Meg Murry, I won't dwell on the comment scoffing food allergies, as I'm sure you haven't lived through the same circumstances I have. In my son's case, however, the difficulties he experienced COULD all be written off to soy. He had no desire to act that way. Raging made him feel awful and sick - and guilty afterwards. Cycling several times each day took a lot out of him. I understand that it's hard for outsiders to grasp without seeing it, but the change was so obvious, so night-and-day, so spectacular, that I will never discount the power that a food allergy/aversion can have over a person.
Oompa Loompa doompety doo
Originally Posted by Meg Murry.
Could it be that she's just indulged to the point of believing that she is the only one who matters? In other words, could it be that she is spoiled? Can we float this idea for even one second without verbally eviscerating me for even daring to suggest this as an option?
I've got another puzzle for you
Oompa Loompa doompety dee
If you are wise you'll listen to me
Who do you blame when your kid is a brat,
Pampered and spoiled like a Siamese cat?
Blaming the kids is a lie and a shame.
You know exactly who's to blame:
The mother and the father.
Even if "spoiling" was the case (and I'm not certain that my definition of the word lines up with the mainstream definition, at all), it's still something that, I believe, the friend should have taken up with the mother - if indeed she felt she had to address the issue, at all (I'm not sure I would have).
And, the girl was still an upset little kiddo, whether her reasons were justified in an adult's eyes, or not. She was still struggling, and at the age of eight, little ones often need help getting through the rough spots and figuring out the appropriate ways to express what they're going through. Again, I'm not saying she wasn't difficult to be around, and I'm sure she made those near her want to tear their hair out, but blame and shame, "natural consequences" (thought out and imposed as "natural consequences" by an adult with an agenda), exclusion and being ignored aren't going to help any child one bit.
Maybe such tactics make sense logically, but they certainly don't emotionally. They're just going to make a struggling little girl feel alone and unloved. Instead, doing something like the following would have made a lot more sense:
1. Sitting down with the child, away from the other children, and talking through what she was feeling
2. Letting her know she understood that watching another child get presents, go on outings and have a party can be difficult
3. Suggesting something that she would enjoy, like getting ice cream at her favorite place on the way home or planning a night out with mom later in the week
4. Discussing her actions - how they made others feel, how the mother understood why she was having a tough time, but that it wasn't appropriate to have a meltdown in the mall....
These are all things that get to the heart of the problem and let the child know there's someone who loves and understands her and who wants the best for her. Ignoring or excluding her is just going to make things worse.
My understanding is that the mother perhaps didn't do this? And has a history of ignoring the girl's problems and feelings - at least in the presence of the friend? If I were the friend, and I felt the urge to bring up the situation, this is most likely the point on which I would focus.