REALLY Need Help!
Hi everyone:
I have a serious skin condition (hidradenitis suppurativa) that causes open wounds that won't heal and severe scarring that can lead to loss of arm and leg movement and even complete disability. I was diagnosed with this a year ago when my son was six months old, and it has gotten progressively worse since then. I am in extreme pain most days. There aren't many good treatments for this, but my dermatologist has recommended a permanent course of Minocine/Minocycline in pretty high doses. Medications and Mothers Milk says this isn't really compatible with BF because it can cause bone and tooth problems. I am currently taking Erythromycin, but I feel bad about even taking that because I don't want to expose my son to antibiotics. Unfortunately, it's not doing too much good, and there's a chance that the other medication won't help either, which is why I have waited so long to try it. I hate to wean my son for something that won't even help my condition, but it has gotten so bad that I feel I should at least try. It's a progressive condition that just gets worse and worse as the months go by.
My son is now nearly 18 months old. I feel proud of myself for nursing him this long because we had a very rough start; I was forced to give him formula in a bottle in the hospital because he had low blood sugar due to my gestational diabetes. The nurses told me if I didn't, they would put him in the NICU and I would have to go home without him. I was scared, so I complied. My hospital experience was terrible, to say the least. Had I know about the supplemental nursing system or other options, I would've tried them, but I didn't know anything. After he had the bottle, he completely refused nursing. He would scream and cry and hit me and push me away. It was devastating. I kept it up, but it took nearly six months before he nursed well. The first few months were hell with pumping every two hours. I'd feed him, get him back to sleep, then pump and clean bottles, and by the time I did all this he was ready to eat again. In addition, I am a single mom so I had very little help!
He is now a champion nurser and loves it, and I wish I could just let him BF until he was old enough to understand the weaning process a bit more. I have tried dropping feedings (he nurses on demand, and sometimes many times a day and all night), but he screams, cries, hits his face, and hits his head on the wall, bed, or floor in complete hysterics. It's very hard to handle this. He does his sign for nursing and says "Nur Nur" (nurse nurse), and it just breaks my heart. I try to comfort him by cuddling him, dancing with him, singing with him, and rubbing his back, but nothing helps. I feel like I am caught between devastating my baby and destroying my body. I've spent a lot of time crying about this!
I know he will probably "get over it" if I just persist, but it's not really the way I want to parent my son. I have a hard time denying him something that gives him comfort, that nurtures him, that is part of his special mommy time. On the other hand, if I am in so much pain that it's hard to play with him or pick him up, that's not good either. If this medication could give me a better quality of life, maybe it's worth trying.
Please, does anyone have good advice on how to help my son through this weaning process? How can I make this less emotionally painful for both of us?
) but i'm not sure how to continue. i've already been setting more firm limits and only nursing her at naptime.... but i'm not sure how to cut out these nursing times, especially because they're so special to both of us. 
