Feeling unappreciated???

[Nikki98]

How do you mamas deal with your childrens demands and still feel ok about it? For instance my dd will say "mom, where is my breakfast?" or "where are my clothes for school?". etc. I know she is just asking, but at times I get so tired of her asking me these things .

I think I just feel like she doesn't appreciate all that I do for her. She is 6 y/o and I've have been giving her more responsibilty (like for breakfast make her own pb bread, get the milk, etc.) but she seems upset when I ask her to do more. Any suggestions?

[Vixenmama]

I appreciate you....as only another unappreciated mama can.


My dd is only 4, but I get the same thing. I think my girl really likes me to look after and take care of her, and that's why she wants me to do some stuff she is clearly capable of doing.


However, there are times when I say "I see Ariel on the floor, shouldn't you pick her up?" and she says "oh mama, you can do it!". LOL.


My dd is really bad about this when I'm getting breakfast or dinner. She practically shouts at me, and I constantly correct her a la: we don't shout, ask nicely, ad nauseum.

Sometimes when she's downright rude I answere her in a very formal way:
dd: "Mama, I said I want juice NOW."
me: "Zoe, I will be glad to get your juice my dear. First I'm going to give Rex his fork though. Thank you for your patience.

I get really formal with using her name, modulating my voice and please and thank you-ing out the wazoo. Sometimes this will turn her attitude around.

Mostly I just think they're in the middle of their own world and aren't thinking about being appreciative or whatever.

Right now my almost 2-year old son is like, Mr. Manners. He says please and thank you for everything. I've recently had a cough and whenever I would cough he's say "bless you mama". I loved it.

You'll just have to appreciate yourself a little extra for a while. When does the appreciation gene kick in anyway? 35? LOL!

[anarchamama]

Oh I hear you, the other day ds asked if I could play with him when I finished unloading the dishwasher, and I started laughing hysterically and was like "haha Im never done unloading the dishwasher, as soon as I unload it the counters covered in dishes and then I have to do laundry haHAHAHAHA". While I think its important to keep reminding them to ask for things in a polite voice and to wait patiently etc, I think for your own sanity in the meantime You have to appreciate you, make the time for yourself cause aint no body gonna do it for you.

[Jilian]

I know what you mean. I try really hard to model polite behavior to my DS and that has helped with the way he talks to me. If he says "Get me some juice" I will say "Can you please ask me nicely?" and then he will ask nicely and it makes me feel more appreciated. Once my DS turned 3 he started to become a little more patient and is ok with me saying "I cannot play with you until the laundry is folded", sometimes he'll even help so we can play together sooner.

Have you tried explaining to your dd that you need some help around the house because you have a lot to do? It helps if you make her feel like she is doing her part to help out the whole family. Then it becomes more of a "team" attitude and she'll feel like she's helping her team out rather than just doing "chores".

[mom22girls]

I never really appreciated my mother until I became a mother!

I don't know whether you can get appreciation but I think you're on the right track with more responsibility. With clothing, we have a hanging shelf that has her school clothes in it (a shelf for each day). She can pick an outfit every day from the choices. I make up the outfits each Sunday, and she can help if she wants - if no help, no complaining.

As for picking up stuff, she can either do it, or I can do it (and perhaps she won't see the item for awhile). She's just five though, so if it's a big mess, I'll help out, and ask her to do specific tasks (all the dress up dresses away).

When she complains about "being my maid" I say that this is our home and we all contribute to taking care of it.

As for rude requests, I'll ignore them, (she knows how to ask the right way) she'll either correct herself or if she starts yelling, I'll say, "hmm, you're speaking too loudly for me to hear you...and I think you asked me for something, but I didn't hear it in the right way.

-H

[mamatoady]

we're working on manners with my 4 year old too. she's generally pretty good, but lately has become quite demanding. I'll say things like, "Oh, Adrianna, what would be a really nice/polite way you could ask for that." and she'll say "please" then I'll just look at her wide-eyed until she repeats the whole thing, "Please may I have the paints."

My hope is that she'll get tired of repeating herself because I generally don't give her what she's asking for unless she asks nicely. and then I always say something like "Of course you may, my darling" which she loves.

We also read a lot on manners (Bearenstein bears, polite as a princess etc.). tonight at dinner she asked me to "please pass the broccoli" then she looked around and realized there was no broccoli and said "please pass the pasta!"

I think sometimes it's fun to overdo it like in bearenstein bears and make it a game. like pp said, get really formal, it's fun. I've got my dd calling me madam sometimes
sarah

[Mizelenius]

Sometimes I feel like NO ONE appreciates the things I do . . .it is all just expected (not consciously). If something doesn't get done, I don't get blamed per se, but no one (like DH) says, "Hey, you have a lot on your plate. I should have done __." It's just, "Oh, NO ONE did ____."

With DD appreciating me, it helps me when she helps out. She has to do the following:
- Take her dishes to the sink after meals
- Put her clothes in the right place (dresser or laundry) that she has just worn
- Clean up the playroom for a set period of time (at least one adult is helping) . . .about 10 minutes

Today, she was taking a bunch of dishes out. I told her while she was starting that it was fine to take anything out, as long as she understood she'd have to put it back, too. When it came time for clean up, she told me that "You are treating me like a maid!" I told her that no, a maid would clean up what OTHER people take out-- she just has to put away what she has used.

The thing that drives me crazy is when we take her somewhere or buy her something and she complains about where we DIDN'T take her (or that we don't take her often enough) or what we didn't buy her. That gets on my last nerve.

[mom2jka]

Your daughter is just being a completely normal child. They don't feel gratitude or appreciation, but I keep trying to help her see how much she has and how blessed she is. If my child demands something, then I pretend like I don't hear them until their tone changes. I explained it the first time and then after that, I just ignore until they remember. It may take a few times, but they will learn to be more respectful.

Michelle