Support for non-eaters?

[Carolinamidwife]

I have a non-eater. He's going 7.5 and he eats, what appears to be, barely enough to survive. He weighs about 45 pounds. No vegetables, ever. Only a few select fruits, cheese quesadillas, macaroni and cheese, bagels with cream cheese, and pancakes. Oh and of course he would live on sweets if we allowed it. Aside from some snack foods like crackers and popcorn that's it, really it. And he's even picky when it comes to sweets and snacks.

He is, I believe, a super-taster and can detect minute changes in his food. No sneaking ANYTHING in anywhere, he can detect it instantly. Plus, he's very sensitive to texture. I've seen him gag just looking at something mushy.

Sigh.

Plus, somewhere along the way I got in the habit of asking him what he wants for dinner. This was a huge mistake. I'm trying to transition him to the "Eat what the family is eating or here is your one other choice" mode but he will actually cry if I make him something he doesn't want. And pretty much every time I make him something he finds something wrong. He stares at every single bite before he puts it in his mouth. Honestly, sometimes I get sooooo frustrated I could scream. There are restaurants we can't go to because there is nothing for him to eat, if we go to a party or a picnic we have to bring food for him to eat, etc.

He does take vitamins but I just don't see how he can go on like this.

Anyone else deal with this? Sometimes I wonder if I should take him to a child psychologist.

[crayon]

I would take him to a psychologist and even a diettition would help. My BIL is the same way- and his mom even makes him special "sean food" for holidays- he is 28..... It is amazing to me that one can live such a boring food life....

I do not have picky eatters here- except DH- but even then he is no where in the range of his borther.

Has he always been like this- even when he was a young toddler starting solids?

[LynnS6]

I'd also look into sensory issues for him - is it just food or is other things? You might want to try the books The Out of Sync Child or The Highly Sensitive Child. I've found both very helpful.

Can he help you do menu planning? That way he'll have input, but it'll be for the whole family. For our son, who isn't nearly as extreme as yours, I'll make sure we have one thing he'll eat, even if it's just noodles. I figure he'll make up for it somewhere else.

If it helps, my dh (who is a supertaster and has sensory issues, I'm convinced) does not eat veggies. Ever. He too can taste it when I try to slip pureed carrots into spaghetti sauce. He gags on lettuce. His parents handled it badly (having several instances of "you will sit at the table until you eat this" both at home and school -- resulting in him eating peas, throwing up and swearing off veggies forever). So, I applaud you for being sensitive to it. (Funny, it's about the only parenting mistake they made, but it's a doozy.) I give the whole family a multivitamin at dinner every night. Not so much because my kids need it, but because dh does! He's made it to age 40 OK.

[mamaverdi]

Amy, have you considered OT? Is everything else okay with him?

[sabrosina]

First of all, I know adults that have similar eating habits. That you're concerned about it and looking to encourage positive change at this early stage in his life can do nothing but good.

At 3.5 we have a similar eater, but he is willing to eat many more things than you listed, so I'm not sure any advice I have would be helpful. We've been having success in this arena lately, though, so I thought I'd add a few words.

I've read several places that the key to success in getting your child to try new things, is to be sure that every night at the dinner table there is one thing that you KNOW they will eat. Even if its just bread. And leave it to them to choose to eat or not eat anything else.

I did want to suggest something that is opening new doors for us. We've been talking about nutrition and how the body works (books, books, and more books.. he loves them) and about how important healthy foods are to grow stronger and smarter. So in this vein we've implemented a 'one bite' rule at the table, and require him to have one bite of something he's never tasted before, his choice. We cheer and make a big deal about how proud we are.. blah blah blah...

Amazingly enough.. he's finding things that he REALLY likes through this process. This morning, he asked for raspberries.. something two weeks ago he wouldn't touch.

We have also added a 'If you don't eat your healthy food, you cannot have a treat' policy as well. He has in the past just boycotted dinner all together then begged all night for dessert (which is usually a dressed up healthy food, like a sugarless apple crisp). This has stopped.

One thing is for certain. Consistency is key. In the house, or out.

[Ravin]

FWIW I have a cousin who was picky in much the same way. No meat, no veggies, just select carbs and fruit.

He was 6 ft tall by age 13.

[Zach'smom]

You may want to consult with your pediatrician. Your ds sounds just like one of my friend's children. Her child also has sensory issues. A speech therapist has been working with her. She comes to the house and helps her eat a meal. It has helped a lot and her and she is adding lots of new foods that she will eat now. There is also a dietician working with her,

[Carolinamidwife]

Thank you!

It seems like a lot of times I bring this up and people tell me he's not that picky. It's nice to be validated! This has been going on since he was about 2. He was a great baby eater and then slowly but surely he began rejecting foods.

He doesn't have other sensory issues and he's on target scholastically but he is a generally sensitive and EXTREMELY cautious child. He's the kind of kid who might have been called a "chicken" in the past, IYKWIM. He's, I don't want to use the word scared, but "cautious" about riding a bike, swimming, trying new physical things in general and the food thing seems to go hand in hand with that.

I think I will look into finding a therapist for him and see if I can get a rec for a dietitian. We don't have a ped as we just moved here and in the past advice from peds has bordered on the cruel, like 'just stop giving him what he likes and eventually he will get hungry.'

Thank you all!

[mamaLHK]

no advice but wanted to offer support

My son is just 3, but I know how difficult it is to have a child who is so inflexible about eating. My son eats only a handful of foods (pasta with oil, and it has to be "our kind" of pasta, a certain kind of bread that I make from scratch, an occasional piece of muffin, an occasional egg and then a TON of toddler formula). He will gag and even throw up at the sight of certain foods, or at the sight of someone eating something that for some reason isnt suiting him at the time. It is exhausting and life-hampering. No restauants without bringing our own food, etc. We have an appointment with an occupational therapist that treats feeding issues at the end of January, and I'm hoping this will help. So I have no advice, but I just wanted to say, yes, we mamas facing this have it hard in this department! The regular advice of just give them what you are eating and that's it doesnt really work if the sight or smell of it makes them gag. Uggh. I guess the one thing I can share that I am trying to work on is to let it go, and to really in my heart trust him and let go of wanting to push him to eat other foods. These sensitive kids can feel that pressure a mile away and it does more harm than good. Although it's easier said than done. Good luck to you!

[mistymama]

My son has sensory issues and rarely eats. He lives on strawberry PediaSure, which is killing my budget! He's healthy as can be, is a huge 4 year old over 45 pounds, but that's all thanks to PediaSure and without it he'd be in awful shape, I'm sure.

I'm going to get him back into Occupational Therapy after the first of the year to help transition to mostly food, and PediaSure as a treat. Right now we are almost totally PediaSure, with occasional food as a snack.