I don't know her I don't know her parents but.....

[Bartock]

I feel worried for this little girl, maybe I am overreacting, I hope so. There is this girl in DS K class and I have noticed, she seems very scared like, like while picking DS up I smile at her and she puts her head down or just looks at me with a blank look on her face. DS told me today that S never talks to anyone, I said well she must be shy, do you be nice to her? He said he tries to say hi and talk to her but she never talks. She is not special needs, I know this because the teachers let us know which kids are. School has been in since September, I would think she would talk a bit and atleast say hi or smile. Anyone have any idea what would make a little girl be like that, I hope that she really is just very shy and her home life is ok.

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by ilovemy2ds

Anyone have any idea what would make a little girl be like that, I hope that she really is just very shy and her home life is ok.

Your instincts may be right on target, but I can say that I was quite like that when I was little, and I was perfectly happy at home - very happy, in fact. Lillian

[mahogny]

Originally Posted by ilovemy2ds

She is not special needs, I know this because the teachers let us know which kids are.

This gives me concern. Why would a teacher tell other parents when a student is special needs? This seems like a huge breech of confidentiality.

[mahogny]

Holy quintuple post, Batman!

[mahogny]

I should definitely have more sleep before attempting to operate the computer.

[mahogny]

Obviously, my computer has issues.

[mahogny]

Go on along - nothing to see here. Next post, please!

[LauraLoo]

Originally Posted by mahogny

This gives me concern. Why would a teacher tell other parents when a student is special needs? This seems like a huge breech of confidentiality.

I had the same intial reaction. Yikes! In order to volunteer at my ds' school, we had to go through training. Part of the training was to inform us that as volunteers we weren't allowed to be asked to grade/correct any type of work from the students because of confidentiality issues. Telling parents about special needs kids.....I can't imagine any school thinking that's ok to do.

As far as the girl goes --- could be a number of things. Could be that she is thinking about stranger danger.....maybe she's been taught very well not to interact with any strangers -- even nice, friendly mom types!

[Redifer]

My sister was like that. Happy home life (at that point, and for her), but she was always unbearably shy, wouldn't make eye contact with anyone, refused to speak to anyone... Now she's loud and obnoxious

[Bartock]

Originally Posted by mahogny

This gives me concern. Why would a teacher tell other parents when a student is special needs? This seems like a huge breech of confidentiality.

I think she tells us because DS has 2 SN in his class and being the first year of school maybe some kids don't know what special needs is(my DS didn't) and had a lot of questions for me about it, so I guess she told us so we could be prepared to explain? I don't know for sure, but that's what I think.

[Lillian J]

I just remembered my 5th grade teacher showing up unannounced at our house to see if anything was wrong! What he had trouble seeing was that the "something wrong" was at school, not at home. I had been skipped into his class from a really miserable 4th grade class - and I was very, very happy to have escaped that really unhealthy teacher and ended up in his class, but there were still issues of a basically shy girl trying to fit into yet another new environment. You just never know - but it's nice that you're paying attention, because most people don't. - Lillian

[pamama]

I was exactly like that as a child. My Kindergarten teacher actually called my mom for a conference because she actually thought I couldn't speack at all because the teacher had never even heard me speak! I don't think I spoke a word to any adult including teachers until 2nd or 3rd grade. I always did all my school work so they never had any reason for me to be considered special needs and my mom told all my teachers I talked all the time at home. I had even been a very early talker. I went to very small schools until 5th grade so all the adults knew me and my family very well. I had this problem even into college. Though I did talk to people. I would literally freeze up and physically could not speak to certain people or in certain situations. And the only trauma in my childhood was moving every few years due to my dad being military. I still have trouble making eye contact while speaking unless I know the person very well. There is a communication disorder called selective mutism. I haven't looked into it extensively but I did read a little bit about it while researching my ds's language disorder.
Not saying that this little girl is dealing with the same thing I was, but it doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong at home or at school.

[j924]

When dd2 was in pre-k she didn't speak to an adult until February. One of the teachers referred to her as "the saddest child she had ever seen". She wasn't sad just incredibly shy. Now in the second grade, she is not boisterous, but she is secure and talks a lot.

[cchrissyy]

aside from that SN confidentiality breech, keep in mind the school can't know 100% of the kids with issues because some aren't diagnosed/identified yet.
It's pretty common for Autistic specturm kids to get diagnosed at that age- their diferences in social skills and communciation are usually more obvious in classroom settings than at home.

[PiePie]

I would approach both the parents and the school, each with the assumption that any problem is with the other. I was having trouble with an alcoholic/physically abusive 1st grade teacher, and it was another 1st grader's reports to his mom that triggered a call to my mom that got some attention paid.

[StillForest]

I was like this and wish that someone had done something (serious alcohol and abuse issues at home...). I had trouble making eye contact and was extremely quiet/filled with self-hatred and shame for years. I never talked about it...couldn't have put it into words. When I was young, I thought that it was all my fault and wouldn't happen if I could figure out how to be "good." Just another perspective...

[Mothra]

She is not special needs, I know this because the teachers let us know which kids are.

As the parent of a special needs child, this made my blood boil. That's illegal where I live, and in every state I've ever lived in. Just because they don't know that this girl has "special needs" does not mean that she does not, first of all. Secondly, my 3yo (who is not SN) is just like this. She does not like adults, or even other kids, and appears to be afraid for quite a while after meeting someone.

It's dangerous trying to make judgements about another family's situation with such limited information. If the teachers have concerns about abuse of some kind, they are mandated by law to report it. (Although I suspect they are breaking the law by disclosing confidential information about other students.) Shy doesn't mean abused.

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by Mothra

If the teachers have concerns about abuse of some kind, they are mandated by law to report it.

Which doesn't mean they do. I know of a private school situation many years ago where two young children were being sexually abused in a daycare situation, and were displaying bizarre sexual behavior in the playground because of it - but the teacher, having been told what was going on, chose not to discuss it with their parents for some time but to try to handle it herself (whatever that was supposed to mean...). If she had let the parents know what was going on earlier, the abuse would have been discovered a lot sooner. You just never know... - Lillian

[Mothra]

That was kind of the point behind the sentence that came directly after that one.

To be direct, I don't think you should be getting in this little girl's business unless you have some kind of evidence that she's being abused, neglected, or mistreated. Shyness, even extreme shyness like she's describing, is not always an indicator of abuse. Also, I wouldn't trust another child to accurately describe what a child is like. It could have been that she responded to him that way earlier that day or once a while back and he remembered it. There ARE times when it's just none of your business, like when there's never been any actual contact with the child.

[Bartock]

[QUOTE=Mothra;6754937] If the teachers have concerns about abuse of some kind, they are mandated by law to report it. QUOTE]

[QUOTE=Lillian J;6756933][COLOR="Indigo"]

Which doesn't mean they do.
Ya no kidden, I use to have a counsellor that I gave many hints to what was going on with my step dad, all during grades 4-7 and an extra year cause I failed grade 4, I just could not come out and say it, I look back and think why did I just not tell someone , but that's how it was, and she never looked into it. Did my teachers not realize that after many years of almost failing Gym because I claimed I was not feeling good or forgot my Gym clothes, I just had fears of getting changed in front of the other girls, I felt ashamed. then in grade 8 gym they did fail me, and that summer I finally told someone, and in grade 9 the councillor at my new school made them pass me right up to grade 11 gym, with out me taking it because of what had happened, I was traumatized and she felt I did not need anymore worrying in my life. She was great I miss her.