dss got suspended from school

[mama2toomany]

For attaching another child!!!

So I get a call yesterday to come and get dss... They wouldn't tell me if he was ok... wouldn't say Why I had to come.. just that I had to get there and pick him up.

So I bundle everyone up (I homeschool my boys)

So we all head to Christian's school (for the preforming arts) and there he sits full of tears..

So I run over and hug him and ask what happens that the first thing out of his mouth is "don't be mad!!"

I say I have nothing to be mad about... I have no idea what is going on.

The teacher tells me what happens. Aparently Christian was playing well with a lego set during recess with another boy A. Christian accidently (yeah right) broke A's lego set.. A got mad and tried to break his... Christian took it apon himeself to beat this child. He repeatedly punched him in the arm several times over and over.. the little boy was screaming and the teacher was yelling at Christian to stop but he wouldn't.. they had to pry him off of this child!!!

So I talk to Christian and ask him what he thinks happened... He says the same exact thing as the teacher... he didn't lie or make any excuses.

I thanked him for that. And went to talk to the teacher who has suspended him for 6 days. She is very concerned with these acts of violence... ( so was I)

So I told her our family will address it when we got home.

So me and dh sit at the table with Christian and asked him why he did this.

and he was so sad and said that this boy A teases him sometimes but that Christian just got so mad at him for not being his friend. He said "Everyday I try to be his friend, I try to say things he likes, I say nice things to him, and he doesn't even care, he laughs at me sometimes."

I told him this is never a reason to hit anyone! I asked him to write A a letter... Just a letter and he could say whatever he wants about what happened.

He did. I will type out his letter for you.

A****

I am sorry I hit you. I hope I did not hurt you. I feel so bad for it. I got really mad because you are not my friend and I want to be your friend because your a cool guy. But when you got mad at me I felt bad so I hit you and I know that is no good reason to hit. There is no good reason to hit. I hope we can each be nice to each other and like each other now and be friends. I am sorry

Your friend I hope
Christian

I almost cried when I read his letter. We are working on the misspellings and stuff now but we will send it to A. I know A's parents and I called them and they are not very upset and said that A has a tendency to alienate kids he likes so maybe they can come past this. I asked her to let A come to our New Years kids party and she said she would, I told her just to ask him how he feels about coming.

I asked Christian if he thought he had help to fix this situation and he wanted to call his teacher and say he was sorry too. He did but had to leave a message because she wasn't in.

It was so weird. He has never hit before. I had a talk with him and told him how badly it hurts to get hit. And what would happen if he got hit over and over again. He said he would cry and be scared. So I hope the message got across we do not hit!

[LynnS6]

Get and read the book:
The Bully, The Bullied and The Bystander.

It sounds like there's some bullying going on in that classroom, and Christian is the victim. This is actually 'classic' victim behavior -- hold in until you can't anymore, then explode and get into trouble.

I would read the book, bring this up with the teacher, and administration. Regardless of who's at fault (Christian for losing it, A for taunting him), it's a situation that needs to be addressed with the WHOLE class, not just your dss and the other kid.

You've done the right things. Now I would talk to your dss about what other things he can do when he gets frustrated and practice at home. I would also ask him about other kids who are in the class and maybe see if you can foster some friendships with kids who aren't the coolest guy in class. Playdates with a single child is where I would begin. Ask the teacher for input as to who would be a good choice.

[EmsMom]

Wow, it sounds as if you handled it beautifully, Mama2toomany! It must of been hard.

[mama2toomany]

I will have to get the book!

All good advice!

[hikingmommy]

He sounds like a good kid and you sound like a good mother. I just wanted to comment on the school not telling you why you needed to come in. I find this to be inexcusable and a horrible way to treat you. They should have immediately told you that there was no emergency and that you needed to come in b/c your DSS was in trouble. For all you know, he could have been ill or something. 6 days of suspension is a lot for a fight too, but I guess private schools can treat things differently than public. (In most schools, kids are suspended for 3 days for fighting.) I know you weren't asking for advice about this, but if you don't mind my giving it anyway, I think a call to the principal to discuss their policies regarding the information they give parents over the phone is an important step to help you and any other parents whose kids get in trouble.

[talk de jour]

He sounds like a good kid who genuinely understands what happened and why.

I agree with a pp.... look out for bullying.