What to do about Christmas

[Leta]

I hate Christmas. I have for at least 10 years. Since my grandparents got divorced, my Dad would cry one day a year, on Christmas, and he would cry all day.
My grandparents made Christmas into this HUGE deal- the conflict between my mom and them made Christmas a struggle every year.

As I got older, I realized that Christmas does nothing good. Massive consumerism, lying to children, economic deadweight loss, and don't get me started on what it does to the environment.

When I got married, DH and I continued to get Christmas gifts for DSS, because I didn't think it would be right to say to a 5 year old, "Well, now that the stepmother is in town, we do things my way, so no more presents for you!" But now DH have a child together, and I really don't want to do Christmas for DD. I feel that it contradicts our values. She's 9 months old, so she's too little to know any better, but what about next year? I know that we can't keep her grandparents from getting her stuff, but I don't think it's fair for us to keep getting DSS stuff but not DD. Not only that, DSS has FIVE sets of grandparents and an uncle who's more like grandpa, and they all try to outdo each other in buying for him. He's the oldest grandchild for all the grandparents, and up until very recently, was the ONLY grandchild- for EIGHT doting grandparents! So he gets insane gifts- last year, for Xmas: an electric scooter with safety outfit, a child size 4 wheeler with safety outfit, a Gameboy, a Shellshocker, a RoboRaptor, a giant set of Legos that cost about $200...
DH acknowledges all of this, and also that it makes him feel inadequate. He has suggested that we do an Xmas where we bake cookies, make gifts and put up stockings and a tree, but that's it.
But the whole thought of Xmas makes my stomach hurt. :Puke And realistically, it's women who pull holidays off.

So what should we do? Some sort of scaled down celebration, an alternative holiday, or stick to our traditions (Chinese food and a movie)?

I need help here mamas!

[fek&fuzz]

It sounds like you are letting society's version of Christmas and women's roles in it determine how you feel about Christmas. You could do this for almost anything - weddings, birthdays, etc. and refuse to have any celebration of any sort because other people do it in ways that turn you off.

Why don't you search your heart for what Christmas is really about - family, togetherness, magic, lights and nature inside during a time of dark and bareness - and then start to build traditions for your own family that are meaningful to all of you and don't make you want to vomit. Maybe you can begin to break the cycle so that your own kids, including your stepson, will love Christmas and not dread it.

[Leta]

You make a lot of sense! This is probably why I don't do well with rituals of any kind- I hate holidays, I skipped my graduation, wanted to elope but instead had a tiny, casual wedding...

[Daphnes_mama]

Do it your own way! I know exactly what you mean about Christmas. It is very commericalized and exploited. However, it can be fun if you find traditions and ways to celebrate that don't go against your values. For example, we make Christmas cookies ever year, and, if I feel up to it, a Gingerbread house every few years. We do this because we want to and because it gives my daughter joy (my son is too young to care right now). We also decorate with lights (modestly), and get a tree to decorate. Getting the tree is a family venture, so we all participate. We string popcorn and cranberries on it.

As for gifts, we don't buy them! Not really anyway. We make homemade gifts for family members. The only people we buy for is our own little family, so for me, that means I buy gifts for the kids and DH ONLY, and I do this throughout the year. From the middle of November until January, I do not step foot in a mall! I absolutely refuse. As for the gifts for others, everyone else gets a homemade goodie, for example a jar of apple butter, a bottle of homemade Kahlua, or this year, a homemade calendar with pictures of the kids. If they don't like it, too bad. I am not going to spend oodles of money on gifts for all the relatives. No way.

You can simplify things for yourself. Kids really do get a kick out of holiday celebrations and they can be a time for your family to celebrate. However, do it the way you want.