents paid for our wedding, so we don't have debt there. Most of our furniture was gifted by our families or paid with gift money. My parents paid for my college and DH had scholarships, so we don't have any loan debt. We don't have any credit card debt either. I honestly think a lot of this has to do with the fact that we both have amazingly generous (financially stable) parents who've helped us when things were tight (when we were younger), thus setting us up to be independent adults. We don't pay for a gym, b/c we can use the one at our university. We don't pay for health or dental b/c we're members of a union (thank G-d!).

We're pretty frugal, too (we don't eat out all of the time, we cook most things from scratch, we don't shop for fun, we use the library and go to community events for entertainment, etc.). We live fairly well on our income. We go on vacations and see plays when we want to. We give to charities as we see fit. We also try to save $500 or so each month. I haven't paid into my IRA since grad school and DH doesn't have much saved for retirement. That's a problem, but all in all, we live really well.

DH is graduating this year, and the retirement thing should be taken care of then. We probably need a new car, but DH wants to just buy one with cash (which is my dad's way), so we're going to have to save for another year or so for that to happen.