How to deal with hospital policies that bar Dad from staying with Mom and babe.

[3-StarSystem]

Hello all, if for some reason we have to transfer to the hospital and I have to stay there (We're planning a HB.) I'm unlucky enough to have a hospital that bars the Dad from staying with mum and babe overnight. When we had our twins there, we begged seeing as I had a private room and wouldn't disturb anyone and was still told "No" because it was against policy.

This time we don't give a dang about policy and he will insist/fight to the point where they need to REMOVE him (Security.) if necessary.

We're just looking for some good arguments that maybe others have used that aren't too witchy/unreasonable so that we have the legal upperhand.

So far we're going the "Our child has a legal right to having a parent present at all times and given the fact that my wife is sleeping/unconscious and incapable of being a legal representative for our child I refuse to leave." argument.

We think that's a pretty good one as we're declining vit K, eyedrops, vaccines, PKU etc. and we want the baby rooming in but we would also like to allow me to sleep and have help in room which would not be possible unless my DH was there.

Any other suggestions would be lovely

[rmzbm]

Wow, I have never heard of a hospital kicking Dad out, I wouldn't allow it. If they force it I would be checking myself & the babe out right along with him. I mean really...I have gone home less than 24 hrs. after a section, doing so after a normal, vaginal birth should be no biggie! If you are declining those things I would never in a million years NOT have someone there (Dad) to advocate! But it's all moot as I am sure you will HB just fine!

[elmh23]

They kicked dh out after my hospital birth with dd. Which is the number one reason we're having a birthing center birth. But God forbid I transfer, I plan to just stay as little time as possible. Last time, I was there for three days after she was born due to anemia. So this time, I'm planning on taking FloraDix for the last month of my pregnancy to get it under control (I'd be taking it now but it makes me ralph.) Hopefully you won't transfer and it will all be moot.

[evlu]

I work in a hospital (not in L&D). Normally visitors (for all patients except those in L&D) are required to leave at 8:00 pm. However, sometimes docs will write an order that the patient's spouse/son/daughter/whoever may spend the night. Maybe that would be a possibility for you, especially if you know the backup doc?

Another thing you could try -- some hospitals have patient representatives or patient advocates whose jobs are to resolve any customer service-type issues for patients. If your hospital has such a person, you could try contacting him/her and explain your concerns and ask for advice on what to do if the situation occurs. They may be able to go to bat for you if it does come up. In my experience, a nice, polite, calm, matter-of-fact, but insistent manner will get you the farthest in a hospital setting if you're trying to bend "policy."

[3-StarSystem]

I'm hoping it will all be moot as well but we're HUGE "just in case" planners.

I plan on checking out early even if I have a c/s, but I'm concerned about the first 24 hours especially if I'm loopy or unconscious or tired. If for some reason I have a c/s I'm planning on a general so it would be likely that I'd be "off" for a while.

I have had previous issues with this hospital giving my babies pacifiers and formula when I told them not to and left a note in their cot etc. stating that we didn't want artificial nipples or formula used (And I'm so concerned about my other wishes being ignored and me not being informed.) so I'm very concerned about the baby staying in the nursery at any time if I'm unable to responsibly have him room in which I will fully admit is a possibility if I'm loopy as I may not wake up if he cries etc.

I'm hoping the legal reasons will be enough! If they make a fuss and say it's because they don't want fathers staying in the maternity ward or in the nursery we'll ask for babe to be transferred to the ped department with DH until can take care of him if they don't let DH stay, or Dh will take bub home and bring himback for when I wake up. I hope it won't go that far though, so we're looking for more arguments to use LOL.

[evlu]

Originally Posted by 3-StarSystem

I have had previous issues with this hospital giving my babies pacifiers and formula when I told them not to and left a note in their cot etc. stating that we didn't want artificial nipples or formula used.

Ugh. That is awful. And they wonder why some of us don't want to come to the hospital??? :

[Redifer]

My dh wasn't allowed to room-in. Granted, he couldn't anyway (I gave birth the morning of his grandfather's funeral, and he was a pallbearer, so I shipped him off home to sleep), but even my mother wasn't allowed to room in.

I have NO idea why.

[momto l&a]

Hmm I thought the patient in a hospital could have whoever in the room they wanted with them .

The experiences I have had at hospitals the last 3 weeks have taught me to not ask, don't offer We where never kicked out nor would I have been as i would have taken dd with me AMA.

I tell you pregnancy really makes me cranky

[pbreffe]

Have you thought about asking them to show you that policy in writing???

I only ask because at the birthcenter/hospital I have my babies at they always tell me I can't put my own clothes on the baby because it is against policy. After talking to my midwife about it, it turns out there is nothing in writing about a policy mandating that the babies where the hospital shirts. And then she told me that if they give me a hard time again to ask for it in writing because it isn't there and they will shut up.

So I would ask them if there is an actual rule in black and white somewhere that you can read with your own eyes stating that he can't stay.

[MtnCanary]

My first was born in a hospital, and they had the same policy. Unfortunately, dd was born after a 24 hour labor at 6pm, and they made hubby leave at 9pm. Then dd roomed with me. I was an exhausted, hurting wreck by the time dh could come back the next morning! It was so much nicer with #2 to be at home where somebody *else* could deal with dirty diapers, holding a sleeping babe, etc.

I don't know that your dh staying until Security kicks him out would be a good thing. They might not let him back in if they decide he's a security risk. I would fight the battle ahead of time. Ask for the policy in writing, ask if there's a way around it, talk to their patient rep, talk to your doc, etc. If you transfer, will your MW go with you to help advocate? Can you check out soon after birth? Other than the icky drive home (but we live an hour away), I didn't see any real reason to stay. After all the newborn weighing, etc., we just hung out in my room being exhausted for 2 days getting no sleep from all the noise. FWIW, this very issue is a large part of why we homebirthed our second, and will also hb our third.

Good luck with your HB!

Kristin
homeschooling, extended nursing, homebirthing mom of dd (7/5/01), ds (5/27/04) and #3 due June '07

[moonfirefaery]

Have him hide in the bathroom ;D