What is best for my 3 1/2 year old?

[zipworth]

I am one of the best preschool teachers I know. Not to brag, but I am.
So, after the birth of my daughter I decided to strike out on my own and start a lovely waldorf/Reggio-inspired program out of my home, so I could stay home with my ds and dd, and provide ds with a high quality momma-run preschool program, along with a few other children. My dd would come along for the ride. My vision was that my son would still have me, he could make some little friends, and I could make a little money on the side. When he started big school, I would start a new group of little friends for my dd. They would spend time with me until it was time for preschool. Unfortunately, that's not how it worked out.

The only parents who responded to my ads were parents of infants. I panicked after a month of no money coming in and accepted an 18 month old girl. Then my dear friend needed care for her 9 and 11 year old stepsons after school and I agreed. So now my ds is the child in the middle. He is harassed by the toddlers who grab his stuff and break his work. The older boys will sometimes play with him, but not always, nor do I feel they should. And sometimes their play is not always fair or appropriate for a three year old boy. My dd is very happy with the arrangement as she is very social and loves the commotion of all the children. But my son just wants someone to play with him. There is a low-quality preschool down the road that all the local kids go to that I am thinking of sending him, so he can make some friends and have a break from toddler girls. They do a lot of coloring stencils, pre-assembled crafts, and inappropriate preschool academics. It kills me to think of sending him there, but at home my time is taken up with all the other children, and sometimes ds's needs are last. It just hurts my sensibilities to send him somewhere just so he can make friends, when I am fully capable of providing him those experiences! Arg! I think the local parents couldn't fathom how I would 'teach' their children when my home doesn't look like a school. But darn it! I could provide their children with wonderful creative experiences! I do art with the children, not crafts! I read stories and I know hundreds of songs, and I have a beautiful singing voice: . But I could get no preschool aged children. Oh well, my beautiful babies will reap the benefits of my talents .

Anyway, I digress. My son is somewhat introverted, so I am wondering what would be best for him. I have another infant girl starting in March. I would be happy to keep him home with me, and I think he would prefer to be with me above all else. But... am I doing him a disservice here? Am I denying him the opportunity to grow as a person and make friends? Does he need peer interaction or will he turn out o.k. if he doesn't get it until he starts school? Should he go to the low-quality preschool program so he can get to know some of the children in the neighborhood? I think if he had some friends it might make the transition to school easier. There are tons of kids around here, but it is a semi-rural area and it is very hard to meet other children.

What do you think? And thanks for listening to all my shameless bragging: .


Natalie

[loveandkindness]

Why don't you ask him which he would prefer? Explain the pros and cons of each option and let him think about it and then you can discuss it with him. My DD is close to his age and is quite able to figure out what is best for her. She often comes up with reasons to do things that I never considered.

As far as getting the right age of kids -- why don't you offer a free "sample" class some day, perhaps a Saturday morning. Have the parent come with the child and watch as you go through 45 minutes or so of what you would do on a normal day. Once they could see the difference between you and a preschool, you would have more choice in kids to accept.

[mom22girls]

First of all - I wish you were MY neighbor, I have a girl that I'm sending to preschool JUST for the social aspect.

Anyway, it sounds like you're in a dilemna - because the person you most wanted to serve is your ds - and now you can't because you have to have the other students? Are you happy with the teaching or do you have to do it to have the $$$ to stay home?

Since you're providing mostly after school care to the older boys - is there an after school program for your DS - that way, he could do Waldorf type stuff with you and also maybe have an opportunity to meet some other kids at another time?

Like I said, I'm sending my dd to a preschool for the social aspect of it. Since I can't find a Waldorf school in my area, I'm a homeschooler at heart, but where we live, there are no opportunities for playgroups. The problem is, is that the social aspect of it isn't always pretty. There's the "she won't play with me." and the "Everyone bosses me around," and the heartbreaking, "why won't she be my friend?" I talk to other parents, and this seems to go on with their kids too. I just feel really conflicted, because I don't believe she needs "SCHOOL" but she really likes going (I think). So, before you try the "crappy preschool" see what ds says. Also, maybe you can try for a few times before signing up. Or look for other social opportunities for him. Is there a homeschool network in your area? That might be a place to start.

Good luck!

-H

[zipworth]

Great advice! I will ask DS what he wants.....

[Stayathomemommy]

i cant imagin my 3 year olds being able to make a decision like that and understand pros and cons. i think what you are providing for him is great. though he doesnt have kids his age he will learn to interact with kids of all ages. make him your mothers helper when dealing with snacks, crafts, tending to babies and such. continue advertizing for preschoolers and stop taking babies and big kids once you get a few preschoolers. he will make friends eventually when he starts sports and you can get him involved in classes like dance or music before kindergarten. my twins will do soccer when they are 4. and lots of fun classes through a art center here.

[hipumpkins]

If your son is introverted he may be overwhelmed in a preschool with too many kids and too many.."supposed to"s My Dd has never been to school and has jsut one little friend that she sees once a week. Now that she's older (4) she can take clsses at the Y that aren't mommy and me whereas before she just wasn't ready. She wanted to be with me so if your son wants to be with you...let him. He will probably have a better experience than being told How to make something sitting alongside a bunch of other kids beingtold how to make soemthign.

good luck!

[j924]

I just wanted to chime in and let you know that your dream can still materialize. I started a school in house with the same philosophy and it was sooo hard to get going. I had dribs and drabs of kids in the beginning wiht most people wanting infant care. I really tried to focus on the kids I had and "grew" a class so to speak. When the tiny ones got bigger more parents were able to see that you could get quality learning experiences in a house. CHildcare/education is such a huge leap of faith and the only way to drum up business is word of mouth. For your son, could you find a Saturday class or maybe one where the little ones could tag along during school hours. Also making the after school kids "assistant teachers" proved invaluable to me, to them and to the little ones. Good luck

[katallen]

If you think he would really benefit a lot from being with people he can make friends with then I suggest sending him for some part time days. He won't be damaged for life by a few preassembled crafts. Preschool is more for socializing then for academics anyway and if they provide that and he needs it then I suggest sending him to the place that is going to fulfill his needs. It may be that they have time set aside for that and will let you have him there just during that time and then you can teach him what you want him to know the rest of the time.

[urklemama]

Here's something you might want to consider: your own unhappiness is just as important as your son's. You didn't want to be providing care for an 18mo and two school aged children; you want to run a great Waldorf-inspired preschool.

You have great potential; you just need to market yourself better. Even if it cuts you down to bare bones for a while financially, you might want to close up what you have now - at least tell the parents of the older boys that they have to find somebody else - and get really aggressive about stealing children from the crappy preschool up the road. Get a website up with links to articles by well-respected childcare experts about the superiority of playbased programs and write reviews of books like Elkind's Miseducation with big ol' Amazon ads (note you can also make a little money off the site). Then FLYER, FLYER, FLYER. Flyer every church, every coffeeshop, every everything you can get into. Don't be shy!

You're a professional and you can provide a highly desirable service. Children going to you will be better off and you will be giving their parents higher value. But you've got to realize that you are running a business and you have to compete, and compete hard.

[PumpkinSeeds]

I agree, it sounds like you have taken a left turn and it's now working against what you have set out to do. You can't get the preschool thing going if you are so busy doing other things. If it was me, I would bite the bullet, let go of the other kids and work very hard on promoting what I really wanted.

Originally Posted by urklemama

Here's something you might want to consider: your own unhappiness is just as important as your son's. You didn't want to be providing care for an 18mo and two school aged children; you want to run a great Waldorf-inspired preschool.

[Blu Razzberri]

Here's an idea: drop the preschool thing for now (: ...wait, read the WHOLE thing, lol). Get yourself a part-time job that opposes your husbands work hours so that you're only gone 4 hours a day and that you can both still work and sleep without putting the kids in someone else's care (you could even work while the kids/husband are sleeping if you could swing it...try your local wal mart or similar store for flexible hours).

Meanwhile, start advertising for children of the same age as your daughter, (get deposits) and set your opening date for the time when all the children you've 'aquired' start preschool (as in, two years from now, or whatever).

This way, you can still teach your son and when he's ready for big school, you can teach your daughter (or maybe by then, you'll have attracted some attention and people will start asking for you to teach older children and you can keep your son in your program.

At least if you follow a plan like this, you would know if it's going to fail on you and you won't struggle for money because you'll already have a system going where you're working part time.

Just some idea's, hope they help.

PS: I'm not subscribing to this thread, so if you have questions, PM or email me.

[zipworth]

Originally Posted by j924

I just wanted to chime in and let you know that your dream can still materialize. I started a school in house with the same philosophy and it was sooo hard to get going. I had dribs and drabs of kids in the beginning wiht most people wanting infant care. I really tried to focus on the kids I had and "grew" a class so to speak. When the tiny ones got bigger more parents were able to see that you could get quality learning experiences in a house. CHildcare/education is such a huge leap of faith and the only way to drum up business is word of mouth. For your son, could you find a Saturday class or maybe one where the little ones could tag along during school hours. Also making the after school kids "assistant teachers" proved invaluable to me, to them and to the little ones. Good luck

I think this is what I am going to end up doing. When the older children leave I will replace them with children my son's age, and do the preschool program with them. The 3 girls I have now (I have another toddler girl starting in March, I accepted her because she was so darn cute and her family is very crunchy, I just loved them!) will become my future preschoolers. Hopefully by then I will have made more connections in my community and I will be able to find a more preschool based clientele. I have a lot of infant care experience from my days as a daycare teacher, and I find it is nice way to build a solid relationship with a child and their family.

I have started trying to set up play dates for Liam on Saturday Mornings. We just had our first one today with an MDC mama and her darling little boy and it was great because I really like her and I get to have a playdate too!:

[Alison]

Originally Posted by zipworth

I have started trying to set up play dates for Liam on Saturday Mornings. We just had our first one today with an MDC mama and her darling little boy and it was great because I really like her and I get to have a playdate too!:

Hey, is that my kid you're talking about ? I'll have you know he was on his best behaviour yesterday! And I enjoyed our playdate as well! Let's try to do it next Saturday as well. Or is that too close to you-know-what?

Glad I "stalked" you, it's always nice to hear your kid get complimented:

[zipworth]

Alison, your boy is adorable! Please come again on Saturday, we are looking forward to it!:

[UUMom]

Sounds like you're stuck 'just babysitting' and that might be noble and wonderful, but it wasn't your goal.

Just reading that gave me a headache. There is no way I'd do that.

[zipworth]

Originally Posted by UUMom

Sounds like you're stuck 'just babysitting' and that might be noble and wonderful, but it wasn't your goal.

Just reading that gave me a headache. There is no way I'd do that.

Whoa! It's not THAT bad for me! It's my SON I'm worried about! I am a professional Early Childhood educator, not JUST a babysitter. There is beautiful learning that can take place in infancy, toddlerdom, and the preschool age. I just so happen to be best at the preschool stage, but really, I like them all. My little boy however, he's not so crazy about infants and toddlers.

I haven't given up on my preschool dream...it will happen, just not the way I planned .

Natalie

[mommy68]

Originally Posted by Stayathomemommy

i cant imagin my 3 year olds being able to make a decision like that and understand pros and cons. i think what you are providing for him is great.

I agree.

But all kids do not need children around them that are of the same age that they are. Children don't have to socialize with peers their own age necessarily in order to turn out normal In fact, they learn more from adults and those around them that can teach them more than just what they can learn from children at their own age level. I homeschooled my oldest two for several years and they did fine socially once starting school AND were actually more mature in the way they handled things and spoke to others and it helps them. Children should get plenty of socialization just by you keeping involved in mommy groups, frequent outings throughout the week, etc.