question for the healthy and moderative mama's

[mamatoady]

How much crap food do you think is ok for your 4-6 year old to eat? I have serious issues (that I keep to myself) of my daughter getting fat because I grew up overweight and I didn't realize until I got older that I had every reason to blame my mother. We ate a lot of crap food (boxed, frozen, ready to eat, junk food) and healthy eating was never modeled for us (everyone in my family was glutenous).

I breastfed my dd 3.5 years and I bf m son. I never gave her dairy/meat/sugar until she was 2. Then I wanted to bring these things in, in moderation so she didn't feel different from other kids. I keep a lot of healthy food in the house--lots of fresh fruit (oddly I thought fresh fruit besides apples and bananas were a novelty growing up, now I realize it's a necessity), tons of whole grains, soy foods...ok the works.

Somehow it's gotten away from me and I don't know what moderation is on what I believe to be crap food. and there's the heirarchy of crap food...white pasta vs. boxed blueberry muffins vs. candy canes. Is it moderative to eat some "crap" food every day? once a week? every other week? once a month? I just don't know.

My daughter is healthy right now, but she is apparently on the line where she could be overweight. She is 41inches and 41 pounds. the doctor says she's fine...the charts say 2 more pounds and she's technically overweight. I feel like I'm failing her. Her body may also just be bigger. Although I'm 5'4" and small boned, dh is 6'3" and large boned.

I know that if I give her nutritious options, her body will be what it's supposed to be, but how can I be moderative when it comes to boxed food and candies and not strict or passive? Are boxed muffin mixes ok once a week on sundays? Can she have 4-5 mini candy-canes a week? Help!!!

sarah

[Mizelenius]

I guess my question is, how do you know that her body isn't now what it is supposed to be? Take Oprah. She made it her mission in life to be thin. She worked, worked, and worked. She finally accepted that to be a certain size, she would have to spend a major part of her life on working out, and that just wasn't worth it.

I think the most important thing, even over health, is for your DD to accept herself and to have no food issues. If she loves her body at any size, you have done your job. Her emotional health will be fantastic as a result.

I think you also want her to trust her hunger. I think most of us were born being able to regulate our own hunger-- other people mess it up for us when we are children. This includes junk food. Last night, for example, we had Munchinks (the little donuts). DD could have had as many as she wanted, but she asked for 2, and then she was done. Most children do NOT want to feel too full-- they know when to stop.

The best thing I ever did for myself was to stop worrying about what I ate. If I do think about it, I emphasize (with myself and the DDs) about ADDING more food (whole foods) vs cutting down on other foods. If you are really worried, this is where I would start . . .make sure DD gets enough variety (we call it the rainbow diet here . . .) and then who cares about the rest. She will stop when she is not hungry!

[annettemarie]

It's really, really hard to figure out when you grew up without healthy eating guidelines, isn't it? I completely sympathize.

One thing that works for us is that I don't buy the questionable stuff. However, if there's a coffee hour at church or someone handing out treats at school, I don't stress out over it. I figure if they're getting healthy, whole foods at home, a little unhealthiness here or there isn't going to kill them.

[mimiharshe]

Maybe instead of focusing on her weight, you can just focus on her health. Is what she's eating healthy for her body and mind? That might be a healthier way for both of you to gauge things.

Personally I don't think any "crap" food is ok. We do let our kids have treats once in a while, but not on a daily basis.

If you are focused on what you are putting in her body based on health (not wanting her to have pesticides, trans-fats, white sugar and flour, msg, artificial flavors, etc) then weight shouldn't be an issue.

Just a different way to look at it.

[Glover_Girls]

First off you should be very proud of yourself for giving your children healthy options. I know several kids that eat extrememly unhealthy food on a daily basis (frozen meals, sugar cereal, lunchables, processed foods, etc) and they are skinny! : But are they healthy? I suspect not. So try not to focus on the weight if your doctor isn't concerned. What is important is health and body image.

My strategy has been to keep healthy food at home, teach my dd about different foods and their to make healthy choices when faced with other choices. However, I don't prohibit "junk food" but since she's not used to having it in the house my dd doesn't OD on it and generally doesn't ask for it. I can't control what she eats when I'm not there but I can control what she eats at home. Generally there are good, nutritious versions of convenience foods like boxed muffins. But I also think it's okay to use whatever brand you like once in a while. Why not? And why stress about it if you do? None of us are perfect. We do the best we can and pat ourselves on the back for every healthy meal we serve and we give ourselves a break when we do what's convenient.

[rainyday]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

One thing that works for us is that I don't buy the questionable stuff. However, if there's a coffee hour at church or someone handing out treats at school, I don't stress out over it. I figure if they're getting healthy, whole foods at home, a little unhealthiness here or there isn't going to kill them.

:

I pretty much only serve whole foods at home, so I don't worry if we're visiting someone and they serve goldfish and cookies. At home, that stuff is just not an option because it's not there. What we do have at home is ok for DS to eat: lots of fruit, vegetables, whole-grain bread, cheeses, beans, etc.

It sounds like you're worried, though, so to me that would be a signal to make some changes. You asked about boxed muffin mixes and candy canes. Well, muffins take very little time to make from scratch. Why not spend five or ten minutes more and you and your little girl can make muffins from scratch together with applesauce and whole-wheat pastry flour and less sugar and fat than a mix?

4 or 5 mini candy canes a week seems like a lot to me, unless it's an unusual week. That and a lot of boxed food doesn't sound great to me.

Hierarchy of crap foods: Crap food is crap food. A boxed muffin mix (even if it's blueberry) is still probably crap. Lots of fat, lots of sugar, lots of white flour. A few blueberries in it don't make it healthy. White pasta doesn't sound quite as bad to me because there's not sugar. Still, it's white flour.

Instead of worrying about her weight (which sounds fine, remember two pounds is a much bigger percentage of her body weight than it is for you or me as adults), I'd focus on serving and having around only healthy foods. It's hard to eat what's not there. If she's eating well at home, then what she eats when she's away from home is not such a big deal.

[yogamama]

Oh my goodness. My kids eat lots of healthy food, but they also eat some crap every day. We live in this insane culture and we are surrounded by fast food, sugar, transfats. I can only do so much to keep it at bay. I try to pick my battles.

I don't buy foods with transfats. We eat quality carbs, fruit, veggies, dairy, protein. And about twice a day (honestly) they eat some kind of "junk food". Maybe it's a piece of candy from the candy basket on top of the fridge (the recipient of holiday candy, school treats, party goody bags) or ice cream or chips. And I think it is fine. Could it be better?? YES, but I live in this culture and I am not nearly as counter-cultural as I would like to be.

Today they had "treats" after a program at church (cookies and juice) and my husband took them out for hotdogs and milkshakes while I worked at home in the afternoon.

Sigh.
Kathleen

[LynnS6]

Well, I don't know if we qualify for healthy, because you can always find some sweet stuff in our house. That being said, our kids are both a healthy weight for their height, they don't eat when they are not hungry (even if it's sugary/sweet) and they stop when they're full (no clean plate club here!)

But, my philosophy has always been to try to model healthy eating -- kids learn a lot by watching. I try to keep the crap to a minimum, but it's there. I've got a weakness for Nutella, dh is fond of Frosted Flakes. My kids know where I keep the chocolate chips . But, we eat healthy meals that we cook from scratch. We don't eat out.

There is some interesting work from Baylor University medical school showing that kids whose parents are "food police" actually do less well in self-regulating food intake than parents who are more lax. So, I try hard not to make some food seem "better" than others. If I feel we've been eating too much junk, I just quit buying it. But, I'm not averse to ds having dessert every day after dinner. I know other parents here have dessert once a week. Others not at all. (And they both stop when they're full. We've still got Halloween Candy left - so they're clearly not obsessed by sweets/fats.)

The other thing that I'm trying harder to model is healthy activity -- walking, biking, getting outside every day. One of the reasons our kids are an OK weight and I don't stress about them having something sweet is that they are both active. Activity level has a LOT to do with weight. So, eliminate TV watching, make sure you get out every day and don't stress.

Finally, remember that for kids, 2 lbs is a lot. It's 5% of her body weight. For a 120 lb person, the equivalent would be 6 lbs. For a 150 lb person, it would be 7 1/2. Is your daughter in the petite club? No. Is she a healthy weight for her body type? It sounds like it. So, I would think that a mini candy cane a day, and a boxed muffin on Sundays sounds pretty moderate.

[OakBerry]

Originally Posted by yogamama

Oh my goodness. My kids eat lots of healthy food, but they also eat some crap every day. We live in this insane culture and we are surrounded by fast food, sugar, transfats. I can only do so much to keep it at bay. I try to pick my battles.

I don't buy foods with transfats. We eat quality carbs, fruit, veggies, dairy, protein. And about twice a day (honestly) they eat some kind of "junk food". Maybe it's a piece of candy from the candy basket on top of the fridge (the recipient of holiday candy, school treats, party goody bags) or ice cream or chips. And I think it is fine. Could it be better?? YES, but I live in this culture and I am not nearly as counter-cultural as I would like to be.

Today they had "treats" after a program at church (cookies and juice) and my husband took them out for hotdogs and milkshakes while I worked at home in the afternoon.

Sigh.
Kathleen

We are the same way.

[mimiharshe]

Originally Posted by Glover_Girls

First off you should be very proud of yourself for giving your children healthy options. I know several kids that eat extrememly unhealthy food on a daily basis (frozen meals, sugar cereal, lunchables, processed foods, etc) and they are skinny! : But are they healthy? I suspect not. So try not to focus on the weight if your doctor isn't concerned. What is important is health and body image.

My strategy has been to keep healthy food at home, teach my dd about different foods and their to make healthy choices when faced with other choices. However, I don't prohibit "junk food" but since she's not used to having it in the house my dd doesn't OD on it and generally doesn't ask for it. I can't control what she eats when I'm not there but I can control what she eats at home. Generally there are good, nutritious versions of convenience foods like boxed muffins. But I also think it's okay to use whatever brand you like once in a while. Why not? And why stress about it if you do? None of us are perfect. We do the best we can and pat ourselves on the back for every healthy meal we serve and we give ourselves a break when we do what's convenient.

: It seems most moms agree...focus on the health, not the weight! You're doing great!

[veganf]

How does she look compared to other children her age? Some people are built stocky, slim, etc. and that's just the way they'll be. My 4 year old is 40 pounds and tall and slim.
Personally I do not allow my kids to have treats every day. Once or twice a week has become somewhat inevitable with preschool and friends, but we only do desserts on special occasions and never buy junkfood for snacks. Lots of veggies & whole grains are primary aim in their diets, followed by healthy proteins and fresh fruit.
You could always consult a dietician/nutritionist or track you daughter's food intake for a few weeks on something like Fitday.com

- Krista

[sunnmama]

I have a rule of *never* buying anything at the store with transfats in it. Dd might get some in the church snack....or a free cookie at the store....but she won't get it in our home. We also won't buy anything (for our home) with food coloring or high fructose corn syrup.

Now, I don't know if I am offbase with forbidding those things or not......maybe they are harmless. But, they do rule out a lot of things we would be tempted to buy. It is difficult to find a muffin mix, for instance, without the HFCS or the transfats. Maybe we could find an organic one, but it would be expensive.....so we couldn't afford it every week, ya know? It would be more of a treat. So those guidelines help us to moderate our consumption of processed foods.

Of course, out of the house, we like like to frequent coffee shops and icecream parlors, lol. So we get our fair share of HFCS, food coloring, and transfats that way

[mavery]

Like others I focus mostly on buying healthy food for home. We don't regularly have candy, cakes, etc. in the house (though we do have some white-flour pasta and breads). My ds often has "dessert" but that is usually plain yogurt with granola, fruit, etc.

Whenever dh or I goes grocery shopping, we take ds and we do talk about why we're going to buy or not buy certain things, and the fact that some foods help us to be healthy and others don't. Sometimes we let him choose a treat, but even that is usually FAIRLY healthy, like organic smoothies. Then when he's out of the house he can try whatever people offer him. He enjoys sweets but doesn't go nuts for junk food (e.g. I took him to a birthday party yesterday and he ate two bites of chocolate cake and that was enough).

I think this division works really well. Kids learn to appreciate healthy food and generally eat well, but there's no real "forbidden" food for them to crave. If my ds ate 4-5 candy canes in a week over Xmas bc someone gave them to him, I would not worry, but I wouldn't have them in the house for him to do that every week.

There are also lots of fairly healthy "treats" to have - our Sunday breakfast treat is french toast, which if you don't drown it in syrup is really quite nutritious. If you're buying cake mixes and so on, I suggest finding healthy substitutes so no one feels deprived. There are TONS of good choices.

[hottmama]

I think my oldest has some sort of crap food every day. We eat boxed muffins sometimes. If we go out to eat I have no problem with my kid eating white pasta, although we only buy whole wheat for home. We eat Taco Bell about once a week-- he gets a bean burrito with no cheese. We eat vegan pizza about once a week. I let him have fruit sweetened soy ice cream almost every day after eating a healthy dinner. After soccer practice I let him have a Capri Sun and fruit snacks with his teammates, although that wouldn't be my choice for him, as the only juice we drink is OJ and on occasion, Odwalla green juice.
My son is almost 4, 40 lbs. and 40" tall, I think he is a very healthy weight and there is no doubt in my mind, he will be a thin adult.
I admit, I love junk food and I think it is okay to eat in moderation. Thankfully there are more and better healthier alternatives out there every day, and we try to go for those most of the time.

[faythe]

Originally Posted by LynnS6

The other thing that I'm trying harder to model is healthy activity -- walking, biking, getting outside every day. One of the reasons are kids are an OK weight and I don't stress about them having something sweet is that they are both active. Activity level has a LOT to do with weight. So, eliminate TV watching, make sure you get out every day and don't stress.

I think this is far more important than what you eat. Just speaking from personal experience, I know the more active I am, the more likely I am to choose healthy foods. I'd stop worrying about what she eats and concentrate on keeping her active.

[Blucactus]

I would say, give treats sometimes (otherwise if they're forbidden, she might go crazy eating them when you're not around in the future), but...make sure the non-treat foods she's eating aren't crap. Mini muffins immediately make me think of sugar & white flour, both bad stuff. Also, I'm sure you probably know this, but the rest of the family has to eat the same *healthy* stuff as her, or that would be a problem too. It could be a chance to get regularly-eaten crap out of the house. Play outside, let her eat halthy food, stop giving her juice (sugar, sugar!), and don't worry or make her worry, she may just be growing differently in spurts. But that's just me.

[*jeanine*]

I want to mention exercise, too. I see that you are in Northern Michigan, so you might have to make a special effort to make sure she gets exercise in the winter. We have a little playstructure in the house that the kids use every day. We used to have a mini trampoline, too, that ds really liked. (it's buried in the storage unit now ) It's nice to have a way for them to burn energy inside on days when it's too cold to go outside.

[wanderlost]

Originally Posted by yogamama

Oh my goodness. My kids eat lots of healthy food, but they also eat some crap every day. We live in this insane culture and we are surrounded by fast food, sugar, transfats. I can only do so much to keep it at bay. I try to pick my battles.

I don't buy foods with transfats. We eat quality carbs, fruit, veggies, dairy, protein. And about twice a day (honestly) they eat some kind of "junk food". Maybe it's a piece of candy from the candy basket on top of the fridge (the recipient of holiday candy, school treats, party goody bags) or ice cream or chips. And I think it is fine. Could it be better?? YES, but I live in this culture and I am not nearly as counter-cultural as I would like to be.

Today they had "treats" after a program at church (cookies and juice) and my husband took them out for hotdogs and milkshakes while I worked at home in the afternoon.

Sigh.
Kathleen

This is us as well.

[warriorprincess]

We eat almost exclusively whole foods for meals. We tend to eat some treat everyday, usually home made cookies/brownies or all natural ice/soy cream. I don't buy things with trans fats, MSG ( I'm highly allergic) dyes, or preservatives but we really like our sugar. The kids are all skinny.

[katallen]

We kind of go in spurts where we are all healthy and have no junk food (except things made with white flour) and then we buy something unhealthy and have it once a day until we are tired of it or until I sneak into the cabinet at night and eat it and then we start the cycle over again. If you are getting out to do some physical activity and feeding a lot of fruits and vegetables then I wouldn't worry about it until she is a little older and you can see which direction she is going in for sure.