Need help/advice--out of control 5 year old daughter

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I don't even know where to begin. I am normally the one saying dd has special needs and is delayed so these things happen and she will grow out of it and she is doing better........AND I feel really guilty even posting or saying she is "out of control" but she is!!!

I don't know what to do. Nothing works. She has been in PT OT Speech. Her speech has improved to where everyone understands her now--not always a good thing!! Her motor skills are not below normal any more so she was dropped from all therapies. : So here I am trying to figure out what I can do?? Cognitively she is on a much higher level, she is reading!

She will be 6 in a few short months. Is this normal behavior for an almost 6 yr old and as a first time mom I think it isn't? I don't think so as EVERYONE stares at her and makes comments and ...ugh. I took her out of school again and am homeschooling her as she was in "timeout" constantly. well that isn't what they called it but it was. She was being disciplined instead of helped or come up with ideas on how to change her behavior.

Anyway she has NO safety awareness. I keep hold of her at all times when we are outside of our home, at home I have locks so she cannot get outside alone. Just this week she has gotten away from me (fighting/I had gloves on and she slipped out of my hands) and run in the street, narrowly missing getting run over by a truck.

Today at the post office, she started fighting me to get away and RUN again! Same place she almost got run over the last time! Then she was all upset b/c she couldn't and started screaming, kicking, SPITTING. and laid on the PO counter when I picked her up. She also has these laughing fits--LOUD. With other children, she hugs too much, talks too much, really clingy so they don't like being around her.

As a single mom, I only go out when I have to do errands as I have to take her with me. At home, things are MUCH calmer. But then I feel guilty as she isn't getting out of the house enough.

Any ideas? Nothing phases her. Taking away toys, she doesn't care. I don't spank and never have. She hits enough for both of us! I have tried charts with rewards (movies,etc), she didn't care.

Being firm never has worked. Redirecting has until recently. Now she seems more aware and it is HARD. Once she gets out of control, there is no calming her.

Thank you for any suggestions if you have come this far!

[nnwinston]

I am in much the same dilemma

HI,
I have little to offer in the way of advice but I do want to let you know that you are not alone. I have an almost 5yr old boy who is just out of control. No amount of talking gets him to understand that it is not okay to hit or bite or shout at people. he slams doors, he screams and cries several times a day.He completely expects everything to revolve around him from play to conversations etc. My 9 month old cries less than he does. I am at my wits end. A day rarely goes by when I don't end up shouting at him and I don't want to be that mother. Just forgive yourself and worry less about what others might be thinking about her and by extension you. That is all I can offer. Otherwise my hope is that with a good serving of love and non-judgement, they may eventually outgrow it. I know my son is in a bit of upheaval. Could that be the cause. He is very sensitive and needs consistent rituals, clean food, lots of sleep, lots of outdoor time and exercise and NO TV. Those all seem to affect his behavious. Other than that I would love some advise nmyself especially on how to cope with trying to guide him about the same stuff over and over without getting angray and frustrated. The other thing that I am working on is trying to be consistent.

[Annikate]

You might want to consider removing certain foods from her diet - - things that might make her hyper or prone to undesireable behavior.

Laughing at inappropriate times/things is often a sign of yeast overgrowth.

Google Feingold Diet.

Why don't you post over in Special Needs and see what the mamas say over there?

[plates]

Thank you.

My daughter has NO sugar at all in her diet. No milk products. She does watch tv but mainly to give ME a break as otherwise, she wouldn't let me clean,etc. Her sleeping habits are horrendous. I have to lay down with her to get her to sleep. So I start at 9 pm, read, lay down, and 85% of the time, she still isn't asleep by 12 midnight.

It is so HARD to maintain any type of daily schedule when I never know if she will still be up at 4 am. I have tried in the past but going without sleep days on end makes me very irritable and I dont want to be irritable with her, you know?

It is hard to explain. I tell people she isn't being "bratty". You know the kids who want want want? She isn't like THAT. What she is like, is hard to explain. I have NO idea why she doesn't get that she can't just run off/dart away from me. It isn't like I haven't told her a million times she could get lost, hurt, run over,etc.

[williamsmommy2002]

My ds is a bit of a runner. He also has no concept of safety. He will look for cars and see one and dart into the srteet. He is also on the autism spectrum. We know this is not something we will be able to change quickly so we talk him about the things he does when he does them I don't know that it's helping much but because of his special needs, we know we have to work harder to keep him safe. He simply doesn't see the world the same as the rest of us.

Also could she be acting out because of sensory issues. When my ds starts to get a bit upset, I can stop it sometimes by giving him some sensory activity. We jump around or spin or sometimes I can just give him a big squeeze. It doesn't help all of the time but it's better to try that than to try nothing.

[LynnS6]

Hi,

I would consider sensory issues (Sensational Kids or The Out of Sync Child are both good books on this) -- which can make children crave stimulation so much that they have no fear sense, and it makes self-regulation very difficult.

The other book I would recommend would be The Explosive Child -- there is a certain type of ADHD that has these characteristics as well. I have a friend wiht a son with both sensory issues and this type of ADHD. He's a challenge. But, with some good therapies (OT and some behavioral therapy) and a decision to homeschool, he's doing OK. He still needs constant supervision (he's 8), but they've got him off meds, learning and feeling good about himself.

Is there a support group of special needs parents around? Sometimes just having someone to talk to really does help.

[plates]

Thank you for the replies!

The spitting is newer for her. It was hitting when she was upset by something and now she more likely will spit. She can't stand my mother laughing so she has always hit her. Well this visit, she SPIT on her every time my mother laughed. I kept saying yea but it is an improvement over hitting!! My mother didn't see it that way. Not spit but blow her lips out until spit comes out. I try and teach her to use her words but maybe since she was delayed in speech, this comes harder for her?

I try and talk to her...we are mailing cousin B's gift today, it won't take but a minute and then we are going back home to play outside. She always seems fine before we get there.

Before I would hold her and bounce her up and down when she got out of control, now she is so big it is getting too hard to do that. I still try at times but she flops down like on the PO counter.

I can't figure out what it is she is wanting. If I turn her loose, she heads for the door and outside. That is all I see her wanting is to run away??? She runs in a straight line. No matter where we are.

[Mamatohaleybug]

Does she have a diagnosis of any kind? Have you discussed these things with her pediatrician or your family doctor? Have you ever taken her to a developmental pediatrician?

My DD is younger but was a lot like this and has recently gotten much easier to handle. I wish i had some fabulous advice but I really don't.

[mimiharshe]

You could also try a pediatric chiropractor or naturopath. They sometimes have different insight. Wow...hang in there mom...you are doing great...thank goodness your daughter has a patient loving mom like you.